Chapter 10

Luke

I couldn't believe I made Kate whimper. When I chased her throughout the forest, taken aback by her speed and agility—it was strange to see her that way, like a vampire—determined not to let her get away, I had heard the faintest little noise come from her lips, a noise of fright, and I almost lost it then and there. She made the noise again when she had stopped, and crouched low to the ground, trying to cover her face from me, but I could still see and feel the fear emitting from her body—the rigid hold of her body, the way her face was completely buried. Kate was afraid of me, as if I were the one who was going to kill her.

It wasn't that I thought that she would kill me, but vampires were the murderers, not the wolves. We were the protectors. And although she had become what I protect the innocent from, I felt the instinctive urge to protect her, because somewhere under the new marble skin and the accentuated muscles and senses, she was still Kate. I realized with a swelling of pity that she hadn't chosen this life. She had been pushed into it, shoved and dragged into it, except she had fought for herself, the girl I knew and loved. I remembered telling her about the alternative way of living, the "vegetarian" lifestyle, and she had chosen it.

What I dearly hoped out of this situation was that Kate was like who she was when she was alive; I wanted her to be the same. Of course she couldn't be exactly the same—warm, heart-beating, blushing Kate—but she could be close.

Seeing Kate began to completely rearrange my attitude on life, just in these few moments alone. It would have been my natural instinct to kill her, to not ask any questions. But even when I saw Adam not long ago wandering on our territory, I was not acting myself when I had let him go. It was not like who I was to look at a vampire, rather than immediately pounce. But this was Kate, my only love. How could I not stop and see her? How could I ever think of killing her? Vampire or not?

The thought wrestled in my head every second I took staring down at her, cowering from me.

Kate

It was time to turn my eyes and face Luke.

Slowly, my eyes slid across my arm, towards the towering brown wolf that was Luke in front of me. A pang of hurt etched into my silent heart—it was actually Luke standing before me.

He was more or less the same. His fur was still brown; his eyes were still the dark, inviting shade of Luke's human eyes. However, his eyes looked recently deflated. His eyelids drooped as if a constant fatigue loomed over his head, and his fur was the most matted and unkempt I had ever seen it, just as Adam had described before. It no longer held that sunny brown color, where it gleamed in the sunlight with a prismatic, satin sheen. It was now plain brown—as flat as a piece of paper.

I was afraid to speak. I didn't want him to hear my new voice. I didn't even want him to see my new face, because this wasn't who he knew me as. I hated myself more for changing, because I wanted to stay the same for Luke, to be the Kate he had imprinted on, not the vampire Kate that was completely foreign to him. I didn't want him to feel my skin anymore, to feel my hardness and my coldness, to see my new agility and speed, or to see me move at all because I knew he would see it as something that wasn't me. Whatever I would do, it would be completely different from the Kate that I used to be.

As we stared into each other's eyes, I began to see the slightest shine of his eyes watering, as if tears would start to fall down his furry cheek. If wolves' facial expressions weren't so hard to read, I would understand that he was in pain by the look in his eyes.

I needed to restrain myself. I had always been accustomed to walking into Luke's warm embrace, and receiving his love in return so easily. But I was a vampire now, and he was a werewolf. We were equally matched in strength now, but Luke had hot, pumping blood in his veins. I suddenly held my breath in case I would catch his scent, smell the blood, and be unable to stop myself from killing him.

Luke gave a low grumbled, and his head lowered a little. He was communicating with me, and he was telling me that he would pose no harm as he lowered his head to me. I repositioned myself—I had been crouched in the same position, my fists still in front of me, looking back at Luke. Slowly, I turned myself around and sat myself down, legs crisscrossed in front of me. I stood up straight, my hands in my lap, watching, measuring Luke carefully.

I had no idea what I was doing, or what I was going to do. I made up everything as I went along. This whole experience was strange; I felt no hate towards Luke, but I was sure he was full of confliction inside with one burning question—to kill me or not to kill me? For now, he showed no hostility, but I knew it was difficult. I knew how werewolves were with vampires. Vampires killed their people. Werewolves killed the vampires.

As I measured Luke, I noticed that he was examining me as well. He was looking for the moment that I would suddenly bare my teeth and lunge for his neck, something that signified that I had completely changed, and had turned into the monster vampire that my creators were.

Slowly, as if Luke had internally decided something important, he straightened up and turned away from me, moving into the trees.

I realized with a shock that he was going to phase.

Luke had moved behind the cover of a cluster of trees, out of sight from me. I felt a tangible ripple in the air—it was incredibly strange—and I knew he had phased. I heard the scuffle of his light human feet on the forest leaves as he shifted his weight, pulling on his cutoff sweats to greet me. Afterwards, there was a hesitation, and a heavy and shaky sigh. I was holding my breath the entire time, waiting for him to make a move.

Then his light feet began to take a few steps forward, and some more. He was coming back, and I was suddenly frightened. I turned back around, covering my eyes and holding in my breath as if I would die if I sniffed the air—or Luke would if I caught his scent. I jumped to my feet and began to retreat, warning him, "No, please, please don't!"

Luke had already stepped through the trees, and I plugged my nose in desperation. "Please, Kate. Don't be afraid of me," Luke pleaded.

My body trembled at the sound of his voice, and I mentally cursed myself for speaking, and allowing him to hear my changed one, envying him for being the one to stay the same. "It's not you," I began desperately. "It's your smell."

I could hear the pain in his voice. "Oh, right. I'm supposed to smell terrible to you."

"No, Luke! You're freaking alive! You have blood in you!" I cried.

Luke froze, as if he hadn't thought about that part. How could he not have? It was the first thing that was in my mind the entire time. Even though I had practiced being around people, I wasn't willing to take any chances with Luke. He was not someone to slip up with. Even when Luke realized what I was doing, he did not leave. He still stood there, waiting.

"Please look at me," Luke said softly. "I don't think you'll hurt me."

"You have too much confidence in me."

"Please?" he pleaded again.

I held still, moving slowly and carefully, making sure that I wouldn't do anything drastic to scare or harm Luke. First I uncovered my eyes, but kept them closed. My body relaxed the tiniest, and then I uncovered my nose, but still held my breath. Luke's breath caught as he took in the sight of my new face once more, taking steps forward now, coming closer.

"Luke—" I warned, but he didn't stop.

"I believe in you Kate. Open your eyes."

"What about you, Luke? Don't you want to kill me right now?"

"Of course, not, Kate. I would never want to kill you."

I hesitated, but my body visibly relaxed. I was reluctant to obey, but I did it because he asked. My eyes slowly opened, and I had to look up at Luke, standing five feet away from me. My composure nearly broke down then and there the moment I laid eyes on him. It had been so long—more than a year—than I had seen Luke. He was tall, taller than my human memory informed me, but he was still beautiful, still unbelievable graceful. His feathery hair had turned as unkempt as his wolf fur, growing long and twisted in every direction.

"Thank you," he said. His expression was passive, but he was clearly trying to mask the pain, and there was a hint of something else there that he was trying to control—was it desire?

I gave him a small smile.

"Do you think you could take a breath? You're making me nervous."

"Vampires don't need to breath, Luke."

"I know that, but I still want you to be comfortable," he said.

"I can't, Luke. I don't want to smell you," I told him.

"Is the smell that bad?" he joked, giving me a half smile.

My brows knit together. "No. You don't have a bad smell."

Now Luke was confused. "I don't?" I shook my head, but then he nodded. "I guess that makes sense."

I watched him carefully, waiting for him to explain.

"You don't smell so bad yourself," he shrugged.

"How does that work?" I asked, scowling in confusion.

"I don't know—which is why I'm curious. Take a breath," he instructed. His eyes told me that he trusted me. "I won't let you hurt me—it's okay."

I nodded slowly, then let out the breath I was holding in. Once that happened, the smells of the entire forest around me engulfed my nostrils, coming in so that I could taste the forest, see it with my nose. But as that happened, I smelt nothing out of the ordinary. Luke, according to my nostrils, wasn't there at all. The only senses that knew he was there was my eyes, my ears, and my feeling. I could plainly see him, I could hear his breathing and his heavy heartbeat, and I could feel his warmth. However, there was no smell—none whatsoever, which was unsettling to my senses.

"Can I sniff you?" I asked, suddenly curious, pursing my lips as I glanced up at him.

Luke raised his eyebrows at me, surprised, but nodded, watching me.

I took a tentative step forward, watching him carefully as I slipped closer and closer, until we were a foot apart. I leaned in, holding my nose a mere few inches from his chest. My nostrils expanded and I took one tiny sniff, then another longer one, closing my eyes to concentrate on the scents coming in.

I leaned back and let out a deep sigh, frustrated that my nose had failed me. "Nothing."

"Nothing at all?" he questioned curiously.

"Are you sure you're alive?" I asked.

"That is really weird."

"You're telling me."

"It's almost as if my body is protecting you from wanting to kill me. Maybe that is what happens when the one you imprint on turns into a vampire. We're protected from each other, so that it's easier to be together."

I shook my head. "Luke, I don't think…"

"Shh…" he put his finger up. "Can I hug you?"

My lips parted just a little, my eyebrows scowling. I shook my head.

"Why not?" he asked, leaning in.

"Because, Luke. I can kill you. Not when you're human," I told him.

"Would you like me to phase?" he asked.

I shook my head. "No, Luke. Just don't do anything at all."

"I don't think I can. Why are you pushing me away so much?" he asked, stepping forward once more.

I took a step back. "Because I'm a vampire, Luke! I don't want you to feel my hands, my hard, cold skin. Please, just don't."

"I think I can get used to it," he said.

"Things are different now."

"How so?"

"Because they just are!"

"Did you meet someone else?" he asked, his tone curious, but I heard the desperation to know underneath.

I shook my head. "No."

"Then what?"

"Please, Luke, just stop. I want things to go back to the way they were, but they can't because that will never happen. This can't be reversed."

"Kate, listen to me. Things will never be the same. I just wanted to hug you, that's all," he assured me.

"I know that's not all, Luke. I know you."

"You're right, that isn't all. But could you blame me for wanting more, Kate? You know how I feel about you."

"Things have changed!" I repeated.

He sighed softly. "I'm too late, aren't I. Your feelings have changed."

That wasn't true. I loved Luke with every fiber of my existence. We were meant for each other. But I did not trust myself around him. I remember what it felt like when I had slipped up when I first turned. The pain I felt then would be one hundred times worse if that slip-up had been Luke.

I sighed, taking a step forward. "Luke. It's hard. I still love you. I always will, but I really don't trust myself." Somehow, I didn't think I was explaining this very well. I could see it in Luke's expression.

"And I don't give a damn. Kate, I've searched the forests for a year trying to find you. I never gave up on you, so please don't give up on me."

"I won't, Luke," I told him softly, closing my eyes.

"Then let me hug you. I need to get used to you."

I really didn't want him to touch me, but I couldn't move myself. Luke took another step forward to test me, and smiled when I did not move. He slowly leaned in, his hand reaching towards my arm. I flinched when his skin met mine, the shocking heat on my ice-cold arm, but he stayed composed. His unbelievably warm hand gripped my arm hard, feeling my cold, hard skin in his grasp. Then he pulled me forward, his arms sliding across my back, encasing me in his hot grip. His body pressed up against mine, heat and cold meshed together as one. I refrained from moving my arms, not wanting to accidentally crush him in my strong grasp.

"It's amazing how easy this is for me," Luke breathed. "Anybody else and I would be repulsed—"

"Thanks—"

"But it's you, Kate. How could I be repulsed by you?"

He held me tight for another minute, not noticing the time that had passed. Slowly, his body heat became less shocking to me, and more natural—more like it had when I wasn't a ice-cold vampire.

"Feel better?" I asked flatly.

Luke chuckled. "This isn't so bad."

I couldn't resist a smile, and as hope rose inside of me, I realized maybe we could work out our differences.