Hey guys. It's been an awful long time, hm? I am truly sorry that it takes me so long to write a chapter or rather to upload it. I am in Madrid right now, working as an Au pair and have little time to write at all. Also, I finished this quite a while ago, but as you can't really use usb sticks in internet cafes and I don't have internet on my pc, I am usually not able to upload anything. Please don't be angry with me.  thanks

It was dark. Beverly breathed heavily, her fear still present. It had been the same dream.

It always started the same way. She was happy. She was with the one person she loved and everything was fine. Then all of a sudden she would be alone. She would cry out but no one would hear her, no one would answer. She would look around and see a blood red sky and crimson water around her- she was drowning. That was the point when she woke up.

She was sweating and tears now started to flow as small sobs shook her body. She wanted to follow her nightly ritual. She wanted to have a cup of tea, sit on the sofa in her living area and then wait for the night to end.

Suddenly she heard a noise as Jean- Luc, woken by her crying, rose and came to her bed. She quickly lay back and closed her eyes so she wouldn't have to talk to him, but it was useless. Of course he had noticed- how could he not?

She wanted to believe him so badly. He had said that it would all be okay. But how could she do that? There was this other woman, there were all these obstacles. He would leave her to stay with whatever her name was as soon as she got a little better- or he gave up. She had always told herself that tomorrow would be better but there was no way she could believe these words anymore.

She didn't know what would happen now. What should she do; what would he do? The eternity of seconds passed in a blink of an eye and suddenly he was there. So close. He sat down beside her and his hand reached out to touch her.

He could feel her shrink as his hand touched her shoulder. He softly turned her around only to see her teary eyes. He pulled her in his embrace and the fact that she immediately pulled away and got up surprised him.

"What is wrong? Have you had a nightmare?" She did not look at him. Instead she walked to the sofa and sat down, staring at the stars that passed her window.

He slowly moved towards her, afraid to push her.

"Can't you tell me, Beverly?"

Then he heard her voice, shaky and almost inaudible.

"Why would I tell you of all persons?"

At first he thought that he had misunderstood her. Surely she could not really mean what she had said there, could she?

"What do you mean? I am you friend, aren't I? I care about you- deeply. Beverly, please tell me what is going on, please let me help you."

Then she turned around. He skipped one heartbeat at the hurt he saw in her eyes.

"Jean- Luc, are you that blind? Don't you understand that this is killing me? I cannot believe that you actually think you can just walk into my quarters and everything is fine again. How did you expect to help me anyway? Do you want to stay here and watch me every single minute and have her visit you here?" Part of the hurt now turned into anger as she kept on talking but the tears still ran down her face. "Do you really think that this is going to work? Shall I leave to give you two some privacy?... Jean- Luc, please…just leave me alone."

She turned away from him again. She didn't want to say more- she just wanted to be alone.

It took a few minutes for him to fully understand what he had just heard. The realization hit him like punch right in his face. How could he just have been this STUPID? Why didn't he notice, why didn't he talk to her?

"Oh my god." She didn't react, still waiting for him to leave. Tears were still in her eyes and she wished that she could find relief.

However Jean- Luc did not intend to go anywhere. He sat down on the sofa next to her and slowly began to talk.

"Beverly, I am so sorry for all the hurt I have caused you. I promised to be there for you and yet it seems that I did just the opposite. I cannot imagine how you must have felt all this while. But please believe me that I am not as bad as you think I am. Every word that I said to you is true. I care for you, you are my best friend. You are more than just my best friend. I want to help you get through this. I thought that staying with you would be the best. I had no idea you didn't know and I am sorry. I broke up with Sara quite a while ago. It didn't feel right. I knew that she could never have my heart. I gave my heart away a long time ago and I never fully realized it. Beverly I love you. You are the only person I ever loved and ever will love. To see you like this hurts me more than I am able to say and the thought of loosing you just kills me. I know that the road ahead is rocky but if you want me to, I will walk with you."

A sob escaped her lips. She wasn't sure if she was awake, she wasn't sure if she had not just dreamt all of this. Could it be true? Had he really just admitted that he loved her and that he had broken up with this woman?

Slowly she turned around. She was scared that he wouldn't be there, afraid this was indeed just the result of her imagination. But as she turned to face him, he was still there. He smiled warmly and raised a hand to wipe the tears off her eyes.

Then she fell into his embrace and he held her close. She hadn't realized until now how badly she had needed to be held by someone. It was then, when she felt loved again for the first time in what seemed like a lifetime.

That night she slept in his arms. She woke up the next morning and actually felt rested and safe. He mind had been too occupied to trouble her with nightmares. She hadn't told him of them anyway and now just hoped that they were gone for good.

Maybe now that she had found her love it was over; maybe she could live a normal life again. Jean- Luc had taken a day off and as she had been ordered to take some time off anyway they spend it together.

He had created a wonderful program for the holodeck for her. It was a countryside on earth and he took her horse riding and they spent hours talking. The atmosphere was so relaxed and refreshing that neither of noticed how Beverly avoided the subject of her problems and what happened during the past months.

At the end of the day they both felt happiness. They sat at the dinner table and enjoyed their food. Jean- Luc was glad to see Beverly eating. She already looked better even though he knew from Deanna that her recovery would take time.

"Jean- Luc….Jean- Luc?" Her voice ripped him out of his thoughts.

"I'm sorry. What is it?" She smiled.

"Nothing important. I'm just tired. I think I will go to bed." She had already got up and taken their plates to the replicator.

"Oh, okay. Where do you want to sleep?" He paused, a smile on his lips.

"You know, my bed is bigger than yours."

She laughed. "Point taken. I will just go and get my stuff." And with that she left.

When she entered her quarters, she quickly ordered the lights on. She immediately walked to her closet and took out some clothes and then opened a bag and put the clothes inside of it. Now all she needed were a few things she had in her bathroom. She hurried to get the things out but couldn't help it as a wave hit her. She was once again caught in that dark cloud and felt the urge to cut in her stomach. It was small but its presence scared her. Suddenly she thought about Jean- Luc and though she had had this wonderful day with him she feared to lose him. Was she good enough?

She looked at herself in the mirror and saw a tear roll down her face. She turned around to finish packing her bag but accidentally dropped her cosmetic bag on the floor. She shrieked at the noise and kneeled to collect her things but instead started sobbing.