January 29, 2011

Hi hope you all have had a good week. I know you were all hoping to get to the meeting with Rose but Dimitri still has a bit more self tourcher in the form of some dreams; or more correctly Re-dreaming some old dreams. I hope you like this chapter. Oh and for those who are wondering if I will be writing any chocolate mousse scenes (I don't like to compare making love to Lemons), Yes there will be Chocolate! But there is a twist, Most of all the Chocolate in this story will be in the from of Dimitri's memories of the past.

I do not own VA or any of its original characters, but since they like to talk to me I like to write it down. That which comes from my own deranged mind, I happily share with you.

Suzanna

Chapter 5: Vivid Dreams

I tossed and turned all night. I dreamed of Rose and the dreams disturbed me. The funny thing is that they were really more like the memories of the dreams I used to have back when I first left. These dreams had been different from others because they felt more tangible than my usual dreams. Even the memories of them were more tangible.

I had dreamt the first one just about two months after I left. I had been having a normal dream about nothing in particular when my dream faded and I found myself beside a fire pit. There was the lake near the cabin….our cabin. I sat down with a sigh. Thoughts of all the happy times with Rose filter thought my head.

"Comrade, can we talk?" I turned to see my Roza.

"Sure Roza, come sit with me." She looked nervous.

"Comrade, I need to tell you something and I need you to listen to me with an open mind please." I nodded and she continued.

"I am pregnant and the baby is yours." She looked into my eyes pleadingly. I closed my eyes. I couldn't even look at her.

"That is impossible. I could expect this kind of lie from anyone else but from you, Rose."

"I am not lying! This is your baby inside me. I'm different than other Dhampirs; I am even different than other shadow kissed." She grabbed my hand and pressed it on her lower belly. I could feel a small but firm bump under my hand. I felt so betrayed. I knew it was just a dream but to think that Rose would play games with me like this. The real Rose knows that even if it could be possible to conceive there would most likely be disastrous results if science tried to create a child from two Dhampirs.

"A Dhampir Can Not Conceive with ANOTHER DHAMPIR! Rose you know this."

I pulled my hand away and walked off. I could hear her sobbing and part of me wanted to go back and apologize for hurting her but I was too hurt by her lie to give in. A few minutes later the dream faded and I woke up.

A couple of months after the first dream I had another. This dream interrupted one I was already having. I had been having a dream about the night I found Rose and Lissa. We were in the plane and I was trying to talk to Rose. The plane faded away and the next thing I knew I was sitting in a doctor's office. Every detail felt so real I almost believed I was in a real doctor's office. Rose was on a table and the doctor was rubbing a probe on the outside of Rose's swollen belly.

"The baby is a bit small rose but she looks healthy. I feel confident that your baby will be just fine." I looked at the monitor where the image of baby could be seen. I felt anger at the Moroi who had dared to touch my Roza.

"She? I am having a girl." Tears formed in Roses eyes. She turned to me with a sad smile on her face. "Comrade, we are having a healthy Girl. She is yours and I want you to help me name her."

"This is not my child. Dhampirs can't conceive with other Dhampirs. Please stop trying to pass this off as mine."

"Dimitri, please believe me! She is yours and we need you. I need you."

"Don't come running to me; go to the man who did this. Let me live in peace so I can move on."

The dream faded and I woke up crying. Oh how I had wished that the Rose in my dream was telling me the truth. How I wished that by some God given miracle, it was my child she was carrying.

The last dream took place two years after I had left. I was dead tired from working myself extra hard. I was trying to burn off the excess stress I had been feeling. It was the second anniversary of the day I left my Roza. I missed her terribly. Months ago Tasha and I started going to a fertility clinic and I had found out that my sperm don't work. So Tasha got inseminated with some human's sperm. She got pregnant right away with the donor specimen. I was feeling horrible because I was supposed to be able to have kids with a Moroi but apparently even that was not going to happen. I could only hope that my Roza was happy. Maybe she had the baby she had wanted and maybe Ivashkov was brave enough to marry her. He seems like the type who would marry a Dhampir if only to piss off other Royals.

I let my thoughts fall away along with my clothing and I fell into bed. I must have been asleep before my head hit the pillow. I found myself in a park during daylight. Rose was sitting on a bench watching the children play. I sat with her she turned to me and her face was full of worry. She gave me a strange look. Then I remembered that for a time I had changed my appearance. She reached up to touch my hair. It was cut short and I had grown a beard that I kept trimmed neatly. She let her hand fall back to her lap and again she turned to the children at play.

"Roza, you look so worried."

"Comrade, I need your help."

"What's wrong Rose?" Her face began to crumple into a sob but she pulled herself together and put her guardian mask firmly in place.

"I did have a baby and she is beautiful and special. But there is so much happening right now that I don't know if I can handle it without your help. I have been changing; there is so much depending on me now. Our….. She stopped and bit her lip. She looked back to the children at play for a moment then back to me before she spoke again. My little girl is in danger. I have had to fight so many Strigoi that I don't feel safe anymore. She grows so fast I feel like I've lost out on her babyhood."

"Where is the child's father?"

When I asked this; her sad eyes looked so deeply into mine. I felt as if she was begging me for something. After a moment or two; her eyes closed. She then focused on her hands; which were busy fiddling with her chotki.

"He left me before I could tell him that I was carrying his baby."

"Did you try to contact him?" She nodded. I could tell she was hurting so badly.

"He doesn't believe me." I tried to hold her but she pulled away from me.

"Comrade, can you come back and help me?" I shook my head.

"First of all this is a dream. If the real Rose needed me she knows that she could call me. I would be there in a heartbeat. and….." I paused, how could I tell her about Tasha's baby? Tasha hadn't even told Christian yet.

"Second? What is the other reason you won't come?"

"Tasha is eight months pregnant and I can't leave her." Even if it was just a dream and even if it is not My child that Tasha was carrying; it was hard for me to tell Rose that Tasha and I were expecting a child.

She looked away back at the playground. I thought I saw Ivashkov pushing a child on the swings. I couldn't tell for sure if it was him because both he and the child had their backs to me. At first Roza sounded like she was going to hyperventilate. She closed her eyes and took several slow deep breaths. Within a minute her guardian mask was fully in place again.

"I won't bother you anymore." I cringed when I heard how devoid of emotions her voice was.

"I love you Roza I always will."

"I am not Roza anymore. The girl you used to call Roza is dead."

She faded away and so did the park but the last thing to fade was the child on the swing. She turned to look behind her and the last thing I saw was Roza's sad expression on the child's face. Her tear filled, chocolate brown eyes reminded me so much of a little Viktoria but so many of her features looked like Roza.

I had remembered each of these dreams though I hadn't had one like them in years. In fact after the third one I never had another again. Even though they were just dreams they had haunted me just as much as the day I left. I didn't like to think about them. I took a deep breath and pushed my thoughts and old dreams aside.

POP QUIZ

1. What was the purpose of the dreams?

2. Who was the orchestrator or the dreams?

3. In both the goodbye letter and the third dream Dimitri says that Rose could call him if she needed him. Why do you think in 7 years she never picked up a phone and called?

4. When he woke up Dimitri pushes his dreams aside. Why do you think he doesn't give them any more weight then any other dream?

BONUS QUESTION
OK next chapter is Dimitri's Meeting with Rose so here is your chance to be Yeva and give me a prediction...

What will Happen during the meeting, how will Rose behave towards Dimitri?

Please Review and let me know what you think?

Suzanna