Chapter Twelve

"You know, Sonic, planes are a lot like cars."

"Huh?"

The damage is pretty damn bad. Mostly cosmetic, but there ain't a lot of vintage Caddy parts floating around. I'll have to call around and see what's what.

"Like they work on the same principles. Well…maybe not this car, but a lot of cars nowadays, you know with spoilers an' all that."

"Mm," I say, scratching the top of my head. "Hey Tails, where're the keys to this thing?"

"It's been sitting there for months, it's not going to turn over."

"You got a battery pack 'round here?"

"No."

How'm I suppose to fix this mother fucker with no tools?

"Well bud, we're gonna have to go into town and get a charger. I'd rather see if the engine works than take it apart. 'Cause I ain't never seen a Caddy engine before. And this car is fucking old, I don't wanna mess with it unless I have to. I can try and bang out the door, but everything else'll have to wait. I mean, where'm I s'posed to get a windshield from just to start?"

"Sonic, don't worry about the car. It's not that important."

I look at him.

"It is to your dad. And I promised your dad I'd fix it. So I'm gonna fix it."

"Okay."

"You still got your workshop stuff or'd you get rid of that too?"

"I still have it. It's just the tech and the planes I got rid of."

"Geez Tails, the tech too?"

"Yeah."

He won't look at me.

"Hey."

He still won't look.

"Tails, I'm sorry for leaving you."

He wrings his hands.

"I know it was wrong, and selfish, and stupid. But you don't understand how I felt. How I feel. An' I know you're gonna tell me that I don' understand how you feel, an' I don't. But don't think I don't care. 'Cause I do."

"Then why did you leave without telling me where you were going?"

"Because you would've wanted to come," I say quietly. "An' if you came, it would've been the same thing I was trying to get away from."

"So you were trying to get away from me."

"No," I say, and even though I've been trying to put this in words to myself for months, I still have to think about how to put it. "I was trying to get away from what you represented."

"What I represented?"

I sit on the side of the Caddy and run my finger over the dusty leather. I'll need to pick up some cleaner for that.

"You would've been too big of a reminder of what I was trying to leave behind. I was afraid that if I told you what I was planning, of what I wanted to do, that you would come with me and it would start all over again. I don't want to feel like that again. It was awful. Why didn't I come an' see you? Because you wouldn't want me to leave. An' neither would I. But I realized that we've both gotta get on with our lives, an' by being here I was stopping that from happening. As long as I stayed here, neither of us was gonna grow up."

Tails jumps up on the side of the car beside me.

"Do you think I'm grown up now?"

"Dude, no one can go through their dad dying, alone, and not grow up."

"Growing up sucks," says Tails.

I laugh. "During the growing up part," I say. "Being a grown-up ain't so bad."

"So you're a grown-up now?"

"Almost. I gotta move out first."

Tails yawns and looks at his hands in his lap.

"You tired, kiddo?"

He nods.

"Then you c'n go to bed, nothing I'm gonna do requires you."

"I don't want to."

"I ain't gonna run away."

"You can't. You threw your shoes in the ocean."

"I could if I really wanted to. But I ain't gonna. Don't you worry."

"Okay," says Tails. "You're going to keep working on this, then?"

"Probably," I say, and he smiles and says goodnight and heads off.

I do what I can for the car for a while, which isn't that much, and then I go into town to hunt down a battery charger I can use on it. I think I need an older one, but there's a lot of shops with old junk in them and I should be able to find one there.

I'm in town and in the third of these places when I realize that I could just ask Amadeus himself if he's got one somewhere that maybe Tails doesn't know about.

I don't know how I do it, I really don't, but I go to Amadeus's room and no one even tries to stop me, even though I'm obviously not related to him. I hope he's not sleeping. I don't wanna wake him up by accident over something stupid like a battery charger.

And unless he sleepwalks, he is not asleep when I open the door and go in. He's standing in front of the window. He's taken all of the shit out of his arms and just left it to do its thing without him, which is probably not good for him.

"Hey."

He turns around a little.

"Hello, Sonic."

"You pissed at me too?"

He looks puzzled. "No. Did it seem as though I was?"

"Nah, just makin' sure."

"I don't think Miles is angry with you. Just confused and hurt."

"Yeah, we're clearin' that up, don' worry. He went to bed an' I didn't even have to make a deal with him. Other than not running away, which was not in the plan anyways."

"Excellent."

He rubs his face and goes back to sit on the bed. "God I'm tired," he says.

"Then why ain't you sleepin'?"

"I can't breathe," he says. "Not well enough to do it automatically, in any case."

"Huh," I said. "That sounds shitty."

"It is," he agrees. "I was hoping I could open the window and that would help, but it either doesn't open or I'm doing worse than I thought I was."

I go and take a look. "Nah, it don't open," I say. "Probably so you won't leap out the window."

"I'm in no state to be doing any leaping, believe me."

"Aw come on, if you really wanted to…"

Amadeus coughs and says nothing to that.

"Well you're gonna have to sleep, you have that improving to do."

"I…breathe assisted during the night."

"Oh shit," I say. "Okay, I see where the trouble is."

He moves back so he's leaning against the head rail. "Son, you haven't got any idea where the trouble is. But pretty soon they're going to be sucking the crap out of my lungs, because I can't cough it up to save my life. Which is what I'm supposed to be doing."

"So…they're going to… vacuum your lungs, is that it?"

"Pretty much."

"Mm. Sounds nasty."

"I can't wait," Amadeus snorts. "I wish I could begin straightaway."

"I'll call them an' let them know…"

"Do that and I'll find it in me to kill you."

"I don't get it. You seem to be coughing just fine. What's up with the shit in your lungs?"

"I can't cough hard enough. That's what my problem is."

"I wish I could help ya."

"Sonic," says Amadeus, "are you going to stay here now?"

"In this room?"

"No. With Miles is what I meant."

"I don't think so."

"Would you care to explain it to me?"

I sit down at the end of the bed and cross my legs. "See, I got a new life now, man. I've started over, an' I'm getting everything I've always needed but didn't realize I needed. If I stay here, I'm goin' back into that cage I broke out of. I can't stay. I have to go back."

"When I die, will you stay with him a while?"

I look at him.

"You ain't gonna die."

He looks back.

"There is no longer a guarantee on that."

"Amadeus, man, just hang on. I know you don't like the vacuum cleaner idea, but hey, maybe that'll give you the help ya need."

"It's not that that's my problem. The problem is that the medication isn't working like it should. I have all the glorious side effects but I'm not getting anything out of it. Unless it starts working, I'm going to die. And when they start 'vacuuming' my lungs, as you put it, that signifies that there really are no options left."
"Damn," I say. "Well, if it comes to that, I'll stay with him. But I can't be sure how long. I can't guarantee nothin'."

"Just…help him hold it together. Please."

"For sure," I say. "Maybe I can take him with me, but after a while I'll have to let him go. Hell, Amadeus, I don't like it. I miss him. But I know we'll never grow up if we just keep leaning on each other."
"I understand," he says. "Just do what you can."

"I will," I say.

"So why are you here?"

"I was wondering if you had a battery charger anywhere."

"I think there's one in the attic," he says thoughtfully. "I don't know, I haven't used it in years."

"Well I'll leave ya to whatever it is you're gonna do," I say. "I don't wanna bug ya."

"You don't bother me," says Amadeus. "But thank you for coming back."

"I had to."

I'm almost out the door when he says, "Sonic?"

"Yeah?"

"You said you left because you had no family."

"That was part of it, yeah."
"But you've always said Miles is your brother."

"He is."

"Then doesn't that make me your father?"

I don't know what to say to that.

"Well man…that's not something you just guess."

"I don't call you son for no reason."

Wow am I dumb.

"I…I never thought of it like that," I say.

"You're like a son to me and you always have been, Sonic. I'm sorry you thought otherwise."

"Thanks, Amadeus," I say. "Thanks a lot."

"You're welcome," he says, and lies down.

"You better not die, old man. I'm not ready to miss ya quite yet."

"Maybe the machine they're going to put me on tomorrow will help. At any rate, I haven't given up yet."

"But almost."

"Yes. Almost."

"See ya around, Amadeus," I tell him, and try not to slam the door on my way out.

On the way home I can't stop thinking about what he said. He's always thought of me as a son? Why in the hell didn't I pick up on that? That would've made everythin' so much easier. I would've felt so much better back then. There are times when I wish I wasn't an idiot, and one of those times is right now. Fuck I'm stupid sometimes.

I get home and dig a dusty battery charger out of the attic. I put it in the prefab to use tomorrow and I go upstairs, 'cause I'm pretty tired and I don't feel like fucking around with the car right now.

I'm not sure where to sleep though, 'cause me and Tails used to sleep in the same room and I think it'd be kinda awkward if I just went in there like I own the place. But I go into the room 'cause I wanna see what he's done with it since I left. I know this is his dad's place and we didn't stay here often, but sometimes we did.

It's pretty empty and it doesn't look like anyone lives here. There's a poster of a plane on the wall and that's about it.

He looks so little on that bed by himself. Now I feel like a total jerk for leaving him.

I sit down in the chair by the window and just watch him. At times like these I wonder how I could leave a kid like him behind. Don't get me wrong. There are some days I miss him so much I just wanna cry in a corner. But we need to be apart. At least until we mature a bit more. Then maybe we can be best friends again. But not before then.