Recap: Castle and Beckett announced their new relationship on TV. They had a few good days together then Kate had a terrifying nightmare.
Castle rolled over. Somehow, his foggy brain was trying to tell him something. He made the effort to wake up enough to figure out what it was. He finally realized Kate wasn't in bed. He squinted at the clock. It wasn't even 4:30. She was probably in the bathroom or getting a drink of water. He lay there for a few minutes but there was no sound coming from the bathroom and it wouldn't take long to just get a quick drink. He sat up and rubbed his hand over his eyes. He should make sure she's OK. He yawned and rested his head in his hand for a few seconds. He knew he was being silly. Maybe she couldn't sleep and was up reading. Still he just had to see for himself that she was OK. He dragged himself out of bed and put on his boxers.
The office was dark so he continued on to the lounge area and saw the glow of the TV. He was right; she just couldn't sleep and turned on the TV. He walked over to her and saw that she was asleep. He grabbed the throw off the back of the couch and bent down to cover her up. Even with just the dim light of the TV he could tell she had been crying. He knelt down next to her and brushed his fingers along the side of her face. "Kate," he said softly not wanting to startle her. He brushed the hair away from her face. "Kate," he tried again a little louder. Her head moved and then she opened her eyes. "Hey," he said softly still caressing her face.
"It's still dark," she whined.
"Why are you on the couch?" Rick asked gently.
He could almost see the wheels turning as she tried to figure it out, but then she suddenly sat up clutching the throw around her. "I had a nightmare." She was agitated and slightly rocking herself.
Rick could see that she was still extremely upset by it. He sat on the couch next to her and put his arms around her pulling her to his chest. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"It was just my fight with Maddox, but I was more terrified in my dream than when it was actually happening. There isn't much to talk about."
Castle held her close, trying to comfort her. He took a guess as to why she was so upset by the dream. "Did Ryan get to you in time in your dream?"
Kate shook her head against Castle's chest, "No, I fell and that's when I woke up." She didn't want to go into all the details of her dream. She just couldn't get over Castle standing there watching her die. She had no desire to make him feel guilty for something he did in her dream.
Castle kissed the top of her head. "Come on, let's go back to bed. I'll hold you until you go to sleep."
Kate nodded and he led her back to bed.
Kate fell asleep in the safety of Castle's arms. Castle stayed awake to make sure she was OK. Once he heard her regular, even breathing, he allowed himself to relax and he sank into a deep sleep.
Kate woke up several times throughout the rest of the night, not really able to settle her mind for restful sleep. She finally decided to get up at 6:30.
Rick awoke later and quickly realized that Kate was no longer in bed. He immediately got up worried that she'd had another nightmare. He threw on his robe and found her sitting at the breakfast bar drinking coffee and reading one of the books she had picked out of his library.
"Kate, are you all right? Did you have another nightmare?" Rick asked putting his hand on her back and leaning down to kiss her cheek.
She smiled, "No more nightmares. I'm fine, just couldn't sleep any longer. I was waiting on you for breakfast, but I thought you would sleep longer." She stood up and went around the counter into the kitchen.
Castle's concern was showing in his eyes. "I was worried about you. Are you sure you're OK? Do you want to talk about it?"
She shook her head, "No, I don't really want to talk about it. I'm fine." She was already at the refrigerator taking stock of what there was for breakfast. As she got the eggs out, Castle came up behind her. He put an arm around her waist and with the other hand brushed the hair back from her neck. His breath was warm on her neck as his lips brushed the sensitive skin.
"God, Castle, give it a rest!" Kate snapped, shrugging him off.
Castle stepped back dropping his arms to his sides. It felt like a knife had been twisted in his stomach. His mouth hung open slightly. His brows furrowed over his anguished blue eyes.
Kate rubbed her forehead. "Look, I'm sorry, it's just…I can't…there's just no place to get away…" She caught herself before she completed her thought.
"From me," Castle rasped out completing her sentence for her. "To get away from me." He stated it flatly knowing that's what she intended to say but not understanding – apparently not understanding anything.
"I…I just need some space. I'm not used to being surrounded by people 24 hours a day. I'm used to a lot of alone time and it's hard for me to make the transition." Kate finally looked up at him. Devastation clouded his eyes. She almost felt sick to her stomach that she was once again causing him pain. She looked away. "I'm sorry Rick. I don't mean to hurt you."
Rick swallowed audibly, "You can stay in the guest bedroom if you want." His voice was barely above a whisper. He hoped she would decline, throw her arms around him and tell him he was being silly.
Kate desperately wanted to return to her apartment and just be alone with her own thoughts in her own space and try to figure things out. She knew if she left it would hurt Castle even more and he would also be worried sick about her safety. Instead, she nodded, grabbed her book and immediately headed for the stairs.
Castle watched her climb the stairs. He had no clue what had just happened. He sank down on a stool at the breakfast bar. His elbows were on the bar and he rested his forehead against his hands. His hands were actually shaking. How could everything fall apart in an instant like that? He didn't think he had said or done anything to upset her. He just couldn't lose her now. Castle took a deep breath trying to calm himself. When had the act of breathing become so difficult? He needed to push aside the hurt for a minute and try to figure out what had happened.
First of all, she was still here. If she had decided that they were a mistake, she would have left. He had no doubt about that. Just that thought calmed him a little. Between nearly dying, quitting her job, starting a new relationship, and moving in with a crazy author her head was probably spinning around faster than that kid's in "The Exorcist".
He spread his palms on the counter in front of him. The cool granite was soothing and quieted his shaking hands. He closed his eyes. He slowly breathed in enough air to fill his lungs then gradually blew the air out through his mouth trying to relax his shoulders as his chest contracted. That helped.
On top of everything else, Kate was starting to have terrifying nightmares that were interfering with her sleep and she also had to deal with her boyfriend smothering her with too much attention. He knew that she needed a lot more space than he did. If he had just seen some signs, he could have backed off. He sighed. It seemed like he had been walking on egg shells for 4 years. Now he wondered if he would be walking on them for the rest of his life. He smiled slightly at that. He would be incredibly lucky to have Kate for the rest of his life – eggshells or not.
After a while, Gina hated him being affectionate with her. She always said he would muss up her hair, or makeup, or outfit. He thought he and Kate were so in tune with each other. He was sure she'd been as enthusiastic about their physical relationship as he was. He needed to believe what she said, that the only problem was that she just needed some space. Maybe she'll only need a few hours. Castle could only hope.
Around lunch time, Kate came downstairs. Rick was typing in his office. She went to his office door and stopped, waiting for him to notice her. He looked up almost immediately. She knew he wasn't engrossed in his writing. That was probably her fault too. "I just wanted to get a couple more books if it wouldn't disturb you," she said shyly gesturing towards his bookshelves.
"Sure," Castle said. He wanted to ask if she was OK, but he kept quiet.
Kate hurriedly grabbed a couple of books but stopped at the door and turned towards Castle. He looked at her expectantly. "Um, I was just going to make myself a sandwich. Would you like one?" She asked hesitantly.
Castle shook his head, "Thanks, I'll grab something later."
Kate nodded and went to the kitchen. She gathered the ingredients for her sandwich and started putting it together. She was glad Castle hadn't seemed angry. He was wearing his poker face though and she had no idea what he was thinking or feeling. All she knew was that she wasn't ready to deal with what happened earlier. She took her sandwich and books and went back to the guest room.
Kate came down around 5. Castle was sitting on the couch doing something on the iPad. Kate started for the office then paused and faced Rick. Her fingers were restless against her thighs. "Uh, Rick?" he looked up. "Tonight is the night I was going to go over to Lanie's. I just thought I'd go get ready." She nodded in the direction of his bedroom where all her clothes were. She struggled to look him in the eyes. Kate felt almost like she was asking her dad if she could go out on a date.
Rick nodded, "I remember."
Forty minutes later, Kate emerged. She had showered and was dressed casually in jeans and a soft white shirt partially covering a pale yellow spaghetti strap tank top. She was wearing just a minimum of makeup. Rick couldn't help drinking in every inch of her. She looked so fresh and beautiful. He felt a pang of regret that she was leaving while they still had a problem that they hadn't even talked about.
Kate glanced briefly at Rick as she headed for the door still feeling incredibly awkward. "I'll see you later."
"Kate?" Kate turned nervously back towards Rick. He gave her a small smile, "Tell Lanie I said hi."
A hint of a smile tugged at her lips as well. "I will," she promised. Rick could tell by the way she was acting that she felt terrible about what had happened earlier. She just wasn't ready to talk about it. Kate knew that Rick would forgive her when she was ready to apologize and talk about it. They both knew they were going to be OK.
A/N I just found the video on Youtube of Nathan Fillion singing Better than Neil. If you haven't seen it, search for it. It's great! Enjoy the first night of season Five tonight.