Jean- Luc caught her just in time before she hit the floor. He was shocked about how thin she had become. She weighed so little and he could feel her bones even under all the clothing she seemed to wear. He tapped his combadge to call for a transport.

"Two to beam directly to sickbay!"

Immediately after he had spoken the order he felt the transporter beam grip them.

Dr. Selar took things over as soon as they arrived and now all he could do was to wait. He had set her down on a biobed and from the door of the private area where she was in he watched Dr. Selar hover around her. Now that her clothes were removed and she was covered with only a blanket, he saw for the first time what he had suspected earlier.

In need for a cup of tea he moved to her office and decided to stay there and wait until Selar was finished. He paced back and forth not able to sit down for just a second. His mind raced. What was going on here?

When Doctor Selar finally entered he looked at her questioningly but could not read the Vulcan's expression.

"Doctor, I don't understand this. What is wrong with her?"

"Captain, There are various things that I have taken care of. Dr. Crusher is drastically malnourished and underweight and also anemic. These factors are the reason why she passed out earlier. At the moment she gets the nutrients and fluids which she badly needs. I have given her a sedative that will allow her to sleep until I am more content with her condition."

Picard looked at her in disbelief. How could this be possible? Beverly was the finest Doctor and would know if something was wrong. She would never let something like this happen.

Selar seemed to have read his mind.

"Captain, I know that this is hard to understand. However I have noticed something else about her, which may be an explanation at least for her anemia." She stopped as Jean- Luc's facial expression showed fear, but then decided that it would be best to tell him straightly.

"I have discovered numerous cuts on her arm. She already treated most of them herself but the dermal regenerator she used to do that was rather small and therefore did not allow her to prevent all scarring. "

Jean- Luc gasped for air as the truth hit him.

"Are you trying to tell me that she cut herself?" Selar nodded.

"That seems to be the case. I am not qualified enough to explain the why to you; I would suggest that you talk to Counselor Troi about that.

For now she is asleep and needs rest. I can release her tomorrow at the earliest. If you want to visit her you can do so but do not disturb her sleep."

"Of course, Doctor. Thank you." Picard's voice was only a whisper. He could not believe what he had just heard. How can this be?

He walked out of sickbay heading for Deanna Troi's quarters. He knew it was already late but he had to talk to her tonight. He did not even bother to ask the computer if the Counselor was awake or not, instead he simply pressed the door chime and waited for Deanna to open him, secretly hoping that this was all just a nightmare.

He could still see Beverly's face as she fainted in front of him. Why hadn't he noticed sooner? Why hadn't he spent more time with her? Why hadn't he…?

His thoughts were interrupted as the doors slid suddenly open. They revealed a tired- looking Deanna Troi.

As soon as Deanna had fully realized who was standing in front of her she shook all signs of tiredness off of her and concentrated on her senses. She instantly felt Picard's distress and knew that this was an emergency.

"Captain! What's wrong? Am I needed somewhere? Just give me a second to get ready." Picard raised his hands to show her that this was of a different nature.

"No, Counselor. There is no need for this. I want to talk to you. I'm sorry to disturb you at this hour but I truly need an advice. Can I come in?"

"Of course." Deanna showed the Captain to her sofa.

"Can I offer you a drink?"

"Earl Grey, hot." He answered automatically.

Deanna got the tea for the Captain and a cup of hot chocolate for herself. She sat down in front of him.

"This is about Beverly, right?" She felt the Captain's mixture of uneasiness, confusion, fear and concern.

He sighed deeply before he answered. "Yes, you're right. I have taken her to sickbay. Doctor Selar is taking care of her."

Now it was Deanna's turn to show concern. "Oh my gosh, what happened?"

Again Picard sighed before he continued.

"Well, after you talked to me the other evening I tried to contact Beverly. I invited her for breakfast and then for dinner, she excused herself both times. I was worried about her and decided to visit her just to make sure everything is alright. I went to her quarters in the evening and as she did not open I used my override to enter. He quarters were dark and I could not find her immediately. I then heard a noise coming from the bathroom and called out. Shortly after that she emerged from the bathroom." He paused.

Deanna could feel that this was hard for him. She did now know yet what exactly had happened and waited patiently for him to go on.

"Deanna, she looked horrible. So pale and sick. She tried to tell me that she was fine but before she could finish the sentence she fainted. I caught her and then took her to sickbay.

Doctor Selar then told me that she was malnourished, underweight and anemic, but that's not the worst. It seems that Beverly had cut herself. Selar found numerous scars on her arm. Deanna, why does she do something like that?"

Deanna Troi choked hard to stay calm. Never had she expected something like this. Of course she knew that this could happen to anyone but however concerned she was about Beverly, she had never even considered something like this. She slowly shook her head and sighed.

"I'm sorry. I know this is difficult to understand. All I can do is try to explain why someone would do it. Cutting or other forms of self- injury are ways of coping. Sufferers hurt themselves to deal with emotional pain or problems. The pain they feel while doing this gives them relief, some say that it even makes them feel alive. Usually the people who do this feel that they are alone and have no one to talk to even if this is not the case. Most of them are embarrassed by what they are doing which often results in withdrawal." She gave Picard some time to absorb the information before she went on.

"There are a lot of different ways of self- injury. Cutting is one of them. Other forms are burning, hitting, head- banging, hair- pulling or even bone- breaking. Someone who self injures has a lot of emotional pain. Usually they block the pain and suppress it as long as they can. At some point they built up so much inner pressure that for example cutting seems to be the only way to release it.

Don't get me wrong, this has nothing to do with being suicidal or insane or anything like that. It is as I said a coping mechanism."

Jean- Luc thought about all that he had just listened to. It all seemed so unreal. Ho was it possible that Beverly was involved in this?

"I can't believe this is happening. Why didn't I notice?" Deanna looked at him firmly.

"Captain, there is no way of knowing. Some carry on for years and still no one has any idea. They are masters at hiding. Wearing long sleeves, spending less time in public." Jean- Luc interrupted her.

"Do you think she could have done this for years?"

"No, I don't think so. I guess she started this a couple of weeks ago, shortly after you returned from Kesprytt." Jean- Luc did not look convinced.

"Why do you think so?" Deanna took another sip of her drink.

"Because after your return I have noticed changes about her. She did not talk to me anymore and seemed just different. I have told you about this before." Jean- Luc nodded.

"Okay, but what do we do now? How can we help her?"

"I think the most important thing is to show her that she is not alone. She needs to know that she can talk to us. She needs to know that you love her. You have to make her understand that there is nothing to be ashamed of. I know this is difficult but you are her best friend and the one person who can reach her when no one else can. We need to show her other ways of coping."

Deanna got up and went to her computer. She typed in a couple of commands and then took a padd and loaded some data on it. She moved back to Picard and handed the padd to him.

"Here. This is some more information on the subject. Read it tomorrow. It will help you to know as much as possible about it. I will be here to talk to Beverly and I will counsel her but I think you are the most important person. She needs you in her life just as you need her. "

Picard took the padd and got up.

"Thank you Deanna."

She gave him a hug before he left her quarters to spend the night reading.