Chapter 1: First Catch Your Dragon
Long ago, on the the wild and windy isle of Berk, a female Viking with a long name stood up to her ankles in snow. Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the Third, the Hope and Heir to the Tribe of Hairy Hooligans, had been feeling bored ever since she woke up that morning. Nine boys, and Hiccup, were hoping to become full members of the Tribe by passing the Dragon Initiation Program. They were on a bleak little beach at the bleakest spot on the whole bleak island. A heavy snow was falling.
"PAY ATTENTION!" screamed Gobber the Belch, the soldier in charge of teaching Initiation. "This will be your first military operation, and Hiccup will be commanding the team."
"Oh, not Hiccup," groaned Dogsbreath the Duhbrain and most of the other boys. "You can't put Hiccup in charge, sir, she's HOPELESS. I'd rather be lead by Fishlegs"
"SILENCE!" roared Gobber the Belch. "The next one to speak has limpets for lunch for the next THREE WEEKS!" There was absolute silence immediately. Limpets are a bit like worms and a bit like snot and a lot less tasty than either.
"Hiccup will be in charger and that is an order!" screamed Gobber, who didn't do noises quieter than screaming. He was a seven foot giant with a mad glint in his one working eye and a beard like exploding fireworks. Despite the freezing cold he was wearing hairy shorts and a teeny weeny dear skin vest that showed off his lobster red skin and bulging muscles. He was holding a flaming torch in one gigantic fist.
"Hiccup will be leading you, although she is, admittedly, completely hopeless, because Hiccup is the daughter of Stoick the Vast, the CHIEF, and that's the way things go with us Vikings. Where do you think you are, the REPUBLIC OF ROME? Anyway, that is the least of your problems today. You are here to prove yourself as a Viking Hero. And it is an ancient tradition of the Hooligan Tribe that you should, " Gobber paused dramaticly, "FIRST CATCH YOUR DRAGON!"
'Ohhhh here we go.' Hiccup thought.
"Our dragons are what set us apart!" bellowed Gobber. "Lesser humans train hawks to hunt for them, horses to carry them. It is only the VIKING HEROES who dare tame the wildest, most dangerous creatures on Earth."
Gobber spat solemnly into the snow. "There are three parts to the Dragon Initiation Test. The first and most dangerous part is a test of your courage and skill at burglary. If you wish to enter the Hairy Hooligan Tribe, you must first catch your dragon. And that is WHY," continued Gobber at full volume,"I have brought you to this scenic spot. Take a look at Wild Dragon Cliff itself."
The ten tipped their heads backward. The cliff loomed dizzyingly high above them, black and sinister. In the summer you could barely even see the cliff as dragons of all shapes and sizes swarmed over it, snapping and biting and sending up a cacophony of noise that could be heard all over Berk. But, in the winter the dragons were hibernating and the cliff fell silent, except for the ominous, low rumble of their snores. Hiccup could feel the vibrations through her sandals.
"Now," said Gobber, "do you notice those four caves about halfway up the cliff, grouped roughly in the shape of skull?" They nodded.
"Inside the cave that would be the right eye of the skull is the Dragon Nursery, where there are, AT THIS VERY MOMENT, there three thousand young dragons having their last few weeks of winter sleep."
"OOOOOOOH," muttered the boys excitedly.
Hiccup swallowed hard, moving away from the group with her best friend, Fishlegs. She happened to know considerably more about dragons than anybody else there. Ever since she was a small girl, she'd been fascinated by the creatures. She'd spent hour after long hour dragon watching in secret. (Dragon-spotters were thought to be geeks and nerds, hence the need for secrecy.) And what Hiccup had learned about dragons told him that walking into a cave with three thousand dragons in it was an act of madness. No one else seemed too concerned, however.
"In a few minutes I want you to take one of these baskets and start climbing the cliff," commanded Gobber the Belch. "Once you are at the cave entrance, you are on your own. I am too large to squeeze my way into the tunnels that lead to the Dragon Nursery. You will enter the cave QUIETLY, and that means you too, Wartihog, unless you want to become the first spring meal for three thousand hungry dragons, HA HA HA HA!"
Gobber laughed at his little joke, the continued. "Dragons this size are fairly harmless to man, but in these numbers they will set upon you like piranhas. There'd be nothing left of even a fatso like you Wartihog, just a pile of bones and your helmet. HA HA HA HA! So... you will walk QUIETLY through the cave and each of you will steal ONE sleeping dragon. Lift the dragon GENTLY from the rock and place it in your basket. Any questions so far?" Nobody had any questions.
"In the unlikely event that you DO wake the dragons, and you would have to be IDIOTICALLY STUPID to do so, run like thunder for the entrance to the cave. Dragons do not like cold weather and the snow will probably stop them in their tracks."
"Probably? Oh, well, that's reassuring." Fishlegs whispered to Hiccup scarcasticly; Hiccup chuckled. They were about four feet from the others, Hiccup was sitting on an ice covered rock, scribbling something in her book, and Fishlegs was standing beside her, leaning over to see what she was writing. They were barely listening to Gobber as he continued.
"I suggest that you spend a little time choosing your dragon. It is important to get one the correct size. This will be the dragon that hunts fish for you, and pulls down deer for you. You will catch the dragon that will carry you into battle later on, when you are much older and a Warrior of the Tribe. But, nonetheless, you want an impressive animal, so a rough guide would be, choose the biggest creature that will fit into your basket. Don't linger for TOO long in there. I need not tell you that if you return to this spot without a dragon, it is hardly worth coming back at all. Anybody who FAILS this task will be put into immediate exile. The Hairy Hooligan Tribe has on use for FAILURES. Only the strong can belong."
"RIGHT," said Gobber briskly. "Each of you take a basket to put their dragon in and we'll get going."
The eight boys rushed to get their baskets, chattering happily and excitedly. Fishlegs grabbed one for Hiccup as well as himself, and walked back to the rock Hiccup was still sitting on.
"You excited about getting your dragon?" he asked her setting a basket down beside her.
"Yeah, I just wish the others were a bit less excited." she answered him, as she put up her notebook.
Suddenly out of the corner of her eye she saw her best friend flung six feet back into a snow bank by Dogsbreath the Duhbrain. She didn't get a chance to protest before she was pulled off the rock and into the arms of Snotface Snotlout; her back was to him, she turned her head to glare at him. He was tall, muscly, and covered in skeleton tattoos. He looked like he had a permanent five o'clock shadow; which was pretty impressive for a young man that just turned 15 last week. You have to be really close to see it tho because it was blond. And to her dismay, Hiccup could see it very well.
"I thought I told you to stay away from MY pet, fish face!" Snotlout hissed at Fishlegs.
"Hiccup is NOT an animal, so don't call her a pet, and you DON'T have a say in who she hangs around." Fishlegs said getting up from the ground.
"Yes, she IS my pet." Snotlout said smirking, shoving Fishlegs back down with his foot.
"Snotlout, leave him alone!" Hiccup ordered him. All he did was turn her around and pull her closer to him.
"What, don't tell me you've forgotten again, pet?" Snotlout asked playfully.
"Hey tell the story again, Snotlout!" shouted Wartihog.
"16 years ago," He began, never getting tired of telling the story. "Stoick the Vast made a bet with Baggybum the Beerbelly, over who could last the longest without eating meat. Stoick lasted 6 days, Baggybum lasted 7 days. The winner of the bet was to get one thing from the loser; my father, Baggybum, waited to use this. Around two years later, both became fathers, Stoick to Hiccup here, Baggybum to me. My dad figured that me being married to the chief's daughter wouldn't be a bad thing he asked Stoick about an arranged marriage, and Stoick agreed. That my friends is the tale of how Hiccup became my wife-to-be, my pet."
"I told you, Snotlout, I am NOT marrying you! I don't care what my dad promised yours, that bet has NOTHING to do with me! And for Woden's sake STOP calling me that!" Hiccup yelled at him, as she struggled to escape his strong grasp. Snotlout ignored her protests; he grabbed both of Hiccup's wrists, pined them to his chest, and with the other arm rapped around her hip, kept her against him.
"I think, I'm going to get one of those Monstrous Nightmares with extra-extendable claws. What do you think, pet?" Snotlout purred to her.
"Oh shut up, Snoutlout, you can't," said Speedifist. "Only Hiccup can have a Monstrous Nightmare, you have to be the child of a chief."
"I will be the son-in-law of the chief in one year and ten months. And I bet Stoick would let me have one, with my pet's approval" Snotlout looked at Hiccup expectantly Hiccup's expression was one that screamed 'Someone get me away from this guy.' But she calmed down and thought of a plan to get her out of the situation she was in.
"Snotlout, I will give you my consent about the Monstrous Nightmare, on one condition." Hiccup said flirtatiously.
"I knew you couldn't resist me for long. What's the condition?" Snotlout asked smugly. He brought his face closer to her's. Hiccup smiled, and put her lips next to his ear. At this point everyone leaned in to listen. Fishlegs took one look at Hiccup's face and grinned.
"Let go of me you psycho!" Hiccup screamed at the top of her lungs, as she pushed the stunned Snotlout off of her and on his but in the snow. She quickly ran over to Fishlegs, who was now bent over, holding his sides, laughing at the shocked and confused look on Snotlout's face.
"Oh, I knew from that look in your eye you had one of your fiendishly clever plans, but that was too funny, Hiccup." Fishlegs said once he cough his breath. Snotlout glared at him.
"SHUDDUP AND GET INTO LINE YOU MISERABLE TADPOLES!" yelled Gobber the Belch. They scrambled into their places, baskets on their backs, and stood to attention. Gobber walked along the line, lighting the torch that each of them held in front of him from the great flare in his hand.
"IN HALF AN HOUR'S TIME YOU WILL BE A VIKING WARRIOR, WITH YOUR FAITHFULL SERPENT AT YOUR SIDE... OR BREAKFASTING WITH WODEN IN VALHALLA WITH DRAGONS' TEETH IN YOU BOTTOM!" screamed Gobber with horrible enthusiasm.
"DEATH OR GLORY!" yelled Gobber.
"DEATH OR GLORY!" yelled back eight young men.
'If they shout much louder it will be death.' thought Fishlegs and Hiccup. 'We're going to wake up the dragons before we even START.' Gobber paused dramaticly, with the horn to his lips.
"PARRRRRRRRRRRRP!" Gobber blew the horn.