Shepard didn't sleep for long. In fact, he was up in thirty minutes. When he left the bedroom, he was greeted with a cup of hot chocolate, still steaming, and piled with marshmallows. He couldn't help the small smile that breaks through. "Thanks, Jimmy." He took the cup and sat down on the sofa.

Kelly sat across from Shepard, her cup of tea half gone. "I think we can all agree that getting outside was what everyone needed."

James sat next to Shepard, casually resting his arm along the back of the sofa. "Yeah."

Shepard nodded, leaning toward James. "On that, we can agree."

Kelly nodded and looked at Shepard. "What's your last clear memory? Nothing fuzzy or incomplete."

Shepard shuddered almost immediately. "I couldn't breathe. I was suffocating. Then nothing." He frowned.

Kelly nodded. "Okay, after that, what's the first thing you can remember. It can be fuzzy or incomplete."

Shepard was silent for a moment, then responded. "Well, you're familiar, and I think I met you before I met Jimmy." He nodded. "In fact, I'm sure of it."

Kelly nodded again. "You did, yes. Tell me something that you remember that's pleasant."

Shepard shifted and blushed. "Umm... Well..." He glanced at James.

Kelly shook her head. "Never mind, I get the idea." She chuckled, then became serious. "While we're talking, if you become uncomfortable or start to panic, I want you to go back to that pleasant moment."

Shepard nodded. He leaned a little closer to James and sighed contentedly as he felt the arm rest on his shoulders. "Okay." He seemed a little uncertain, but he'd promised he would try.

Kelly nodded. "Now, before you woke up in the field hospital, what's the last thing you can recall."

Shepard shivered. "I had called the Normandy for an emergency evac. Kaidan and Garrus were hurt. I wasn't going to let them die. I had to get them out of there." He paused to take a sip of his hot chocolate, then continued. "I remember being hit by something. I don't know what, but I know it hurt. If I hadn't had..." He paused again, brow furrowing in frustration. "Had what..." He shook his head. "I don't know, but I do know that I got back up somehow. I got to the Citadel."

James remained silent, keeping his arm around Shepard in quiet support. He didn't look at Kelly, but rather kept his attention on Shepard.

Kelly leaned forward slightly. "Okay. You succeeded in that. Kaidan and Garrus are both alive and well. If you hadn't gotten them out of there, they would have died. So, you're on the Citadel. What do you remember?"

"There were a lot of bodies. The keepers were going through them, removing armor from the soldiers." Shepard shuddered. "I'm cold." He shivered again, then offered a silent thanks when James pulled a blanket from behind the sofa and wrapped it around his shoulders. The arm returned and he seemed to gather strength from it. "Anderson was there. When I got to him, we were trapped by the Illusive Man." He leaned forward suddenly, dropping the cup of hot chocolate. His hands went to cover his ears and he began rocking back and forth, eyes closed tight. "He made me shoot Anderson. I killed Anderson."

James shook his head and took hold of Shepard's wrists, forcing his hands away from his ears. "Listen to me, mi corazón, you didn't kill Anderson. You just said it. You were forced to do it. You did not make the choice to pull the trigger."

Kelly moved to crouch in front of Shepard. "Listen to him, Caleb. You are not to blame for Anderson's death."

Shepard kept his eyes closed, but he heard the words. After a moment, he finally stopped rocking back and forth, then nodded. He was silent for a moment longer before continuing. "I sat with him until he died. I think I was close to going too when I heard someone telling me that the Crucible hadn't fired. I tried to see what was wrong, but I couldn't. I was so tired. Just wanted to lay down and sleep. I remember a child, but not a child. He was telling me that I had to choose."

James let go of Shepard's wrists then. He knew what was coming. The choice that had sent Shepard spiraling downward. The choice that probably caused the whole mess in the first place. He looked at Kelly briefly before readying himself for anything.

Shepard swallowed hard. "I could have controlled them. I could have told them what to do, where to go, how to behave. I chose to destroy the bastards. Blow them all to hell. I knew that the geth would die. That EDI would die."

Kelly nodded, staying there in front of Shepard. "Why did you make that choice?"

Shepard closed his eyes for a moment, then opened them again. "I don't..."

Kelly shook her head. "Don't you dare say 'I don't know', Shepard. You do know. Why did you do it? Why did you kill the Geth?"

Shepard shook his head. "I don't know..."

Kelly grabbed hold of Shepard's arms and shook him. "Tell me, damn it! Why did you condemn an entire race to die!"

James was just about ready to stop this when Shepard screamed at Kelly. "Because I had to! I wanted to be with my Jimmy again, damn it! It was the only fucking way I'd ever have a life again!"

Kelly let go and slid back to sit on her heels. "Now we're getting somewhere."

Shepard leaned against James. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He began to repeat those two words over and over until he was lost in grief.

James put his arms around Shepard and rocked him back and forth. "No one blames you, mi corazón. No one."

Kelly reached over and caressed Shepard's cheek. "Remember your pleasant memory, Caleb. Go there now. We'll talk more when you're ready."

"What if I'm never ready?" asked Shepard, looking at Kelly through teary eyes.

Kelly stood up. "You will be. Talking it through helps."

Shepard shook his head. "How do you know?" He instantly regretted those words.

"The Collectors captured me, Caleb. You rescued me. I wouldn't have recovered if I hadn't had you to talk to about it." Kelly looked down at Shepard. "You helped me through that time. Now I'm here to help you through this."

Shepard nodded, then closed his eyes. "I remember that now."

Kelly glanced at James, then smiled. "The more you talk about this, the more you'll remember. Right now, you need time to rest. Don't make us drag you outside and dump snow on you."

Shepard snorted. Well, okay, it was a cross between a cough and a laugh. "I won't."

Kelly walked off to the second bedroom while James just held Shepard, running a hand over his close shaved hair. "I'm here, mi corazón, I'm here."

Shepard was silent for a moment, then nodded. "I know, mi amor. Te amo."

James smiled and kissed the top of Shepard's head. "Te amo, Caleb."