I's sorry that it always takes me so much time to add another chapter. I really do not know what will happen next in the story because the situation is completely new to me. Please be patient!
Thank you for all the kind reviews!I love you guys!
She slowly became aware of the world around her though she did not know where she was. The faint noises and sounds were familiar but it still took her a few moments to realize that she was lying on a biobed in a private area of sickbay.
As she listened, her memory came back and she remembered all that had happened and all that had been done – even though she could not figure out how she had gotten here. She refused to open her eyes, not ready to face reality yet.
A soft voice interrupted her efforts to fall back asleep.
"Beverly - are you awake? Please open your eyes."
She recognized Jean- Luc immediately. Why of all people is he here? He was the last person she wanted to see at that moment. She carefully opened her eyes to look at him.
"Welcome back." He smiled warmly and for just a moment she thought that he didn't know.
"How did….how long…" She tried to form the questions that were in her head but couldn't make it. He took her hand.
"You fainted in your quarters two days ago. I brought you here." He then grew more serious. "Beverly I know what you've been doing." She quickly looked away.
"There is no need to be embarrassed about it. I have spoken to Deanna and I have read a lot about the subject and I will help you. We are all here for you."
Still not looking at him she almost inaudibly asked "Who else?"
"Only Dr. Selar, Deanna and I know. I took care that this is kept off the records. You don't have to worry about that. Dr. Selar took care of the signs as well as the anemia and she gave you the nutrients you needed. "
He noticed her body shake with sobs she futilely tried to suppress. It broke his heart to see her like this. He took her in his arms and held her as she now openly cried against his shoulder. It took a while until her tears stopped and she pulled back from him.
"I'm sorry." She looked at the floor.
Jean- Luc cupped her face to meet her eyes.
"Don't ever be sorry for crying in front of me. I'll be there for you whenever you need me."
His own words painfully reminded him of all the times when he hadn't been there for her, when she needed help. He pushed the thought aside- guilt was not helping her right now.
They were silent for a while. Beverly did not know what to say. She felt ashamed and helpless. At this moment she only wanted to disappear. She decided that leaving sickbay would be best.
"Can I go to my quarters?" Jean- Luc took a breath not quite sure how to explain.
"Dr. Selar told me that you could leave today…but she wants you to have someone around who takes care of you." Beverly quickly looked down. Oh no!
"I am perfectly able of taking care of myself! This really isn't necessary!" He did not answer immediately as he was well aware of the dangers that such an answer held.
Instead he took a minute and then spoke in a calm voice.
"Beverly, this isn't open to debate. If you want to leave sickbay then that is the deal. And if it helps- I already told Dr. Selar that I would stay with you."
For a minute she wasn't entirely sure if she could trust her ears. Did he really want to stay with her? She still had too little energy to fight at this point but that was clearly the last thing she wanted. Didn't he understand how much it hurt her to see him or just to think of him with another woman? And what would that person do when he was with her? Come and visit? No way. She would not be able to take that.
In a way is seemed funny to her that even in this situation the one thing she thought of was Jean- Luc's date. She usually would have been happy to spend time with Jean-Luc- more than happy. It was the thing she wanted most, but right now it seemed wrong. She was a mess. She had done all these things and put aside the fact that he clearly had moved on, she didn't want him to take care of her just because he felt pity for her.
But there wasn't much she could do about it now.
They had walked to her quarters in silence. Beverly didn't know what she should say and Jean- Luc didn't want to push her. He knew that she still needed time to deal with the situation.
Jean- Luc had prepared her quarters for her arrival. He wanted to make her feel more comfortable and had set up vases with flowers, most of them orchids, as he knew that she loved them, everywhere. It truly looked marvelous.
Beverly gasped as she entered and turned to Jean- Luc who nodded. For just a moment she forgot all that was past and was lost in her dreams.
However, her dreams didn't last long. She wasn't exactly sure what brought her back but suddenly the dream subsided and she was left with the cold shapes of reality.
"Would you like some tea?" She had forgotten that he was still there and frankly she did not feel like talking.
"No, thanks. I am rather tired. I think I will go to bed."
The room was empty. She hesitated to enter it. She stood at the door for a long time before she finally got herself to go in. Looking around she let her eyes wander. She saw the tub and the sink and remembered. The urge was growing again; she could it feel it in her stomach. She hastily ran out before it could take over.
Jean- Luc sat on her couch in the living area. Though he was well aware that Beverly needed time to deal with the situation herself he could not shake off the worry that gripped him. He wanted to talk to her, tell her that it would be alright, that they would find a solution. He wanted to know the why; he wanted to tell her how much he loved her.
All he could do was lay down on the sofa which served as is bed for the next couple of days and sleep, convinced that he couldn't do anything until tomorrow.