-Explode-
-Chapter 5: I love you as you love me-
-Emily's POV-
I remember when Hanna used to talk to me about Mona all the time. I never minded because I was the only one that she could talk to about it. I soon to begin to realize, jealousy was coming my way. For reasons that I could not explain at first. This is when Spencer was with Toby. I was closest to Hanna than Spencer and Aria, those two were as close as me and Hanna were. That is how it was, and that is how it stayed for a while. Until Hanna met Caleb and Toby moved away. Hanna slipped away from me and Spence slipped to me. Since Aria fell into the arms of Ezra. It was weird how I thought about what Mona might have be feeling time from time. To lose her only true friend twice. So one time I talked to her, I was curious to how she had been holding on.
"Has it been hard without Hanna?"
"Yes it has. I always catch myself missing her."
"I understand you two were very close."
"She was my everything and she still is."
I felt so bad for Mona, she became depressed. It was plain for me to see. The dried tears on her cheeks every morning at school. Maybe I was the only one that cared. Because it was my fault, I was the main one that stole Hanna away from her.
Before Hanna left Mona I could tell they had something stronger than just friendship. Even if they were best friends, there was something else holding them together. I remember Hanna telling me that she loved Mona. But it didn't sound like a casual "i love her" I could tell that she meant more by how much she let show. The way I found out for sure is when they were parked outside my house. Mona was dropping her off and I watched from my bedroom window. Hanna tried to get out of the car but Mona grabbed her hand, desperately. The tears in Hanna's eyes were unbearable to see as she got back in the car. Mona still held on to her hand. Though I couldn't hear what they were saying. I could tell the words were strong. That's when I saw Hanna kiss Mona, it was the most passionate kiss I ever came to see in my life.
I never really knew Hanna to be a passionate person, but she proved me so wrong. It hurt to watch, but I just couldn't bring myself to look away. I still feel like they should have been together and I still think they do.
Caleb treats Hanna right, I know that and I am not saying they don't make a good couple. I can just see that Hanna isn't completely happy with him. Because she still loves Mona I feel it. I feel that their passion is still roaming around them when they get the chance to see each other. And, when they aren't around each other it makes its way inside of them.
That's why the very first time I kissed Hanna it felt so wrong and I hated that I wanted more. I saw pictures of Mona crying flashing in my head until I began to cry. I wanted her and at the same time I wanted her to be with Mona. It was always complicated. Day by day, month by month we grew apart again, because she began to give all her time to Caleb. Spencer was here for me all the time. Maya came along, she took my heart and took care of it the best she could.
And truthfully I did not pay attention to where the others went. Or what they did I was too focused on Maya and every charm she had. In the months I was with her, it was not like any other. I fell in love with her. I had something with Maya that I couldn't have with Hanna but I did want. All that want for Hanna just went away and was replaced with Maya. I learned how to not worry. She taught me how to live without pain.
Kissing her, left me with no regret just happiness in the form of a taste of a touch, of a whole person. When she was taken away from me for reasons I do not know. That is what hurt me even more. Not knowing why I had to lose her. I was a wreck, so Spencer came to save me. But I didn't want to be saved. I didn't want anything to do with anyone. But I was also so weak that I gave in. I didn't care what happened to me if it did anymore. Spence was there every single time. To wipe away every single tear to hold my every finger. She loved me more than I could bare at the moment. So I pushed her away, I didn't mean to hurt her. I think she understood but sometimes her thoughts would argue with each other. But Spence has always been the strongest and I have always admired her for it.
I will always be thankful for how much she sacrificed for me. And how much she helped me through every single thing. I love her and I will do everything I can in my power not to give into Hanna for the sake of all of us.