It was eight o'clock. Half an hour ago, Sadie had sent Anubis a text telling him to meet her at the playground a few blocks from her house, and he replied, saying that he would be there in five minutes.
So where was he? She thought, rocking back and forth on the swings. It had rained the day before and the hot summer air was as sticky and uncomfortable. Beads of sweat dripped down the side of her face. She shifted a bit and sighed.
"LOVESICKNESS? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?" Julius massaged his forehead and crossed the room yet again. He glanced over at Anubis's feverish form and tsked at him. "Gosh, if I knew teenagers were this angsty, I would've straightened out this kid before he even got there." In response, the God of Toilet Paper tossed in his bed, the ice pack slipping off his face and landing on the floor. Julius leaned down to pick it up and place it back on Anubis's head, only to have it fall off when he moved again.
"Julius, you're supposed to be the crazy boss character, not the strict dad. What the hell happened?"
"If you've got the strength to criticize the way the author made me, get up and see Sadie. She just texted you to ask if you could meet her at the park and I responded for you. Aren't you going to go?"
"Damn you adults who can use technology. I can't let her see me like this…plus lovesickness isn't even a real illness."
"Heck yeah it is. Are you kidding?"
"No. And I didn't even think gods could get sick in the first place."
"But without it there wouldn't be any plot development…"
"Plot development? Never heard of it." The two men looked at each other and nodded solemnly in silent agreement. Then Anubis broke out in a coughing fit, effectively ending the pointless rant.
"But this doesn't excuse the fact that you're making Sadie wait in this weather. Looks like it'll rain again, too."
"Honestly, sir, why would you respond to something like that without me?"
"Well, what would you have done if I hadn't?" Anubis turned his head away and said nothing. Julius half-smiled empathetically and pulled a chair up to the edge of the bed. "Indeed, my daughter is a little bit…thickheaded and…insensitive, but why don't you man up and go see her anyway, even as just friends? Wouldn't that be the right thing to do?" Anubis pulled the blankets up over his head like a small child afraid to face the monster in the closet. Perhaps this was one of those rare times he could act vulnerable, instead of being trapped in the cold, hard shell of a personality he set for himself. After all, wasn't Sadie the one who was able to break it?
"I guess," the blankets replied. Suddenly, the covers were thrown off, landing hard on Julius's head and causing him to fall backwards in the chair. Anubis leapt to his feet and hopped enthusiastically on the bed. "I've got this!" He said. But something was definitely off. There were two Juliuses, covered with blankets and shaking their fists at him. His t-shirt turned pink and Sadie's octopus plushie appeared before him, burping the A-B-Cs and dancing to heavy metal. Then the bed disappeared, replaced by a cavern of darkness that laughed at him, telling him to "eat his lollipop and shut up."
Then he collapsed.