Sorry it's a little late - the words just didn't want to come out. I have to thank Loopstagirl for stopping me having a complete meltdown over this one - couldn't have done it without you!

Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, especially those I can't reply to.

Chapter Nine

Jeff followed his youngest son down the steps to the beach, wishing there was something he could say to make him feel better but knowing full well from his own experience that it just wasn't possible. By the time he reached Alan, the young man was standing at the water's edge, staring out across the ocean.

"Son?"

Alan didn't turn around. "Leave me alone, Dad."

"I'm worried about you. The way you reacted at the debriefing..." Jeff wasn't entirely certain if it was wise to broach the subject right now, but he was even more scared of leaving things to fester. Alan's reaction to Vigil's words suggested he held his brother responsible, something Jeff, Kyrano and everyone else except the two brothers concerned knew to be untrue. Jeff had spent some time with Virgil the night before, trying to reassure him of this, but he knew Virgil would never accept it unless Alan was the one to say it. Not even Kyrano's assurances had helped.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"I know, but-"

Alan spun round and Jeff was taken aback by the anger in his eyes. "I mean it, Dad. I can't. It hurts too much, okay?"

"I know how you feel, son." It was true - Jeff had always avoided thinking about the day Lucy died and the empty void which his life had become immediately afterwards, but the memories had come flooding back the moment he'd learned of Tin-Tin's death and realised its implications for his son. Even now, over twenty years later, the feeling of grief had been so sharp that he'd physically felt the pain.

"No you don't!"

Jeff stared at Alan in surprise. But before he could speak, Alan went on.

"You don't know how I feel. You had twelve years with Mom. You got married, you had five kids, you've got all the memories of the things you did together. I don't have any of that. All I've got are thoughts of what might have been. You don't have any idea what I'm going through right now."

Jeff didn't have an answer for that and he had to admit his son had a good point. He stood silently by whilst Alan picked up a pebble and hurled it out into the sea. He waited a few minutes, then, when Alan suddenly sat down in the sand, decided to have another go at getting through to him. But before he could say anything, his watch alerted him to a call from Scott and he moved away a little so he could talk freely.

"How's it going?" Scott asked.

"Not good. How are things at the house?"

"Horrible. I tried to talk to Virg but he said he had a headache and went back to bed. I was going to go after him but then Grandma came in with a vase of Tin-Tin's favourite flowers. Her hands were shaking so much that she dropped it, and now she's sitting in the corner crying."

"Okay, son. I'll come back up." Jeff didn't want to leave Alan but Scott looked like he'd had about as much as he could take, an unusual state of affairs for his capable eldest son.

Scott seemed to register his father's concern, taking a deep breath and shaking his head. "No, Dad. Gordon's looking after her. That's not why I'm calling. I wanted to let you know that the air ambulance is on its way to pick up Tin-Tin. Whatever Johnny did to make it official seems to have worked. They'll be here in an hour."

"That soon?"

Scott looked uncomfortable. "Yeah. They said it was a priority. Tropical island and all that..."

"Oh, I see." Jeff felt suddenly sick. "I guess I'll have to tell Alan." The discussion about the rescue would have to wait, he thought. Now he had a much harder job to do. "Do me a favour and pack a bag for me, will you, Scott? I promised Kyrano I'd go with him."

"Sure, Dad. What about one for Alan?"

"Let me see what he wants to do. I'll get back to you."

Jeff signed off then approached Alan again, sitting down next to his son and putting an arm around his shoulders.

"It's time to say goodbye, son."

"Huh?" Alan turned to him in confusion.

"To Tin-Tin. They'll be taking her away soon."

"What?" Alan looked utterly bewildered. "Taking her where?"

"Malaysia."

"But this is her home. This is where she should be. There's a place we used to go on the other side of the island... She loved it. She'd want to be there."

"Did she tell you that, son?" Jeff asked gently.

"No, of course not. You think we ever talked about something like this happening to her? She's not going to Malaysia, Dad. I want her here with me."

"Alan, Kyrano wants her laid to rest with her mother."

"What about what I want?"

"He's her father."

"And I'm nobody?"

"Alan, don't." Jeff tried to tighten his hold on his son but Alan shook him off and jumped to his feet.

"She doesn't..." He swallowed and tried again. "Didn't... She didn't believe in half the things Kyrano does. All that mystical crap. This is all for him, isn't it? It's nothing to do with Tin-Tin."

"Alan, that's not fair."

"None of this is fair, Dad."

"I know. But he's made his decision. I'm going to Malaysia with him to help get things organised. Do you want to come?"

"What's the point?" Alan mumbled. " I'm not going to get a say in anything, am I?"

Jeff wasn't sure if what he was about to say next would go down well, but when he'd discussed all this with Kyrano earlier, the man had had one suggestion for Alan's involvement and Jeff felt bound to carry out his friend's wishes. "Kyrano wondered if you'd like to pick out something for her to wear."

Alan stared at him incredulously. "Something to wear? I don't know. How am I supposed to decide something like that? Ask Penny, I'm sure she'll be able to tell you what all the best-dressed girls are wearing to their funerals..."

"Alan, stop it!" Jeff grabbed his son's arm, only for Alan to pull away as he continued his rant against Kyrano. "Son, you need to calm down. You can't say any of this to him. I know you're hurting, but so is he."

"Oh don't worry, I won't say anything to him. What would be the point? I'd get more reaction from that rock over there. He hasn't even cried for her, has he?"

"You know Kyrano's not-"

Alan cut across his father. "Oh, tell him to do what he likes. It doesn't matter anyway. Nothing matters now."

"Son..."

"Go away, Dad."

"I can't leave you in this state, Alan."

Alan was clearly making an effort to keep some control, taking a deep breath before speaking again. "Dad, please, leave me be. I'll be okay. I know you mean well, I just need to be alone for a while."

"There's not much time before the plane arrives. If you want to see her..."

"Please, Dad, go on back. I just need a little time alone. Then I'll say goodbye."

Jeff didn't like it, but he remembered his own experiences all too well. He, too, had found the sympathy of those around him too much to take, retreating to the sanctuary of his study where he could let it all out in private. He gripped his son's shoulder for a moment then turned to make his way back to the house, looking back every now and then, unable to decide if he was worried or reassured by the way Alan seemed frozen in place, still staring out at the sea.

Two hours later it was all over. Penny sat on the terrace watching as the plane carrying Tin-Tin's body disappeared into the sky. It had been a difficult time. Brains had finally been coaxed out of his lab to say his farewells to the girl and his despair had been painful to witness. However, it had been nothing compared to Alan's breakdown. The young man was still in Tin-Tin's room, his grandmother and eldest brother doing their best to comfort him in the absence of his father. Jeff had charged her with keeping an eye on his family whilst he was away with Kyrano, making her promise to tell him of any problems, even if Scott insisted he was better off not knowing. Penny had given her word, even though she knew she'd find it almost impossible to argue with Scott.

Her phone rang and she reached for it in annoyance, expecting it to be Simon once again. She immediately felt bad - the man had been nothing other than understanding and sympathetic, immediately agreeing that they should cancel their skiing trip so that Penny could stay to help out her friends. He'd called her several times since, obviously concerned about her, but each call just made Penny feel even worse about leading him on. He was a good man, but he wasn't Scott. Of course, each time that thought crossed her mind she just felt guilty. How could she even think such a thing at a time like this?

But it wasn't Simon, it was her contact at MI5 offering her a new mission. Penny refused, of course, but the man was persistent and it took her a good ten minutes to persuade him that this time he'd need to find someone else. It was a relief to end the call and she couldn't help muttering some highly unladylike comments about men who wouldn't take no for an answer.

"Simon?"

It was Scott. Penny jumped and blushed, furious with herself for caring about the casual way Scott mentioned the other man's name.

"No, Scott. MI5."

"What did they want?" He was still hopeful that the people who'd stolen Thunderbird Four would be captured.

Penny told him about the mission she'd been offered.

"Sounds dangerous."

"The danger doesn't concern me, Scott. I'm more than capable of handling it."

"I know you are, Penny. It's just... well, we've lost Tin-Tin, we wouldn't be able to handle losing you too."

Penny had to turn away. He saw her as a friend, nothing more, she reminded herself. Any one of the Tracys would have said the same.

"I turned it down," she told him. "I think I could be more help here and, to be honest, Scott, right now my heart's not in it. I wouldn't want to be a liability to the other agents."

"I'm glad," Scott told her. "I don't know what we'd do without you and Parker."

She met his eyes for a moment, but before she could say anything he got to his feet. "I need to call John."

"When is he coming home?"

"Tomorrow. Gordon needs to spend some time in Three's simulators first. It's a while since he's flown her. Brains and Alan aren't up to it. I'll see you later, Penny."

She watched him go back into the house, struck by the way his shoulders slumped. It was a far cry from his usual ramrod straight Air Force demeanour and she knew he was hurting as much as any of his brothers, however much he tried to hide it.

Up on Thunderbird Five, John was struggling. His father had called just before he'd left the island, apologising again for leaving his son up in space, reminding him that he'd have a chance to see Tin-Tin before the funeral. John had just nodded, knowing that this wasn't the time to tell his father that he was more than happy to stay where he was, and that he really didn't want to see the body. Why everyone seemed to think it was necessary, he didn't know. His brothers were used to death - strangers, of course - but John didn't have their experience. It was bad enough having to listen to the screams and prayers of dying rescue victims without having to see the damage done to their bodies. He wanted to remember Tin-Tin as she was - alive and beautiful and happy, not as some empty shell.

When his father had ordered him to take Thunderbird Five offline and send out a transmission informing the world that International Rescue would be unavailable for the foreseeable future, he'd agreed, having expected the instruction ever since Tin-Tin had died. He'd hated to do it, hated the thought that other people would now have to endure the same grief and misery as him and his family, but he knew there was no way anyone was fit to respond to a call for help. Those of his brothers he'd spoken to - Scott and Gordon - had looked utterly shattered, both physically and mentally, and he knew his father had made the right decision. He'd sent the message then begun to shut down the communication systems. Finally the station fell silent.

John had lasted just under two minutes before diving for the controls and snapping them all back on. It was too quiet, too empty. He needed the distraction of the noise just to stop himself from going insane. The last thing he needed was even more time to think about what had happened.

Calling International Rescue...

No! Not a callout, not when they couldn't respond.

International Rescue? Are you there? The words were followed by a giggle and what sounded like a hiccup and John felt a sudden mixture of relief and anger as he saw the source of the call flash up on screen. Another drunk college girl by the look of it. It was Friday night in California, after all.

It went against all protocol, but John often enjoyed this kind of call. Usually the girls were engaged in some kind of dare, hoping for the chance to talk to one of the heroes of International Rescue. Once he'd confirmed that there was no real emergency, he'd spend a little time flirting with them. After all, he needed to keep his hand in somehow - his brothers might be stuck on the island most of the time, but at least out on rescues they met real women. He couldn't help remembering the conversation he'd had with Scott, Virgil and Gordon just a couple of days ago when they were lamenting Alan's luck in having Tin-Tin there on the island whilst they were all alone. No one would be calling their brother lucky now...

International Rescue? This is an emergency. Our dorm's on fire. We need help. This was followed by another fit of giggling and John could hear several other female voices in the background egging the caller on.

John outlined a professional response in his head, one which explained politely that IR were out of action, then ignored it in favour of a blisteringly sarcastic response in which he pointed out - as he'd wanted to do so many times in situations like this but been too professional to do so - that if their building was on fire (which he didn't believe for a moment) then maybe they should try calling their local fire department. After all, it wouldn't take them an hour to arrive like it would IR.

There was silence for a moment then the transmission cut out. John slumped in his chair, unsure whether he felt better or not. It had certainly helped relieve some of the stress he'd been feeling, if only for a moment, but it worried him that he'd lost control like that. Pulling himself together, he turned off the communications systems once more. This time, hard as it was, he left them off.

He was relieved when Scott called in with the promise that he'd be up to get his brother first thing in the morning. However hard it would be to deal with the miserable atmosphere down on Tracy Island, he knew he'd go mad if he had to stay alone on a silent Five much longer.

The rest of the day on Tracy Island was uneventful. Alan and Virgil stayed in their rooms, both finding refuge in sleep - Alan under the influence of a sedative Scott had slipped him, so concerned was he by the way his brother had broken down when Tin-Tin's body had been taken away. Scott and Gordon spent their time in the simulator. Usually Gordon would play the fool, deliberately crashing whichever machine he was handling, just to annoy his brother, but this time he did everything by the book. At the end of the session he was about to suggest they go and get John right away, but then he looked properly at Scott's tired face and left the words unspoken. Instead he announced that he was going to get an early night, suggesting his brother did the same.

By eight thirty only Penny and Parker were still awake. Made uncomfortable by the uncharacteristic quiet of the house, they sat out on the terrace drinking tea and wondering what the future held for the Tracys and International Rescue.

Gordon slept surprisingly well. He'd expected to have the same dreams he'd had on the night of the tragedy, reliving the awful minutes where he'd searched desperately for Tin-Tin, eventually discovering her body jammed up against the ruins of the drainage gate, knowing by the blue tinge of her skin that he was too late. But there had been none of that - unsurprisingly since he'd been so exhausted when he'd gone to bed. He just hoped Scott had managed to find a similar rest. But one look at his brother's pale face and the dark shadows under his eyes told him otherwise.

"Ready?" he asked.

"Yeah. Let's go get Johnny."

They headed into the lounge, only to pull up in surprise at the sight of Alan sitting on the couch.

"How do you feel?" Gordon asked.

Alan shrugged but didn't bother stating the obvious. "What's going on?"

"We're off to get John," Scott told him. "Where's Brains? He's supposed to be handling the launch."

"You're going?" Alan asked Gordon in surprise.

"Yeah. Don't worry, I spent all yesterday practising..." Gordon broke off, aware that Alan probably wouldn't care about Thunderbird Three right now.

"I'll go," Alan said, suddenly.

Scott and Gordon exchanged wary looks. "Alan, I'm not sure that's such a good idea," Scott told him.

"Why not? It's my job. It's not like I didn't get a good night's sleep - I'm guessing it was you who drugged me, Scott?"

Scott muttered something and looked down at the ground.

"Doesn't matter," Alan told him. "If I'm honest, I'm grateful. And now I'm fit to fly. More so than you, Scott, by the look of it."

"Alan..." Scott didn't like this sudden calmness on the part of his brother. He dealt with grief by throwing himself into his work - his father was the same - but Alan was a far more volatile character and Scott knew it was only a matter of time until there was yet another outburst.

Alan moved to stand in front of his brothers, looking each one straight in the eye. "Please. Just get me away from here for a while. Give me something else to think about. I can't stand it here right now."

The desperation in his eyes made Scott bite back his initial rejection. Instead he gave in. "Okay, but Gordon comes too."

"Sure." Alan moved back to the couch.

Brains walked in at that moment, looking as though he'd had even less sleep than Scott. He looked awkwardly at Alan, unable to meet his eye before moving to Jeff's desk ready to initiate the launch.

"Alan's coming with us," Scott told him, shrugging his shoulders at Brains' look of surprise. "We'll see you in a few hours."

"F-F-FAB, S-Scott." Brains watched the remaining brothers take their places on the couch then flicked the switch which would transport them to Thunderbird Three. He couldn't help wondering why Alan was going along. Surely he should be as prostrated with grief as Brains himself was.

Scott was on edge throughout the flight, his attention only half on the controls, the rest of his focus on Alan. He'd expected a breakdown at any moment, but apart from one long pause as Alan's gaze fell on Tin-Tin's usual seat, there had been nothing and the flight had been uneventful. John was glad to see them, unusually keen to leave Five. Scott couldn't blame him - the silent station was eerie to say the least.

"Guess I should turn the lights off," John said dryly, reaching out for the switches which would turn off all but the most basic systems and wondering how long it would be before he'd see her again.

On the flight home, first John, then Scott, tried to get Alan to talk to them, figuring that since he couldn't go anywhere, he might just be persuaded to open up to them, but their brother refused point blank to discuss Tin-Tin's death. When Gordon joined in with a plea to him not to blame Virgil, Alan said nothing, simply shooting his brother such a look of contempt that Gordon actually took a step backwards. In the end the brothers gave up and the rest of the flight was completed in silence apart from the occasional check-in with Brains.

John had never had such a depressing homecoming. Brains managed a brief greeting, but was clearly desperate to abandon the command centre in favour of the sanctuary of his lab. His grandmother burst into tears at the sight of him and he felt duty-bound to give her a hug, wishing he could do it a little less awkwardly. Parker had done his best to prepare a meal but it wasn't anything like the feast that would usually be waiting for him on his arrival. He wasn't hungry but he felt obliged to eat it anyway.

"Where's Virgil?" he asked.

"Still in his room," Penny told him. "He says he's still got a headache..."

John considered this. Concussion took a while to get over and it was no surprise that Virgil was still feeling rough. But he'd been there before and by this time he'd usually be fighting his father to be allowed out of his room. He worried that his brother might be sinking into some kind of depression, but when he went to talk to him he found Virgil fast asleep. It didn't reassure him.

Making his way back to the lounge he found Scott and Penny watching a news report on the TV. A situation had arisen in Austria. A line on a cable car had snapped and the car was dangling precariously several hundred feet in the air. The local authorities had tried everything to reach the people inside - mainly school children on a skiing trip - but to no avail and the reporter was currently bemoaning the absence of International Rescue.

John turned off the TV set. "No sense watching that," he said. "We can't help."

Penny agreed, though the doubtful expression as she spoke suggested that she wished there was something they could do.

Scott stared at the blank screen for a moment then seemed to shake himself into action, heading towards the entrance to Thunderbird Two.

"Scott?" Penny put a hand out to stop him but he pushed her aside.

"Come on, Scott," John said. "You can't."

"It's an easy one, John," Scott said tersely. "You know it is. Two can handle it. I'll be there and back in no time."

"But..." John gave up. He'd seen that stubborn look on Scott's face too many times to waste his breath arguing. "At least let me come with you."

But Scott was gone.

Penny didn't dare report Scott's actions to Jeff, even though she knew he'd probably pick up on the rescue from the news. She couldn't help admiring the man for what he'd done. He was grief-stricken over Tin-Tin and exhausted from a trip into space, not the mention the strain of trying to keep his family from falling apart, yet still he'd gone out to try to help others. She and John followed his progress anxiously but, as Scott had stated, it was a simple rescue and within ten minutes of his arrival Scott had the cable car secured in Two's grabs and was lowering it to the ground.

"I'm on my way home," he told them. "Put the coffee on, will you?"

When he arrived home he collapsed on the couch, announcing he was starving, yet only picking at the food Parker had prepared for him. John exchanged an anxious look with Penny, both of them equally aware that the eldest brother was pushing himself too hard. Then he'd taken Scott away with the promise of alcohol and pool. Penny hadn't followed them to the games room, knowing the brothers needed time to themselves. Instead she dutifully made the rounds of the others, reassured to find Virgil awake and in the care of his grandmother, whilst Gordon kept an eye on Alan. Only Brains refused to talk to her and finally she gave up, deciding she'd ask Scott for the security codes for the lab in the morning.

She took herself off to her room and got ready for bed. But sleep wouldn't come and in the end she decided that a cup of tea was needed. Not wanting to bother Parker - the man had enough to do, having taken over all the domestic duties without complaint - she made her way to the kitchen, prepared a pot of tea and took it out onto the balcony.

She was surprised to find someone out there. Even more surprised when she realised it was Scott. There was no sign of John and she wondered why. Then, as she hesitated, wondering whether or not to leave him alone, she heard a sound which filled her with both fear and pity.

Scott was crying.

She debated going back inside, knowing that a man like Scott would feel utterly humiliated at being discovered in such a state. But then as she watched and his shoulders started to shake uncontrollably, she knew she couldn't leave. Instead she walked up to him, put her arms around him and pulled him towards her, hating herself for the sudden burst of joy she felt when, after an initial hesitation, he clung to her as if he never wanted to let her go.