Surprise Attack! Debut Appearances to an Old Crowd!

A.K.A. The Chapter You've All Been Waiting For!

"How are we going to do this?" Edward asked Roy nervously. The two had been hiding in an alley for just a couple of minutes, after they both mutually agreed they were gathering far too much attention. It wasn't that they were doing anything out of the ordinary; it was just…

-Earlier that morning-

"E-excuse me." A young woman tapped Edward in the side. "Huh?" Edward exclaimed in surprise. Two other women, about the same age, were giggling behind her. "Well, it's just…" the woman stuttered. "It's just that…" The two women behind her started to snicker louder, and you could hear one whisper, "Spit it out." The woman in front elbowed her and whispered a reply of, "Shut up." "What is it?" Edward asked. Roy had his hand on his forehead, and he shook his head back and forth. It was so freaking obvious to him. "It's ju-just that-" She nervously continued to stutter, "It's just that-"

"It's just that, you're really hot and I wondered if you might go out with me!" She burst out in pure shy fearfulness and then curled up defensively, obviously thinking of the stupid thing she had confessed under the pressure of her friends. Edward blushed, surprised and confused. "Umm…" He really had no idea what to say. Certainly no one had ever confessed love to him, especially not an adult woman he had never even met before. "Umm," he cringed, "…But, I don't even know you…" "I see!" and the woman turned around and sprinted off, her friends suddenly ready to comfort her.

"Huh?" Edward was still confused as to what had happened. "Are you really that inexperienced, FullMetal?" Roy said, his face still in his hand.

This event repeated itself about three more times with different women. It would have been four, but Roy became so alert that he caught the fourth one in the act and casually tripped her.

This was not the only event that repeated itself, though, nor was it the only reason Roy became so alert.

Several minutes after the first woman attempted to ask Edward out, another group of women appeared. Roy thought at first it could be another group after Edward (although this was appalling; it didn't make any sense to him that more women would go after Edward than him), but it was not. Instead, the group raced towards Ed and Roy, and to both of their surprise, scooped up Roy and held him tight.

"OH, isn't he so cute? I've never seen such an adorable boy! Doesn't he have the sweetest, most innocent face you've ever seen!" the woman who had picked Roy up declared. The woman next to her squealed, "I know! Oh, look at how soft his skin is! And I love his hair, it's so light and fluffy, I bet it's really easy to take care of! Unlike my boy." A third woman piped up, "Wook at his kewt chubby wittle cheeks." And she then proceeded to go through the legendary aunt-style cheek pinch. "I wish he was mine." Said the fourth. "Look at his narrow eyes! You think that's he's Xingese?" "Maybe a bit." The group continued to hold Roy close to them (who was confused, partially due to their behavior and partially due to the fact they were suffocating him) while Edward tried to get Roy out of the tightly-bound huddle.

Finally, after a lot of squabbling between the women, Edward hollered into the huddle, "Can I have him back now?" The group looked up at him surprised, and the woman who had grabbed him quickly handed him to Edward, and the group walked off as if nothing had happened. (Or at least it seemed so, although one of them did say, "Do you think that man adopted him?")

Edward put Roy down and the two also continued to walk as if nothing had happened (although they both now looked exhausted and as if they had each fought with an army of safety pins and nail clippers).

After some walking, Edward casually asked Roy if he was Xingese. Roy replied that he honestly wasn't sure, but if he was he didn't think he was pure Xingese.

The two then encountered and fought off several more packs of women with similar goals in respect to Edward and Roy, until they finally decided to rest in the alley where the chapter begins.

"How are we going to do this?" Edward asked Roy nervously. "Well," said Roy, "once we get to Central HQ…" Roy thought for a moment. "Central HQ…" "Central HQ…" Ed repeated, in hopes of speeding up Roy's thought processes, but it had suddenly dawned on him how challenging it might be to get into HQ.

I mean, what security guard would believe him if he just walked up and said,

"Oh. I'm the Flame Alchemist, Colonel Roy Mustang. This here is the FullMetal Alchemist. Just yesterday, he was suddenly turned into an adult and myself into a child. I don't know how. We'd like to go in to explain to the rest of the military and hopefully work on getting this problem fixed."

It wouldn't work if they tried pulling out the relative card, either.

"Hello," Edward said, "I'm Robert Hawkeye, Lieutenant Riza's Hawkeye's brother."

"I'm his son," said Roy sweetly.

"I'd like to go in to see my sister. We're obviously related, and she already is expecting me, so I think I'll just go ahead without showing you my ID. I lost it, anyway."

Or the complaining law-failed innocents card.

"We're here to sue the government. May we go in?"

Let alone the infamous poor orphan card.

"We're here from the Happiness Center, a center which helps homeless abandoned orphans. Our center is losing funding, and we need money or else all the children will once again be homeless, and maybe die. Here's one with me."

Roy coughed and wheezed. "Oh, I think I'm dieing. I'm so hungry. Help me."

"We think that it will probably be of great interest for the Military to help with donations, because we do not want homeless orphans growing up on our streets and becoming crazed, mad criminals."

"It could happen." Roy croaked.

"Won't you please help our organization, the Happiness Center, survive?"

Roy wouldn't even consider the scouts selling candy bars card.

"No time to think now! Look!" Ed grabbed Roy by his shirt collar and feebly tried to hide them both behind a food stand. Edward smiled innocently at the shopkeeper woman. She smiled back and continued her work. Edward pointed, "It's Winry and Al." Roy replied, "Better sooner than later, Ed. Good luck." He tried to shove Edward out onto the street, but Edward didn't budge. "Come on." Roy said, still trying to move him.

Edward's face suddenly flashed with great brilliance and a smirking expression, as if a devious idea had crossed his mind. He stood up, ran, and charged into Winry and Al. Roy sat there, thinking "WTF?"

Edward continued to run towards Al and Winry. "Huh?" Al said, staring at Ed. "What is that guy doing?" Al asked Winry. "What?" she said, continuing to stare at automail parts. Edward grabbed Winry and slung her over his shoulder upside down. "Eeeeeekk!" she screamed. Edward smiled at Al with a crazed expression. "You better follow me if you ever want to see the girl again." Said Edward. He ran off with Winry screaming over his shoulder, "I'm being kidnapped! Help!" "Oh no! Winry!" Alphonse exclaimed, running after Ed. Dozens of people tried to get in Ed's way, but he easily knocked them over like bowling pins.

Once he was sure Al was the only one still chasing him, he turned and ran into an alley. "You! Let go of-" Al stopped as he turned the corner into the alley and Edward placed Winry gently down. "Sorry about that, you guys. I didn't mean to scare you." Winry and Al stared at Edward, befuddled. "Huh?" "I didn't think I'd get that much attention, either. I hope those people I knocked over are alright." Winry and Al continued to be confused. "What?" Ed smiled at Al and Winry almost as if he was embarrassed. "This is going to be awfully hard to explain." He said, rubbing the back of his neck. "I don't understand. What are you talking about?" said Al. Edward continued to smile awkwardly, red faced. "I guess you don't recognize me, do you?" He leaned against one of the walls of the alley. "It's kind of a long story, but… it's me, you guys. I'm Edward."

"Whhaaatttt?" the two screamed. "You can't be Edward! Ed's just a kid!" hollered Winry. "You're much too tall to be my brother!" yelled Alphonse. "Who are you calling a short kid who could never get taller in a million years?" screamed Edward. "It's me! Just let me explain to you!"

Edward did his best to explain to Al and Winry what had happened. "Wow," said Winry, "I don't believe it." "That's crazy," said Al, "Are you sure you're Ed?" "How could I not be sure, Al! I'm positive I'm me!" "It's still really hard to believe." said Winry. "You're really different."

"Hey," said Al, "Where is the Colonel, anyway?" Ed looked around. "Good question."

-Meanwhile, in another part of Central City-

"I still can't believe you're the Colonel!" "It's really insane!" "You're so cute Roy!" "I'm starting to consider quitting smoking, Colonel." "I love you, Roy." "It doesn't make any sense." "We have to track down who did this to you right away." "Shut up! Don't talk at the same time, I can't understand what you're saying!"

Riza hiccupped and sat down at the edge of the wishing fountain, smiling blissfully. "I can't believe Riza's a binge drinker." said Roy. "I've known her for a long time and I never knew of her doing that before." "Well…" Havok said, and everyone turned to him as he clasped his hands over his mouth. "What I mean to say is, she's not exactly a binge drinker." He held his head as he contemplated that he had once again said that entirely wrong. He realized that he might as well admit it now. "I didn't believe her when she said she'd never gone out drinking before. I took her to the bar and got her a drink, but I guess she got hooked after the first one because she kept on drinking and drinking." Everyone stared at Havok with an agitated look on their faces. Riza was giggling and teasing a fish that someone had let live in the wishing fountain.

"You really look just like when you were a kid, Roy." Hughes said. "We have to find out what's going on immediately, to make sure it doesn't happen to anyone else." Roy said. Hughes smiled and suddenly latched onto Roy. "You're so cute, Roy! I wish you could stay like this forever and ever!" He said, rubbing his thin beard against Roy's face in a teasing way. "Aaugh! Get off of me, Maes!" They walked off in the dimming evening light and separated, with a plan to meet each other the next day at work and sort this issue out with the military. They agreed to have Riza go home with Maes and sleep in the guest room at their house, since Havok had certainly caused enough trouble, and poor Riza's hangover would only be worsened if she woke up at Roy's house.

On the other side of town, Ed, Al, and Winry headed to their usual lodgings. They actually had to call in an extra bed for Edward, whose legs dangled off his bed farther than Al's did off of his, and everyone bid each other good night, not knowing what would come the next day…

…or who.

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…Ta da! . I couldn't post this right away because I was grounded over the weekend. All I can say is leave a review and look forward to the next chapter!