Nicole submitted to the tedium of writing the case report and evaluated the past three weeks. So many lives were intertwined by actions that would have lasting effects. Jasmine's loneliness was once soothed by cocaine and the male company of a voluntary, ill-intentioned mentor; but now she was heading to a rehabilitation centre for her drug use and depression. Erica was a pawn in a war between her uncle and his arch nemesis that ended in death. Her mother was left restoring the harmony in her home and bridging the gap between Jasmine and her heartbroken father. And Nicole; she was forever changed.
It wasn't the silent glory of disbanding a million-dollar operation which facilitated teenage ruin that relieved her, it was the satisfaction of knowing there's always hope.
Hope for the high-schoolers who spent hours and brain cells escaping from their worlds, hope for Erica and Jasmine to find something real, and hope for herself and her future with Antonio. Her thoughts were interrupted by a loud knock on the door. Pollock entered and took a seat without his usual grandeur, with a humility that was subtle and, surprisingly calm.
"Sir?" Nicole put the documents to the side.
"I came for the file Agent." Pollock said unconvincingly.
"You didn't, John. You came to talk about Antonio and I."
"Right."
"I love him you know," Nicole declared.
"That I do." Pollock replied.
"And this case is about love. Lack of love, loss of love, familial love,"
"…avenging grudges with past loves."
"Exactly. But we're fortunate, you and I. We're loved unconditionally despite our ambivalence and pride."
"That's true, Nicole. Honouring our commitments…is trying. Especially when it seems your reach is further than your grasp."
"Maybe we're reaching out to the wrong things. Things we can't grasp."
"Instead of holding on to those we can. Yesterday I held on to Janice. She talked, I listened."
Nicole laughed in response. "You're a lucky man."
"Thank you Nicole."
"Anytime, John."
Nicole found Jess alone in the dimly-lit bullpen.
"What's up Jess?" Nicole put her hand on her shoulder.
"Nothing. Just thinking. You're holding up really well. Considering." Jess commented.
"I'm afraid."
"Nic, she'll be fine."
"Not about Jasmine."
"Antonio?"
Nicole nodded. "When I said no in Phoenix, he left me. Then he married Anna and she's perfect. I'm just me."
"That's crazy talk. He told me…" Jess stopped before she betrayed his confidence.
"Told you what?" Nicole demanded impatiently.
"I can't." Jess stated adamantly. "Remember my vision?"
"Enough with the fish dreams Mastriani." Nicole warned.
"My vision about Antonio, the scythe and the blown up car."
Nicole recalled the phone call of warning Jess gave her, which led to Antonio's life being saved. Jess picked up her folder.
"Go to Texas."
Anxiety and excitement took turns at possessing Nicole's mind. She was anticipating meeting the faces to the stories she'd been told. They knew him better than she did. Part of her wanted their approval not for herself but for Antonio's sake.
"Are you alright?" Antonio asked.
"Nervous."
"They'll love you."
Those words rang in her head as she was introduced to unfamiliar faces. Antonio's grandmother's standoffish greeting contrasted his grandfather's warm welcome. Nicole found relief when she recognised Antonio's elder brother Ramón; she had met him in Phoenix on one of his road trips.
"Ramón! How long has it been?"
"Too long," He replied, giving her a hug. He introduced his wife Marisol and her teenage daughter Estrella.
"You still riding?" Nicole asked.
"He wouldn't dare. He has a family to think about." Marisol answered. "Nicole, lunch is ready. The guys will take care of the bags." Nicole had a feeling she liked her already.
Nicole found his family to be a jovial people, but the shrines of achievement that plastered the walls were slightly disturbing. Every graduation, baptism, wedding, award and accolade was charted in some form or other. Clearly family, not just Catholicism, was their first religion. On the surface she fit in; her knowledge of sports and cars went down well with the men. As usual, women proved to be more difficult to get along with. Antonio came from a family of principled, soft-spoken matriarchs; their outward graces didn't tell of the influence their words had within the family. Nicole saw herself as a marked woman; something was in the way.
That something revealed itself the evening before they left. In Antonio's eyes, Anna's appearance at the front door was the start of a hurricane and Nicole stood at the epicentre; absorbing the initial shock. Anna took her place at the table with the satisfaction of unsettling Antonio. Only when Nicole sat next to him did the smirk disappear from her face.
"Nicole." Anna ungreeted.
"Anna." Nicole said in a similar fashion. "Excuse me. Antonio?"
Antonio followed her into the guest bedroom. Nicole leaned by the door wile Antonio pulled the suitcase across the floor.
"I didn't expect her to be here." Antonio explained. "She's bitter and angry…"
"Antonio, fix it." Nicole said sharply. She couldn't articulate her anger, intimidation and fear without cursing, so she refrained.
"Listen, she has a huge chip on her shoulder and you're going to hear things you don't want to hear."
"Whatever she's here for, fix it." Antonio leant against her, she gently pushed him off of her.
"Are you with me?" Antonio asked.
"Of course I am."
Nicole barely ate, the tension was making her nauseous. Anna, in comparison, was on her third glass of wine in thirty minutes.
"Nicole, did you know that Anna is an attorney?" Dolores asked.
"Yes, we've met." Nicole replied politely.
"Nicole doesn't know about me as I know about her." Anna commented.
"Well, that was Antonio's choice." Nicole retorted.
"We all know about his choices." Anna mumbled.
"So Nicole, how is it working with Antonio?" Marisol asked, cooling the heat.
"Challenging but fun. I've got his back."
"And how is it working out with Antonio, Nicole?" Anna's catty overtone was everything but discreet.
"It's working out really well, I find that love is a two-way street. The more you give, the more you get back."
"That's right." Ramon agreed.
"Here, here," Marisol cheered.
"For some. I found that love was a three-way street."
"That's enough Anna." Antonio said, out of frustration.
"Is it Antonio? Is it really?" Anna's digs were becoming more personal by the minute.
"Clearly you have problems; with Antonio, with me and with yourself. So for everyone's sake, let's take this outside." Nicole proposed.
"Nicole you can't." Antonio stated.
"I'm an attorney and there are witnesses." Anna warned.
"We won't fight." Nicole laughed at the misunderstanding that had everyone silent. In turn, nearly everyone berated a sigh of relief.
"How noble of you." Anna slurred after gulping down the remainder of her third glass of wine. She stood up and stared at Antonio's face. "I'm only going so I won't forget all the things I have to say to you."
"Excuse us." Antonio said to his family.
"We're sorry." Nicole apologised, closing the door behind her.
"Do you think she'll hit Tía Anna?" Estrella asked.
"Don't be silly." Her mother replied.
"You never know, Nicole is in the FBI. She could probably take her." Ramón suggested.
Anna pulled a picture off the wall in the family room. "You see this? This was our wedding day. It was supposed to be the happiest day of our lives."
"It was. Supposed to be." Antonio said. "What do you want from me?"
"I want answers. Why did you marry me?"
"It was a good idea at the time." Antonio admitted. "And I didn't hear any objections on your part. You were too busy calling Sociedad Magazine to come to our wedding."
"I thought it was perfect. But you were lying, you never loved me."
"I cared for you."
"You never loved me. I was in love with you, you know. You were so romantic."
"I gave you everything."
"Every thing not everything. I couldn't reach you, couldn't read you, looking into your eyes and there was nothing. Nothing but Nicole."
"Anna, stop blaming your communication issues on me." Nicole entered the drama se had been watching.
"I blame my divorce on you. How's that?" Anna's tongue was loosening as the wine took its effect.
"It's immature, unfounded and…"
"Proven. Prove it Antonio."
Nicole looked from Anna to Antonio and back again. "Prove what, Antonio?"
"Did he tell you about the night he left me? The night he brought you up just to throw you in my face. Please, Antonio." Anna baited him with her pleading. Nicole's expression demanded an explanation.
Anna and Antonio were getting ready to eat out as they did three nights a week, work permitting. The news was on and he was looking for his handcuffs.
"I don't see how you can lose handcuffs with crystals in them." Anna commented as she brushed her hair in the mirror. Antonio tuned her voice out by focusing on the bulletin.
"The courts have found Paul Barton guilty for the murder of his ex-wife Felisha Shepherds, 28. The single mother of two died from a concussion to the head which caused a seizure. Barton was sentenced to twenty years in maximum security wit chance of parole at ten years, however the deceased's children will move to Philadelphia to live with a close relative…"
Antonio stood motionless.
"…Neighbour and friend Elsa Finnick commented on the sentence. 'There's no sentence in the world that's long enough for him, or can save those girls from this hell. Felisha left him to escape the violence, for her and those precious girls. Why is a woman still not safe in her own home?'
He turned off the television and sat in silence. Elsa sounded like Nicole on one of her post-modern, neo-Black feminist rants; full of passion, purpose and anger.
"Did you hear me? I found them." Anna said, putting the handcuffs in his hand. "Let's go."
Antonio shook his head. "I can't."
"But we made reservations."
"Did you hear about Felisha Shepherds? " He asked.
"Yes, Carlton James was on that case. I'm sure he'll get a promotion."
"That's it? Nothing about Felisha or her kids or Barton?"
"No."
Antonio shook his head at her.
"What now?" She asked defensively.
"Being an attorney doesn't make you less human. Or does it?" His accusation was unclear to her.
"Look, it was a case, like many other cases. What do you want me to say?"
"Say something. Get angry. Talk about injustice."
"Like Nicole? Newsflash! I'm not her. You can't put her words in my mouth." Anna took her scarf from her shoulders and put it on the chair.
"Two years of marriage and she's still here isn't she?"
"I can't do this." Antonio admitted.
"Of course we're not going to dinner. People can't see us like this." Anna fussed, about the wrong thing.
"I mean this. I can't live like this. You're myopic, approval-driven and self-absorbed."
"Excuse me? You've cheated on me twice and I have a problem? Wake up; I won't let you make a fool of me."
"Because that's important. What they see. For once I'd like to eat out somewhere where you don't make a reservation, where you can wear jeans and sneakers. Go out with our friends, people we know and like, instead of going from function to function; just to be seen."
"It's not what you know, it's who you know."
"Not here. You don't know me."
"Nicole does. Doesn't she? I bet she knows everything about you."
"She doesn't. But she wouldn't pretend for anyone else. She never pretends."
"You said I was perfect."
"You're driven, well-spoken, beautiful, well-raised, poised, shall I go on? You are perfect. For society. Not for me."
Antonio picked up his car keys and walked towards the door.
By this time Antonio was pouring himself a drink. Nicole took it from his hand.
"No, Antonio."
Anna was half-lying on the settee patting the picture on her hand. "If this picture could talk, would you apologise?"
"Yes. But not for your reasons." Antonio replied.
"Would you apologise Anna?" Nicole asked.
"I don't see how,"
"Would you?" Nicole repeated. "Because I would if I were you. You both used each other. Antonio used you for consolation and you used him to fulfil your yuppie fantasy. I would apologise; because I left him jaded. I thought myself a parasite and didn't want to hurt him. Unfortunately I didn't tell him and he, in turn, hurt you. But no apologies necessary; we all know where we stand. Excuse me."
Antonio's family were standing by the door as she came out. "Don't worry. She's asleep on the couch." Nicole told them reassuringly.
"Welcome Nicole." Delores said, embracing her for the first time.
Nicole and Delores sat at the kitchen table, while Nicole tried unsuccessfully to eat.
"Do you love Antonio? Or do you want to toy with him for seven more years?"
"Of course I love him. Trust me, I have no time for games."
"What's wrong Nicole?" Delores asked.
"Nothing. Something happened a few days ago and I've had trouble eating since."
"I used fresh coriander in the chicken."
"I thought it was parsley."
"Exactly."
Delores took a silver box from a drawer and handed it to Nicole.
"Who's this handsome man?" Nicole asked, looking at the sepia pictures.
"Ernesto. This is Consuela."
"Antonio had beautiful parents. They must have been good people."
"They were. Consuela was a generous woman, she kept her sons on the right path after he died. Antonio is just like his father; dedicated."
"Is that me?" Nicole asked. Her twenty something self looked up at her. She had braids then. I hope that one day your children have pictures to be proud of – like these."
"I hope so too."
"So how far gone are you?" Delores asked abruptly.
Nicole laughed nervously. "I'm not expecting."
"Trouble eating, strong sense of smell and irritable; as Antonio told us. Classic symptoms."
"Wow. You think I'm pregnant? Wow."
Nicole kept the speculation to herself until she was 10000 feet airborne.
"What do you think of the family? You still want in?"
"They're crazy but love each other. And yes."
"Good. Mi abuela parece que eres franca, arrogante pero muy genuina."
Nicole flipped her hair. "I do try."
"What stopped you from killing Anna?"
"I never wanted to do that. I could, but there's no sport in it. Besides, I won."
"You won?"
"I love you more. Therefore I won." Nicole laughed at the pettiness of her theory. "Hey, do you think I'm pregnant? And don't respond with some ode to the strength of your sperm."
They burst out laughing at the distress of a passing air hostess.
"If you are I'll be happy," Antonio reasoned.
"Clever choice of words. I'm happy at the possibilities. All of them."