September 14, 2011

I know that a lot of you have been wondering if I fell of the face of the earth…. No I didn't. I have though had a very difficult time financially and I have had to give up some things; Internet access and cable was one of the. The Good news is that I should be getting internet back soon which will mean that I can post more regularly.

Another part of the long delay was well depression. Not having the money to take care of my own shit bothers me. Because I was down I didn't feel like writing much. I am sorry if this chapter isn't my best but at times I have had to force myself to work on it. I hope I haven't lost too many readers. Please review and let me know if you are still with me.

I havenot sent this to my beta because I wanted to get it out ASAP. My beta, RangaRose, just finished her story Life Changes sometimes and she will hopefully be starting her squeal. If she does I hope you all will read it and I hope she will ask me to beta for her again.

Chapter 18: Who Was He?

Rose POV

The need to pee woke me up I tried to get up but something was holding me down. I looked to see a muscular tan arm wrapped around my waist as well as the silhouette of a leg thrown over my hip. Full realization hit me; I was still in the infirmary, still hooked to IV's and monitors but best yet I was being held in the embrace of the man that I loved more than any other.

My bladder sent another message to my brain and as much as I didn't want to, I had to wake him up. As it is I would have had to call a nurse to help me because of all my hose's and wires; but with him holding in the loving embrace that he did kept me from the thing I needed most.

"Dimitri, wake up, I need to pee. Wake up, Dimitri." I reached over my shoulder to shake his, as I begged him to wake up. He was sleeping so soundly that he wasn't even lightly snoring. I shook him again and this time I added my body into the shake. His reaction was to pull me closer to his body; I could feel his arousal pulsing against my bum. Well I woke up 'thumper'; I laughed internally at the name I had given to his man parts. His arm was pressing my abdomen. Oh God if he didn't wake up soon I was going to wet the bed.

"Dmitriĭ Belikov, prosnutʹsya i vyĭti iz menya, poka ya mokroĭposteli!" I whisper yelled as I tried to pry his arm up. I think my sudden announcement in Russian; that I was going to wet the bed if he didn't wake up, did the trick. He popped up rubbing his eyes.

"Now that you're awake can you unhook me from this crap so I can go pee?" He nodded and quickly tuned off the alarms and took off the leads for the pulse/oxygen and heart monitors. He hooked my IV to a stand then helped me off the bed. I stopped him at the bathroom door. I did what I needed to do, then opened the door to find him waiting for me.

"Do you think I could go outside for a little while? I am not sleepy just yet and I would like some sunlight."

He nodded and kissed my cheek. "Give me a minute to get a chair."

He sat me on the bed and left the room. While I waited the cats came to me for a scratch behind the ears. Mocha Latte creped onto my lap and up to my shoulder; for some strange reason this cat liked to be held like a baby against your chest with her head resting on your shoulder. She was a huge cat; weighing in at nearly 20 pounds, she also had an above average bone structure making her taller and longer than the average Siamese cat. Misty Blue sat on my lap in a tight ball. She is much smaller weighing less than 10 pounds. Their size and weight were a bit of a throwback to the condition they were in when I found and saved them.

Misty was just a tiny kitten when I found her. She was completely emaciated and had literally died in my hands. We found her near the tarmac on our return trip home from confirming that I was indeed pregnant with Dimitri's children. I had seen her fall from a tree and ran to pick her up. I was so devastated that something so young and innocent could die before it ever new love. Lissa and Adrian each placed a hand on my shoulder giving me spirit to try to calm me but I channeled it into the kitten and somehow I revived her. She was my constant companion after that and I really think she helped me keep my sanity after losing Dimitri. Everyone loved her including Kirkova who let me keep her.

Misty I found one year after the first attack. I was walking around the woods by the wards after having spent some time at Marianne's grave. I heard the hissing and growling of a cat and the snarling of some kind of dog. Before I could hone in on the direction of the scuffle; the cat's hisses of warning became cries of pain.

When I got to the scene there I found a psi hound tearing into the cat. Surprisingly the cat was still alive. I had already begun to learn what I am and what I can do so I used my ability to communicate to the hound. I told him that if he didn't let the cat go I would use my stake and do the same thing to him. I heard the laughter of a man behind me but it stopped when his psi hound let go of the cat and walked back to his Moroi master. I picked up the massive cat and turned on the man.

"How did you call off my hound?" He slurred at me.

"Why the hell did you do this to a poor cat?"

"My wife left me just cuz she found out our daughter's nanny was going to have my baby. She took my daughter and the son she is carrying so I took her precious spoiled cat."

I didn't waste any more time on him. The cat was still hanging on so I ran with her as fast as I could to Lissa's where she and Adrian were practicing magic. They helped me by giving me the spirit and allowing me to save the cat. I named her Mocha Latte because of the white stripe on her nose that cut through her mask. It looked like a dollop of whipped cream on one of Lissa's mocha latte drinks. She instantly bonded to Annemarie and they have been close ever since.

Dimitri opened the door and pulled a wheelchair into the room. Sitting on the seat were a stack of blankets. He set the blankets on my bed then helped me into the chair. I didn't want to admit it but I really did need his help. I haven't felt so week since the time I let them use me as a guinea pig for chemo treatments.

The whole guinea pig thing is something I haven't told Maria or Sasha about. Dad found a Moroi Dr who was looking into the very, very rare cases of cancer among Moroi and Dhampir. A year ago I went on what I told everyone was a two month sabbatical. Mom came to stay with Annemarie and for the two months we combined my packs with Emma's. During those two months I let Dr. Zivkovic experiment on me. He was a kind doctor and I could tell he hated the fact that nothing he tried seemed to do much good. I was going to try again this spring. At this point I will be surprised if I make it that far.

Dimitri wrapped me up as best he could with the blankets and rolled me out to the garden near the back exit of the infirmary. This is one of my gardens. Part of my ability as a wielder is that I can also make plants grow healthy and strong. It was midmorning and the birds were chattering about. The rest of the campus was quiet. It was our nighttime and I could feel the love from several couples as they tangle in an intimate embrace. Emma and Ben were nearby; I smiled knowing that my Daughter and grandchildren were close and I would be seeing them again soon.

"You know Roza, I don't remember there ever being so many birds on campus before. Normally they shy away because of the numerous amount of Dhampir." Dimitri said as he watched a few birds bath in the fountain; just feet away from us.

"It's a perk of having a Love Wielder on campus. Right now there are two in close proximity. My Emma is nearby working with the transformed. You will probably meet her soon. She is fully come into her abilities and is firmly bonded to her mate. I don't know if Annie will ever get to grow up and become a wielder but she already shows some innate abilities already. She is very good at taming animals and bugs. You should have seen the tantrum she threw when I told her the field mouse family she invited into her room had to go back to the field they came from."

Dimitri sat on a bench next to me. I could feel his stress level go up a notch. He has seen me give blood to our daughter. He has heard her call me mommy. He has read my med files and he knows now beyond a doubt that I am Annie's mother. I know he has questions and some of them I cannot answer for him, as much as I want to tell him he needs to figure it out.

"Roza I need to find Annemarie's father. It hurts me to admit it but she needs him, you both do."

"Dimitri, he doesn't know about her. I tried to tell him but he didn't believe me."

Who was he Roza, he was here when I was. Your med file said that you were almost full term on February 25th. That would mean you conceived while I was still here. I never thought you would have done that but it is over and done with. I won't lie. The realization that you were not faithful hurt me so much but I love you so much that it doesn't matter. I love you Roza and if you need this man in your life to help keep you and your child safe than all I want is to be your friend."

"If you really believe that then the time is still not right." I mumbled more to myself than to him. "Look Dimitri, I loved him and I thought he loved me enough to stay. I left to meet Adrian's cousin Sasha so she could confirm that I was pregnant but when I got home he was gone. A lot has happened since then and he has a family now. I won't break up his family."

"Roza, damn it; if you don't want me to find him and talk to him myself then you do it. God, I thought you were smarter than this. I pictured you would have found a man who would stick around, I thought you would end up with Adrian. I knew you wanted a kid but I didn't think you would just sleep with any Moroi." He was angry and I could feel his emotions. The connection between us had always been like that.

"I didn't sleep with some Moroi. The father of my girls was someone I loved and still love. I will always love him. I will always want him. He had his reasons for leaving and I didn't like it but I understand him better than anyone else ever will. Why can't you understand that he had his reasons for leaving me; YOU LEFT." Instantly I felt his guilt as I reminded him that he left me.

"Fine he left but I don't understand why you didn't go after him and tell him that you were carrying his child."

"I did. I went to him three times and he wasn't ready to believe it. The last time I went to him he told me that he was starting a family with a Moroi woman. After that I decided it was best to just leave him and his family in peace."

"Roza, what about your little family?" His voice was calmer now.

"My little family was broken before it even began. I didn't see the point in breaking two families. I saw them once. His family was in danger because a group of Strigoi was forming a clan in his town. My pack and I went to do what we do. We transformed the group of Strigoi and we would be leaving town in but I needed to hire protection for him and his family before I left. I was walking from the meeting with the guardian to meet with my pack when I saw them. I heard his rich laughter and looked up. He was holding his son in his arms and tickling him. The mother was looking at them with so much happiness and love. It hurt me so much to see him happy with a child that wasn't mine. Part of me wanted to run to him and tell him that he had a daughter who was at home asking me where he was. But I saw the love he had for this boy and I couldn't do it. I couldn't take him from them.

"That is bull Roza, who cares about this other family of his. You don't need to care about them."

"I do. I do care about them. I couldn't take him away from his son. That little boy loves him. Would you have been happy to have someone come in and take you away from Connor?"

"No I wouldn't but things can always be worked through. I am living half a continent away from my son right now. His mother is about to get married to another man. I'm not there with him and it is hard but I am still a part of his life and he is part of mine. I call and talk to him very often. Tasha and Jonathan are going to be moving to Missoula and in another year he will be starting school here. Things can be worked through."

"Maybe you're right I should have kept trying to get him to listen to me. He made his mistakes by leaving me and I made my mistakes by not pushing him harder. He wasn't ready to believe at the time but if I kept pushing maybe he would have accepted it sooner. We were both in the wrong."

"I think it is time we get you back in bed."

He rolled me back into my room and helped me back in bed. He was about to settle down on the chair instead of in my bed with me. I felt lost.

"Dimitri, you can come lay with me." I patted the space behind me.

"I LOVE YOU, and I want nothing more than to take my place beside you, my Roza, but I realize that you have a bond with someone else and I should not be taking his place. It doesn't mean that I won't fight to keep you and my lady bug alive and in my life."

"Please Dimitri; the truth is that you are the one I need. I want and need you by my side." I couldn't keep the tears from sliding down my eyes. He stood up and slid in next to me and I turned so that I was facing him. He lay on his back and I wrapped myself around him with my head on his chest. I fell asleep listening to the strong beat of his heart.

Dimitri POV

I didn't get as much sleep after my conversation with Rose. I know she doesn't want me to pry into her past but I feel that it is paramount that I find the father of her children. Part of me hated this man to my very core. He shares a bond with her that I will never know. But he doesn't care about this precious bond or the children he created. Yet here I am plotting ways to bring this man back into their lives. My only reason for wanting him here is to save Rose and Annemarie.

I looked down at Rose who is still asleep on my chest with her arm and leg wrapped around me. I am still dumbfounded by the fact that she had to have cheated on me when we were together. We used to spend so much time together that I don't even see how she pulled it off. She claims that I am the one she loves and needs; I wish I could believe that. I know that even with her infidelity she is the one I love and need.

I gently moved her so that I could get up and get ready for my day. She whimpered when I got off the bed but I gave her my pillow to hold and she buried her face in it and sighed. I went to the bathroom to take a shower and changed into fresh clothing. When I came out Lissa was sitting in the chair between the two beds. Lissa's eyes were closed and she held her hand over her baby bump.

"Hey Lissa, how is the baby?"

She smiled without opening her eyes. "They are just fine. We are having twins. I don't know what they are yet but my guess is two boys. Rachel wants more sisters but Jen would rather be daddy's littlest girl."

"Wow twins that is rare for a Moroi. Then again it is rare that you are on a third pregnancy in just over 5 yrs."

"That would be Rose. A side effect of her magic is fertility. Just being around her makes the couples close to her more 'affectionate' so to say; and it makes them more fertile." She turned to look at Rose. I decided that even if this was not a good time, I had to broach the subject of Annemarie's father. If anyone would know who he was it would be Lissa.

"Um Lissa, I have been thinking that we need to inform Annemarie's father that she is sick. I was hoping that we could get some bone marrow from him to use for her."

"And you expect me to just tell you his name… Honestly Dimitri you already know, you just don't want to see it. All the clues are right underneath your nose."

"Damn it Lissa, this is serious. I am sick of riddles and making lists of clues. As much as I don't want to acknowledge the fact that she cheated on me; I need the bastard's help to save his daughter. And I have a hunch that fixing the bond between him and Rose will help me save her too."

Lissa rose from her seat. She strode over to me in two steps and slapped me hard.

"Guardian Belikov; you accuse her of cheating when You left Her and started a family with another woman!" She slapped me again and stormed out of the room before I could even respond. It hurt to admit but she is right. I am just as guilty as she is. I might not have ever actually slept with Tasha but we did try once.

~~*O*~~
4 hours later.

I was sitting with Ladybug who was in pre op. We decided to try taking a few biopsies and experimenting on the samples rather than on Annemarie herself. There are a few different radiation therapies I wanted to try but I want to see how the cells react first. Sasha was going to be doing the biopsies but I was going to be keeping Annemarie occupied and calm until it was time to sedate her.

"Dimitri, Guardian Hathaway said that you know the truth about her being my mommy." She stated.

"Yes ladybug I do. Really I should have guessed it sooner because you look so much like her." When I said this she looked at me wryly. I wanted to laugh when her eyebrow went up. That is a trick that her mother just recently learned and still can barely do.

"Lots of people say that; even people who think we are cousins or sisters. Mommy said sometimes I am the spitting image of my father."

"Do you wish you knew your father?" I asked her.

"No and Yes."

"Why Not?"

"Woody he doesn't want me. Mommy tried to tell him about me but he won't listen to her."

"How do you know that?"

"I just know." She looked frustrated like she was trying to decide how to explain it to me. "Mommy took me and Addy into his dreams one night when I was really little. She brought my father to my favorite park and Addy played with me on the playground so that she could talk to him. I couldn't hear much of what they were saying but I know he didn't want to come help her. I wasn't supposed to but I looked back at him to see what he looked like."

"What did he look like?" Maybe I can recognize his description.

"I couldn't see him very well because the sun was in my eyes and most of the time his face was in shadow but I remember he had very short hair and I think he had a beard. Addy was surprised by the way he looked."

"I want to find him and ask him to help me make you better would you want to meet him?"

"Maybe, I guess I do because I want to know who he is. Do you know who he is? Uncle Chris once said you should know because you were there when God put me in Mommy's belly."

"I was here at the school but I wasn't with your mom all the time. I had shifts to do and she had classes to take. I will try to find him though; for you." I held her hand and smiled at her. I didn't want her to know that the mere idea of finding her father and bringing him back together with Rose hurt me to the core.

Maria came into the room to take her to the OR. She injected the anesthesia through IV push. As she was wheeling her gurney out Annemarie pulled my sleeve and gave me a sleepy grin.

"Woody I remember she said his name. She called him Comrade." Her eyes closed shut as mine widened.

My body began to tremble. Maria caught my eye as she rounded the corner and nodded to me sadly. I had to get out of there. I ran to the only place I could think of. Once in the church I fell into a pew and broke down.

In the interest of posting this while I am able to piggyback on one of my neighbor's unprotected wireless signals; I will forgo the pop quiz. I still really want to know what you think so please feel free to make up your own questions ether about the chapter or for me about the story and if I can I will get back to you.

Suzanna AKA SnowGoose.