Fourteen.

There was a pounding in Amelia's head that was consistent throughout her speech. It was loud and annoying and very much alive. She felt it subside considerably when she had finished and Kingsley looked away. He was taking it better than she had hoped. However, when he turned to face her and asked the question she had prayed would never cross his mind, her stomach sank to the ground beneath them. Perhaps lower. And that pounding – that God awful pounding – exploded through every bone in her body.

"What?" she said, exasperated. She didn't have to try and hide her disbelief – it was written all over her face.

"Please … don't make me say it again, Lia." Kingsley said, his face pained.

The last thing Amelia wanted to do was hurt Kingsley because she had already done enough. She intended to keep her relationship with Lucius a secret as long as possible. However, she did not want to lie to Kingsley anymore. So in a rash decision, Amelia stared blankly at Kingsley, trying to wipe all traces of emotion – mainly guilt – off her face.

Kingsley looked at Amelia, cocking his head to the side. He had for song long cared about her, loved her, even. It was paralyzing for him to think that not once had she ever reciprocated anything he felt, although he had long ago suspected it. He knew that there must have been someone, anyone, else, otherwise, she would have contented herself with him.

"Amelia-" he started again.

"Kingsley," Amelia interrupted, "Everything I told you is true." She reassured him.

In the back of her mind, Amelia tried to convince herself of this. That her excuses really were reasons and that ending the lopsided relationship was solely for his benefit than heartbreak.

Kingsley immediately realized that Amelia was trying to make herself believe something and he wholly believed that he deserved to know what it was. Who, he wondered, had captured her attention so much that she lying not only to him, but everyone around her? What was so horrible that it prevented her from simply saying, 'Kingsley, I've found someone else?'

"What house is he in?" he said simply.

"There's no-"

"A house," he repeated, "that's all I'm looking for."

Amelia stayed silent and averted her gaze from Kingsley, though she was positive he could see the guilt on her face. He shrugged easily.

"Too ashamed?" he said with no particular tone, to which Amelia did not reply. "Shall we run through them then?"

Amelia felt the wind whip around her head, her hair cascading around her face. She wondered if it was coincidental that the elements concealed her crimson cheeks from the Gryffindor's scrutinizing gaze.

"Gryffindor?" he posed, to which Amelia did not react. With a nod, he continued. "At least you're not the lowest kind of infidel. I can appreciate that much … Ravenclaw?" he continued. Amelia thought for a moment about confessing Xeno as her confidential partner, but decided that bringing him into the situation would do more harm than good. "Really? I would have pinpointed a certain blonde bookworm to be the object of your affection. Then again, you haven't really been around Ravenclaw Tower that much anyway, how could you spend any time with him …. Hufflepuff?"

Amelia felt a panic set in. He was getting closer and closer to the correct house and it was too late to change her mind. 'Be honest' she reminded herself 'and he'll forgive you.'

"No? Yes, I suppose Diggory is the only one that you might have any interest in if you wanted to kill two birds with one stone and betray your best friend as well." He smirked, her stomach going sour. "Well, then," he said, clasping his hands together behind his back, "that leaves Slytherin.

"What do you say we keep going? We've already gotten this far." Amelia stayed silent, showing no emotion as he rattled off the name that came to mind, keeping a close eye on Amelia's face. "MacNair … no, I guess Alecto would murder you over him, Amycus, too, actually … Rookwood? …. Lestrange? …. Rosier? …. Avery? …. Dawlish? …. Nott? …. Greengrass? …. No? Well the only person left is Mal … "

When Kingsley trailed off, Amelia instinctively and regrettably raised her gaze to Kingsley and wished more than anything that she hadn't. Let him think it was a someone, anyone else.

"No … you're not …" Kingsley grappled.

"Kingsley, just-"

"Of all people, Amelia!" Kingsley exploded, causing Amelia to jump at the tone in his voice. She had never seen him so enraged before. "Malfoy? Malfoy?! Have you gone completely mad?"

"No, of course not, I'm-" Amelia tried again.

"Has he got you under some sort of … some sort of spell?" Kingsley said quickly. There had to be a reason, some explanation. The Amelia he knew wouldn't give the time of day to someone like Lucius Malfoy.

"No." Amelia said quickly shaking her head.

"Then it's strictly for gain, right?" he stressed. "You agree to date him and he … he's promised you something?"

"No." Amelia repeated.

Kingsley desperately searched his mind for a valid excuse that would explain her behavior but he couldn't find any. Running his hand over his face, he sighed heavily.

"Then what?" he said, his voice breaking.

Amelia bowed her head, debating on what to say. She still has a chance to lie her way out and seek forgiveness. She could admit that yes, Lucius had given her a draft that made her sense of reason questionable. It would be easy to believe. She could try to say that he forced her to and she was too frightened to tell anyone. But Lucius didn't deserve that. She cared for him too much. Then, her own words echoed through her mind. I'm tired of lying. That she was. Amelia tucked her hair behind her hear and folded her arms across her chest, as if to protect herself from the fallout that would come.

"I care about him Kingsley." She said softly.

Kingsley eyes' widened in disbelief. It crossed his mind once that that might be her answer. But once only. Amelia Bones loathed Lucius Malfoy on principle. It was basic mathematics. How … Why … Kingsley turned the questions over and over in his mind. But Amelia's voice was sincere.

"You care about him? Since when? How … how is that possible, Amelia? You know … we all know what he is! Who he's going to be. How … how can you stand there and tell me you care about him? He's using you!" Kingsley said exasperated.

"You wouldn't understand, Kingsley." Amelia said, her tone unwavering.

"Then … then make me understand. Tell me what you see in him because obviously you're the only one seeing it." He spat.

Amelia cast her navy blue eyes to Kingsley's chocolate brown. She could see how hurt he was and even though it would not have seemed like it to an outsider, it was killing her. No one hated Amelia more than she did herself. If she wasn't honest with him now, the situation would only get worse.

"Kingsley," Amelia said softly, "I'm sorry for how I've treated you, but Lucius," Amelia saw Kingsley wince at her informal use of his name, "isn't using me. If anyone was manipulated for some sort of gain, it was you, and," she sighed heavily, "and that was my fault. I'm sorry. If you want to blame someone, blame me, not him."

"You're a fool, Amelia." Kingsley said with a shake of his head, turning and looking up at the castle. "Look at what he's got you thinking – that this is your fault-"

"This is my fault!"

"Come off it, Lia. You're so … so consumed with him that you're trying to blame yourself for what he's done-"

"And you're so consumed with me that you can't even admit it when I make mistakes!" Amelia shouted back. She lowered her head, her voice now quiet. "You've got to take me off this pedestal you have me on, Kingsley."

Kingsley gave Amelia a hard look. She was right. In his mind, she was golden. He loved her too much to think that she was capable of something like this.

"How did it start?" he said after a moment.

"Professor Flitwick asked me to tutor him in Charms."

"Figures." Kingsley rolled his eyes. "Git can't even get a descent grade on his own." Amelia had to bite her tongue not to explain why Lucius' grades had dropped – it would only ad fuel to the fire for Kingsley to know that Lucius had been sneaking off to meet the infamous Dark Lord. "That's where you always went – with him." Amelia nodded. "Where did you go? …. You know what, never mind, I don't want to know. So .. are his grades still suffering or is it just me?" he asked indifferent.

"Kingsley, I'm-"

"I know, you're sorry, but it doesn't change anything." He sighed. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"Have … have you and he … ?"

"No, no." Amelia shook her head. "No."

"I would've though that was the first thing on his mind." Kingsley said, cocking his head.

"He's different with me. He's not who you think he is." Amelia said easily.

"I hope so." Kingsley said sincerely, his eyes wet.

"Kingsley … I'm sorry."

"Sorry … sorry, sorry you're so goddamned sorry!" he said, closing the gap between them and taking her by her shoulders. "I love you, Amelia! I've loved you since the beginning. I would have given you everything – I tried to give you everything and you … you're off with him, studying charms." He scoffed. "Am I that terrible for you? What is it? Just tell me, please, what is it about him? What makes him better than me? Why do you want him and not me? Just give me that. At least give me that." He said, searching her face for answers.

Kingsley's face was soaked with tears and he sniffled, trying to keep composure. She had never seen a grown man, let alone Kingsley cry like this. So distraught. So hurt. And to think that this was her doing.

"I care about him, Ki-"

"But I love you!" he yelled over top of her, which was enough to silence her.

Kingsley Shacklebolt loved her today, and he would love her tomorrow. He would love her on the 30th birthday and he would love her if she had children with someone else. He knew that now. Amelia was everything he wanted and if he couldn't have her, so be it. No matter what the future brought them, his heart wouldn't change. But he also knew that hers wouldn't either.

"Don't." Amelia said quietly.

"Fine." Kingsley nodded. "Go on. Go to him. Go be with him. Go tell him how much you care about him." He scorned. "But after he's done with you – and he will be – you'll realize exactly what you did wrong."

Kingsley did not wait for Amelia to reply before turning to head toward the castle. She watched him walk away for a moment before something came to mind.

"Kingsley!" she called and he turned around slowly. "You're … you're not going to tell them, are you?" she bit her lip, nervous.

"What do you think, Lia?" was all Kingsley said before turning around and continuing on.

Amelia watched him as he walked. Back to Edgar. Back to Emmeline. Back to everyone that was inside having dinner, oblivious to everything that was happening. Kingsley said it himself – he loved her, he would continue to love her. She was reassured by that thought that her secret was safe, at least for now. She wondered if he was going to tell them if they broke up. Eventually, but not tonight, Amelia would come clean. There was only one person Amelia wanted to see right now, so she made her way to the castle, careful to step around Kingsley's snow-prints.

All The Same - Sick Puppies