Brian got up extra early on Christmas Eve morning. He made coffee, saw to his morning chores much earlier than usual, then packed up a lunch for himself and Daniel. He made toast and eggs, then woke up a very grumpy Daniel. It took some doing, as Daniel even at nine years old was not a morning person. It was funny to Brian. Evan, Ford and Guthrie were early risers. They often woke up he and Adam in the mornings even before the rooster crowed. Daniel and Crane did not share their little brothers' enthusiasm for the morning. Brian did his best not to wake a sleeping Crane in the bed across the room from Daniel. When he mentioned that it was time to hunt the Christmas turkey, however, Daniel finally popped up and started to get dressed.
"Be quiet getting dressed, then come down and eat your breakfast. After you do your chores, we'll hit the woods." Brian whispered. Daniel nodded his head in understanding.
Less than an hour later, they were tromping through the woods. Daniel had been quiet, somber even. He understood that you have to be quiet while hunting, but Brian noted that he was likely a little sad and maybe a little nervous too. This was a pretty big responsibility for such a young boy. Brian felt it was important though, that he let this particular little brother to do something important for the family on this holiday.
They had been kneeling in the brush beside a clearing that was known to have turkey and other small game mulling about in the early morning hours. Brian worked the turkey call that had once belonged to their father and prayed that a tom turkey would soon surface. It seemed that the longer they waited, the more Daniel's hands shook.
"Relax. An old tom will be along shortly. Just take some deep breaths and get yourself set. You remember everything I taught you, right?" Brian whispered quietly.
Daniel shook his head in the affirmative. Just then, they heard a distant gobble. Brian raked the chalk over the base of the turkey call again and the tom turkey again answered. After a couple of minutes, the turkey emerged into the clearing and Daniel silently released the safety on Brian's rifle. He looked through the sights and took a deep breath and held it. He located the tom in his sights, took aim and squeezed the trigger. The sound made him jump and for a brief moment, he thought he had missed.
"You got it Dan'l! You got him!" Brian cried excitedly. Daniel put the rifle down and exhaled. The thrill he felt was indescribable. He felt a rush like he'd never felt before. He and Brian ran over and inspected his kill.
"You nailed him right where I told you to! Great job, partner, great job!" Brian yelled, and he picked up his little brother and swung him around, then let him back down and offered out his hand.
"Put her there, partner." Brian said as Daniel offered out his right hand to shake Brian's hand.
"I thought I missed him! That was awesome Bri!" Daniel exclaimed through happy tears. "Thank you so much for letting me do it Brian. It feels great."
"I'm proud of you. Ol' Adam won't believe it when he sees it. That's a perfect shot. He's a big one too. He'll be eighteen, maybe nineteen pounds. That ought to feed us all!" Brian said excitedly. "Ok, let's get him home. You wanna carry him a bit? He's gonna be mighty heavy for you to tote." Brian asked his little brother. Daniel was only nine and rather small for his age, but Brian figured his adrenaline was pumping and at least for a while the bird wouldn't seem too heavy for him.
"I can carry him all the way back to the ranch Brian!" Daniel exclaimed excitedly. "I can clean him by myself too! He added.
"Well, we'll share the duties, but you go ahead and pick him up and I'll carry the rifle and the food. Shoot, we may even get home before lunch. I didn't expect things to go this quick!" Brian added.
"Me either. I was afraid we'd be out here all day!" Daniel answered.
"Nah. I guess that's why we named you Dan'l...You're a sure shot like Daniel Boone. Too bad you didn't wear your coon skin cap today." Brian laughed.
"Nope, I'm a cowboy like my Daddy!" Daniel replied, placing his brown cowboy hat firmly on his head and hoisting up the big turkey.
7BF7B***********************************
"Well, I guess we're set. I got the rest of the presents in town earlier. I got Crane's letters out of the trunk, the turkey's cleaned and ready for the oven and the boys are all fed and ready for baths." Adam said to Brian as they cleaned up the kitchen.
"Yeah, I guess we'll let them hang up their stockings. Did you pull out the letters?" Brian asked.
"I did. I put them in a shoebox and hid them behind the tree. We can put them back in tonight when we fill the stockings." Adam explained.
"Yeah, I don't want them to see them til tomorrow. No sense in them getting upset over them tonight." Brian replied.
After the younger boys were dressed for bed, they came downstairs and Adam gave each of them their stockings to hang up in front of the fireplace. They each took turns, but Adam noticed they were less excited than they were last Christmas. The blank spaces that usually held their mom and dad's stockings were glaring at them all.
"Well, how about some Christmas carols before bed?" Brian suggested.
"What about cookies? We have to put out cookies for Santa!" Evan exclaimed.
"We will, we will. Right before you go to bed. Ol' Santa will have to settle for store bought ones this year. I'm not much for baking cookies." Brian offered with a laugh.
"You think Santa Claus will be mad?" Ford asked worriedly.
"No, he will be thankful he doesn't have to eat burnt cookies. He knows Brian does the cooking around here." Crane said with a laugh, reaching over and giving Ford a reasuring hug.
"Ok, so what are we gonna sing?" Adam asked reaching for a guitar leaned against the couch.
"Away in a Manger!" Evan cried, sitting Guthrie on his lap, playing patty cake with him.
"Sounds like a good one. Crane, you want to play piano?" Adam asked.
"Sure. Daniel, why don't you kick off the song." Crane asked hopefully.
"Nah, you do it, Crane. I don't feel like singing." Daniel said, throwing himself down on the couch next to Evan and Guthrie.
"Come on buddy. Sing us one." Brian encouraged.
"I said I don't feel like it." Daniel snapped.
"Hey, hey, you be nice. It's Christmas." Adam warned Daniel.
"I'm sorry Bri. I just don't want to sing." Daniel explained.
"You're not sick are you?" Brian asked.
"Nope. Just not in the mood." Daniel said, moping.
"Alright. You don't have to sing if you don't want to. Crane, start us off." Adam said.
They sang and sang, all except Daniel, for over an hour. Away in a Manger, Silent Night, O Holy Night, Santa Claus is Comin' to Town, Jingle Bells...Finally, Adam noticed little Guthrie nodding off and he saw a sleepy Ford yawning.
"Ok." Adam announced. "It's time to put out the cookies for Santa, then it's off to bed for C through G.
"Hey, why do you and Brian get to stay up?" Evan asked indignantly.
"Cause we're older. We have to work on getting the food ready for tomorrow's feast. Unless you want toast for Christmas Dinner." Brian replied.
"No, that's ok. You can stay up. Just get to bed before Santa comes. If he catches you awake, he may not leave our presents." Evan explained.
"We got it partner. We know the rules. We promise not to ruin your Christmas." Brian said reaching down to give Evan a hug and a swat on the bottom.
Adam put some cookies on a plate and handed them to Evan, then poured a glass of milk and handed it to Ford. They reverently laid their offering on the table. Adam instructed Daniel to write the note for Santa, and gave him a stern look that communicated to him not to argue. Daniel picked up the pencil and paper and scrawled out a quick note then placed it next to the plate of cookies and the milk.
Brian followed the boys up the stairs and tucked them all into bed. He laid down in the big bed that he and Adam shared with little Guthrie, until the toddler was sleeping soundly.
Joining Adam downstairs, he announced that the little ones were tucked away for the night.
"We should wait an hour or so, to make sure Evan and Ford are asleep." Adam suggested.
"Fine with me. You can help me in the kitchen. I have the bird ready to go into the oven. I just gotta figure out the vegetables." Brian said.
They made their way into the kitchen and Adam pulled some corn and green beans out of the freezer, while Brian poked holes in sweet potatoes to bake.
"I'm not trying to do it too fancy like I did at Thanksgiving. Those casseroles kicked my butt. We got a bird to eat. I'm gonna make mashed potatoes and sweet potatoes. As far as the vegetables go, I'm just gonna cook them on top of the stove and throw some butter on them. I bought the roles and the cranberry sauce= it's comin' straight out of the can." Brian said, wrinkling his nose at the can he held in his hand.
"That's good enough for me. The little one's won't care...as long as it ain't burnt." Adam said, poking Brian affectionately in the stomach.
"Ok, so you got Crane's letters out of the trunk, and all the presents are on the top shelf of the hall closet. Who gets to wrap?" Brian asked.
"Both of us." Adam answered.
Hey, I can't wrap!" Brian exclaimed.
"You're about to learn, then." Adam answered laughing.
It took them the better part of an hour to wrap everything. Brian had stuck to the square objects, leaving Adam the more difficult ones. They considered setting the train set up and having it running around the tree, but decided against it, in fear of getting caught with the goods. They would just let the boys unwrap it together then they would set it up in the morning.
They settled in front of the fireplace around nine thirty and as Adam glanced up at the fireplace, he realized they had to stuff the stockings.
"We almost forgot!" Adam said, pointing his head towards the hearth. Brian looked in that direction and noticed the stockings hanging empty in front of the roaring fire.
Oops! We sure do make sad Santa's don't we?" He asked Adam shaking his head and slapping his older brother on the knee as he rose to go in the kitchen and get the stocking stuffers.
Each boy got an apple, banana, orange and a candy cane, a chocolate bar along with a dollar and a letter from their mother, which Adam had taken from their hiding place and put in the toe of each stocking, including his own.
"Well, I guess that does it." Adam announced tiredly. "When did I get so old that I'm ready to drop before ten p.m.?" He asked Brian with a laugh.
"I dunno. But I feel old too. I'm ready to hit the rack. I'll set the alarm for four a.m. so I can get up and put the turkey in the oven." Brian said.
"If Evan hasn't already gotten us up by then. That kid is so excited. Kinda makes me feel all warm and tingly inside...I think I'm turning into a parent." Adam said.
"You turned into one a few months ago. You're just now coming to realize it now." Brian offered.
"I guess you're right. We're not so bad at it though!" Adam replied. "Ok. Let's hit the sack, tomorrow's gonna come early and it's gonna be a long, long day." Adam said.
"A hard candy Christmas." Brian muttered.
"What's that?" Adam asked.
"Oh, nothin'." Was Brian's reply.
7BF7B********************************
Brian had just put the turkey in the oven when he heard little footsteps coming down the stairway.
"Oh lookie their Ford!" Evan exclaimed. "He came! Santa came! Go get Adam and Guthrie...Get everybody!" he said over his shoulder, just before sliding on his knees to the floor in front of the gifts under the tree.
Brian came into the living room laughing. "Calm down partner. Give everybody a few minutes. You gotta hold your horses!" Brian said.
"I can't! Brian it's Christmas. It's time to open presents." Evan shouted.
Ford was upstairs pounding on all the bedroom doors. Adam came out first, carrying a sleepy but smiling Guthrie. Ford continued to pound on the door that led to Crane and Daniel's bedroom.
"Come on Daniel! Crane get up!" Ford shouted excitedly. "Santa came. He came!"
Crane rolled over and rubbed his eyes. He took his pillow and threw it across the room to hit Daniel square in the face. "Get up and don't start griping." Crane said.
"It's too early. It ain't even daylight yet." Daniel complained.
"It will be in a few minutes. They're not gonna hush. We may as well get on with it." Crane said, grumpily.
"Ok, ok. Give me five minutes." Daniel begged.
"Two minutes. It's Christmas, so you only need to throw on a robe. You can get dressed a little later when we go out for morning chores." Crane said.
"Who made you the boss of me?" Daniel complained.
"Mom did...a long time ago. Now get up!" Crane insisted.
"Alright. I'm up. Geez you're a pain in the morning, Crane." Daniel griped.
"You aren't a bed of roses yourself, you know." Crane shot back, catching his pillow as Daniel threw it back at him.
Eventually they all gathered under the tree, Adam helped Guthrie open his gifts and the little fella squealed with delight, especially at the sight of his brown teddy bear. Evan and Ford had torn into their train set together with a knowing anticipation. They both jumped up and hugged each other when they saw that it indeed was what they had asked for from Santa. They looked cute in their pajamas, both sporting a new cowboy hat on their heads.
"He brought it! I told you he would! We have a train set of our very own!" Evan screamed as he hugged Ford.
Brian and Adam laughed and eyed each other with satisfaction. Adam noticed Crane staring down at the letters that had been written to him from their mother in previous years. Adam had decided to wrap them and put them under the tree, since they would all be getting a new one in their stocking anyway.
"We thought since you are twelve now, you should have your letters." Adam explained quietly, walking over to give Crane a hug. Crane was fighting back tears but barely acknowledged Adam as his eyes poured over the old letters.
"Thanks." Crane said rather absently.
"Danny...I mean...uh...Daniel, what'cha got there?" Adam asked his little brother sitting quietly on the floor, wrapped up in his blue hand-me-down robe that was still too big for him.
"A harmonica. Thank y...I mean, I'm glad Santa thought to bring me one. I love it!" He said, holding it reverently.
"That's a nice one. It's a lot like mine, isn't it?" Brian said to him.
"Uh huh. It's really nice." Daniel said a little sadly. He was happy about his gift, he just felt guilty for being happy about it.
"What about our stockings!" Ford cried out, suddenly remembering there were more surprises to be had.
"Uh, listen fella's. There's something really special in those stockings. Before you go into them, let me talk to you a minute." Adam began. All his little brothers looked up at him in wonderment. Adam cleared his throat and continued. "Uh, me and Brian found something special in the stockings when we got them out of the attic...from Mom."
"From Mom?" Crane said in disbelief.
"What is it?" Daniel asked softly.
"Our letters. I guess...I guess she wrote them all before...before the accident." Brian broke in, seeing that Adam was having trouble with his own emotions.
"Can we read them out loud?" Evan asked, his eyes wide in surprise. He was old enough to remember the tradition.
"Yes, we can." Adam replied, regaining his composure. "In fact, you can go first if you want. Then Ford, then I can read Guthrie's." Adam offered.
"Ok." Evan agreed. They each quietly took their stockings down and fumbled through them, not noticing the treats inside, looking only for the little scrolls of paper with the familiar red satin ribbon.
Evan opened his and cleared his little throat and began to read.
Dear Evan, My tough little cowboy. You scared me today. You came in with a bloody nose. I just finished cleaning you up and I'm still shaking a little from seeing you with blood on your face. You were so brave and didn't even cry. I'm proud of you for standing up for your little brother. I know Ford was scared today, his first day on the school bus, but you were there to look after him. You stood up to a bully twice your size because he was picking on little Ford and because of that, you are not in trouble for fighting. I just want you to know that your momma is so proud of you! I love you little man. Love, Momma.
"That was very nice, Evan. You did a fine job reading that." Adam said, then coughed hoping to clear the lump in his throat.
"Yeah, momma wrote it in print for me...I guess cause she knew I don't read cursive." Evan said sadly, wiping tears out of his eyes.
Brian pulled him into his lap and hugged him tightly. Adam thought he could see tears forming in Brian's eyes too.
"Crane, will you help me read my letter? It's hard for me to sound out the big words." Ford said somberly. He offered the letter to Crane, the paper shaking in his little hands. Crane took the letter and studied it for a minute.
"Ok, I'll just read it for you if that's alright with you." Crane said.
Ford nodded his head in approval. Crane cleared his throat and began to read:
Dear Ford. You are becoming such a big boy. You just came home from your first day of school and you were so excited and happy. I worried about you all day, because I was afraid you would miss me too much. But you are so happy to go to big school with Evan and Daniel and it just makes me so happy. You are a brave, sweet boy and I think you will be a very good student, like your big brother Crane. I am going to miss having you home with me but I want you to go to school and learn as much as you can so you can grow up and be whatever you want to be. You may even want to be a doctor someday like Junior. Whatever you do, I know you will make me and Daddy proud. I love you little man! Momma.
"I remember that day! I remember! She wrote that just for me, Crane! Just for me." Ford said smiling, but with tears running down his cheeks.
"Yep, just for you little man. She loved you so much." Crane answered, hugging Ford tightly.
"Ok, now read Guthrie's to us Adam!" Evan said excitedly. Adam could see that each of his brothers' were hanging on to every single word written by the mother. In some way, it was like she was here with them. It seemed almost magical.
"Alright, sit down and listen." Adam instructed Evan, who climbed back up in Brian's lap. Then he read:
Dear Guthrie. My sweet baby boy. You are growing so fast. I just cleaned up the mess we all made celebrating your second birthday. Your brothers sure are messy and so are you! I will never forget seeing your little face covered in chocolate icing. Your big blue eyes were just sparkling at me when I cleaned you up. I can't believe my baby is two years old. I don't know where the time has gone. It seems like only yesterday you were tearing up your very first birthday cake and now here you are a big two year old! You are such a happy boy and so bright. You see the joy and wonder in everything! You truly are the light of this family. You are so lucky to have six big brothers to teach you things and our family is truly blessed to have you in it. I wish I could keep you small, but I know you have to grow up too, like your brothers. I love you little bear! Momma.
"Little bear. Momma always called him that." Ford said sadly as he crawled out of Crane's lap. He walked over to Adam and Guthrie and reached out to give his baby brother a hug.
"You ok?" Adam asked Ford.
"Yes. It's just kind of sad, ain't it?" Ford asked.
"Not really." Adam lied. "It makes me happy that Momma left these for us. I like hearing what she has to say to all of us."
"Me too!" Evan said. It was then that Adam noticed Daniel, who had been silent the whole time. He was staring at his own letter and Adam could see he was awfully upset.
"Danny...uh, I mean, Daniel. Are you ready to read your letter?" Adam asked quietly. The boy didn't look up but adamently shook his head no. So Adam didn't press the issue. Instead, he called on Crane, who was looking at all the letters from the past that Adam and Brian had given him. He had not yet opened the new letter. Crane hesitated for a moment, then unwrapped the little scroll and began to examine his letter. He looked up at Adam finally and smiled.
"Sure." Crane said. He began to read:
Dear Crane, I am sitting here letting out the hem of your good slacks for the third time in a month! We have church tomorrow morning and you have grown out of them again! I noticed today that you are as tall as I am and I just can't believe it. I predict that you are going to be taller than your older brothers. They aren't going to like hearing that, but it's true. I bet you will be as tall as your father. Crane, you are such a delight. You are so incredibly smart and sensitive and very thoughtful. I cherish you so much. You are such a great help to me with your little brothers. You are especially kind to Daniel. I know little brothers can be a pain, him included, but you are so patient with him and so considerate of his feelings. You understand how sensitive he is and you never tease him. He looks up to you and I am glad of that. You have always set a very good example for him, as well as Evan, Ford and the baby too. You always make your Momma proud. I love you Crane! Momma.
Crane glanced over at Daniel who was still sitting silently. He wanted to gather him in his arms and comfort him, because he knew how much this was hurting the boy. His mother had been right. Crane, better than any of them, knew how sensitive Daniel was. Sometimes Adam and Brian didn't know what they should or shouldn't say to him. Crane was always the one who could make things right for him. He wished he knew what to do or say now. He knew Daniel was too proud to be coddled. He was trying so hard to act like he wasn't a little boy, but Crane knew he needed to be comforted. He just didn't know exactly how to do it without embarrassing him in front of their brothers. He decided not to reach out to him now, but instead just watch him closely, in case he broke down completely.
"Brian will you read yours now?" Adam asked.
"I hate this part. You guys know I hate reading my letters out loud." Brian grumbled.
"Yes, but Mom always made you do it anyway." Crane insisted.
"You don't have to read it, but we'd like to hear it." Adam said.
"Alright I'll do it. Brian had already read it to himself, but he opened it again and read:
Dearest Brian. My heart is full right now. A little while ago, you came home from the high country with your father and you brought me the prettiest bouquet of wildflowers. I asked you what was the occasion and you answered that there was no occasion except that you felt like telling me that I was the best mother in the whole world. I don't know what has gotten into you. You left it at that and didn't ask for money or keys to the truck nor did you show me a bad grade on a test. I guess you really just did it because you love me. One day you will fall in love and that girl will be the luckiest girl in the world, as far as I'm concerned. I know it isn't always easy for you to express yourself, but I know what a sensitive, loving young man that you are. You made me feel so special today and I love you so much for that. Love, Momma.
Brian held the letter reverently in his hands. It just felt so sacred. The room was silent. He knew his brothers felt the same way he did. There were no words to describe the feeling that their mother was speaking to them from the grave. This would no doubt be the most precious gift any of them would ever receive again.
Adam knew as he watched each of his brothers switch their focus from Brian to him, that it was now his turn to share his letter with them. He suddenly felt very nervous; maybe even a little sick. Whatever this letter said, it was the last thing his mother would ever say to him. He almost couldn't bear the finality of it all. Even though a couple of days ago, he had no idea that he would ever hear from his mother again. Adam finally took a deep breath and said. "Ok guys, here we go."
He opened the letter slowly and began to read:
Dear Adam, Jr., today you graduated from high school. The world holds so many wonderful things for you to experience; a world beyond our beloved town of Murphys. Soon you will leave the nest and pursue your dreams. Although your father and me always expected you to take up ranching, we are both very proud of the choices you are making. Junior I have every confidence in you that you will succeed in anything you set out to do in life. I thank you now for being such a wonderful son-my first born. You have set a wonderful example for all of your little brothers and I could not possibly be any prouder of you than I am right now; in this moment. Go forth now and find your destiny. Never forget your roots, but spread your wings now and fly. Love, Momma.
Adam was surprised to hear the sound of weeping. He actually looked around to see where it was coming from but the look on the faces of his brothers made him realize that he was the one weeping.
Brian and Crane set their little brothers down and rushed over to comfort their big brother. Adam tried to waive them off, but they would not be denied. They sat there and held him for quite some time; the little ones just sitting quietly, watching in wonder. Everyone had tears, none moreso than Adam. It had been a long time coming, as they all knew he had never broken down since they buried their parents. It seemed that even little Ford understood that this was something that needed to happen. After a while, Crane and Brian let go and they were replaced by Evan, Ford and finally Daniel. When Daniel finally took his turn comforting Adam, he bravely spoke:
"Adam, I'll read my letter now." Daniel said in a small, soft voice. Adam nodded in agreement, patted his little brother on the head and motioned for him to begin.
Dear Daniel, He began, Last night I woke up and heard you crying out for me. I rushed to your room to find you frightened from a bad dream. I instantly knew that you didn't want to talk about it, so I tucked you back in and held your little hand in mine and sang 'Danny-Boy' to you. It didn't take long before you were sleeping soundly again. I watched you for a while, then went back to bed. A few minutes ago, you came into the kitchen to find me crying. We women cry over the silliest of things sometimes. I expected you to ask questions, but I didn't want to talk about it. You didn't ask me a thing though. I find it incredible that at eight years old, you knew that I didn't want to talk. Instead, you took my hand in yours, then laid your head on my chest and sang 'You Are My Sunshine' straight to my heart. Danny, you turned my tears into a smile. You have a real gift from God, son. It's my hope that one day you will make millions of people happy with your music, the same way you made me happy today. I am so proud of you, my sweet Danny-boy and I love you so very much. Momma.
Daniel rolled the letter back up and slipped the ribbon back over it and said, "Adam, will you put this away for me...until I'm twelve?"
"Sure Daniel." Adam answered. "I'll take good care of it. Thank you for sharing it with us."
"Oh, and Adam? I guess I don't mind if you call me Danny-sometimes. Just not all the time...ok?" Daniel said.
"Ok Danny. Thanks. I'll only use it at special times." Adam replied as he pulled Daniel into him and hugged him tightly. Brian was waiting right behind him for his turn. Daniel turned to give Brian a hug and Brian mussed his hair.
"You need a haircut kid." Brian said to Daniel.
"I know. I always need a haircut!" Daniel exclaimed. "Hey Bri? Can you help me with my new harmonica? You play better than me." Daniel asked. "I have to work on my music as much as I can...so I can make Momma proud."
Brian wiped a tear from Daniel's face and nodded affirmatively. "Sure Dan'l. I'll help you...I bet by the end of the day, you'll be playin' that thing better than me!" Brian laughed.
And so it was. The first Christmas the McFadden boys had to spend without their parents had been bittersweet. Some might call it a hard candy Christmas of sorts...but Adam McFadden knew that their house was filled with love...and love would see them through the worst of times.
the end**************