Disclaimer: I do not own these boys or their universe; that belongs to Asano Atsuko.
Reviewers: All 21 of you, thank you!
Author's Note: Erm, yeah…::sweatdrops::. Just a head's up: you might want to read something seriously fluffy after this. The issues Nezumi and Shion deal with in this chapter are rather heavy, and Nezumi doesn't exactly react in the best way (although, Shion's there to hug him, so I guess that's okay…::sheepishly::). Eh…there's a few things I might like to rewrite when I have the time, but in spite of that, this is one of my more favorite chapters, so I hope you enjoy it!
Rating:T/M (language, issues)
Summary: Almost exactly three years after No. 6's downfall, the wandering star returns home…(Post-Series. Reunion-fic. Multi-chapter.)
"Speech"
Personal Thoughts/Memories (Italics)
.:No More Farewells:.
By Sentimental Star
Chapter Six: Thou Canst Not be False (Part II)
Shion's cheeks continue burning long after Inukashi leaves the room.
Three years ago, amidst the haze and blinding, burning pain that consumed Shion whole as he battled Elyurias's parasitic wasp, he clearly recalls Nezumi's voice (as it did many times in the three days that followed) crying out with all the passion and pain of his heart:
"You don't know anything! Not about books or sex or fighting…! Yet you're still willing to give up…! Shion…open your eyes!"
He has since taken that cry to heart: books…he's read so many of them. Poetry, plays, classics, realistic, fantastic…he's since stopped keeping count. Fighting…if today's little episode is anything to go by, he still has a lot to learn, but still…he is learning.
But sex…and love…and everything that goes with it…that is harder to learn. It is not something you can really read about in books—although hundreds of authors have tried. Some nearly succeed, have moved him to tears and a rush of feeling so many times…but in the end, nothing could have prepared him for this…this dull, needy ache…the desire to cherish and protect and just be with Nezumi, however possible, in as many ways as possible…
He's asked Inukashi's advice…and gotten far more than he ever bargained for.
I just hope Nezumi doesn't take it the wrong way.
"So…" Nezumi's voice is casual as he carefully slips the tray he has been carrying into Shion's lap, and the other boy inwardly groans at the prospect of more teasing. "Anything I ought to know? I certainly wouldn't object if you-"
"Nezumi!"
A pillow in the face cuts the slightly older boy off rather quickly.
"I'm still a virgin!"
Nezumi cracks up laughing, a brilliant blush flaring on his cheeks. "Such tactfulness, your Highness," he teases. "It is a wonder your courtiers aren't all over you~!"
Nezumi is flirting with him, Shion realizes rather dazedly. He knows he should flirt back—Inukashi has taught him how, after all (even if she does spend half those lessons in hysterics).
He is somewhat surprised, however, by what leaves his mouth, instead: "There have been a few."
Nezumi stops laughing. "What…?"
Shion shrugs gingerly, taking a bite of stew. After chewing it carefully and swallowing, he clears his throat and states, a little firmer, "As I said…there have been a few. I simply told them I was already taken. That's all I could say, really…I am not used to the type of attention you are, Nezumi. And after all…it's true."
Nezumi has no response for that. He can't respond—his throat has gone all tight. Confronted by such stark proof that Shion has remained unwaveringly loyal to him—even though it has been three years, even though he doesn't fucking deserve that kind of fidelity and faith—Nezumi does the only thing he can:
Climbing onto the bed behind Shion, he wraps his arms and legs around the smaller man, burying his face between Shion's shoulder blades.
Pressed so close, Shion can feel him shaking.
His spoon clatters against the bowl as he drops it, the mix of aromas and tastes serving to remind him of exactly why Nezumi is trembling.
His head whips over his shoulder as he strains to see Nezumi, but all that meets his gaze is a disheveled fountain of raven hair. "Nezumi…?!"
Nezumi's arms tighten around his middle. "Shion…" his voice is muffled against the fabric stretched across the other young man's back, "If you don't start eating right this fucking second, I seriously will shove that spoon down your throat. Shut the hell up and eat. Questions can come later."
"Such language," Shion teases gently, grateful, at least, that he can respond with this. "Really, how you charm so many people is beyond me."
He doesn't mention, of course, that he is one of those people Nezumi has charmed—indeed, has kept charmed for all seven years of their shared existence.
He thinks Nezumi may know it, anyway. A light chuckle rises in his throat as he realizes that the heat seeping through the fabric of his shirt is situated just about where Nezumi's face presses against his spine.
IOIOIOIOIOI
(Twenty Minutes Later)
"Can I ask you something?"
Nezumi gives a dour hum, critically eyeing the side of Shion's face from where he has peeked over his shoulder, still attached to the other boy's waist, "Depends…have you eaten everything on that tray?"
Shion rolls his eyes and gestures to his desk, "Find out for yourself."
He doesn't really expect Nezumi to get up and look, but when the other boy actually does…Shion is torn between laughing and gaping outright. He presses a hand to his mouth, muffling a sudden urge to laugh as Nezumi gives a satisfied grunt and picks up the tray, intending to return it to Karan downstairs.
Shion lets him go, too afraid he will burst into laughter if he tries to say anything. This overly-worried, overly-protective side of Nezumi actually isn't as new as it seems. The only thing that is new is that the other young man no longer feels a need to hide it, and that particular change is both welcome and refreshing.
It is therefore quite easy for Shion to remark with a quiet chuckle as Nezumi re-enters the room a few minutes later, "I never took you for a mother hen, Nezumi."
…
Nezumi immediately drops down on the edge of the mattress, blush flaring, and turns his burning face away from Shion's amused gaze, "Why is that such a surprise?"
It is a disgruntled mutter. Shion finds it (and the blush that accompanies it) absolutely adorable. "It's not really," he laughs. "I'm just glad you aren't trying to hide it."
"You would know," Nezumi grumbles. "You were the one who implied I had been spying on you all four years I was away when we first met again, after all."
"Did you, really?"
"…What would you do if I said yes?"
Shion stares at him. "Are you serious?" his soft question borders on incredulous.
Red tinges Nezumi's cheeks as he turns back around. "…Yeah," he murmurs, embarrassed.
He is met by Shion's deadpan. "You do know that's a little obsessive?"
Heat flies into Nezumi's cheeks. "I was worried about you!"
He is utterly startled by Shion's chuckle, which steadily grows into full-blown laughter. "Oh, Nezumi…! Only you could make something like that sound so precious."
Nezumi's entire face colors, "Will you stop laughing?" he mutters from between his fingers where he has hidden his face. "It's not that funny."
His eyes go wide when Shion abruptly shoves his face between his shoulder and neck, still laughing with warm abandon. "Consider it your penance for leaving me behind for three years."
It is the first time Shion has brought up their separation and Nezumi's hand unconsciously clenches where it has wrapped around the other nineteen-year-old's hip, turning the atmosphere much more serious.
An awkward silence falls between them, the first since Nezumi's return. He swallows uncomfortably, "…Are you mad?" he whispers.
"Of course I am!" Nezumi's heart drops three stories when he realizes there is liquid starting to pool in the hollow of his throat. "You left me alone for three years, and couldn't be bothered to send so much as a note letting me know you were all right…! I didn't even know whether you were alive until one of Inukashi's informants spotted you in No. 5!"
Nezumi abandons his shame in favor of gaping slightly at Shion. "How long have you…"
Color seeps into Shion's cheeks and creeps up to his ears as he digs his face still further into the crook of Nezumi's neck. "A while," he mumbles against the warm skin there.
Cautiously, Nezumi reaches out to wrap his arm around Shion's waist, tightening his grip when the other young man doesn't shrug it off (sinking into it, actually). He sighs heavily, "I did expect you to be mad, but…Inukashi seems to think you've already forgiven me."
Shion's face pulls back and he stares at Nezumi with something equivalent to shock. "Why on earth wouldn't I?"
Another pregnant pause fills the space between them. Nezumi feels like crying. "Y-You…" he swallows. "Shion…you have…?"
Shion sighs, "Isn't that obvious? I'm mad that you left, and I'm upset that you didn't at least contact me, but…I do know why."
Well, at least that makes one of us.
Nezumi can't honestly recall at the moment why he left with such haste. There are hundreds of reasons (too scared, too close, so foreign…), but all of them seem to pale in comparison to this one man's generous nature and kind heart.
It is hardly surprising that he finds himself falling in love with Shion all over again.
With a sigh, he holds out his free hand. Shion quirks an eyebrow, but slowly slides his hand into Nezumi's.
The other nineteen-year-old brings it up to his lips, pressing a warm kiss to the skin of his palm. "I'm sorry," he whispers, pressing another kiss to his wrist.
"It's f-fine," Shion manages to stammer, heat and headiness rushing directly to his head. He has to lie down, or he fears he will fall down, given all the sensations currently coursing through his body.
Nezumi follows him: another kiss is placed against the vein of his forearm; a fourth to the crook of his elbow…Shion's fingers stumble and catch, gripping tightly to the fabric of Nezumi's shirt as kisses patter all along his skin.
He has lost the ability to speak. They've already said so much and not enough, and what is perhaps the most important question has gotten caught in his throat:
Will you stay? Please, please, please tell me you are going to stay…
Nezumi's lips travel up to his shoulder, and then to his neck. Somewhere along the way Shion's top slides off his shoulder, but he can't honestly bring himself to mind—Nezumi's free hand has gently pushed itself underneath his shirt and now it is roaming, splaying itself flat against his rapidly beating heart a moment before moving on.
Shion shudders and whimpers when Nezumi's lips catch him on the particularly sensitive juncture between his shoulder and neck. A shiver wracks his body from head to foot as he struggles to process the new and utterly foreign reactions the other young man's fingers and lips are able to elicit from him, and a million nerve endings snap awake.
Abruptly, Nezumi pulls back, an unsteady hand flying to his flushed face. "S-Sorry, I got carried away."
Dizzy with not-quite-disappointment, Shion is nonetheless able to detect the minute tremors coursing through Nezumi's body. Wrapping his shaking arms around Nezumi's neck, he pulls the other young man down, pinning him tightly against his chest.
Nezumi doesn't object, and their legs tangle together as he gracefully flops down on top of Shion, long raven hair spilling out of its loose ponytail and across the other boy's chest.
It is very much déjà vu for Shion, who can't stop the fond chuckle that rises in his throat. "I don't mind," he whispers, slightly out of breath.
Nezumi's fingers clench and curl into the front of his shirt, and he buries his face there, listening to Shion's gradually calming heartbeat. Shion's own fingers stroke tenderly through his hair and they are silent awhile, until he murmurs, voice barely audible, "Nezumi…?"
"Mm?" the question is a mere vibration against his chest.
"Have you ever…you know…?"
A delicate snort of laughter shakes Nezumi's frame. "Had sex? Come now, Shion, can't you even say it?"
Red eyes roll. "Fine, then. Sex. But I'm not talking about the West Block, Nezumi."
The boy on top of him involuntarily tenses; Shion has known for over three years that Nezumi has kept this part of his past hidden from him—he's just not entirely sure why. It isn't as though he thinks any less of him—he actually would have preferred it if Nezumi told him straight out (even though he knows it probably never would have happened).
But these are wounds (he hopes) he can fix. He just needs to know whether Nezumi will allow them to be fixed.
Shion presses a kiss to his forehead. "You did what you had to in order to survive. I can't blame you for that."
"…That doesn't change the fact that it happened," Nezumi whispers at last, keeping his face buried in Shion's chest.
He isn't ashamed—exactly—but he doesn't think he can face Shion now, when he has tried so hard not to let it bother him.
"No, it doesn't," Shion agrees softly, "but that's not what I meant. What I meant, Nezumi, is have you ever had sex…with someone who loves you?"
IOIOIOIOIOI
Blood thunders loudly in Nezumi's ears. Color breaks out on his cheekbones and his palms start to sweat.
Have I ever had sex with someone who loves me? Seriously, Shion? Did you seriously just ask that? Don't you know the answer already?
The thought, the idea of actually being together with someone like that...of participating in such an intimate act because he wants to, and not because he has to, isn't something he can fathom. It isn't something he knows, and it leaves him entirely at a loss.
He can only shake his head, knowing without having to look up that Shion's eyes have probably filled with tears.
Damn empath.
"…That makes two of us, then," Shion's murmur is buried in his hair. Nezumi isn't quite sure he has understood him correctly until Shion whispers, "It will be your first time, too."
This shouldn't be such a big deal, but Nezumi's throat has gone and almost completely closed up. "I guess so," his response is strangled.
You goddamn idiot…How the fuck to you get off saying such things? Don't you know what it does to me?
"…Nezumi?" Shion's voice is soft when it speaks up a few moments later, and Nezumi is vaguely aware that he has since clenched his eyes shut and grit his teeth. A hand strokes through his hair, and its fingers tangle there, a warm, heavy weight, "It's all right to cry."
Trouble is, he's cried so fucking much already that he doesn't want to cry now, and especially not over something like this. It is in the past, it shouldn't matter anymore…but even Nezumi has to acknowledge that he will never fully heal until he can face his past head on.
As the first beads of moisture make their way down his cheeks, Nezumi's eyes shoot open:
Shit!
Shion only chuckles, low and strangled against Nezumi's neck, and curls his arms around the other young man's waist. Warm breath falls against his nape, "It's about time," the white-haired boy whispers.
End Chapter