BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.
The shrill aggravating call of the alarm clock rang through my room. I sleepily lifted an arm and groped around on the bedside table until I found the 'snooze' button on the clock. The harsh beeping subsided and I was lift with precious silence. There wasn't much light creeping in from the cracks between the curtains, so I lifted my head up to see what time it was. The LED Display read '7:40PM'
7:40AM? Twenty to eight on a Saturday? I felt self-loathing creeping into my veins as I remembered I'd forgot to turn my school alarm off. Damn. I pulled my arm back into the sheets and desperately tried to curl up, to close my eyes tight, anything that would make me drift to sleep again. But it was no use. Once I was awake, there was no going back for at least 12 hours.
Groggily, and very redundantly, I sat up and swung my legs over the edge of my bed. I glared bleary eyed at the alarm for at least ten minutes, hoping my stare would cause something like spontaneous combustion to occur. If only! Then I would never have been awoken from my beautiful dream world…No prizes for guessing that Gerard was the one who was making my dream world beautiful. The dream I had was bizarre, to say the least: Me and Gerard were choosing outfits for Mikey's wedding reception because Gerard has asked me to be his date. Mikey was marrying the condom-wearing dog. And Gerard looked damned good in a dress.
As I finally gathered enough physical strength to push my feet against the floor and stand up, I focused my mental strength on completely dispelling the disturbing aspects of my dream from my sub-consciousness. Gerard, however, stayed on my mind. Our cute and ever-so-cliché exchange at the club yesterday has considerably improved my relationship with him, which I was extremely glad about. I was no longer feeling distinct pangs of guilt and dread in my chest every time someone so much as mentioned his name. Now, it was sort of, elation. I felt like I was actually on the right track with Gerard for once. And he had my number, which always helped things speed up a little bit.
That thought reminded me. Gerard had my number! But how long would it take for him to call me? I really, really wished that it wouldn't be long. I was beginning to miss his presence, which surprised me a lot: It was like he was a part of me, and every time he was gone from my side I could feel this constant little ache in my stomach that lasted from the second I lost sight of him, to the second our eyes locked after the brief absence.
Jesus, sometimes I even bore myself with these soppy monologues, so god knows how anyone else could bear listening to me ramble!
I padded over to the wardrobe and opened the doors. I only liked lazing in my pyjamas when I had sleepovers, due to the fact it usually made me feel unhygienic. Nothing like wallowing in dirt with your friends, eh? Rifling through the closet I sighed. Where were all the clothes I wanted to wear? Where were all my vaguely awesome T-shirts? All that resided in here was my numerous old pairs of jeans and every plain and boring T-shirt I owned. My guess to where they were was either in the spare room (we /still/ hadn't finished unpacking) or in the wash. The latter seemed more realistic since my mother had recently began to wash things obsessively.
After much deliberation, I settled on my misfits converse, some old black jeans that had been taken up slightly wonkily and a dark blue T-shirt with short sleeves. I ruffled my fingers through my hair and left it at that. My hair didn't usually need much attention in the morning, something I was very grateful for. Might seem a bit weird, a gay kid not fussing over his hair, but I suppose not everyone is the ridiculously camp, pink handbag-clad stereotype.
Trudging down the stairs and walking into the kitchen, I looked at the clock, and saw that I had wasted 20 minutes creating an internal monologue about Gerard and my lack of good clothes. Although it was morning, the house was eerily quiet: No snores rang through the upstairs floor and there wasn't even any noise coming wildlife in the garden. It was then I noticed a small white note on the kitchen worktop. I walked over to it, picked it and the scanned the writing. It read:
Dear Frank,
Your dad Slept at work last night, there was some paperwork he needed to finish that ended up delaying him. That's why there's no snoring! You're probably not going to see this note as I'll more than likely be back before you wake up, but I'm going to the market in town to try and get some good deals since it's early. You know me, ever the bargain hunter!
Love,
Mum xxx
I smiled fondly at the note. My mum was a /big/ bargain hunter, ever collecting coupons and finding the best deals. For some reason, she really enjoyed it. Personally, I preferred to order online then watch television until the shopping arrived, so I usually stayed at home when mum went to the shops.
My thoughts reminded me of the perfect way to waste time, and I walked into the living room to turn the television on. I pressed the ON button and the television whirred to life, displaying a shopping channel. The orange face and fake expressions of shock when the product /actually worked/ were so cheesy I couldn't help but laugh. Since we moved here I'd started watching them a lot: we only had basic channels at the last house, and I had no idea on how much corny advertising I'd been missing out on. Throwing myself onto the sofa, I became engrossed in an advert selling "The world's only cyclonic 3 in 1 Vacuum.''
Oh, Frank. What an exciting life you lead.
4 hours later, I had watched 8 half-hour commercials in total: selling things from jewellery to exercise machines to paint to kitchen cutlery. There's only so much tungsten lighting and aggravating voices I can take in one sitting, so now I'd gone back to worrying about whether Gerard would call me or not. If I'm honest, I don't even remember who instigated the number exchange: Most of the night is blurred due to the adrenaline and nerves. All I /do/ remember is our thinly veiled descriptions of eachother during the ''Perfect Relationship'' circle time, me kissing his goddamned cheek, and his apparent interest in my shoes while I maintained interest in his eyes. A shade of pink rose to my cheeks as the rest of the night slowly and patchily returned to my memory. I was just blushing at the thought of Gerard flirtily whispering in my ear during the designated circle time, when my phone rang in my pocket. I was too busy thinking about my last rendezvous with the boy with the jet black hair to actually process the thought of /who the call was most likely from/, that I didn't even check the Caller ID. I held the phone up to my ear and called a distant ''Hello?''
''Frank, have you just woken up?'' Gerard's voice radiated from the phone, his question accompanied by giggles.
Shit! I was that encapsulated by him and his stupid, distracting, but totally /not/ stupid eyes to the extent that I sounded half asleep. That I sounded all dreamy-like! I decided the best way for this to pan out would be for me to pretend that I had actually had just woken up, Instead of a mumbled explanation about how much he distracts me from my life in general.
''Yeah, Gerard, I was wondering when you'd call.'' I teased; hoping to make him blush in efforts to make me feel like the slight embarrassment wasn't all one sided. I was smiling too, even though he couldn't see me.
"Sorry, so how are you? You sound tired.'' He asked.
'' I was up all night writing a killer riff down.'' I said with a hint of nonchalance. It was intended for Gerard to hear. He was on my mind all day and night before I went to sleep yesterday, which probably explains why him and his family were prominent in my dreams.
''Oh? I'd like to hear you play-'' Gerard began to speak and I was about to reply by telling him that it would be a privilege to perform for him, when an unknown voice cut us both off.
''What?!'' It shouted in disbelief. ''He plays Guitar?''
Whoa. Gerard is with people? As in, not family people? It certainly doesn't sound like Mikey's voice, which I've only ever heard through the phone. But that was when the phone was pressed to Gerard's ear. Maybe his voice sounds different when you're the one holding the cell. I hope so. I felt little pangs in my chest, pangs of jealousy and paranoia. I almost gave into the doubt too, but then I cast the silly, weak feeling aside when I thought of how he'd reacted towards the showdown with my 'friends'. Of how he may have been angry in the very short term, but straight after that he was unnecessarily understanding, apologetic when he seriously didn't need to be. Gerard could deal with my (Mostly) Dickhead friends. Could I deal with his (Potentially) nice friends?
''Uh, who's that in the background?'' I asked while doing a terrible job of hiding my paranoia.
''Uh. It's my friend, Ray. Oh god, yeah! It's my friend! I have a friend!'' I could hear his goddamned smile down the phone; practically feel the warmth radiating from that gorgeous grin.
''But I'm your friend.'' I said in a low, spiteful tone. I didn't mean for it to come out like that…I'm just not good at masking my emotions.
''I know, Frank! But he's also awesome.'' He started to whisper. "But he's not /you/, is he?'' As Gerard Spoke, I felt an unmistakeable drop in my stomach. The way Gerard singled me out, the way he whispered so only I could hear…Jeez, My stomach feels like I'm sky diving right now. I opened my mouth to try and speak, but no noise was emitted. Gerard Way has rendered me speechless. I gulped, my throat feeling kinda dry.
''So, why the fuck did you call me before noon?'' Again, I tried with the faux nonchalance option. I figured if I asked anything that involved me using genuine emotions. I'd fangirl about what just happened until I'd passed out from exhaustion.
"I thought we could all have lunch together! And we can go to the park or something!" He suggested.
Ray joined in. "Yeah! There's this pretty cool café that my sister owns, and I doubt you guys have been there because it's pretty well hidden and-''
"Yeah, Okay Ray.'' Gerard interrupted, sounding excited.
I wasn't really bothered about what we did, just as long as I got to see Gerard in person today. Calls are nice and all, but face to face conversation is just so much better.
''Sounds good, but one question: how are we all going to get there?'' I asked, slightly puzzled.
''I can find you.'' Ray called down the phone.
''Okay, I'll give you my address now.'' I almost had to go outside to check the house number because I'm still not really used to the new house address details. ''Right, so, see you guys in 20? I need to change.'' I revealed. There's no way I'm meeting Gerard while wearing jeans with wonky hems.
''I can get there in 5, come in your boxers, I'm sure Gerard would love that!'' Ray said happily, laughing in a slightly evil way.
"Oi, Ray, you can-''
''See you in 10, go dress!'' He shouted. Then, the line cut dead, terminated from Gerard and Ray's side.
I left my phone on the coffee table and ran to the tumble dryer in hopes that there would be some appropriate jeans in there. After pulling out most of the contents, I decided on some evenly hemmed grey skinnies. I headed upstairs to change hoping Gerard and Ray wouldn't barge in unexpected.
Well, Ray Anyways…
I sat on the sofa, watching the window, waiting for them to arrive. The television was safely off: I didn't want them thinking I was some weird forever alone kid that sat watching the shopping channels all day. As soon as that thought had evaporated, I saw two figures approaching the house. Gerard was sporting a leather jacket that clung rather nicely to him, and Ray had one hell of a fro. They both had band T-shirts on, but I couldn't see what bands they were from this distance.
I sprung, (rather camply I will admit) to the front door and flung it open excitedly like a little school kid. ''Hello Guys!'' I grinned cheesily.
''Hey.'' Gerard Smiled. He stepped forward for a hug before a slightly concerned look flashed across his face. I assumed he was thinking about the whole awkward Lindsey-club-hug thing, but I went in for a hug anyway.
Any Excuse, eh Frank?
''Hey there.'' I nodded to Ray with my head. I was not letting go of Gerard this quickly. Then I noticed the band T-shirts from before. I released Gerard and gestured towards Ray, with my hand this time.
''Iron Maiden?'' I asked, one eyebrow raised.
''Yes.''
I looked to Gerard. ''Joy Division?''
''Yeah.''
'' Cool Man, they're like one of my favourites.'' I stopped dead, hit by a sudden thought. ''Wait a sec-'' I slammed the door behind me and darted back to the kitchen. Rifling through the clothes pile I pulled out from the dryer, I found one of my less tattered band T-shirts – A 'Smashing Pumpkins' top. I swapped shirts quickly, grabbed my blue hoodie that was hung up in the hall before exiting the house again.
''Sorry about that guys, I felt kinda left out…'' I began, but Ray cut me off.
''Guys, lets go!''
We headed to Ray's old but pretty damn awesome car, destination his sister's café.
We were sat at the window of the café, staring down at the hand written menus while Ray looked around, slightly bored of waiting for us. The café sort of looked like a collection of every bric-a-brac section of every charity shop in New Jersey, sort of smushed together. There was stuff absolutely everywhere, but it just added to the undeniable charm of the place.
''So, what do you want?'' Ray asked, deciding we'd had enough time to choose our order.
''Caramel Latte.''
Both Gerard and I voiced the same order at the same time. Our eyes locked and we began to laugh at the strange coincidence. Ray also seemed to find it as funny as us.
''Oh, guys, you have /got/ to do that when my sister comes round.' Ray clasped his hands together, as if it were some sort of evil plan.
''Hell Yeah!'' I grinned happily while Gerard emitted a small ''Er, possibly…' I raised one eyebrow and looked at him. He seemed seriously nervous, so I shot him what I hoped was a reassuring smile. He seemed okay after that.
''NATALIE!'' Ray shouted, starling me slightly although I didn't show it. I looked away from Gerard and to the girl who apparated from nowhere. She held a brown notepad and pen, and she was all smiles which was unusual for a waitress in New Jersey.
"What would you all like?'' She asked. Still smiling brightly.
"Well, I'd like a- wait a second, you two go first' you gotta see this Nat!'' Ray looked way, way too happy with himself. I looked at Gerard again, and he turned to face me as well. I grinned and raised my eyebrows as the 'go' signal.
"Caramel-"
"Caramel La-"
"Latte"
"Latte-Caramel Latte."
We began to both laugh at the slightly unsuccessful attempt. I looked at Natalie. She was smirking, as if she knew the same private joke Lindsey knew at the club the other day.
"Okay! And you, my itty bitty little brother?"
"You know what I want.'' Ray sounded strangely threatening when he was assertive.
"Got it." She flashed her cheery smile again and headed back behind the counter.
"So." Ray Began. "Did you hear about the party at Jasmine Sickle's house?''
"No…" I replied, trying to act normal. I knew about it though. I was invited by Shaun, and the only way I could shake him off about asking whether I was going or not was to tell him I was visiting my sick grandma out of town. He even offered to buy me flowers to give to her! I felt kind of traitorous talking about the party. What if Gerard wasn't happy about it, and took offence somehow? I don't know why he would: I'd chosen meeting him at the club over going to the party and I'm damn glad I did, but I still didn't feel comfortable talking about the jocks around Gerard. For obvious reasons.
"Well, it's a jock hotspot." I hoped the unintentional wince I made wasn't noticed when Ray spoke. "Believe me/ Jasmine's my brother's friend-he's younger than me by a year- and she always throws these crazy-ass parties at this time of the year. Anyway, well, I got dragged there by Eric and all his dumb friends-'' Yet another reason why I was glassed I missed the occasion. What would Ray have thought of me then? "-And there was more sportswear than I have literally ever seen in my life."
"Wow…Sportswear…" I whispered sarcastically. When in doubt or feeling awkward, resort to sarcasm. It's failsafe.
"Dirty details, no?" I asked, laughing.
"I don't know about dirty, but there was this nerdy guy-poor thing- getting all excited at his first party.-I think he was actually in our year Gee!- and he just went mad and had four vodka shots in 10 minutes."
"Aaaaand?" Gerard asked, leaning over the table, completely engrossed.
"Puke. Everywhere."
Gerard's reaction is a sympathetic 'oooh.'' But mine is a more smug ''Oh man, that's nasty.''
"I think Mikey was there, actually. When was it?" Gerard had connections (albeit not directly) to the party as well? That made me feel a little better about my invite. Maybe he wouldn't even be that bothered.
"Last night. And who's Mikey?" Ray questioned.
"My little brother. He's awkward." Gerard commented offhandedly, although his expression looked sort of begrudged. Ray raised an eyebrow at Gerard. "Okay, he's cooler than me, alright!'' He sighed, throwing his hands up in annoyance. Ray and I began to laugh. I decided it wouldn't hurt to tell Gerard about the invite. Hopefully he wouldn't clam up at the mention of it.
"I have to admit, I was invited to that party.'' I said quietly, after clearing my throat apprehensively.
"I'm impressed!" Gerard teased, winking.
Oh, thank god he was okay with it!
I tried to stop my face breaking into a giant grin, and succeeded for the most part.
"But, you know, my Friday nights are reserved for someone special."…Did I really just say that? In front of Ray? In a tone /that/ suggestive? Gerard's cheeks burned pink. His reaction caused the supressed grin to emerge and I smiled at him cheekily.
"I can feel it!" Ray exclaimed suddenly, grinning more than me.
"Feel what?" I raised an eyebrow, bemused.
"The chemistry!" Ray said enthusiastically. My eyebrow stayed in its raised position, and Gerard looked just as lost as me. "Between you two!" He gestured to us both, grinning still.
Gerard's blush intensified. I didn't blush, I just placed my hand on his shoulder and squeezed, hoping that it was slightly reassuring. Gerard's phone began to ring and he hastily fumbled around, trying to extract it from his pocket. Ray couldn't see, but I noticed the caller ID – Mikey.
"Speak of the devil.'' Gerard commented, getting up and walking outside of the café to get a better signal. He turned before leaving and mouthed an apology to us both, although it was unneeded.
I looked to Ray. He was sat, relaxed, looking at me like he knew I was about to ask him something. I cleared my throat then rested my clasped hands on the table, looking down at them.
"So, uh…" I began. I wanted to ask him what had been bugging me practically all day: was there anything going on between him and Gerard? I hadn't known the right time to ask Ray, alone, about it, but now Gerard was having a conversation of his own the timing seemed pretty apt. "Uh, You, and Gerard…" My eyes darted to aforementioned boy. He was visible through the glass panes in the door, and he looked rather frantic. I turned my attention back to Ray.
"No." Was his simple reply to my unspoken question.
"Uh, I'm sorry, what?" I asked, confused. I hadn't even asked him yet. How did he have a reply?
"The answer. To what you're thinking. That question. The answer is no." He smiled genuinely.
"Ah, Man!" I exclaimed happily. "Really?"
"Really. I wouldn't dream on intruding on what you guys have. Or, are at least beginning to develop." He looked at me with a smirk plastered across his face. The third person sharing this obviously hilarious inside joke at the expense of two teenage boys.
"Ah, well, that's really good then." My smile stretched from ear to ear. That's seriously awesome." While I was sat there, fidgeting in my seat, barely able to contain my happiness at the fact that / I haven't lost my chance/, our topic of conversation walked in. Well, our topic of mental conversation, it seems.
"So, what've you two been doing while I've been gone? From the looks of it, you've pleased Frank." Gerard said with a suggestive undertone to his voice.
"We were just talking Gerard! I swear!" I held my hands up melodramatically. I've got license to joke like that now, because I know there's nothing between anyone except for me and Gerard. Possibly. Maybe.
Ray was still doing the 'inside-joke-smirk'. He stood up and announced that he was going to find his sister. "I have no idea how she does it, but sometimes she gets /lost. Within the kitchen/. She might have broken the coffee machine though. I'll go check." He scurried off and I was left sitting next to a boy who seemed to be in very deep philosophical thought.
"Thinking?" I asked, still hyped from mine and Ray's exchange. I wanted to double check with Gerard though. Best to ask both parties concerned.
"Gerard…" I became rather solemn. "Is there…no, can I ask you a question?" I'm more nervous asking Gerard. /Way/ more nervous. Because if I messed up asking Ray, we could have laughed it off, and it could have been a running joke further down the line. But with the Boy With The Jet Black Hair, I don't want to offend him. Or hurt him. Anything Negative in fact.
"Anything." Gerard Replied.
"There isn't anything going on between you and Ray, is there?"
His face twists in shock. "Oh! No! No Way!"
"No 'Friends with benefits'?" I had to sit on my hands to stop me gesturing quotation marks as I said the phrase. I think I might have frowned when I said it, too. I hate even the thought of a 'friends with benefits' Relationship. So many unrequited feelings. So much confusion and complication. Ugh. Been there, done that, endured the heartbreak. I stopped myself, and began talking again. "I asked Ray, and he gave me a simple answer. Well, actually I didn't even ask him, He just gave me the answer. And the /question/as well, actually. Anyway, it's best to check, isn't it? I mean, what if-"
"No Frankie, there's nothing going on. I'm not into 'friends with benefits.' I mean, either you're in a relationship or you're not." He inhaled after speaking, as if he was trying to abstain from talking more.
He had the same stance as me on 'Friends with Benefits'. That's good. At least I know where we stand on that front.
"Phew." I sighed melodramatically again, whole body sagging, and I threw and arm around his shoulder. I whispered into his ear. "I thought I might've missed my chance…" Because it's true. I haven't missed my chance, but I thought I was pretty close to it. I might not have seemed it, but I was terrified. Gerard Slowly rotated his neck round to face me. I felt stands of kind-of-greasy hair brush against my own face. I felt his breath each time he exhaled, and it smelt faintly of coffee.
And his eyes. I felt them, staring into my core through my pupils. Gerard's eyes from far away were beautiful. But close up-Real close, mere centimetres of distance- they were /exquisite/, Looking into them was like peering at a whole other galaxy through a telescope. There were hazes of dark brown, flashes of mahogany. They were so enticing I just had to be closer to them. I inched forwards, parting my lips.
"No! Natalie, NO!" Ray Practically shrieked as Natalie interrupted mine and Gerard's 'moment' by placing our orders on the table. "Nataliee." He wailed, before his moping turned to anger. "They were just about to kiss!" He sat opposite me, frowning.
"Oh, God, guys I'm so sorry, I'm oblivious to everything, oh man I'm sorry, I'll leave you now." She scuttled away, face beetroot red before I could tell her she didn't need to apologize.
"Stupid Natalie." Ray whined again, although I think it was more just to him alone than anyone else.
I looked to Gerard. He had grasped his latte with both hands and was staring into it intently, face just as red as Natalie's. The shade of my cheeks probably contributed a third number to that headcount. I took my arm away from his shoulder. Electricity felt like it was fizzing through my veins. Staring into his eyes had just been…Trance-like, dreamy, but now the moment was broken I felt alive. Like the adrenaline could burst out of my veins at any second.
I haven't missed my chance.
I looked to Ray.
I haven't missed my chance.
I looked to Gerard.
I haven't missed my chance.
I grinned.
On the contrary: I had a very, very big chance indeed.