A/N: Firstly, to the guest reviewer ShadowWolf, you're chapter will be up next. This was originally supposed to be after yours, but this was such a good segway that I couldn't resist doing it this way. Your chapter should be uploaded later THIS WEEK! Secondly, this chapter is dedicated to twilightslittleangel for being awesome. Thirdly, thanks to all you followers, reviewers, favoriters, etc...for being AWESOME! Fourthly, and finally, I just wanted to say that this was a really long author's note. :D

Maria Hill sat at her office desk staring at the files that had been given to her by Director Fury. She mentally could not process why they were even being given. Then, Fury walked in.

"Hill, have you made the preparations for those files?"

"Yes sir. But, why exactly are you doing this?"

"Hill, I'm going to give some very good advice. Don't ask questions you don't want to know the answers to. Now, hand over the files. It's time the team received their new missions."

Hill wasn't one to argue with her superior. Particularly when said superior was grinning like an evil genius. She would have shuddered, but sadly, she was accustomed to it by now.

"One last thing sir."

"Yes, Hill?"

"Are we prepared for the consequences."

"Probably not, but if it's any consolation, they're not exactly prepared for what's coming to them, are they?"

With that, the smirk returned to Director Fury's face as he left Maria in her office. Surely nothing good could come from what was about to occur. She mentally prayed that whatever vengeance the Avengers would come up with would not kill them.

Later that day, Fury made a video call to all of the Avengers.

"Alright team, I have some missions for you. You will find your information in your rooms. Some of you will be in pairs; others, separate. Good luck team."

The Avengers had been watching tv together. As soon as Natasha and Clint heard Fury's announcement, their eyes became wide as they looked at each other and simultaneously exclaimed: Shit!

"What's wrong love birds?"

"Stark," Natasha hissed," the only time that Director Fury EVER personally contacts for missions are when they are either very difficult-"

"Or extremely demeaning and infuriating." Clint finished her sentence.

"Awww. Love birds are finishing each others' sentences."

"Go fuck yourself Stark."

"You know, birdbrain, until I invent a cloning machine, that's technically impossible."

"I hope your mission is as shitty as Nat and I have been trying to tell you." Clint proceeded to storm off to his room. The sooner he got started, the sooner it would all be over with.

Going into his room, there was a file in the middle of his nest. He opened and read it.

"Shit."

"Seems like you and I have the same feelings about this one sweetie."

"What did you end up with?"

"Apparently, I have to compete in a beauty pageant. Evidently, there might be a terrorist attack during the talent portion, and they want me there in case the rookies can't handle it. Fortunately, it says I can quit after the Q and A session which is right after the talent portion. I'm losing brain cells already."

"Does that mean you'll at least get to compete in the swimsuit portion?" Clint flashed her a suggestive smirk and a wink.

"Head out of the gutter, Clint. Anyway. What did you get roped into doing?"

"Apparently, that tv show Dancing with the Stars wants one of the Avengers to make a guest appearance. Since you'll be busy, and none of the others can both dance and give an interview without the risk of leaking something, I get to go." Clint rolled his eyes and let out a deep sigh. "This is going to suck majorly."

"Sorry, sweetie. Well, I have to get going. Do let me know what the rest of the guys have to suffer through."

"Will do honey." As soon as Natasha left and Clint had packed for his mission, he went to see what the other Avengers would be up to for the next couple of days.

"Birdbrain, guess what?"

"What is it tin can?"

"Thor and I get to go to a drag race! They're even going to let us participate! I knew you were just trying to mess with us. Oh look at me, I'm Hawkeye. I know how Fury operates. Blah blahblah, blahblah, blah, blah."

Clint grit his teeth. "Let me see your file."

"Whatever birdbrain."

Clint took the file, and he began to read it. He actually read it, but in reading it, he learned that Thor didn't read it, because he was just as happy as Tony, and more importantly, Tony failed to read past the sentence: You will be going to a drag race. As Clint read, he began to smile a little. He finished reading.

"Oh, well I see. You were right. I'm sure you're going to have loads of fun." Clint left before Tony could rub it in, and ask more questions.

"Man of Iron, why was the Eye of the Hawk smiling so? It was unsettling."

"I don't know, and I really don't care. We get to go to a drag race!"

On Clint's way to the jet that would take him to Dancing with the Stars, he saw Steve and Banner.

"Hey guys, what's your damage?"

"Pardon me, I don't get the reference."

"All good Steve, just asking what your mission was."

"Oh, well. Apparently Bruce and I have been signed up for a dancing class at SHEILD headquarters."

"That's weird."

"Yeah, we thought so too, but dancing! It will at least be fun."

"Bruce, was that all it said in your file? That's really unlike SHEILD."

"Well, it also said who our teacher was, here it is. Relax Clint, it can't be that bad."

Clint looked at the file, and indeed, all it said was that they were signed up for a dancing class. Then Clint saw who the teacher was, and he fought the urge to laugh. He held his pokerface.

"Well, good luck with that class guys, I'll see you in a couple of days."

Clint made his way to the jet. He couldn't wait to tell Natasha what he had learned.

"Hello beautiful, how are you doing?"

"Well sweetie, I've been better. Can't wait for this to be over. Did you find out anything about the others?"

"I was hoping you were going to ask that. They've been split into groups. Tony and Thor are one group, and Steve and Bruce are the other."

"Okay, so what are their missions?"

"Brace yourself, because this is absolutely priceless. Tony and Thor are going to a drag race."

"Clint, how is that funny. Those two will love a drag race. All of that excess testosterone is the last thing Tony needs. Talk about inflating his ego."

"Nat, I haven't even told you the best part! Neither of the two read their mission past they were going to a drag race. It's funny that you say that they're going to be around a lot of testosterone-"

"No way! Clint, are you telling me that they're going to that kind of drag race?!"

"You got it honey. Tony and Thor are going to get in touch with their feminine side."

Both Clint and Natasha were laughing so hard that they were crying.

"Oh, Clint you have made my day."

"Honey, I'm not done making your day yet."

"What?"

"Well, Steve and Bruce have been signed up for a dance class at SHEILD."

"And?"

"The only other thing it said in their file was their teacher. It's Sanders' class."

"Wait, you said Bruce and Steve, right?"

"Sure did. They get to have Sanders' pole dancing class! I remember that class. Still don't know if I should be proud or ashamed that I was the best in my class."

"Clint, not gonna lie here. That explains a lot."

"You know you like it."

"Unfortunately, yes I do."

"Ouch. That hurt Nat."

She could hear the playful tone in his voice."Not as much as Steve will after that class."

They lost it again. It took them a whole minute to stop laughing.

"Nat, I think this might actually break Steve, or at least turn him beet red for a month!"

"Clint, you have indeed made my day. Well, I've got to go, but good luck with your dancing!"

~The Aftermath~

The Avengers sat in the living room. Tony and Thor were somehow beardless now. Tony was pouting, Thor had sadly accepted it. Bruce sat quietly with his head down. Steve was catatonic as far as everyone else could tell. Natasha's face betrayed no emotion. Clint...well, Clint looked pissed.

JARVIS broke the silence.

"Sir, you should check your email. An email of severe importance has been sent to you, your fellow Avengers, and unfortunately, due to the contents, all agents of SHEILD."

"JARVIS, pull it up on the big screen."

"He said unfortunately due to context, you don't think-"

"Bruce, for all of our sanities and dignities, I sure as hell hope not. JARVIS, open the email."

As JARVIS opened the email, their faces paled. The email was a set of videos of their reactions to their missions. They decided that they might as well get it over with.

~Steve and Bruce's Dance Class~

The first video to show up was, to Steve's chagrin, his and Bruce's ordeal was the first in the video montage.

Bruce and Steve were the only two people in the room.

"It's very empty for a dance class."

"I wouldn't be too worried, Steve. We're probably just early."

That was when Bruce saw it, well, more like almost walked into it. It was a pole. In the center of the room. Bruce's face turned pale as he finally realized exactly what type of dance class this was.

"Steve, we've got to go. Now."

"Why? Is something wrong."

"I'll explain when we get in the car. Right now we have to get out of here asap."

The only other door to the room opened and slammed shut. A woman walked in.

The only thing Bruce could come up with was muttering: Shit!

"Alright, it seems you two are the only ones for the class today. This class is mandatory for all SHEILD field agents. So let's get going, next class starts at 3. So, that gives us four hours to get you two to become quality pole dancers."

Steve began to turn red. He mentally hated the fact that Clint and Natasha tried to warn them, but they didn't listen.

"Oh, well thanks for letting us know that. When will Sanders get here?"

"I am Sanders. Now since that introduction is over with, you two. Strip. Now."

Steve surpassed beet red and was the shade of a tomato. But he had to comply. The mission was to go to a dance class, and complete the mission he would.

The two naked men felt completely awkward. They both thought the same thing: Why did Sanders have to be a woman?

"So, which of you is going first?"

Bruce selflessly volunteered. He knew that Steve would need to get over shellshock soon, and if he went first, at least Steve would know what to expect.

After the video segment was complete, Natasha, Clint, Thor, and Tony were all laughing. Steve was a tomato again, and Bruce just sat there.

"I shouldn't be laughing, but that was so damn funny!" Clint was dying. He had fallen off his seat and was on the floor in fits of laughter.

Through gritted teeth Bruce managed to say, "We love you too, asshole."

That comment got Steve laughing, then all were reduced to laughing themselves into comas, if such a thing is even fathomable.

There joy was cut short when the next segment came up...

~Natasha's Beauty Pageant~

The announcer began to call forth contestants. It was the swimsuit stage. None of the male Avengers had any clue why this would be in the video. Then they saw Natasha sporting, a neon pink bikini? Not fully believing what they were seeing, they looked over at Natasha. Her eye was twitching. That meant only one thing: she really did wear a neon pink bikini.

The rest of the models made their way across the stage. Now it was time for the talent portion. This part shocked them Natasha, was dancing ballet! Her routine was phenomenal. Her rendition of Igor Stravinsky's The Firebird was simply breathtaking. Steve cried.

"Natasha, I had no idea you were such a good dancer!"

"Tony, for once I'm going to thank you for saying something." No one could believe that Natasha said that. "Oh, you guys will like the next bit. Once we got to the Q and A, I was so happy. I'd like to say that I definitely left with a bang."

The others looked in horror at her. "Relax guys, I was being metaphorical. I didn't shoot anyone this time." This settled everyone down.

The announcer called Natasha to the chair. "So, Natalie, how close do you think we are to world peace?"

"Let me tell you something. We are never going to have complete world peace. There is always going to be someone who wants to destroy something. So get any notion of world peace out of your silly little mind."

The announcer was taken aback. "Oh, I see. You're like one of those Avengers supporters."

"In a manner of speaking, yes I am."

"Okay, so I'll just ask you this one question." The announcer leaned closer to Natasha."Why do we even need those losers anyway." The announce regretted his question as soon as he saw Natasha's face turn from calmness to rage, and then to an evil smirk.

"I'll answer your question you little bastard. The Avengers are needed because there are bad guys out there who require people with special abilities above the military to keep people as well as ungrateful little shits like you safe. Oh, and as for them being losers, Captain America has been fighting for this country before you were even born. Thor is the most courteous man any individual could ever hope to meet. The Hulk is a genius who wouldn't hurt a fly. Tony Stark is one of the world's greatest minds and philanthropists, and Hawkeye is the best shot this world has ever seen, and he deserves more respect than people give him. There is your answer you little shit."

With that Natasha stood up and began to walk away. Then the announcer made an idiot of himself again.

"I see you failed to mention the female of the group, the Black Widow, yes?"

Natasha turned around and got in the announcer's face. "That's because I'm the Black Widow." Natasha gave him a grin that would have scared even Director Fury. The announcer's eyes widened in fear. Then Natasha decided to punch him...and knock him out, after which, she gracefully sashayed off the stage.

All the male Avengers looked at Natasha with a new glint of respect for their partner. Clint put his arm around her and held her close.

Tony, of course, broke the silence. "Any guns you want, and vodka you want. On me."

Natasha was getting ready to respond when the next video clip began to play...

~Tony and Thor's Drag Race~

Tony and Thor arrived in one of Tony's convertibles.

"Man, I am so excited for this drag race!"

"I too, am glad, Man of Iron!"

"Hang on big guy. Something isn't right. There are too many women here, more specifically there are too many women of Amazonian proportions here. Some of them even look like...men"

Tony figured it out. Wrong drag race.

"Shit. Shit. Shit! We gotta go big guy. Quick, get back in the car. I can't believe that birdbrain was telling the truth. Oh my God. We gotta get out of here."

"Peace, Man of Iron. Is all not well?"

That was when they became surrounded by men.

"Are you two hear for the drag experience?"

"Yes my fair lady, we are!"

"THOR! NOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Right this way, you two, but first we've got to do something about those beards of yours."

"No! Not the beard. I've worked for years on this beard. Not the beard!"

The other Avengers watched both in humor and in horror as the two men were bereft of their beards. Everything that came after, was just icing on the cake.

For the drag experience, their legs were waxed. Thor was not amused by that in the slightest, but he settled down when they gave him poptarts.

Finally they were put in dresses, given make up, and...put in high heels. Fortunately, the duo managed to escape out a side door before they were missed.

"So that's why you two don't have beards."

"Don't mention the beard birdbrain! I loved that beard." Tony began to stroke his face. Reminiscing about what he had lost.

"Well, tin can, if it makes you feel any better, my video will be just as funny."

The last video began.

~Clint's Dancing with the Stars~

The announcer's voice was heard by everyone. "Tonight, on Dancing with the Stars, we have a special guest star who will be performing what has been critically acclaimed as a daring new take on an old classic. But first! Let's take a look at how the rehearsals went."

The camera zoomed in on Clint's face as he looked at the dance steps in front of him.

"Who did you say the choreographer was?"

His dance instructor told him that it was by Nicholas Wrath. With that answer, Clint's face hardened. He looked like he was getting ready to kill someone. Odds are, he was.

With the flashback montage over, the video returned to a blackened stage. No one was prepared for what happened next. The band began to play the chicken dance. Clint was dressed in a white tuxedo decorated with beads to look like chicken feathers. At the end of the dance, Clint yelled CawCaw! The audience went wild with chants of CawCaw, CawCaw.

All the other Avengers looked at Clint. Then he started laughing. Soon, the others joined in the chorus of laughter. They had all had their turn of being embarrassed.

"Fury is one sick bastard."

"You said it, Tony!" Came Clint's cry of approval.

"Hey, do you two still have that catapult?"

"Yes." Clint and Natasha looked intrigued.

"Is that Renaissance Fair still going?"

They nodded.

"Good. Because we need 12 more catapults."