Sunday July 10, 2011

Well I have another chapter done here and I am working on the next chapter of So What Now. As a treat I posted the next chapter of The Love Wielder's Journey.

On a personal note I am asking for Prayers for my school. I work for a private school and our enrollment is very low both in my preschool and in the elementary school. There is a real threat that the church my close us down if we don't have enough kids to make payroll.

I would like to send a thank you to RangaRose for being such a good beta, and a great gal.

Chapter 15: Sick

DIMITRI POV

When Rose passed out in my arms I did the first thing I could think of; I called out for Guardian Korev. He came up running when and when he saw us he clicked on his earpiece and motioned for me to follow him as he spoke in quick Russian. I was too focused on Roza to register more than that he was speaking Russian and telling someone that Rose was sick. Together we ran to the clinic where Dr Olendzki was waiting with a bed and IVs. I tried to stay in the room with her but Korev took my arm and pulled me out with him.

"You have no business in there with her unless she asks for you."

He spoke to me in a low tone. Then he took a guarding stance in front of her door. I wanted to protest but the truth is that for all the pain I put her through I have no right to think I can just take my place at her side. But just because I couldn't be in there with her didn't mean I had to leave. I took a seat across the hall letting him know I would wait for her permission; but none the less I would still be there for her.

Lissa arrived and went straight in as did Adrian and several others. They stayed in there for over an hour and when they came back out they all looked spent. Lissa and Adrian spotted me sitting in the hall and came up to me.

"Dimitri why are you out here? I was expecting you to be by her side." Adrian asked.

"She hasn't asked for me." I said and looked at Guardian Korev, who was still blocking the door.

"She wouldn't need to say it even if she could. She is in a very deep sleep right now and she will be out for several days but I know she could use your touch. Sit with her, hold her hand; lay with her even just let her know you are there for her no matter what." As Lissa spoke to me she motioned to Korev and he reluctantly stepped aside.

I walked into her room cautiously and Lissa followed me. I sat on her bed and without realizing it my hand went to her the scar on her face. I caressed it tenderly. Lissa saw this and gasped.

"You can see them." She whispered.

"Her necklace fell off when she pulled her turtleneck off. I guess you charmed it for her?"

"Yes she hides them from everyone. Only those of us who were there when it happened know about them. She won't even let her father see them."

"Lissa, Janine's file said that she had to stake her own nephew and her brother while saving a pregnant Guardian. Was that …." I let my words fall off but she understood me and nodded.

"Joshua's father Justin was her nephew, Janine felt so guilty when she found out that Justin's wife was pregnant and that he was going to grow up without a father. Rose and Erica were friends and they had gone through parenting classes and birthing classes together. When Erica died Janine wanted to adopt him but well since Rose was already nursing a baby who needed blood it made sense that she be the one to take him."

"Is Annemarie a Moroi?" I asked, my hand was still caressing Rose but half my attention was on the conversation.

"She is not an even mix like a normal Dhampir she is ¾ Moroi and only ¼ Human. She will be able to use magic like her mother. And she does need blood but for some reason she can only take it from Rose." Lissa said and she looked down to Rose with a sad expression.

"What about Annemarie, with Rose here she is going to be alone, well I know she won't be alone but well she has had a very difficult week, she is sick and needs a parent. Where is her father, he should be here with her."

"He left when Rose was pregnant." This is the answer I half expected but still I was so upset thinking that some Moroi ass used her and left her with no regard.

"Can they bring her here; I will care for both of them."

"I will talk to Dr Olendzki." Lissa paused then spoke very quietly. "Dimitri I know you love her and you thought you were doing the right thing when you left. She accepted your decision and acted on what she thought was right. I hope you have the patience and understanding to accept what her decisions have been since then. Rose is going to be facing a very difficult road ahead. She is going to need to know you will be there for her; and her children."

"It hurt me so much to leave her the first time. Even if it was the right thing to do, I know I couldn't leave her again; I just don't have the strength to do it. Princess I am here; even if she doesn't want me as a lover ever again, even if she won't be my friend, if she will just let me stay I will be by her side for the rest of my life." As soon as I was done speaking Lissa looked at Rose and I could only assume she was communicating through the bond.

"She knows you here and she is comforted by it. I have to talk with Dr. Olendzki." I turn my attention back to Roza. I remembered that Lissa said I could lay with her even; so long as I was there for her. Cautiously I lay down next to her I slipped my arm under her head and wrapped her in my embrace.

"I am not going anywhere Roza. No matter what roll you want me to play please let me stay." I whispered in her ear. I couldn't help the wave of worry I had for her. She looked so weak and vulnerable. No one has told me what is wrong with her but I have the feeling it isn't something new. Tears formed in my eyes and I let them fall freely. Soon emotional and physical exhaustion pulled me into a deep sleep.

~~*O*~~

ROSE POV

I am stubborn and there was no way I was flying home wearing a hospital gown. All five of the spirit wielders from my beta packs and Lissa and Adrian had spent time the last couple days trying to heal the wounds from my latest encounter.

We had spent three days hiking to the cave that the Strigoi were holed up in. It wasn't actually far from St Gerard's Academy but the Terrain was treacherous. Mason guided us to them and we had them trapped. We camped nearby enough to be close but far enough that they wouldn't smell or hear us.

That night I watched Dimitri's cookout with the kids through Lissa's eyes. Watching him interact with Annemarie I decided that I had to let down my walls just a little. I had to encourage him to bond with her; after all, she was going to need him more than ever soon. I told Lissa to have my daughter ask him to play my guitar for her. I also made sure he got to take home some ribs; they were for him after all.

The mission was successful in that we prevented the attack on the Canadian academy. Our attack on the Strigoi stronghold was set to begin just after sunrise. Something about the scenario kept nagging at me, I couldn't figure out what it was so I tried to set it out of my mind so I could concentrate on what I had to do.

There were going to be a lot of Strigoi in there. Almost as many as had banded together to attack St Vladimir's when I was still in school. I wasn't even sure I was up to this. Ever since the incident in September, I can feel my body decline. I know my disease is advancing and soon it is going to take over.

Sonya Carp is amongst the Strigoi. I had to transform her, for Mikhail. Back when I lived at Court I met Mikhail when I had to fetch my personal file from the archive and have the computer file altered. He worked in the filing room or what he and I affectionately called the Dungeon. I vaguely remembered him from my younger years at the academy. I also remembered him from the conversation that Dimitri and I had about him and Sonya during the ride to Missoula. Apparently he was sentenced to working the Dungeon as punishment for doing the very thing I promised I would do if Dimitri was ever turned.

I asked Tatiana to assign him to Annemarie. At the time I was just learning about my fate as the Wielder of Life and Death. I made a promise to myself and him that I would find his lost love and transform her back for him. This was the first time I had any knowledge of her location. I knew it was now or never so I vowed that I would not fail.

Once we started our attack things got intense. Within the first hour I had transformed ten Strigoi and I am sure my pack had stalled at least fifteen or twenty. That is when I saw her. She looked right at me then to Mikhail and the funny thing is that she almost seemed to flash relief in her eye for a brief second. Then her eyes grew cold again and she attacked me. In the nine years since she turned she must have learned to fight. I could almost see the war going on between her soul and the demon. Her eyes dashed to him once more and he hands went up exposing to me her chest. I dashed my hand out and pressed it close to her heart. A bubble of protective light (only myself and the Strigoi in the bubble with me can see it but it keeps other Strigoi from being able to stop me from transforming) formed around us and I recited the prayer of transformation, only this prayer was different from the one I use for all Strigoi; this one was just for her.

"Sonya Karp, the God who created you and gave you the gift of Spirit loves you and forgives you for the mistake you have made by choosing to turn. He has given me the power to cast out the demon that is controlling your body. He wishes for you to return to life with the knowledge that you will no longer suffer for your gift. Will you accept his gift of life?"

"Yes" She mouthed with no sound coming out and tears in her eyes.

"Then with the power that God has given me I cast out the demon and set you free to live the life that you Creator meant for you to have." As the words left my mouth the darkest shadow was forcefully pulled from her body by the light surrounding us. It was pulled into the ground and swallowed up. Sonya collapsed sobbing. Mikhail so tenderly knelt beside her and enveloped her in his arms.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw something that had stunned me. A blond Strigoi had Adrian in a hold and he was feeding off of him. He was not just any Strigoi; he was the one who had made a threat on Lissa during the battle at St Vlads. I realized what it was about the attack on the cave that had been nagging at me. In the book of prophesies and alternate events something similar had happened in a different time line. In that timeline I lost Dimitri to this very Strigoi. I was frozen in place.

Mia must have seen the same thing I did. She ran up and knocked the Strigoi, surprising him with her strength while Eddie pulled Adrian away. A millisecond later another pack member joined Mia in the fight. I had only been distracted a second before I felt something hit me over my head. Blackness engulfed me.

I woke in the hospital at Court with no memory of the events that followed the hit that knocked me out. It was Adrian who explained to me what happened. Apparently word has gotten out to the Strigoi that the scars are making me sick and as I receive new ones I get sicker and sicker.

The leader of this band of Strigoi was using it as a trap to get me. He was hoping to kill me or at least force my retirement by making me too sick to work. While everyone was busy fighting he took his chance to knock me out and take me to a secluded chamber of the cave. There he took a stake that he had previously taken from a victim and let it burn his hand. Then he used it to cut several long wounds on my arms and legs. He made sure to get as much of his blood into the wounds as possible. He even slit my throat and his wrist and bled into that wound.

"It didn't take long for my people to find me and with my five beta packs there were five Spirit wielders to stabilize me. They managed to get me and call on the Alchemists to use a military chopper to airlift me out of the forest to the school. From there they got me on the jet and back to court. By Sunday morning Lissa, Alberta Petrov and Maria Olendzki were at the hospital.

Sasha and Maria tried to use blood transfusions and Dialysis to keep the Strigoi blood from doing damage to my own blood supply. It took nearly two days for the Spirit wielders to heal the wounds as far as are possible. The problem with getting Strigoi blood in a wound is that it hiders the healing process and since the blood will not dissipate it stays in the tissue and mutates.

So far we have been lucky the disease seems to affect only the tissue where the Strigoi blood has invaded but they are afraid that one day it will affect my blood. If that happens I may have to send my baby to live with my mom and dad because I won't be able to provide her the blood she needs.

Sasha has been our doctor since my fist appointment to verify my pregnancy. She is one of only two doctors who know my whole story. Adrian trusted her with my secret because she is his cousin. She and I are close friends and she even refers to me as if I was Moroi with the term Cousin.

Sasha brought up the fact that maybe I should confront Dimitri with the truth. Perhaps he would be willing to take up the responsibility of meeting his daughter's need for blood. This is something I have begun to consider already but I feel that he needs to come to the truth on his own.

Once I was stable enough to go back home we left but I refused to wear a hospital gown. I know I am supposed to be admitted to the clinic at St Vlad's immediately upon arrival but still the last thing I want is one of those damn gowns. Lissa compelled me to sleep so that I wouldn't talk to Mason. She is afraid that I will try to find more work. I may be dedicated but I am not stupid; I know I am in no shape to fight right now.

I woke just after we landed. During the short drive to the clinic I felt the nagging feeling of a ghost trying to break through my walls. As soon as I was left alone in a room I let my walls fall and Ivan, Dimitri's friend appeared. At first I thought he was going to bug and tease me the way he has been since Dimitri's appeared. At first I thought he was here to tease me but one look at his face told me it was something serious. He didn't wait for me to ask what was wrong.

"She didn't refrigerate the blood. She is too week to hear me or her sisters we have been trying to tell her to bite Dimitri, I have been shouting at him and trying to send him messages in his dreams but the most I could get was to make him wish he was her father but that was no big feat because he already does. He has tried to take care of her but he doesn't know what to do."

"Where?"

"The Gym."

I had to get to her. If she has gone this long without blood, who knows how sick she will get; the last time she went too long without blood she was in hospital for a week and the Strigoi blood in her scars was able to begin to mutate. Sasha and Maria were able to stall the tumor before it could metastasize. Unfortunately the chemo doses that were needed to slow down the cancer was too much and nearly killed her. They have tried to cut out the scar tissue but apparently it forms a root system in the surrounding tissue that prevents a surgeon from being able to get it all and in recovery period it grows and roots in farther.

I snuck past the nurse's station where Dr Olendzki and Dr Isham (Sasha) were discussing my treatment. As soon as I got out the back door I made a dash for the gym. It took me twice as long as it should because I am so weak but I forced myself to push on. I half burst half fell into the gym and thankfully Dimitri had his daughter in his arms and was just a few feet from me. I took her in my arms and had to prop myself against the wall. I had intended on getting to the bleachers but instead I just slid down the wall.

I don't care if Dimitri sees this or not, it is about time he is forced to see some of my reality. I pulled my sweater off and had to help Annemarie by positioning her for the bite. She needed no farther incentive, her need took over and she bit in hard. I could feel her fear and confusion so I hummed to her the song I have sung to her since I was pregnant. She took so much more then she normally would but I knew she needed it. When she was done I wiped her lips and held her.

Though I knew what happened I wanted her to confess it and when she did she called me Mommy, she must not have remembered that Dimitri was here. It kills me that she is not allowed to call me mommy in front of others. She knows the reason for the secrecy is to protect her father. For the most part the Strigoi don't know who my child is who her father is. How much longer am I going to have to wait to hear him call her our daughter?

Once Dimitri knows she is his and knows the danger he is in for being her father then he will know to be vigilant. As soon as I knew that he was in danger I asked my dad to put him under his protection. Dad really wanted to kill him himself but instead he has had him and his family watched over for the last five years.

Tasha and Dimitri don't know it but Jonathan is one of Abe's guardians. His original assignment was to befriend Dimitri. Somehow he and Tasha fell in love and the plan was changed. It was through Jonathan that I found out the truth about Tasha's non-relationship with Dimitri and Conner's paternity; when Dimitri and I had our talk in the car I already knew the truth.

I turned to him and asked why he didn't contact me. Fortunately for him his explanation was reasonable.

My princess fell asleep almost immediately. Dimitri took her into his arms giving me the chance to redress. I reached for my sweater only to find my necklace on the floor too. The moonstone was a gift from Bridget Donnelley though I still don't know how it followed me to the waking world from a dream walk with a centuries old ghost.

The Chain though has been charmed like the rest of my silver jewelry. It has been charmed by seven spirit wielders as well as all four of the other elements to hide my scars. Even cameras and video can't capture them when I am wearing my silver charms.

If my necklace has been off then that means he can see what I really look like. Oh God please I never wanted him to see me like this. I have scars all over. My face; neck, hands, arms, legs, torso, even my private areas have been mutilated. He must be so ashamed of me. Four times I have been over taken by Strigoi.

The first time was the day Annemarie was born. I know I was heavily pregnant, in labor and in shock from the car crash that the Strigoi staged; but I still blame myself for not being strong enough. Instead I was too weak to fight and as a result Annemarie is scared and doomed to a shortened life. I was made weaker from my scars and the Strigoi now know how weaken me farther. But the thing I blame myself for the most is the Marianne never survived. I should have two daughters but I was not good enough to protect them.

The second time was a little over two years after Annemarie was born. I had gone one my first long mission and we didn't know Annemarie couldn't tolerate the blood of just anyone. After 4 days I got called back and found out she was sick. I left blood for her after that but I was so nervous about leaving her that my head wasn't where it should have been and I got over taken and pulled away from my pack. (It was also early on and we were still learning to work as a pack.) Thankfully my pack found me and saved me.

The third time was just a few months ago; the day Dimitri started working with Annemarie. I was preoccupied with worry over his arrival and when the Strigoi surprise attacked our camp I was off by myself away from my pack and my stakes. Thankfully I only received one scar. I was able to get my head out of the clouds and transform the Strigoi before he could hurt me more than that. Though a couple of my Dhampir have also gotten scared with Strigoi blood; I am afraid now the Strigoi know how to hurt us.

Dimitri is the one who taught me how to fight he must be so disappointed in me. I was taught by the best and when I see my scars I feel like I didn't live up to his training. I also don't want him to see me as I really am because I remember how he used to look at me. When we dated I was pretty but he made me feel beautiful in his eyes. Now I am hideous; I feel like some sort of monster from a horror film.

I couldn't bear to face him I quickly threw my sweater back on and replaced my necklace. I hid myself against the wall. Though the charms on my silver are powerful once the spell is broken and a person sees my true form they cannot be fooled by it again.

"Roza, please turn around." I was afraid to face him; to see the look of disgust and disappointment that I knew would be there.

"Dimitri, don't look at me. Just take her home please."

"No Roza, turn around." His voice was soft but firm. Knowing I had to face him sometime I stood and turned to him. The look is eyes held surprised me; there was no disgust or disappointment. His eyes held the same wonderment that used to make me feel so beautiful. There was pride, love and acceptance in his eyes too.

"You are the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on. I know this happened when you fought to save your unborn baby girl. You are more beautiful now that I know how truly brave you are." I was stunned. Then he bent down and kissed me the edge of my eye and lip where a scar runs the length of my face; twisting my features.

No one who knows what I look like has ever been able to fully accept my scars, even Adrian; who still tells me I am beautiful has a hint of pity in his eyes. There was nothing but true sincerity in his eyes and in this moment I knew; Dimitri loves me. I never stopped loving him but wouldn't it be cruel to let him get close to me when I know I am dying. I need him to be close to his daughter; to take care of her after I am gone. But should I allow him to watch me die. I guess that, that is a decision I will have to make once he knows about his daughter. But for taking care of her and for showing me his love and acceptance I am so grateful.

"Thank you, could you help me get her home?"

Dimitri nodded and readjusted her in his arms so he only needed one arm. The other arm he wrapped around me and I leaned into him. For one thing I really am feeling so very weak that I probably couldn't take her home alone especially because she is asleep in her father's arms. I realize also that I need him, I need his strength but most of all I need him. I need his love so much and though it is selfish I need to be his again. He is the husband of my heart; I am his wife and have been since the night we first made love. Our bond was never fully formed because we were both holding back part of ourselves from the other but none the less we were bonded.

Emma is a stronger wielder because she is fully bonded to her Husband Ben. Because of this bond she is invulnerable to the Strigoi blood. Perhaps by letting Dimitri in we can fully form our bond and I will be able to fight off this illness. If I can fight this then maybe there will be hope for Annemarie, Dimitri and I to be a family.

As we walked up the three flights of stairs to Annemarie's room I watched Dimitri as he noted each of our little girl's birthday pictures and how much she grew between pictures; two years growth for every year but the last. By all accounts she looks like an 11 year old but in reality she is only 6. I showed him to her room where he laid her down on her bed and tenderly kissed her head. Mocha Latté jumped from the drawer that my kiz always leaves open for her and settled next to Annemarie.

My head was swimming with dizziness but I know it was only fair to give Dimitri some answers.

"I guess you have some questions?" I asked but before he could answer me; I felt myself lose consciousness. The last thing I felt was a pair of strong arms catching me and holding me to a strong chest.

POP QUIZ

1. Remember when Dimitri first spoke to Lissa after his return to the academy, she told him not to try to woo Rose. Now she is telling him to be with her and be there for her. Why the change?

2. Why was Rose frozen by the sight of Adrian being bit by Nathan?

3. Now that Sonya has been transformed how do you think this is going to change things at the cottage house?

4. Who are the sisters that Ivan mentions when he is telling Rose that Annemarie was too week to hear him or her sisters telling her to bite Dimitri? (Hint I listed one in the chapter. They were all mentioned during lunch with our happy little family a few chapters ago. Also Rose has never had sex with anyone other than Dimitri. Another hint during the drive home Rose mentions that she knows what IVF is.

5. Jonathan is one of Zmey's Guardians, he does genuinely love Tasha but how do you think it will go over with Tasha when she finds out he was hired to guard Dimitri, Her and Connor?

6. How will Dimitri feel about the scar's when he finds out that they are killing her?

Please! Please Review. I am having trouble getting into my writing and I hate to admit it need the encouragement.

Suzanna