CHAPTER 3
When I arrived at the French classroom I eagerly searched the pupils for Gerard. There were a couple of kids I recognised from Maths and English, but not the boy I had been hopelessly searching for. Why had I even bothered to look for him? He was three years older than you Frank, and really didn't seem like the type of person who'd get kept behind due to lack of effort.
A young woman sporting lots of freckles and a messy bun interrupted my internal scolding with a single clap of her hands.
"Bonjour étudiants!" she chirped in an unusually enthusiastic voice. "J'espère que nous sommes tous bien aujourd'hui!"
There were grumbles of agreement and a couple "Oui, merci beaucop!" from around the room. Her eyes fell to me.
"Ah, Mr. Lero!" She smiled, and blatantly mispronounced my surname. I tried to interject, to correct her, but she cut me off and continued to talk.
"I see you chose your seat. Magnifique! You'll soon be joined by the constantly late and flustered Neil Sabatino. He is rather useless at most things academic, including getting to lessons at the correct time!"
Almost as if were scripted, a boy panting for breath suddenly burst through the door."Ah, speak of du diable. Fashionably late as usual, monsieur Sabatino."
He ambled through the classroom, mumbling a "Sorry Miss Brown" and practically threw himself down next to me.
"Tsk, Tsk, that's Madame Brown to you all! We're in francès now, not England."
He turned to me and smiled "Hey, I'm Neil."
I nodded my head and returned the smile. "Frank"
"Yeah, kinda guessed, Shaun didn't shut up about you for the whole of break! Where were you anyway? He was stressed that he might have lost you somewhere around the school."
I had originally chosen this seat because the one adjacent had been vacant, but I could tell straight away that sitting next to Neil wouldn't be a chore. He had dirty blonde long-ish hair that was swept into a side fringe, just beginning to obscure his eyes. He also had a genuine, warm smile and I was having a hard time believing that he was a selfish narcissist like the rest of 'our group'
"Uh, well, I went to the bathroom...and then...couldn't figure out where I was..." I lied unconvincingly. "Not really! I spent all break listening to a phone conversation the person I'm infatuated with was having, then followed it up by having a very brief and slightly awkward conversation with them!" Hmm, I wonder how that would go down...
"No worries man, this school is fucking huge!" He said with a re-assuring tone, mistaking my stuttering improvisation for embarrassment. "It took me a whole year to fully find my way around every part of the school!"
I laughed slightly. "Seriously this school needs damn tour guides or something!"
"Very true my friend, so very true." He chuckled.
Our conversation was ended by the very shrill tone of Madame Brown's voice.
As the lesson progressed I had a couple more conversations with Neil, and it was clear to see that he was very clever. The thought from before strengthened. My curiosity won and I decided to question him on his class arrangements.
"Hey, Neil, can I ask you something?"
"Don't see why not! What is it?" His answer only confirmed by thought of 'He is way, WAY too nice to be a jock.'
"How come you've been kept back until my year? Sorry if it's sensitive; It's just Shaun told me they kept all of you back because you slacked off, but you're good at the work set and you're really attentive in lessons."
He digested the information, and then spontaneously broke into an uncontrollable smile. "Thanks, really Frank. I'm glad someone's noticed I'm not a moron like the rest of my friends." He was still grinning."I'm dyslexic. But, Meadowscale high isn't exactly the best at dealing with pupils who aren't '100% Normal' so they think I'm an idiot and refuse to give me any extra help, and they've kept me here until I manage to pass the classes I'm studying. In truth, I'm only friends with Shaun and his gang because they're the only ones my age in the year and I knew them throughout elementary."
This was the moment I decided I liked Neil more than any of my new friends. He was probably the nicest and most down-to-earth friend I'd ever made in any school.
"What's your story then?" He questioned. "The jock's intelligence level seems to low for you to even tolerate. You're much cooler than the guys too."
Me? Cooler than the jocks? I've got to admit, I was seriously flattered. If my subconciousness hadn't been completely dominated by Gerard, I think I might have started to develop small butterflies in my stomach for Neil.
"Man that means a lot...Well to be honest I'm not entirely sure!" I half-joked. "When I was lost for the first time, I was that engrossed by the map the office had given me that I walked head first into Shaun. He seems to have 'taken me under his wing' as it were, so now I'm friends with you guys. Oh! Err..." I lowered my tone a bit. "Except for Tim. He seems to have decided to hate my guts."
Neil gave me an understanding look. "Oh don't worry about Tim. He's having a bit of a rough time at home these past months, and you deserve to know why he's unnecessarily being a dick to you." He pauses. "I can see his reasoning though. You look like his brother, and his whole family have practically just disowned said brother because he came out as pansexual to them all. They're severe Roman Catholics, and were even more disappointed when they found out he'd attempted suicide because of their reactions. They've completely washed their hands of him, and Tim is struggling because he was incredibly close to his brother."
Woah. I felt pretty shitty about complaining before, thinking the world revolved around myself just because one person didn't like me. "Ah..." I trailed off. "Not the best." Was the only thing I could think to say, and it was definitely not the most empathetic phrase that's ever left my mouth. "That explains why he called me an emo." A light bulb illuminated in my head and I remembered the question that had plagued my mind before my encounter with Gerard.
"Uhm Neil, who's the Genderslut? According to Tim I'm his 'emo little brother'".
"...The Genderslut" He gestured quotation marks as he said the name. "Is Shaun's nickname for someone in our year, our proper year. Shaun's pride and joy is basically making his life hell. He went to our elementary, Shaun's always hated him but he got a valid reason to when he came out as bisexual. Personally, I think he's a nice guy. Don't see him any different from before he came out, but if I let the boys know this then I'd be ridiculed almost as much as him and exiled from the 'group', which is something I can't afford. Are you familiar with a tallish boy who has Jet Black Hair? Gerard Way." He begins his last sentence in a traditional nursery-rhyme fashion. "Gerard Way the almost gay! He's a slut, a Genderslut!" He paused again. "We have Mr. Simons to thank for that song. It's surprising really, how one immature taunt can be so detrimental yet so vital in destroying someone's high school life."
"Oh no. My Gerard. Not my Gerard" I whispered involuntarily, wearing the shocked expression of a rabbit caught in headlights.
I covered my mouth to stop the words from tumbling out.
But it was too late.
Neil heard them. My plans for finally fitting in somewhere had just been smashed into an incomprehensible amount of pieces.
"Oh." Neil looks at me, slightly shocked. "I guess you do know him then. Erm...might sound like a stupid question but...how well do you know him? Because if Shaun finds ou-"
I cut him off.
"I've known him for a week had two conversations with him and I think I've fallen in love with every fibre of his being."
"Ah. Not the best." He sighs sympathetically.
...
"You think you can find your way to the dining hall?" Neil asked. "I've left my bag in the homeroom, god knows how I've only just noticed that."
"Don't worry." I re-assured. "It's directly below us, I don't think I can get lost walking down a flight of stairs!"
He pulled me into a brief hug before setting off towards his form. Me and Neil had established a solid friendship during French. We now knew almost everything there was to know about each other, since we hadn't stopped talking for the whole lesson. He had agreed to keep the 'Gerard Thing' quiet, which I was immensely grateful for. The last thing I need is a bunch of homophobic enemies and Gerard thinking I'm some sort of clingy kid who he wished he'd never approached!
Once I found my way to the dinner hall I lined up quietly. The queue soon depleted and within a couple of minutes I had reached the tills. As I paid for my food, I glanced over at the adjacent checkout.
Low and behold, who should I see?
I don't even think I have to identify them, you've probably already guessed.
He turned round at that moment and caught my eye.
"H-Hey." I stumbled "Hey Gerard." For some reason since my 'outburst' I seemed to have become rather shy around him.
"Hi Frank!"
We picked up our trays of food and surveyed the dining room for somewhere to sit.
"So, mind informing me of the clique's sitting arrangements?" I laughed nervously.
"Table to our left: Popular Girls. Able to get anything, and I mean anything. Table to our right: Gamers. Don't even think of engaging in conversation with them until you've played at least 5 titles on every single games console that's ever been released." His eyes lingered on the table far in front of us that housed Tim and Neil. "Uh...and..." He faltered. "T-That's the jock's table. You get in with them, you're perfection for your high school life. You choose anyone over them and it's social suicide." He attempted to say it matter-of-factly, but we both heard the hints of resignation sorrow and hurt that plagued his voice.
I looked over. Tim was staring intently at his phone. Where was this 'John' person, another of my supposed 'friends'? I'd heard quite a bit about him but not actually seen the boy in person yet! My small thought bubble was popped when I saw Neil looking straight at me. He raised his eyebrows and shot me a warning glance after looking at the seat diagonal to him that was empty. My guess at his caution?
'Careful what you're doing Frank! Shaun catches you and you're dead before you high school life can begin.'
I looked back, trying to portray a thankful expression. I also gestured a subtle thumbs up to let him know everything was going alright. His expression relaxed and he returned the gesture, then began to talk to Tim as if our silent exchange had been imaginary.
"Oh right...And your space?" I continued.
He pointed to the table near the right wall, in the corner over on the other side of the huge cafeteria. "They sorta' Banished me, I suppose."
As we walked to the table, we attempted small talk.
"So, like many of the teachers?"
"Ugh, Are any of them even qualified?" My vague humour was drowned out by the silence in the hall. EVERYONE stared, at Gerard more than me, and I could tell by their expressions they were thinking something along the lines of 'Woah! Gerard Way has social skills?"
I heard Neil attempt to strike up a conversation in order to bring normality back to the hall. It worked, but not as planned...People began to talk, but it was hushed whispers about the both of us, not the normal topics Gerard Neil and myself had hoped for.
"Where are you friends sat?" Gerard asked curiously.
"Uh..." I racked my brains for an excuse, but nothing came to mind. "Uh..." Shit. Either way, this was going to end spectacularly badly. "I'm uh...Friends with Neil and Shaun and Tim." I gestured vaguely to the table two of the three boys were situated on.
Punching him square in the face would probably have been more merciful. I saw the sparkles in his eyes instantly extinguish and I could practically hear his heart plummeting at 100mph as all the hope escaped from its deflated form.
With an expression that could only be described as 'Distraught', he looked at me with pleading eyes.
"Please Frank. Not them. Not Shaun. Anyone but them."
At that exact moment Shaun Simons entered the cafeteria, and all eyes shot to him. He looked around with uncertainty until his eyes met mine.
"Hey Frank, come sit with us!" He registered who I stood next to and after he had digested the information and made some assumptions of his own, his expression changed to disgusted. "What the fuck are you doing, Genderslut? He's with us, there's no point trying to seduce him you pervert. Frank, get away from him!"
I looked, lost, from the most popular boy in the school to the boy with Jet Black Hair. As the seconds ticked by and neither I nor Gerard did anything to refute or protest against the claims, his expression hardened.
"Yeah Frank, no use talking to me. Better get away before I try something dodgy." He spat.
"Gerard, look-" I was the one pleading now. "Can we talk about this...somewhere else? Like, somewhere where everyone isn't watching our every move?"
"No. Listen to Shaun. I'm just a washed up slut, don't feel you should commit social suicide on my account." His words ached, dripped, pooled with malice and he refused to look at me.
"...fine." I said unemotionally as I could. If he was going to be a dick, I could play that game too.
I turned on my heel and sat myself down next to Neil. "Sorry about that guys!" I said, faking a smirk."Not entirely sure what happened there"
Shaun turned to the inhabitants of the dinner hall who were still watching our every move. "Mind your own fucking business!" he shouted angrily, then turned back to me. "Jesus Frank stay away from him!" his tone of voice was lowered and sounded concerned. It almost sounded like he expected Gerard to force me into homosexuality and brainwash me into being a part of some 'gay army' that did his bidding.
Believe me, no force would be required.
Neil placed a hand on my shoulder, and same shoulder Gerard had touched before, and looked at me. 'You okay?' he mouthed.
I shrugged, then nodded half-heartedly.
"I'll help" He promised.
So, this is how high school was in New Jersey, was it? Protect yourself and yourself only. No compassion.
No heart.
Kill Or Be Killed.
Kill one another's hopes, anyways.
...
History. Last lesson. If I don't get out of here soon I'm going to do something that will be instantly regrettable.
Well, what an eventful first day I've had!
There was some sort of task about the cold war on the board, but that didn't interest me. My mind was not in the past, nor the present. My mind was focused solely on my future.
My future with Gerard, to be more specific.
I'd never particularly believed in 'Love at First Sight'. It all seemed too movie like to be real. However, since I met Gerard my beliefs had changed. This last week my brain had thought of nothing but this attractive acquaintance who liked Nirvana and the colour Dark Blue.
And before you say it, it's not just my hormones. It's not just my feelings being 'all over the place' because I've moved house which is stressful. It's not just lust, eating away at me every second of the day. It's not just the adrenaline of flirting with someone older, someone potentially more experienced and commandeering. It's not just loneliness, the subconciousness of wanting someone, which has caused me to develop an attachment to a stranger.
It's different.
It's much deeper than all of that.
This boy, the boy with Jet Black Hair, is changing my whole outlook on life. Gerard is the only person who has actually made me want to think about my future.
Before, my main concerns were of meagre importance: which was the best album by my favourite band, are there any good movies released this month, do I have enough money to buy those jeans, and many other useless thoughts. I was having trouble finding myself and was in no appropriate mindset to think of the life ahead of me. I didn't even want to think about the next school year, let alone my whole life but Gerard had me thinking about a decade, maybe more, down the line.
Would I spend the rest of my life with him? Would we settle down and buy a place together? Would my parents approve of him? Would his parents approve of me?
Although after the events of the past hour my thoughts may be vestigial.
What the hell was I thinking, choosing Shaun Simons over Gerard Way? Not only were they arch-nemesis', but Gerard had never done anything that would be worthy of fuelling Shaun's hatred for him.
I too may have made an arch-nemesis of Gerard Way after the lunch break. I felt intense pangs of heartache from just thinking of how icily he spat those words, the hurt laced into each and every syllable. What had I done?
Had I destroyed both our chances of happiness with one act of shallow selfishness?
But who was to say he even had any inkling of this sort of feeling towards me?
I needed to talk to him, to apologize profusely and explain absolutely everything, including my feelings for him. School was a no-go, after the drama that unravelled today I don't want another showdown for all to see...so where?
The club. The perfect place.
I'll patch this up. I'll make this work, even if it becomes the death of me.
...
AN: Hello all! Lilly here. Well, wasn't this an eventful chapter, eh?
I hope you're enjoying the story so far, it's very fun to write:)
I'm not too good with reflections like the one at the end, so I think I'll leave that to Robyn next time! (Seriously, have you read Gerard's POV of chapter two? Mind. Blowing.)
Anyway, I'll try and write less for the next chapter, heheh.
Stay peaceful! 3