Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter series or any of its characters.

This chapter is dedicated to oh.so.sirus., who thought of the plotline for this chapter. The character Victoria is based off of her. Thank you for your idea!

Chapter Eight: Defense Against the Dark Arts

"Defense Against the Dark Arts!" Justin sang. "Did you guys know that the acronym for Defense Against the Dark Arts is 'DADA'. My mom said that was my first word to my dad. Actually, a little bit after I started talking my dad left. Huh. I wonder why."

"We have this class with Gryffindor," Susan groaned.

"NO!" Hannah cried. "Chipmunk girl is in Gryffindor."

"Hermione Granger is annoying," Susan said.

"Yeah," Zacharias said. "She's always coming over here, talking to us about all the smart-ish stuff she knows. Apparently, she has taking it upon herself to help our cause, and 'educate' the Hufflepuffs."

"It's very presumptuous of her," Susan said. "Don't you think so, Ernie?"

"Ernie?" Hannah asked.

Ernie paid no attention to his friends. He was paying attention to a third year Hufflepuff a few seats down the table from them.

"Who's that?" Hannah asked.

"Her name's Victoria," Ernie said, in a dreamy voice. "Isn't she beautiful?"

"I thought you liked Hannah?" Justin said. "You guys almost kissed the other day, except you whacked noses, and then started yelling at each other. Then I started singing 'Hannah and Ernie sittin' in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N'—But I didn't get to say 'G' because Hannah hit me and gave me a black eye…"

"My heart belongs to Victoria now…" Ernie sighed. "Look at her; she's gorgeous with her flowing blonde hair, her beautiful smile, her charming laugh…"

"Gosh! The way you describe her she sounds like a Mary-Sue," Zacharias said.

"A Mary-what?" Susan asked.

"A Mary-Sue," Zacharias explained. "It's what authors such as the one narrating our story refer to as an OC who becomes the center of a story, and is completely unrealistic…"

"Shut up, Zacharias," Ernie snarled. "Victoria is none of those things… she's perfect and I love her."

Hannah, meanwhile, was fuming. "Victoria can't steal my man! She's just a stupid, dumb blonde."

"Hannah, you're blonde," Susan said. "It's sort of hypocritical to refer to other blondes as dumb."

"WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON!" Hannah screeched.

"…Yours…" Susan said timidly.

DADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADA

"H-h-hello c-c-class," Professor Quirrel stuttered. "T-t-today, we w-w-will learn a-a-about v-v-vampires."

"You know, Professor Quirrel," Justin said. "My last psychiatrist—(the one after the one who had a nervous breakdown)—said that excessive stuttering could be a symptom of an underlying neurological problem."

"Or it could mean he's just a spaz," Zacharias said.

"Zacharias," Susan said. "It's not very kind to refer to a person with a speech impediments as 'spaz.'

"Yeah," Justin said. "It's not a very nice thing to say in general. Last time you called me a spaz, it hurt my feelings."

"C-c-class," Professor Quirrel said. "S-s-settle down. W-w-why don't you p-p-pair up in g-g-groups of t-t-two to r-r-read the first chapter in y-y-your b-b-books."

"I call Zacharias!" Justin said.

"Damnit…" Zacharias cursed.

"I call Ernie!" Hannah said. "That's right Bones, keep your hands off my man. You too, Chipmunk-Girl!"

"Well," Hermione said to Susan. "It seems we're the only ones without partners. Would you like to work together."

"Sure," Susan said with a hint of suspicion due to Hermione's recent attempts to "enlighten" the first year Hufflepuffs.

Around the classroom, the groups of two began to quietly read the chapters.

"Chapter One: Vampires are very dangerous creatures that need to ingest blood (preferably that of a human) in order to function," Hannah began.

"Did you know Victoria has blood," Ernie said dreamily.

"I have blood too, ya know!" Hannah cried. "And it's type 0 negative!"

"Hannah," Ernie said. "0 negative blood is awesome, but I am in love with Victoria. What we had—which by the way, was one kiss that resulted in both of us breaking our noses—is over."

"NO IT ISN'T!" Hannah screeched. "You made a commitment to me by sort of implying that you had a crush on me—you can't just back out of that!"

"M-m-miss Abbot," Professor Quirrel asked nervously. "Is there a p-p-problem?"

"Yes there is," Hannah sobbed. "Ernie's breaking up with me."

"How can I break up with you if we were never going out?!" Ernie demanded.

"M-m-miss Abbot," Professor Quirrel said. "P-p-perhaps you and Mr. M-m-macmillan can w-w-work out this argument after c-c-class."

"Now you're on his side!" Hannah accused Professor Quirrel. "EVERYBODY takes his side!"

Hannah flailed her arm for emphasize, which accidentally hit Professor Quirrel in the head, which caused his turban to fall off of his head, revealing…

"QUIRREL!" screeched a voice coming from the back of Professor Quirrel's head. "Put the turban back on—my face is getting cold!"

The students stared at Professor Quirrel, as he had a second face protruding from the back of his head.

"C-C-CLASS D-D-DISMISSED!"

The students, who were not going to question getting out of class early, happily stolled out of the classroom.

QUIRRELQUIRRELQUIRRELQUIRRELQUIRRELQUIRRELQUIRRELQUIRREL

"Hannah," Ernie said. "Why can't you get it through your head. We were never going out. We are just friends. But if you want to continue being friends with me, you have to accept Victoria as a part of my life."

"Ernie," Zacharias said. "Victoria isn't aware that you exist."

"YES SHE IS!" Ernie insisted. "The other day, I was staring at her, and I think she noticed, because she looked all uncomfortable, and then there was this awkward silence, and she started giggling."

"Ernie," Susan said. "That doesn't mean that she likes you. It just means that you're a stalker and you frighten her."

"We're in love!"

"You only think you're in love with her!" Hannah said. "She's led you to believe that you love her—probably brewed a love potion, or some other form of dark magic. The evil, manipulative b—"

"And you!" Ernie said. "Quit being so obsessive. I know I'm a very likeable person, but you're turning into a stalker, Hannah."

"…Says the boy who followed Victoria to her last five classes," Zacharias muttered.

"I wasn't following her," Ernie said defensively. "I just happened to be in the same part of the building as she was—at the exact same time as her."

"Ernie," Susan said. "I just don't think Victoria has any interest in you."

"Who can blame her?" Zacharias said. "Ernie's two years younger than her, slightly overweight, he's always complaining about his home life… why would Victoria like him."

"Victoria does love me!" Ernie exclaimed. "And I'm going to prove it to you all. I'm going to find her, and declare to her my undying love for her."

Ernie ran off to the Hufflepuff Common Room in search of Victoria.

Zacharias shook his head.

"This will not end well," Susan said sadly.

VICTORIAVICTORIAVICTORIAVICTORIAVICTORIAVICTORIAVICTORIAVICTORIA

Ernie entered the Hufflepuff Common Room. He had entered this room hundreds of times before, but this time, it seemed different. This time he had a purpose.

And then he saw her. She sat in one of the large armchairs, reading a book (that was upside down.) Ernie's breath caught in his throat.

"Victoria," he said, breathing the name.

"Yes?" Victoria said, hearing the young Hufflepuff say her name.

"Victoria," Ernie said. "I've come here, to you, with a heart full of love. For days, I've watched, marveled at your beauty, hoping someday gather up the courage to share with you my true feelings.

"I love you, Victoria. I love you deeply, passionately, and unconditionally. I will travel to the other side of the world and back, only in return for your love."

Victoria stared at Ernie.

Ernie stared hopefully at Victoria.

There was a long silence.

Victoria began to giggle.

"Ummm, listen," Victoria said. "You seem… nice—a little creepy—but nice. But you're like eleven, and kind of a stalker and…"

Ernie continued to stare at Victoria hopefully.

Victoria once again giggled. "Well this is awkward isn't it. Look—Edgar is it?—I'm not really interested, so okay, yeah…"

Ernie just stared at Victoria.

For the third time, she giggled. Silence made Victoria giggle, much to the expense of the first-year Hufflepuff.

"Well, ummm," Victoria said. "I'm just gonna go now. So, see you around, Edgar."

Victoria walked up to her dormitory.

Ernie began to cry.

POORERNIEPOORERNIEPOORERNIEPOORERNIEPOORERNIEPOORERNIEPOORERNIE

Five hours later, Ernie was still crying while his four friends attempted to comfort him.

"There, there, Ernie," Susan said. "There are other fish in the sea."

"You know, Ernie," Justin said. "My mom had a boyfriend once. They went out for a little while. Then my mom had him meet me, and he left her."

"Was she able to live her life without him?" Ernie sobbed.

"Well—no," Justin said. "She's kinda miserable, and lonely. But at least she has me."

Ernie sobbed harder.

"Ernie, are you gonna be all mopey, again?" Zacharias asked. "Because that's all you ever do. First you're crying about you're parents not loving you. Then you're crying because no one thinks you're talented, and now because the girl of your dreams doesn't love you. Ernie—get over it. This 'poor me' routine is starting to get annoying."

"Hannah," Susan said. "I know that you and Ernie haven't been on the best of terms recently, but wouldn't you like to add something to make him feel better?"

Hannah looked at Ernie sympathetically. "Ernie," she said. "I TOLD YOU SO! I TOLD YOU SO!"

AUTHOR'SNOTEAUTHOR'SNOTEAUTHOR'SNOTEAUTHOR'SNOTEAUTHOR'SNOTE

Thanks for reading my latest chapter of The Secret Lives of Hufflepuffs.

Thank you to everyone who reviewed chapter 7: oh.so.sirius., Scision, Cadence Black, NickyFox13, Salvaje, Goblet-of-fire-gal, and NovaBladeZ. I got a much bigger response this time, which I was very happy about.

Thanks again to oh.so.sirius. for giving me the idea for this chapter. I tried to base the character of Victoria off of information on your profile. I hoped you were happy with her!

I would be very grateful to anyone who reviews. You're opinion of the story (positive or negative) help me a lot. Any critiques are good because they help me learn how I can improve.

L.lulu