Farewells are never pleasant

A/N: Once more, thank you for those awesome reviews. They just make me feel all fuzzy inside! You guys make my day. I really love this story, and I'm very happy that you people like it. Not much left to say... On with the chapter!

Disclaimer: I just don't own them, no matter how hard I try.

"This place is so empty
My thoughts are so tempting
I don't know how it got so bad
Sometimes it's so crazy
That nothing can save me
But it's the only thing that I have."

"Pieces"- Sum 41.

-+-

January came and passed by without much going on.

Since Christmas, Harry noted that Hermione seemed a little bit distant with them, hostile even; but on the other hand, she sometimes looked excited... As if an important day was coming. What day could it be? Maybe St. Valentine's Day? There were times when she worked and kept up with the world- There were others when she would lay on the couch for hours, physically telling the world to get lost. She always wore a silver bracelet that "Tonks had given to her on Christmas" now. Harry didn't know why, but that bracelet made him feel uneasy.

In fact, Hermione thought she had done a wonderful job of masking her feelings. It was February now; she had let a month pass since she had made her decision to take her life. Let everyone think that she was okay, that she didn't need any help. In all honesty, she didn't need anyone to tell her that she should move on because Sirius was dead; Hermione didn't need to hear them telling her that her appearance was somewhat scary... She knew. She didn't need a reminder, thank you.

And indeed, her appearance made heads turn... Pity it wasn't for the right reasons. Hermione was thinner than ever before, and her ever pale skin brought out the rings under her eyes. She rarely ate and had given up on the thought of sleeping more than an hour per night, two if she was lucky. In those long hours of insomnia, Hermione had also taken up on planning her own end. It sounded tacky to kill herself in St. Valentine's Day, which happened to be tomorrow.

Also, in those long nights, when silence choked and trapped her, keeping her company, she would sometimes think about every single person she had met in her life, and about the War. It was pathetically ironic how Hermione had fought over two years against Voldemort and his Death Eaters to avoid getting killed, and now she was about to commit suicide. It was... weird. Sad. She sighed as she stared at the ceiling.

-Flashback-

"You're not taking any more pills, aren't you?" Harry asked her, gazing at her from the edge of Hermione's bed. The owner of the bed avoided to look at him.

"It's alright, Harry. A doctor gave them to me," Hermione tiredly answered, closing her eyes. They had been talking about Ginny and Draco; why did he have to bring this up?

"But why? Why do you need to take them?"

"I'm haunted by dreams," Hermione whispered, opening her eyes and looking at the ceiling. "Horrible dreams... All the time..." her voice broke at that, and she rolled around to face the wall without another word.

- End flashback-

Truth to be told, Hermione didn't know why Harry still tried to talk to her and make her laugh. Maybe it was because he knew what it was to feel depressed and isolated; maybe because he genuinely cared for her... Hermione didn't know. She only knew that it was too late for her.

-+-

St. Valentine's Day is a day meant for couples, as the entire world knows. Mushy music, cheesy places like Madame Puddifoot's... A perfect opportunity for public displays of affection, to receive nice, heart warming letters, and to go out with someone to eat loads and loads of chocolate; among other things.

However, and as everything in life, this day tended to bring out the worse and the best of the implications of the day itself. This day is perfect for people in happy relationships. Without someone to share your day with, St. Valentine's day turned out to be the most depressing bloody day of the whole bloody year. The persons who are alone, for one reason or another, are inclined to curse the day to oblivion and are tempted to spit on the faces of every couple they meet, if they felt very bitter.

The latter was the case of Hermione, who was currently sitting on a sofa next to a window. She stared at the world go by with a sadness so vast, and a bitterness so deep, that if she saw one more couple kissing, she'd AK them without second thought. It was Saturday, and thanks Merlin, it was already ten p.m. A few more hours, and the stupid day would end. She was alone in the house- Harry had gone out. Hermione sighed and covered her eyes with her hand. Her mind had a knack for torturing her in the hardest of times, and, goodness, this was no exception.

-Flashback-

In three days, she'd be returning to Hogwarts... Away from Sirius. Needless to say, she wasn't pleased. Especially because lately, as the Christmas break ended, things had not been going as smoothly as last week. Maybe it was because of Lupin... That had been a reality check, both for her and Sirius. Plus, he had been moody and mostly bitter; sometimes not even Hermione could pull him out of those mood swings. The worst part was that he actually was making Hermione moody and depressed. The fights about Kreacher were an everyday thing, for example. Hermione was afraid that, once left alone, Sirius would lose all self control and do something stupid.

She didn't want to leave him. She just didn't want to go.

Hermione had been so scared that day, when they had entered the kitchen and had found Snape and Sirius ready to start a duel, with only Harry to keep them at bay. Snape taunted him too much; he pressed all the right buttons, and threw salt over all the open wounds. Sometimes, she had tried to tell Sirius that he shouldn't let Snape's bitterness to bother him, that Dumbledore had his best interests at heart... Sirius of course told her that she needn't worry.

In three days, Hermione and Sirius grew distant, but not yet cold. It was if they were both waiting for something. Something neither of them could accept nor even face- And it wasn't the only thing. Hermione often found herself on the verge of tears as she glanced at him, when he talked with Harry, when he smiled at her. It was the strangest feeling of an oncoming doom... Hermione didn't know where it came from, or where did it belong, but maybe because she didn't want to? It was just there, hanging in the stars, waiting to be uncovered with all its might and power. Would Sirius be at her side when it fell? Would he help her when the mystery was unveiled?

Would Sirius provide her with his warmness, when the cold dawn broke?

-End flashback-

Hermione cradled her face with her hands, but forbid herself to cry. Enough crying already. Oh, if only she had known; if only she had known what would he happening to Sirius that very same year! Hermione would've done so many things different. That had been the answer to her anxiety to leave him alone, the feeling of the oncoming doom- Hermione had somehow sensed his death. Why? Why Sirius? Hermione just wanted one reason. One way to accept it... But there wasn't any.

- Flashback-

"Sirius... I need to talk to you," Hermione requested with a heavy, serious voice, attempting to look confident. Sirius looked up at her, mildly surprised, and agreed with his head. As usual, he had been in his mother's bedroom. Tomorrow Hermione would be leaving to Hogwarts... "Please, cast a Silencio on the room," she added softly, trying to stop her knees from trembling. Sirius now raised his eyebrows and mutely did as told. Ignoring Buckbeak's hoots she sat down in front of Sirius, who stared at her emotionlessly.

"What is it?" He asked, breaking the silence. Hermione, with great effort, looked at him.

"Sirius... It's not my fault that Harry's leaving tomorrow." She told him, somewhat angry with the indifferent tone of his voice. Sirius bored his eyes into hers and didn't say anything at first; probably mulling over what she had said.

"I know," he snarled at the end. "It's not only Harry. If I'm not mistaken, you're leaving too." Hermione frowned at this, part of her feeling happy that he cared, and the other part slightly annoyed with his attitude. "And I'll be alone again, with only blasted Kreacher to keep me company. Don't worry, I'm used to it. I don't need compassion."

"Do you think this is easy for me?" Hermione asked him loudly. "Do you honestly believe that I want to leave you?" Her voice was starting to tremble. Calm down, Hermione. Calm down... "Because if you do, allow me to tell you that you're sadly mistaken." Sirius looked down with a frown and threw the remaining bone towards Buckbeak; and Hermione knew he was feeling as frustrated as her.

"Sorry," he muttered in the end. "It's just..." His voice died down and didn't finish the sentence; the unsaid words lingering in the air. Hermione bit her lower lip and also looked down. Again, silence fell. This was turning out to be the most awkward talk Hermione had shared with someone, and she was starting to feel a strong urge to stand up and leave. Hermione knew what had to be done; problem was that she just didn't want to do it.

Couldn't they continue to live, just for a little bit more, in that special life they had shared during most of the holiday break? Please... Just a little bit more. That was all she asked. But Hermione knew that those days were gone. Reality had kicked in, and reality tended to be crude and imperfect.

"Hermione..." Sirius didn't need to continue. She had heard it all in his voice; yes, she knew. She knew what was coming, and for the life of her she didn't want to go through it. Her eyes started to swim in tears. "Don't cry, love," Sirius whispered, leaning in to touch her cheek, but Hermione tensed and turned her head away.

"Don't make it worse, Sirius," she croaked. She wouldn't be able to resist the hurt if he continued being so nice to her. "This is hard enough," she added.

"I know." He simply replied. "Farewells are never pleasant." Hermione tightly closed her eyes and tried to breathe; she didn't want to sob. She had to be strong, she had to be strong; it wasn't as though she hadn't known that this would eventually happen.

"We can work our way through this," Hermione stated, opening her eyes and fixing them on Sirius. "Yes, you're older than me; yes, you're my best friend's godfather-" It was getting harder and harder to talk through her sobs, and to see through her tears, but she had to say this. "Yes, the War... It all comes in the way." Hermione stood up and turned away from him. "But I still love you." She confessed barely above a whisper.

A minute passed in complete silence, and then Hermione felt Sirius's hand gently touching her shoulder. Unconsciously, she shivered.

"No, you don't love me," his soft voice reached her ears. Hermione turned around sharply, her tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Yes, yes I do!" She breathed; all of a sudden embracing him. "Since the first time that I saw you..." she trailed off. Gently but firmly, Sirius broke the embrace. He cupped her face in his hands and gazed at her longingly.

"You may be in love with me, Hermione," he started, speaking barely above a whisper. "But you don't love me. You simply can't, and you shouldn't. Have you any idea of what you're saying? The weight of those three words?" He continued. "You are the only girl I've cared so much about, and I'm also wrong there. You need to be with someone that is your own age; someone who deserves you," he finished, swallowing. He let go of her face and stepped backwards.

Hermione resisted the urge to wail. She was supposed to be the rational and logical one! Passion wasn't one of her attributes!

"You deserve me," she replied. Sirius shook his head no sadly.

"I will always care for you, sweet," Sirius told her. "But you must understand, as much as it pains me to tell you this, that we can't be together."

"I know," Hermione managed to get out, looking at him. Yes, she knew, and she understood, and she knew that he was absolutely right. But that couldn't stop the pain cursing through her. "Can I... Can I hug you?" she shyly asked him. He smiled and nodded, opening her eyes to receive a broken hearted Hermione.

- End flashback-

No sounds could be heard in Grimmauld Place. Much to her dismay, Hermione hadn't been able to hold her tears at bay as she remembered their break up, and clutched the silver bracelet for some comfort that didn't come to her aid. Stupid St. Valentine's Day! Hermione sprung from the couch and determinately went through the living room and up the dark staircase. If she was going to kill herself in a few days, then she might as well take a last look at Sirius's bedroom. Just to see the picture that rested on his bedside table once more...

The front door opened and Harry entered the house, shivering with the cold breeze, and shut the door behind him. Why was everything so dark? "Hello?" He called as he lit up the candles and lamps. "Anyone home?" He added, peeking up the stair. No answer. Harry raised his eyebrows as he went up the stairs. "Hermione? Are you-" He cut himself off at the sight of a fuming Hermione. "Have you been crying? Are you alright?" He wanted to know, catching her red nose and bloodshot eyes. She looked ready to start throwing vapour out of her ears.

"Why can't I enter Sirius's room?" She questioned in a false calm voice. She didn't care about being cautious anymore. Harry's brow furrowed.

"Because I locked it."

"Why?"

"To prevent anyone from entering," he answered matter-of- factly. Hermione stamped her foot on the floor; she knew that that wasn't a very mature thing to do, but she didn't care. She had tried with the Alohomora, but it hadn't worked. Who was Harry to stop her from entering there? What right did he have to tell her what to do or stop doing?

"I'll Apparate inside, then!" Hermione snarled. Harry crossed his arms.

"I've put wards."

"Don't you think I can't deactivate them?" She barked, ready to punch Harry. The anger flaring inside of her was impossible to describe. Harry didn't understand anything! Few times in her life had she felt so livid.

"You're not entering that room again and that's it!" Harry told her loudly.

"Unlock that door!" Hermione screeched.

"What is it with that room, Hermione?! Why are you so keen on entering it?!" Harry asked her even louder than before.

"That's none of your business!" She exclaimed.

"Yes it is!"

"I don't need you to look after me!" Hermione finally lost it. "You can't boss me around! I have the right to go into the room if I please!" Harry was blushing furiously, while Hermione was as pale as a ghost.

"It's not healthy, Hermione! It only hurts you!" Harry retorted. "Sirius is dead!"

"I have noticed, thank you!"

"I should've locked that bedroom since you first came in!" Harry told her, pointing at the door angrily.

"What gives you the right to?!" Hermione yelled.

"HE WAS MY GODFATHER!" Harry hollered back. Hermione felt her heart hammering in her chest at this. AND HE WAS MY BOYFRIEND!

"WELL, I DON'T CARE! UNLOCK THAT DOOR!" She shouted instead, also pointing at the bedroom.

"THIS IS MY HOUSE!" Harry retorted. Hermione blinked a few times at this, and Harry grimaced. "I'm so sorry-" he started, still breathing heavily (as Hermione), reaching out to her arm.

"Don't touch me," Hermione hissed, stepping away from him. "Fine, this is your house."

"Hermione, please-" Hermione turned away from him and started walking towards her own bedroom with heavy steps; Harry followed her. "I got carried away," he started again. As if he hadn't said anything, Hermione turned around and fixed her eyes on his.

"I'll be gone by morning."

That said, and not waiting for a response, Hermione entered her bedroom and slammed the door in Harry's face. Harry wanted to hit his head on the wall, feeling frustrated and sad. He had never wanted to hurt her... He sighed and knocked on her door for nearly ten minutes, but nothing came. Sighing sadly, he turned away and went to this own room. He would apologize tomorrow and she would stay, Harry was sure of it. Then why did he find himself with the same uneasy feeling he had felt that fateful day, in his fifth year, when he had said goodbye to Sirius?

-+-

A/N: Well, there it is. This chapter was a lot longer, but I decided to cut it in two. I hope that this was good enough! Please, don't forget to review... See you on the next chapter! Bye!