Chapter 160 Cold Hearts and Warm Thoughts
Dear Faithfuls: In the United States, we are celebrating Thanksgiving on Thursday. And Friday, is our un-official shopping holiday! In honor of that most wonderful holiday, I've included some fluff, of the imaginary kind for your enjoyment. I want to take this opportunity to say how very thankful I am every day to sign on to my computer and find heart-felt, sometimes humorous, sometimes sad, sometimes happy, reviews or stories from you my dear, dear, faithfuls. If it were not for you, my dream of having the opportunity to write this story would never have come true. I have so very much to be thankful for this year…and each of you are a great part of that. I feel as if we've all become one rather extended family from all over the world…brought together by one story. We've shared stories, and hopes, and dreams, and plenty of laughs together…for me…that is the greatest part of life…one I am deeply, deeply, thankful for. So here's to you, our wonderful Phamily…may each of you have a wonderful holiday…wherever in the world this story finds you….and, thank you. Thank you from the depths of my heart, for sharing this part of life with me. Angeldreamer
The door pushed open, two figures nearly falling in. They quickly closed the door latching it securely. They were both panting from their toils. Erik presence was not detected yet he felt as exposed and out of place as one could. Surely he'd not be party nor witness to a torrid incident, for he could not bare it. He closed his eyes.
He heard the man begin to whisper. "Now my dear lady, I've kept my end of our arrangement, and I shall expect to see you Sunday evening. Do not test my patience, as you would find I am not someone to whom one should have want to owe a debt, especially one such as yours."
Erik watched as the woman nodded, reaching out to shake the man's hand. It was a simple handshake, nothing more, and then the man was gone.
The woman stood there, completely aghast. She inhaled and exhaled with such force. He could tell she was trying to calm herself, to muster her courage to venture out of the darkness. He watched and listened as she began to mutter.
"It was not fair, I shan't have had to go to that street this time of night. How dare he ask such a thing of a woman, nay, anyone this time of night! How ignorant is this foreigner? Does he not understand …I shan't care…it is not my concern how long the lady's been dead…it is not my…" The woman paused. "Who's there?"
Erik tensed. He'd exhaled, and leaned forward trying to listen to the woman's rantings. He'd thought himself to be quite discreet. As long as she'd not begin to explore he would be safe.
"Who's there?" She called out again. Suddenly, she lurched forward, bursting through the doors, slamming them shut, dropping the latch on the outside.
Erik's heart caught in his chest. She'd sensed his presence. He would have to be more careful.
XXXXXXXX
Christine lay a long while staring into the fire. She really couldn't help herself. She felt caught inside a story as she had so very often when she was but a little girl. She knew in her heart she shan't be thinking of it, but oh what of the possibilities! Oh truly she could not help herself. Her mind had taken hold of the dream she'd had, and she'd given it permission to wander, embracing all of the things she knew to be impossible, but oh, what if they could be? If all had been forgotten, if Raoul had never cared for Christine. If Erik had never been the Phantom. If somehow he was a member of a family…one close enough to DeChagny's to be welcomed into such a special event in a family's life. Nadir, no doubt he was in the dream for her mother's benefit. She smiled. She was crafting the tale, she could make any associations that her mind wished for…for it was but a lovely story, nay fairytale, spun for her enjoyment alone!
She started her story where the dream had ended. Nestling down further into the blankets, she lay tugging at one of the tendrils of her hair, mindlessly wrapping it around her index finger, twirling it up and then slowly releasing it just to start the process over again. And so the story grew in her imagination in this way……
Erik had just said, "isn't she the most radiant woman with child that you have ever laid eyes on?"
Raoul laughed, "yes she is my dear friend. You are a blessed man indeed. If fortune shines upon Meg and I, we shall bare your children playmates within the year!" That caused the men to laugh once more.
DeChagny and Nadir slowly stepped away from the two younger men, preferring a cigar and a snifter of brandy as they sat down by the fire. Raoul and Erik stood side-by-side now.
Christine imagined herself walking in and slipping her hand into Erik's, he slowly drawing her into an embrace. "Mon cheri, how are we all feeling? You shan't overdo my dear, you will be of no use to Meg if you should find yourself over exerted and lying on a fainting couch." He kissed her forehead, as Raoul smiled at the pair of them.
"One day I hope that Meg and I are as happy as the two of you."
Christine smiled up at Erik, then glanced at Raoul, "you and Meg are happy, and will be happier still the longer you are in one another's company Raoul."
He smiled at the two of them, "yes of course, I shan't have implied that we were not. I simply meant once we've been married a few years, have children. Indeed, I've not known many young families that have five children, and are expecting a sixth in but a few years time…and still gaze upon each other with such admiration!"
The trio laughed. Truly having that many children in a few years was indeed something of a trial. Erik looked at Raoul, "my friend, it shan't be an easy thing to manage," he looked lovingly at Christine, kissing her forehead. "It is most difficult for the lady I must say, though Christine seems to handle it quite well."
She wrapped her arms around Erik's waist. "Truly it is the benefit of having several governesses to help with the care that makes it possible, and of course, the efforts of a doting and loving father make it easier still."
Just then Christine saw a trio of toddlers come clamoring in grabbing at Erik's legs, a governess running behind them, apologizing profusely. "I'm sorry mum, Gustav simply cried for his father, I'd intended to bring only him for a moment and then…."
Erik held up his hand, "do not worry, it is alright." Erik looked down pulling one from his leg, holding him directly out in front of him, looking the little boy in the eye, putting his forehead against his own. "And you young man, are you listening well to your governess?"
The little boy started to giggle, wrapping his arms around Erik's head, squealing, "daddy, love daddy, tickle daddy." He was squirming like a bundle of bunnies in a basket.
Erik lifted him high in the air, causing the two other children to squeal in protest, "papa me, papa me!" Erik growled, a hearty growl, making the children squeal with delight. Soon he'd them all up in his arms, one clinging to his neck, the other two each perched on a shoulder. He began galloping around the room causing all the men to laugh, and the children to squeal with delight.
Christine stood next to Raoul, as comfortable as two friends should be. Raoul smiled at her, "one thing is certain, he adores his children" Raoul paused looking at Christine, "and you my dear. I am happy for you. When we were little children playing in the attic at the house by the sea, even we could not have imagined the adventures we'd find when we were grown! How truly wonderful it is that we should be able to raise our families together in Paris! When they are grown a bit more, we shall share stories with them from when we were their age."
Christine smiled at him, running her hand over stomach. "Yes, I'm certain they'd be amused by them Raoul. I am happy for you and Meg. She has always felt like a sister to me, all those years we spent together. Now you shall be like the brother that I always imagined you to be when we were but children."
Raoul smiled at her. "Indeed." The pair turned as yet another swirling brood burst through the door. This pair was a bit older, a girl, with long flowing dark hair, and a young man, dressed in a proper suit for his age, rather square shoulders and a full head taller than his sister. They were tugging at a book, their governess also following in apology.
"I'm sorry mum, they heard the other children had come to be with their father, and Katherine and Stephan simply wanted to join them. I'm afraid they have need for their father to settle an argument over the book they've both laid claim to. There is but one copy, and neither has want to release it to the other."
The pair of children made their way over to Erik, each tugging at a side of the book. "Ahhh, what is it that the two of you have brought for me?" Erik said bending down, putting the little ones down on the ground, much to their protest. "Here, let me see it."
Katherine tugged it from her brother's hands, presenting it triumphantly to her father. "Here father."
He took it, looking into the rather disappointed face of his son. "I see. And you both wish to read it do you?"
The pair stood nodding at him. The trio of toddlers had once again latched themselves to Erik's legs, though he focused his attention on the two eldest children.
"That is a most difficult one. In the thousands of books we've in our library, you've both chosen to read," he turned the binding toward him reading the title, "David Copperfield?" The pair again nodded at him. "I must say you both have very good taste in literature, for it truly is an excellent choice." This made the pair smile, looking at one another.
Erik rubbed his chin. "It is difficult to share a book, I understand…but I've a solution I think shall make you happy…" he smiled and began his rather labored walk, children wrapped about his legs, toward the large divan that lay off to his right.
"Did you know there is a way that many can share a book all at the same time?"
Katherine's face lit like a twinkling star. "Are you going to read for us father?"
He glanced over his shoulder as he came to rest on the divan, the toddlers each crawling up into his lap and he sat with the book in hand. They began to chant "daddy story, daddy story!"
Katherine and Stephan smiled at one another. Katherine took his hand and walked over and sat down at Erik's feet, settling in for what they both hope would be more than a chapter or two. "Do go on father, we most love it when you read…the voices you use, they are most exciting!"
Erik smiled at them, the little wiggling bundle, tapping each one on the nose. "We must all learn to share, for it is the greatest gift we can give one another dear little ones." He smiled, looking each one in the eye, calling them by name. "Katherine, Stephan, Gustav, Sarah, Erika, Christoph." He smiled once more as he opened the book. "Now let me see, ah yes, once upon a time.."
Katherine's nose wrinkled in remonstration, a smirk crossing her face, "father, that is not how it begins, that is how a fairytale, one for babies begins….this is no fairytale, it is a story!"
Erik laughed, "how very perceptive of you mon cheri!" He glanced over at Christine, a loving, grateful glance that spoke a thousand words.
Raoul smiled at Christine as she blushed, looking down as Erik began to read.
"That is the look, the very thing that I can only hope that Meg and I share, for truly, that is love." He smiled at her, "and I….I am most happy for you Christine." Raoul glanced at Erik and then back at her.
Christine shook her head, the story was a beautiful one…oh if it could but be, though she knew it shan't. But, if one could dream, imagine a perfect story….for her that would be this dream…everyone living together in harmony, one large loving family……….
She sighed, exhaling slowly. She stared up at the ceiling. Her eyes scanning each and every dove, each cherub, each heart. Erik put such thought into every face that he painted, no two were exactly alike. He had perfected his talents, no doubt employing different paints, different instruments and techniques over the years. He was a gifted man, in so many ways.
Christine found her hand running over her stomach. She wondered what of their father's talents they would posses as they grew. Would one be a fine painter as he? One a musician as he? One an architect such as he? She smiled to herself. Here she was not half way through her pregnancy, and yet she was already imagining their futures!
She stretched just a bit, her eyes wandering about the room. It truly was beautiful. If Erik had to deposit her somewhere in the City where she could be safe, he could have left her in no more beautiful a place as far as she was concerned. She felt like she was surrounded by him on all four sides, and in his absence, it provided her comfort. She closed her eyes praying for the lot of them once more. The waiting, the wondering, it was the most difficult.
XXXXX
The woman stood as all the staff left the room. She wandered over once more through the hallway and to the rather large window that gave her full view of the city of Chauesser. Her eyes filled with tears as she thought of how very cold she'd been to the woman all those years. She'd never been able to forgive her while she had breath. Now she grieved that she had not done so. It had not been the woman's doing in the first place. She gritted her teeth, but she HAD KNOWN!
She pressed her eyes closed, forcing the tears from their home on the edges of her lower lid. Though she loathed herself for not having the courage to forgive the woman, she simply shan't be able to do it. "Forgive me Lord. You've forgiven me much, and I shan't find it in my heart to truly forgive this woman, even now as she makes her home with you."
She shook her head opening her eyes once more gazing down on the city. She found herself wondering who this man was. Where had he been all those years that he'd been an absentee owner of such a fine house? Where had he spent his years, acquired his wealth? Was he of good breeding?
Courtland the boy had said. The name was not at all familiar to her, and she knew all of the families in the city by name. He was a man of courage and conviction, and she'd want nothing more than to meet, and encourage such a man. She sighed. It would not be many more years that she herself would be able to watch over the city. She'd been looking in the city, for one, just one, to whom she could entrust such a task, and thus far the city had neither produced nor entreated one. But now, now, if the man were to raise a family here, to settle here, the city would be ensured its support and survival if he'd but agree.
She'd have to be clever. It was no doubt that the man shan't be hoodwinked. He would want, no doubt, to know of the source of her devotion to a city, not having family there to vest her interest. She'd have to offer him a conceivable explanation, for the truth simply was far too painful, to pitiful, too incredible to be believed. No, it was a secret she would take to her grave, and finally, the ugly truth would die with her, nary to cause a heartache to another soul again.
She looked once more out at the twinkling lights of the city far below. It was a clear night, a peaceful night. Tonight she would rest. On the morrow all manner of preparations would need to be made for her visit to the city. She'd but one task before retiring for the evening and that was to write the note that was to be delivered to the man's household. She sighed, moving away from the window and down the corridor toward her room, her maid following at a respectable distance. She'd already prepared her room, the covers turned down, a bed warmer tucked beneath the sheets to warm the foot of it.
She settled at her desk with a cup of tea that was brought her. She selected several sheets of ivory parchment, dipping her pen into the well of black ink. Carefully she slid the tip of it along the glass lip of the bottle, gently removing the superfluous ink. She sighed as she put the pen to the page. It would be an eloquent note, for certainly he deserved a congratulatory greeting, though she knew it must be subdued, lest she alienate the man from the first. Yes, she would have to be clever, and tonight, she felt up to the challenge.
XXXXX
Nicole watched for a long while as her mother sat by the fire. The expressions on her face, the tears she shed, the words she uttered, all the process Nicole knew of a soul coming to terms with the prospect of leaving the form it had occupied for so many years. Nicole's heart broke for her mother. How much shall the poor woman cope with? She'd been silently wiping tears on her sleeve as she watched her mother. Somewhere in the midst of it Nicole gave in to the exhaustion and fell into a deep sleep.
The woman sat rocking in the chair by the fire. She was reliving the events that had brought them to Chauesser. Her mother's illness, her husband's death. The suitor that Nicole had left behind…so much a family sacrificed for one another.
Life it seemed was impartial, caring not whom it tumbled about as a weed in a wind storm. Her thoughts bordering on bitter, a biting resentment for the cruelties welled within her, it felt like a poison invading her very being. It was not fair, not for any of them.
Her own mother had a difficult life, and to have ended in such a way seemed far more pitiless than she deserved. Now Nicole would have to endure this loss, this burden, even now without the benefits of a husband. Was the poor girl destined to be a chamber mistress all of her life, never having opportunity marry, to have a family of her own? She could not imagine it. She sighed. At least now she'd have the help of the young man, at least for the year, that was of some comfort.
She leaned her head back, rocking back and forth gently. It was a rather soothing activity. The methodical squeak of a chair, the sound of the wood rubbing against wood as the rungs of the rocker touched the floor. She closed her eyes. She'd rest for a few moments, she was indeed more tired than she'd been in years.
XXXXX
The boy turned round, he could see several pairs of eyes, and his horse began to stamp his feet, rearing up on its hind legs, pulling for all it was worth. The boy quickly mounting the horse knowing full well if he did not, and the horse should bolt, he'd be drug behind it. He'd not even needed to encourage the horse, as soon as he found himself in the saddle the animal thrust its head downward and lurched forward on toward the very house that he'd hoped just now to avoid. He'd pulled on the reins but though it slowed the horse somewhat, the beast would not be deterred. There was danger and instinct had taken over, no bit nor bridle were going to stop him.
The boy looked over his shoulder seeing that whatever it was, it had not pursued them. No doubt it was one of the many packs of wolves that roamed about these parts. On the hunt with the moon high in the sky.
The horse finally slowed as he came to the grove of trees that lay just beyond the edge of the property. Perhaps he'd make a bit of shelter there under a large pine, though he hoped the wolves would not find them there. Perhaps waiting for the opportune moment was not to be. Tonight, discovered or not, he would have to make his attempt. He'd no means of feeding himself nor his horse. He'd no carriage to return for. He'd no home to return to. No family waiting for him. He was tired, he was hungry, he was angry. He was lonely, he was a great many things, but most of all, he was desperate to relieve himself of this great burden. He could do nothing, think of nothing, until his family was properly avenged For that is what his family had done, for generations before him. No, he could wait no longer. Prudent or not, tonight would be the night, for he shan't know if he'd another.
Author's Notes:
Captainoblivious: Ahhh yes…I'd forgotten just how protective you are with our dear Erik! Alas, no frying pan was necessary! And, I think we have just a glimpse of how Erik is starting to lose his touch with being the Phantom…perhaps the transformation has truly begun!
Now, as far as Rob and the other girl….it is all good that she is the one that chose which means she is not likely to be jealous…a very good thing for you! Going to the same school can make it a bit tricky, but I've no doubt that you are a clever girl and that will all work itself out. And yes, if your real personality and personage are anywhere what your on-line self is…how could Rob resist? Yes, I think he does have good taste! Oh, we never did hear…how did Suzy turn out? Hopefully she is back to her tipp-toppy self!
Have a wonderful weekend my dear…and….put that frying pan away before you hurt someone! LOL!
PhantomsRogue: My, my, summer birthdays should never be forgotten! Mine is not all that far off for Christmas, so when I was a little girl, it was often just "combined" with Christmas. I completely understand about the candles thing. Pets, for whatever reason, are curious about flames…and that would not be good! Your puppy and your kitty….have they adorable names? I often find it very interesting what people name their pets. I have a co-worker for instance, that has a new puppy….she named her Truffles! I have a little black Schnauzzer his name is Taylor, though my sister tried desperately to get me to name him of all things…Elvis! Can you imagine calling out the door for the dog, "here Elvis, come on boy!" My neighbors already think I'm crazy, and that certainly wouldn't help! LOL!
My goodness, you have a long trip ahead of you. I hope you get a chance to walk down Michigan Avenue when you are in Chicago. There is something so very dreamy about it. Whenever I am in Chicago, I make a point of it just after sunset. I get a nice big cup of java and just stroll….though perhaps you won't have time. Pumpkin bread, snickerdoodles…sounds wonderful. I love family recipes, and I know what you are saying about not wanting any other kind…there is something special about making a family recipe, its sort of the way we keep our relatives "alive" in the special seasons of the year. I have my grandmother's raised donut recipe, and one for mayonnaise cake…they are the best! I love cheesecake, and in fact, wouldn't mind at all, having your recipe if you wouldn't mind sharing! Who knows, maybe we can get together a Phamily cookbook! LOL! We'd have to include a few of Erik's recipes don't you think?
I hope that your travels find you well, and that all goes safely for you. I am only traveling to my sister's house, which is not far away at all. I am bringing potatoes and rolls, and of course champagne! I am looking forward of course to the turkey, but more than that…to my mother's cherry and pumpkin pies…I say, "life is short, eat dessert first!"
Heureux d'action de grâces à vous la soeur cher. Pouvoir le jour est une bénédiction à vous et votre famille, et pouvoir vous embrasse le jour et votre famille avec le beaucoup d'amour ! (Happy Thanksgiving to you sister dear. May the day be a blessing to you and your family, and may you embrace the day and your family with much love!)
Nordygirl: You are such a clever one. I'm sure you'd find it quite amusing that before I begin reading your rendition, I start humming the music in my head and try to imagine hearing the words sung! LOL!
I can only imagine what the feelings must have been for him to be back there. So much of his life was lived in the shadow of the Opera Populaire. He became a man there, wrote his most profound music there, grew to love there, so very much of his life… It must have been bittersweet to return to find his former home much in disarray, but then to find the rest of the Opera House much improved. He no doubt, for lack of a better phrase, felt like he was walking the halls of ghosts. His life has changed so dramatically since he's left there…I cannot imagine what it must be like to go through that. I think that is why I had him spend some time there, setting things in order…it was something that just had to be done, and he…he needed to do it.
Art…yes, there are indeed so many forms, to embrace one is difficult unless it calls to you specifically. Now, I must confess that I have three siblings, all of which were blessed with my mother's talent for art. I am the baby of the family, and well…let's just say the "talent well" was dry by the time it got to me! My siblings can draw a picture with a pencil that looks like a photograph…make floral arrangements that would be worthy of any palace, and paintings…let's say there that my brother used to paint pictures on velvet to use a the church during the holiday season! I however, can barely make recognizable stick people! But what that has made me…is someone who appreciates immensely, the talent of other people, because art is truly a gift. I can go into a gallery and become completely lost for an entire day! In fact I have done that on several occasions, stopping only to enjoy an espresso in the café and then heading back into the gallery. I have one in particular in a rather large city that I like to frequent. It is not so much a gallery as it is a historical building with period rooms from everything from the 14th century on up to the late 1800's. I love going there…it is like walking in the halls with ghosts of talents long past, captured for generation after generation to enjoy. I cannot tell you how many hours I've spent there! Oh, I've gone and gotten sidetracked haven't I! LOL!
You have a wonderful night yourself, and a blessed Thanksgiving my dear!
Batteredchild: I shall send you the recipe. It is in my holiday archives, but I will include it for you with the next chapter. It is amazingly simple, and very, very good.
Glad to hear that you agreed with keeping the "Erik chapter" intact. I have been known to drag things out, but that one thing, just had to be kept together, and kept concise. We can all imagine what our beloved Erik must have been thinking through it all!
Now I know you don't celebrate Thanksgiving in Sydney, but if you can imagine all of us in America gathered around a stuffed bird, pumpkin pie, and mulled cider….it really kicks off the holiday season for us here! After a day of gorging ourselves on every imaginable thing related to fall, we prepare for the next day, which is the largest single shopping day in the United States! People are crazy that day. Stores open at 5:00 a.m. in my area, and usually give away free "goodies" for the first group of customers. Christmas cookies and coffee can be found in abundance….yet another way of racking up those holiday calories! I myself am planning to go for two instead of my normal one-hour walk today. Get that metabolism roaring so Thursday won't be so bad on my waistline!
Have a wonderful weekend my dear!
Phantomfan13: Not a crazy depiction at all. I rather imagine we all have a little good on one shoulder, and a little bad on the other, always at war with each other! LOL!
You were right, it wasn't Meg and Nadir! Sighs in relief Now as far as the newspaper headline…wouldn't that be something? I hope it doesn't get that kind of publicity, for surely it would make all of those people at the Opera House unemployed because no one would want to go back to a place where he'd waged such vengeance, and if he returned without Christine….they'd all be terrified…though it would make for good headlines! LOL! You are also right, everyone is rather ready for a reunion for this family…but only time will tell when and if it can actually happen.
Yes, you do remember correctly, the day does fall on the day of Erik's birth, though sadly, he doesn't know when he was born so that day is of no particular significance to him….not yet anyway….LOL!
English projects…yes they are fun aren't they! I can recall being in a few classes in college with work groups. It is difficult when you think someone is not contributing in the way that they should. I had one particularly difficult, very complex contract law project that we'd a group of five working on. As it turned out I was the one that ended up doing all the research, all the writing, and in the end, they said, "hey, since you've already got all the stuff, so could you like, just type it up?" Urghh… I did and we got a A+ but what bugged me is that the teacher used it as an example of true team-work for semesters afterward! Oh well, at least when you are doing a project and are the one pulling it together, you do have some control over the quality! Hope it goes well for you!
Have a great weekend, and a happy Thanksgiving!
Silverwolf08: Excellent description. Yes, there is something we can all learn from nature. Animals very often can teach us about balance, working together in our respective roles, and about not being greedy. Animals might be barbaric in the way they have to survive, but they never take more than they need. Hmmm…sorry, I've gone and gotten a bit philosophical haven't I?
Have a wonderful weekend, and a happy Thanksgiving!
Faeriercatcher1: Thank you for the compliment. I must say I'm rather enjoying the story too. I know it sounds crazy, but sometimes when the story is developing right in front of my eyes I get so excited I want to jump up and down. That is the way I felt with this chapter. After it was on paper, I had to read and re-read it. I loved the way Erik interacted with his children…I could see it all in my mind….it was so sweet it made me cry. eyes get misty, dabs at the corners Oh to be loved like that…
You have a wonderful weekend…and a blessed Thanksgiving!
LadyWinifred: Yes, we were inside both Erik and the Phantom's heads. He is after all both people…never having fully let go of one. He was very pleased that they found the plans, and that they'd done what he'd always wished for. You see he always worried for the propriety of the young chorus girls, no doubt something he and Madame Giry agreed on from the start. The men that lived in the Opera House, no doubt would take advantage of the young innocent girls every chance they got. The Phantom of course, was a forward thinking man, and wanted more for those girls. He wanted to see them safe, see them study, see them be able to enjoy one another's company, and from the sounds of the great room that he wanted built for them at the end of the dormitories overlooking Paris, he wanted them to dream….dream of what their life might be like. He had a special affection for young people who were growing into adults….he wanted them to have the opportunities he never had. More than anything, I think he saw what others didn't often see, that they were valuable, each and every one was valuable, and deserved a chance. I just loved that he was thinking of others…notice he never included any improvements for himself…they were always to benefit someone else…including his Christine and Madame Giry. He was and is a man of deep moral conviction, and great strength of character…I've always believed that from the first. Through adversity he grew into a pillar, instead of withering under the weight of it. So now you know…my deepest thoughts of our dear Phantom!
Have a wonderful long weekend, and a very happy Thanksgiving!
Passed Over: My dear, I have thought a great deal about you! I laugh, not at you, but with you when I read your most recent review. It sounds so very much like my reaction. I myself saw the film in the theaters ten times, and only twice was with other people! I loved the Phantom, but yes, it was really Gerard's embodiment of the character that I fell for. My family, as well as some of my co-workers make fun of me as well. My sister is especially merciless, telling me I am a bit obsessed. (Little does she know! LOL!) If ever she found I was writing this story, she'd probably have me committed! I laughed when I read that you started snapping up some of his former work. I now own everything he's ever done (that I can get my hands on) other than 'The Cherry Orchard' (which is on my Christmas list) and 'Young Person's Guide on Being a Rock Star'. Some advice, if you haven't purchased 'Shooters' don't bother, there is so little of him in it, it is hardly worth it. Also, 'Mrs. Brown', is very good, but again very little Gerard, but alas, you will see a lot of his skin in one scene where he's swimming in the lake. I've never purchased anything in the horror genre until I bought 'Dracula 2000' and I'll admit I fast forward through most of it, only watching the parts that he is in. Other than POTO, my other favorite of his is 'Dear Frankie'. It is so very sad, since in his own life he was abandoned by his father for a number of years, and had him just show up one day. That had to have been really difficult for him. So you can know that someone else out there shares your obsession!
All his acting aside, he is a person I admire, as much as anything for his courage to do what he wanted to do for a living. I cannot imagine going to law school, and then coming out and saying, "no, I know I've just spent the last seven years in school, and am in debt up to my eyeballs, but I think I'll try acting." That took such guts to do! So, that inspired me, in ways you can only imagine, making me like the man all the more. There is just something about him. Then I read on his web-site that he rescued a drowning child, and a few other things that he did, well…it just made it all the better. He is a wonderful person in so many ways, and whether he ever knows it or not, he's inspired at least one person to try something she never thought she would do….
I am very happy to know that our story helps you in some way. It is difficult when we feel we've shut down, which is what I had done too. I was going through the motions of living, but wasn't REALLY living. I couldn't even see it until the movie/story, woke up a part of me that I really thought had died forever without ever having had a chance to live. I am, and will likely always be a work-aholic. It is what I did instead of actually living….but now I do it with much different eyes. I smile more, I laugh more, and I love those around me all the more…. It is really something how sometimes all it takes to save us from the depths is just one little thing that makes it into our hearts, and lights the smallest candle within our souls. I rather imagine it to be like the tiny candle that starts to flicker at the beginning of the movie. That is what it felt like for me…just a flicker….and now….well…my soul is on fire, for the first time in my life, I am actually LIVING! Could Gerard ever have known that his choice to dare to be an actor, in spite of all of his family's expectations, would in turn affect so many other people, making them feel more alive? Probably not. But because he did, some of us will never be the same. That is why, among other things, I am a strong believer in fate. It is now, just as fate would have it to be. Because of that movie, and my chance to write this alternate ending to the story, I have found some of the most wonderful friends in all of the world. We can share so much with each other without prejudice, without all the other complications of life, because we are all connected by this one thing…the hope that there is great love out there in the world…and that in spite of everything that happens…anything is possible.
Have a wonderful weekend my dear….and a blessed Thanksgiving. We all have so very much to be thankful for don't we?