The following morning, James woke to an empty bed. When he got up, he found that Shepard and Kelly had just finished making breakfast, though it was obvious Kelly did most of the cooking.

Shepard handed James a cup of coffee and a plate of food. "Good timing, Jimmy." He smiled slightly, just a twitch upward at the corners of his mouth.

"Yeah, seems like it." James takes both, then looks at the plate. "You didn't cook, did you?" His tone is light and teasing.

Kelly snorted. "Honestly, do you really think I'd let him near the stove?" She winked at James.

"Oh come on. I'm not that bad." Shepard shook his head and threw up his arms. "I mean, I've learned how to boil water without burning the pot. That's got to count for something."

James took his coffee and plate to the table and sat down. "Sure, mi corazón. It means you've learned to stay near the stove when it's on. Doesn't mean you can cook yet, but don't worry. I'll teach you." He smiled as Shepard joined him at the table. "You seem better this morning."

Shepard shrugged. "Maybe a little. I'm still reeling a little, I guess. I'm not sure I want to talk about it though."

Kelly puts a plate in front of Shepard, then sits down with her own. "I'm not going to push you, Caleb. Not now, at least. I will later if you don't open up on your own. For now, we can work on you regaining some of your other memories."

There seemed to be a mutual agreement that during mealtimes they make small talk. The biggest topic this morning was how the snow had stopped overnight. Once finished, James picked up the dishes and took them to the sink to wash them. Kelly and Shepard stayed at the table.

"Is there anything you do want to talk about? A fuzzy memory that you want help with piecing back together?" Kelly looked at Shepard over her cup of tea as she sipped from it.

Shepard was silent for a long moment, looking at James instead of appearing to listen to Kelly. "I've done a lot of things I'm not proud of in my past. Why should I want to remember everything from the past two years?"

James cursed in Spanish, then turned to Shepard. "Because it's a part of you, Caleb. What you accomplished in the past two years helped to make you who you are today. If you don't want to remember that, fine." He turned back to the sink, shut the water off, and started walking off. "I can't do this much longer, Caleb. I'm losing my mind here. Without all those memories, you're not the man I fell in love with anymore. You're a shadow of him." He went into the bedroom and closed the door.

Shepard just stared after James for a moment then stood up. He walked over to a window and looked out at the snow covered ground.

Kelly followed Shepard and stood beside him. "He's scared, Caleb, but he's also right. Everything you did made you who you are today. If you hadn't done all those things, you wouldn't have been able to accomplish what you have. Losing those memories is losing a part of yourself."

Shepard shook his head. "I already killed an entire race. What else have I done? What exactly am I capable of? I don't wnat to discover that I'm psychotic or sociopathic or something else even worse."

Kelly turned to look at Shepard. "Caleb, you're neither of those. You never have been. What you always were was willing to do whatever it took to get the job done. If that meant killing an entire race, then that's what it meant. You got rid of the reapers, Caleb. You did that. No one else. You were the only one who could have done it."

Shepard glared at Kelly. "I'm not so far gone that I don't remember Torfan, Kelly." He sighed and looked out the window.

"You have less than two weeks, Caleb, before they decide to discharge you category six." Kelly started to reach out to touch Shepard's arm, but hesitated. "Admiral Hackett is trying to stop it so you have more time to recover. If you show improvement, they'll extend the time..."

"Maybe I'm just so tired of doing this that I want to be discharged? A person can only save the galaxy so many times before they're tired of it." Shepard shook his head and rubbed his forehead.

Kelly studied Shepard closely. "Just how much do you really remember?"

Shepard shook his head again. "A lot of it is still a jumble. I get bits and pieces of situations, but I can't place them in the right order. Every so often something new pops up and I try and hold on to it, good or bad, and sometimes I just can't."

Kelly nodded. "When did this happen?"

Shepard shrugged. "Yesterday. I've been dealing with it since then."

Kelly glanced toward the bedroom door. "Does James know?"

Shepard shook his head. "I didn't want to worry him. Guess I screwed that up." He sighed. "Didn't I?" It wasn't a question.

Kelly shook her head and looked back at Shepard. "I don't think so. You need to talk to him though. Tell him what's going on. He's scared and frustrated, Caleb."

Shepard didn't respond, but he did turn around and walk to the bedroom door, knocking on it. "Jimmy?"

The door opened and James stood there. He didn't speak, but he moved out of the way, leaving the door open. He watched as Shepard walked in and closed the door behind him.

"We need to talk about this." Shepard started. He raised a hand to stop James from saying anything. "Wait. Please. You need to understand that I'm scared, Jimmy. I don't know what all I've done and that scares me. I've already wiped out one race, two if you count the reapers. What else have I done?" He sighed. "It's not that I don't remember it all anymore, it's that I can't sort it out. I have flashes of things, but I don't know where to put it." He fell silent, then moved to sit on the edge of the bed.

James moved to sit next to Shepard. "I said it once before and I'll say it again, you're the only son of a bitch that could have done this, Caleb. You have a knack for doing the impossible. Hell, you've made your career by doing the impossible. Whatever you did that you think was wrong, you made up for it by all the good you did." He looked at Shepard, turning to face him. "Sure, the geth are gone, but the Krogan will survive. Yeah, Joker's pissed because EDI isn't there anymore, but the whole damned galaxy just got a second chance at life. If you hadn't been there on the Citadel at that exact point in time, we'd all be fucked."

Shepard couldn't stop the small smile at James' last comment. "I want to know something? I remember that you were my guard at first. Well, that's not quite right, I was locked up. Why?"

James sighed and looked away. "Promise you won't freak out?" He waited for Shepard to nod. "You were in there for destroying a mass relay. Hundreds of thousands of Batarians died in the explosion."

Shepard nearly stopped breathing at hearing that. He closed his eyes and forced himself to take slow even breaths. "Okay. Why did I do that?"

James reached over and took Shepard's hand. "Because it's what you do, mi corazón." He lifted Shepard's hand and kissed his fingertips lightly. "You did it to stop the reapers. You stopped them when Sovereign tried to take over the Citadel. You stopped them when the Collectors tried to harvest humanity. You stopped them when you destroyed that relay. You stopped them when you sent them back to hell. It's what you do."

Shepard closed his eyes at the kisses, but gave no sign that he wasn't listening. "So, I was chased down then?"

James shook his head. "No. You turned yourself in."

Shepard frowned a little, then nodded. "Okay, I guess I could see myself doing that." He sighed. "I wasn't with the Alliance at that time, was I?" It wasn't a question.

"No. You weren't. You were being held to keep the Batarians away from you, but they had to make it look real. You were going to go through a full court martial and be tried as a war criminal. They kept rescheduling it. Looking back at it, I think they believed you all along and were just waiting for the reapers to show up so they could let you loose on them." James shrugged. "I don't know, but it's all I can think of."

Shepard nodded. "I was with Cerberus." He sighed. "What the hell was I thinking?" He rubbed his forehead with his free hand.

James actually smiled a little at that, then took hold of Shepard's other hand. "Mi corazón, you were thinking about the entire human race. You took action when no one else would. Sure, you flew Cerberus colors, but you told me several times that you didn't hold to their beliefs. You didn't go for terrorist actions. You went for the Collectors. Hell, you blew their whole base to hell and back."

Shepard looked at his and James' hands, then nodded. "I remember that. They were building a reaper in there. A human reaper. It wasn't finished. We almost didn't make it out because we had to destroy that damned abomination."

James squeezed Shepard's hands lightly. "Yeah. You told me all about it. I don't think I really believed it until I saw what was left of it when we took down Cerberus. Not that I don't trust you, I do, but you gotta admit, that was quite the story."

Shepard smiled a bit and nodded. "Yeah. I'm not sure I'd have believed it." He looked up at James. "When we were there, I saw some footage. I think it was about me. I don't remember what it was though." He frowned and shook his head. "Don't tell me though. I think I have to remember this one on my own." He sighed. "I think you said something about it. Something about how I was real enough for you."

James nodded. "I did." He let go of one of Shepard's hands to caress his cheek . "And even though I have no fucking clue what I ever did to deserve you, you're here, you're mine, and there's no way in hell I'm ever letting you go."

Shepard just smiled in response.