August 12, 2012

Dear Readers

As you all know I have been having trouble getting my voices back. I have tried getting in touch with some of you via Email or phone to talk VA and try to stimulate the voices but I found that I am not as much of a talker as I thought I was. Recently I started a Facebook group and though I only have 16 members so far I am happy to say that it is working. I'm starting to hear my voices again.

Right now it is Annemarie who is talking the most and I am surprised by her assertiveness. She is more like her mother then I thought. She is taking this story in a direction I had not planned. It isn't far off from what I planned but for now I am on for the right like the rest of you.

I invite you all to join my group and help me work though the writer's block that has plagued me. I welcome other authors too.

Snowgoose

23: Trapped

Annemarie POV

It has been a week since they healed dad. I haven't gotten a chance to see him or mom yet. Emma won't tell me anything other than that they are alive and resting. Emma and Grandma Janine both don't want me 'worrying' about grown up issues. They don't get it. I am not a baby anymore!

Ever since the day I joined in on the vision quest Grandma Janine has kept me in her sights at all times; she has even taken to sleeping in my room with me. The only time she is away from me is when she is in the restroom or taking care of Abby and Loren, my little aunts; even then she has Guardians; Lenin and Korev to cover for her. I think I would have gone mad if not for Grandpa Abe. He is planning a huge costume party for my birthday and he insisted that I have my costume fittings privately. Lily the clothing designer - dressmaker has been bringing her own guardians to our fittings and promising to keep me safe and in her sight when I am with her. I am still under lock and key but at least I get a break from Grandma.

The only get a little information from eavesdropping. Most of what I know I get from Uncle Addy when he dream-walks with me. From what Addy has told me things are not good. They did heal Dad but somehow he was given an overload of spirit. Addy thinks that mom wasn't able to control the amount of spirit she pulled and from whom. There were the three spirit wielders in the room with mom at the time but there were six more on the compound. Somehow mom pulled not only spirit from Wikanda, Auntie Liss and from Addy as she was supposed to; but without realizing it she pulled some from the six others on the compound too. Uncle Addy said that the amount of Spirit is too much and Daddy can't handle it. Every time daddy begins to wake up his brain shuts off to protect itself. Addy says that daddy has so much spirit in him that he gets a headache every time he even looks at my dad.

Mom is hanging in there he says. She is getting a lot of her nurturance though IVs and she sleeps most of the time but she is not really any sicker than she was before healing daddy. Addy thinks she is sleeping so that she can conserve her energy. When she is awake she takes daddy's hand and puts it on her tummy; Addy said that he can see an exchange of love and spirit when she does this.

I am not allowed to visit with Wikanda anymore because she is the one who helped me sneak into the vision quest. They don't know that she had taken me on a few vision quests over the previous two months. Through the visions I met Bridgette Donnelley and eventually I even got to meet with the Counsel of the Pure so that I could plead my request to them for myself. I closed my eyes and thought back to that particular vision.

~o~O~o~

Bridgette held my hand and told me to close my eyes. When I was told to open them I found myself in a beautiful sunlit circular room. Bridgette and I stood in the center of the room that looked like a big amphitheater. Our audience was dressed creamy white robes, they were of varying ages but all had serene faces.

"We know what you have come to ask us; we have heard your prayers but we ask you why? Speak Child, do not fear Us." A woman said to me.

"I know it doesn't make sense for me to want this but I am ready to take my place and become a wielder of Love. I didn't want it before and I used to pray for a way out of it but well my feelings have changed. I know my heart is ready I ask that you help me by making my body and mind ready."

"Your time would come before the mark of five more years, is that not soon enough for you?"

"I will wait if you say I must but I know I am ready now and most important I am willing to make the sacrifice. I want to help the souls who are trapped; I need to help them."

"What has changed? We feel your conviction but we do not understand where it came from."

"All my life I have felt incredible love from my mother. Her love for me; for her friends and family and for those she heals. It was always such a beautiful thing but it felt a little incomplete and there was always a hint of loneliness. I never really knew why it was but that loneliness always bothered me. From Emma I never felt the loneliness but from her I have always sensed a little bit of fear and even resentment. I thought that it was being a Wielder of life and death that caused them to have these negative feelings.

When I was given a new mentor Mom grew even sadder and lonelier. I didn't know that he is my Daddy and she was sad because he didn't know about the bond or me. A few weeks ago he finally figured it out and he talked with mommy. Now he and mommy are complete and though he has a lot of guilty feelings he is working through they are happy. Mommy is sick and daddy had made a big sacrifice to help her. The love that flows from them is so beautiful it would make you cry.

I heard Emma talking a few weeks ago and I understand her feelings now too. She is worried about her children. She doesn't like that her children are growing so fast and that Amanda will probably be called to become a wielder between the ages of ten and fifteen.

I used to be scared by the Idea of being a Wielder of Life and Death but I am not anymore. I understand now. It isn't life and death we wield. It is love and I am not afraid of love."

"In years, you are soon to reach seven and in physical maturity, you have reached early pubescence. Becoming a Love Wielder requires that you form a bond with the husband of your heart and part of that bond is the consummation of the marriage. Are you truly ready for Marriage?" The woman's tone was kind and not condescending. I was thankful that she and the others in the counsel were treating me and my request with respect.

"That part does scare me quite a bit but I feel the call to help. It is if I can hear the souls of those trapped by a demon pleading for me to find them and free them. Yes the idea of getting married and especially the possibility of having a baby scares me but the call of the helpless is stronger than the fear."

"You are brave and the love you have for those that are in need, is indeed great, perhaps even greatest of any wielder we have seen since the very first woman asked to be granted the power to heal and transform Strigoi. Let Us confer, and we will call you when we have made our decision."

~o~O~o~

"Annie it's time to get ready for bed." Grandma Janine called to me pulling me out of my thoughts. Little Loren was asleep in her arms. Guardian Lenin was still stationed in a chair by my door.

"Yes ma'am." I pulled a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt out of my drawer and took them to my private bathroom. Thank God mom gave me my own bathroom. If I had to change in my room she would see that my body is changing faster than it should. After the counsel made their decision about my request my body began to change. I took a look in the mirror once I had stripped off all my clothes. I haven't grown much taller but I think I will be short like Grandma Janine. My hips are bigger and so is my chest. My tummy is slimmer and I don't look like a kid anymore. It is getting harder to hide the changes but I don't want anyone to know yet. I keep my chest wrapped with an ace bandage so that my new boobs don't show.

Lily knows though and I trust her to keep my secret. She told me I won't be able to hide my body for long and suggested that I let the cat out of the bag on my birthday. I like the idea, and looking at myself right now I think that the costume we designed for my party is going to make the point for me that 'I AM NOT A BABY ANYMORE".

I adjusted my bandage and pulled on my sweat suit. I am glad it is winter because I would never be able to hide my body under bulky clothing in the summer. I finished with my nightly routine of washing my face and brushing my teeth before joining grandma in my room. She already had the trundle bed pulled out and was adjusting her pillow.

"Grandpa misses having you sleep with him you know?" I snarked at her as I climbed into bed; I couldn't help it the teenage hormones are going rampant though my system and she is driving me crazy.

"If you behaved like a normal child I wouldn't have to stay and make sure you don't escape?"

"I am not a normal child. If I were a normal six, almost seven year old I would be 3 ½ feet tall and weigh less than 50 pounds. I am petite for my age cuz I got your tiny genes in me but do I look like a six year old to you. Am I in first grade; learning to write full sentences and not even starting physical training for Guardianship? No I am in classes with kids who are twice my age and I am one of the best in my combat classes with those same kids."

"Just because your body grew fast for the first five years doesn't mean that you are all grown up. Yes you're taller, stronger and smarter than a six year old but you are still biologically only eleven going on twelve. You still have at least four years to be a kid before you have to grow up and become a Wielder. If you're lucky you might even get more time. The innocents' of youth is precious; yet you seem so bound and determined to waste it. People like Wikanda and Adrian are not doing you any favors by indulging your curiosity." The topic was closed as far as she was concerned. She sat up and looked at my face; examining it as only a mother or in this case grandmother could. You need blood again; I can see it in your face.

Grandma reached out her wrist for me and I didn't want to take the blood she offered but I really had no choice. With my body maturing faster again I find that I need more blood than before. I have already gone through the 4 quarts of blood that they took from dad before his awakening. Now that he is no longer Strigoi they might start taking small amounts from him every few days for me but that is not going to be enough. I take grandma's wrist in my hand and carefully sink my fangs in to her artery.

After feeding me Grandma stood and walked carefully to my bathroom to clean and bandage her wound. Grandpa Abe walked in and sat on the edge of my bed. He motioned for Guardian Lenin to leave and told him to go to bed. He chuckled at me my relieved sigh.

"I wish she wouldn't suffocate you like this, I wish there was something I could do to help you." He whispered. I was about to reply to him but he put on finger to my lips and tapped his temple with the other. I understood that he wanted me to use my mind to talk to him. At this point I think I am going to need an ally, Mommy has always trusted him and I think I can too; at least I hope I can.

"Dede is there any way that you can get me some time tomorrow so that I can speak freely with you?"

"Oh my little one I think it has been too long since we spent time together. Would you like to go for a walk with me tomorrow?" Grandma walked in while he was mid-sentence.

"Abe it is still so cold out, don't you think you could do something inside instead. Why don't we all have a movie marathon tomorrow? We can watch Cinderella, and The little Mermaid, and any of the other princess movies. The girls would love it. I am sure that Emma and Amanda woul…."

"Janine, Janine, slow down. I am tired of being cooped up indoors and I believe our little granddaughter feels the same way. For the last month she has gone only to her academic classes and you have kept her from training with the excuse of her delicate health. In short; you have been manipulating her time. This last week has gotten intolerable. I haven't minded taking care of our girls, Joshua and the other children here in the Cottage House, because I love spending time with them but they are beginning to ask where you are most of the time. I think you need to spend more time with Abigail, Loren and the other children and let me spend some time with Annie. Furthermore starting tonight you will sleep in our bed with me."

He bent down and picked her up over his shoulder and carried her to the door. She struggled and protested but he ignored her. He turned to me.

"Annie I will wake you in a few hours so that we could take our walk in the daylight, you can nap for a while after we return." He blew me a kiss and closed my door. I felt giddy with relief. This was the first night in a week that I have been allowed to sleep alone.

I know I have to calm down and get some rest so that I will be able to go for that walk with grandpa. I wonder if he would understand if I wanted to do some 'Exploring' near the wards. I have been feeling the call of the helpless for a while but for the last few days I have been almost hearing the voice of one soul that is close by. Each night it has gotten closer and I wouldn't doubt it if he is close enough for me to find him.

I know Grandma and Emma would think I am stupid to go looking for a Strigoi instead of telling them but he is looking for me, I know he is and somehow…. I know he isn't going to hurt me. I don't know how I know but I know he has some control over the body at least for now. I have a stalling stake that Great Grandma Yeva secretly gave me at Christmas. If I can at least find out where he is tomorrow then I can try to escape from Warden I mean Grandma, then I can go back to him and inject him with charmed pellets. I can take him to Emma or mom for transformation.

I go to sleep thinking about this beautiful soul.

Pop Quiz

What do you think of how protective Emma and Janine are being of Annemarie? Do you think that they are doing the right thing?

What about Adrian sneaking her information about her parents?

Did Wikanda overstep the line by helping Annemarie make contact with Bridgette Donnelley?

Do you think Abe will be as understanding and helpful as Annemarie hopes?

Why is Annemarie feeling so compelled to help this particular Soul escape from the Strigoi demon that inhabiting his body?

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