Fifteen.
Amelia knew that she should have gone to dinner, or at the very least to Ravenclaw Tower, to try and explain things. She knew that if she didn't, her friends would start asking questions. Be descent, she told herself when she reached the castle. But when she walked past the Great Hall and found herself climbing the stairs to the seventh floor, a curious thought crossed her mind.
Now that she wasn't with Kingsley, did that mean she was with Lucius?
Kingsley inside's were shaking with anger, even when he resumed his normal seat beside Amos at the Ravenclaw Table. His mind reeled with questions he didn't have the answers to. Did she love him? Was it all some trick? Where was she? was the last thought to grace his mind when his eyes instinctively darted to the Slytherin table where Lucius was curiously – or perhaps, not so curiously anymore – absent. He tried not to let the idea that they were together at they very moment get the better of him. But, Merlin, it was hard.
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Amelia paced in front of the Room of Requirement and nearly threw herself through the door when it appeared. Lucius was sitting on the couch with a textbook on his lap. She had to grin at this – her behavior was rubbing off on him if he was studying leisurely.
She turned her back to Lucius and faced the door when she felt her eyes welling. This was what she had wanted, wasn't it? Freed from Kingsley's shackles, able to look at Lucius without the guilt of infidelity washing over her like a tidal wave. Why was she so upset? She thought about the look on Kingsley's face when he came to the conclusion that it was Lucius – the devastation, the complete and utter devastation. If someone had told her years ago that she could be responsible for that kind of pain, she never would have believed it.
"There you are." Lucius said absently. "I was beginning to wonder if you were ever going to show up."
Amelia sighed heavily, taking a deep breath before responding.
"Can we drop the banter for tonight?"
It wasn't what she said that made Lucius close his book and put it to the side. It was that she didn't offer him one of her infamous 'grow-up-you-child' looks when she said it.
"What's going on?" he asked carefully, watching her closely for signs of emotion.
Amelia failed to reply and instead, walked straight past him toward the bookshelves, shaking her head.
"Does something have to be wrong if I'm not in the mood to fight with you?" she asked, irritated as she pulled a book from the shelf and began flipping through the pages.
Lucius stood and walked to where she was standing, pulling the book from her hands.
"Yes." He said evenly.
Amelia raised her navy blue eyes to his and bit her bottom lip. He would be furious, she knew. After his reaction over Rita, she could only imagine what he'd say about Kingsley. She began replaying scenarios in her mind of horrific shouting matches. She could picture Lucius storming out, frustrated that she couldn't just leave well enough alone. Her throat started to swell at the thought of it.
Lucius furrowed his brow at her. He could tell that she was wrestling with something but he couldn't guess what.
"Amelia." He said firmly.
Amelia's lip trembled in hesitation and her tear ducts started working over time. She shook her head and it all came out in one breath.
"I went to talk to Kingsley and tell him that we needed to spend time apart and that we weren't being fair to each other but when I did," she gasped for air, "he kept asking questions. He knew t-that something was wrong and he j-j-just wouldn't stop narrowing it down and when he got to your name," she shook her head, furious with herself, "I guess my face just gave it away and he was so mad – I've never seen him like that before and," she stuttered on her words, losing control of her airways, "when I a-a-a-asked him if he was going to say anything he didn't answer me-"
Lucius cut Amelia off, refusing to let her say anymore. He pulled her body to his and wrapped his arms around her small frame, letting her tuck her head beneath his chin and let her sobs take over. They came softly, meekly, ashamed. He held her tighter, embarrassed that she felt like she had done something wrong, embarrassed that he had given her that impression. It was a near-binding embrace – he wanted to squeeze every ounce of frustration and sadness from her body.
Amelia buried her face into his chest, praying that she would be forgiven for this, not just by Lucius, but by everyone.
Kingsley drummed his thumbs against the hardwood table, unable to touch the food on his plate.
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"King," Edgar said, sitting his goblet down, "where'd Lia go?"
"Yeah," Amos said in between bites of his drumstick, "you're back awfully early. I would have thought your, er, conversation would have taken a little longer."
"Hey, hey," Edgar said in a very brotherly manner.
"Shut up, Ed." Elliot said with a roll of his eyes, "It's not like you haven't been pushing for it."
"Doesn't mean I want the image of my sister …" he trailed off, searching for the word.
"Fornicating?" Amos offered.
"Enough." Edgar's tone was hard.
"But where is she really?" Emmeline asked, curiously. "Amos said she wanted to talk to me."
"Oh," Kingsley nodded, "Right … well … she said something about picking up a book at the library, so …"
"Always studying, that one." Nathalia said cheerily.
"Yeah, always." Kingsley agreed, soft sarcasm in his voice.
"King," Edgar said, tilting his head to the side while looking at the Gryffindor, "you feeling all right? You look a bit peeky."
Kingsley debated whether or not to tell Edgar about what had happened. It was his sister, he of all people had a right to know what Amelia was up to. For Merlin's sake, her safety could be at risk – he needed to look out for her. If Edgar knew that Kingsley was withholding something, especially this, he'd be livid.
"No, I'm fine." He said with a shake of his head.
"Did something happen between you and Lia?" Edgar pressed, his expression now that of true concern.
At this point, the entire table seemed interested. Kingsley's affection for the femme Bones was not unnoticed. The way he brushed her hair away from her face, how his hand always found the small of her back, the way he looked at her as if she were a rare stone worth protecting.
With a nonchalant wave of his hand, Kingsley replied,
"We're, er, taking a bit of a break."
"A break?" Cordelia asked, her eyebrows arched clear to the tips of her hairline. "You hardly see each other to need a break.
Of the lot of them, Cordelia always seemed to pick up on the common sense bits, something the rest of them lacked. Their books smarts could only take them so far, Kingsley supposed. More often than not, Cordelia's observations were more irritating than helpful.
But she made a valid point. When Kingsley wasn't at Quidditch practice or at a math, Amelia was off studying. Or, as he learned, with Lucius. Only during the first few weeks of September did they spend any real time together.
"Exactly." Kingsley nodded matter of factly. "There's no point in being together right now – neither of us have the time. We just need to mull it all over for a while."
Kingsley flashed a bright and convincing grin that caused most in the vicinity to nod and return to their dinner and mild chatter. But Xeno met Kingsley's gaze for a moment. He was placid and calm but Kingsley suspected that the boy's demeanor suggested something else. He thought ht heard a quiet 'she didn't really want you anyway' in Xeno's eyes.
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Lucius sat with his back against the corner of the couch, Amelia back pressed against him, the both of the underneath a black and white crocheted afghan. Amelia's eyes were closed and had she not been drawing absent circles with her finger on the back of Lucius' hand, she would have seemed to be asleep. Lucius' eyes were wide open, his chin atop her head, the familiar scent of spring taking over him. Her head rose and fell against his even breathing and for a moment, he felt peaceful. No anxiety. No pressure. Just Amelia.
"Lucius?" Amelia murmured, her eyelashes lifting to unveil the unnatural blue that made up her eyes.
"Hmm?" he responded, his voice low and entranced.
"Do you remember when I asked you about your family?" she said, her tone light. She knew it was a sensitive subject because if it weren't, he would have surely mentioned them before.
"Mmhmm.." he said with the same tone.
Yes. He remembered. He remembered the look on her face when he asked her if her parents loved her. The curiosity she had let go in that instance but had now welled up once again, as he expected it might. Yes, he remembered.
"Do you ever think that they expect too much of you?" she asked tentatively.
It was a difficult question to answer. Not so much because of how he would respond, but because of his decision to respond at all.
Amelia wasn't sure if she should have said anything or not. She didn't exactly know where she stood with Lucius. Their relationship had not gone past the brief and stolen kisses that were still fresh on their lips. But she wanted to know him. She wanted to know who he was when he wasn't with her.
"Yes." He said evenly, shifting his head so that he was looking at her, making direct eye contact. Amelia bit her lip before asking her next question, forcing herself not to look away from him.
"What do they expect, exactly?"
Lucius felt himself chuckle at this. Amelia raised her eyebrows.
"You mean am I one of his followers?" he specified for her.
Amelia felt her cheeks flush and she tore her eyes away from him for a moment before letting them settle on the cool grey that steadily looked back at her.
Lucius pulled his left arm out from beneath the blanket and held it out to her, as if to say, 'go ahead. Look.' Amelia slowly lifted herself up and let her fingers work the buttons on his sleeve until it came loose. She was nervous for what she might see. Her parents had been talking about Him for some time now and had mentioned to Edgar and Edgar alone the details. Naturally, Edgar felt that his brother and sister had a right to know, especially if they planned on defending themselves. He told them about the dark magic and the army that was supposedly being assembled. Lucius Malfoy was allegedly involved, the first to be a part of His inner circle. There was a mark, Edgar warned, that certified whether or not a one was a member of the group. Amelia exhaled. If Lucius had it, that meant that things were even more complicated than she imagined. She wanted to believe that he hadn't made that commitment. At least not yet.
Amelia rolled up his sleeve slowly, her eyes darting back and forth between his stern expression and his cool alabaster-white skin. She it reached the crook of his elbow, she sighed in relief, delicately tracing her fingers along the bare and empty spot.
Then, another thought crossed her mind. Just because he wasn't one now, did not mean he wouldn't become one later. It was almost as if he sensed her thought because he shook his head and said, "I don't plan on joining him."
Amelia was surprised by this. Wasn't the entire Slytherin house dying to be accepted? Didn't they all jump when owls flew into the Great Hall because they were anticipating a summon?
"If you don't believe in what he stands for, then why did you leave the castle to meet with him last year?" Amelia shook her head, confused.
"Don't misunderstand me, Amelia." Lucius said carefully. "I didn't say I didn't believe in what he stands for. I do."
"So you think Muggleborns and Halfbloods should be slaughtered?" Amelia asked, sounding more appalled than she intended to sound.
"Not exactly." He tilting his head to the side, taking a moment before explaining. "Magic should be kept within magic families. Everyone else should be exempt. That is my belief."
"And your definition of Pureblood is … ?" she posed. Her own definition, though she hardly ever thought about it, was having magical parents.
"It depends on your grandparents." He said. "For example, the Boneses from our father's side, and from your mother's side …" he trailed off, allowing for her to fill in the blank.
"Peau."
"Right, Peau well-" Lucius stopped short. "Hang on. Your grandparents are French, yes?"
"Yes." Amelia was confused. Nationality had nothing to do with blood purity.
"I'm not terribly well versed in the language," he said, biting back a grin, "but if I understand it correctly, you and your brothers are made up and 'skin' and 'bones.'"
Amelia had never put the two together before. Having spoken French nearly all her life, the meaning of her mother's maiden name struck her as comical only now. Laughing, she nodded.
"Yes, I suppose so."
"Right." He grinned, his pearl-white teeth poking out from under his pink lips. "At any rate, your grandparents, in my eyes," he specified, "determine your purity."
"Oh." Amelia said, still a little unsure of the concept but deciding not to bombard him with any more questions. Lucius laughed and it made Amelia slightly uncomfortable.
"I'm sorry," he explained, sitting up a little straighter next to her, "but you look a little ill."
"Oh …" Amelia said, trying to mask her facial expression, "I just …" she paused, brushing her hair away from her eyes, "Is it okay? I mean, to talk about this?"
Lucius closed his eyes. He should have expected this. It was a shattered glass territory – everyone knew that – which made talking about it difficult, especially with someone who was already biased. It was a stressor that weighed on him daily. The pressure he felt wasn't exactly something he could discuss with his parents or friends, whom he only considered acquaintances.
Before he could answer her, she added,
"It's okay if you don't want to. I was just curious, that's al." she said hesitantly.
Lucius nodded, rubbing his jawline.
"You just want to know me." He stated.
Amelia returned the nod slowly. The way he said it made her slightly uneasy, as if she was asking too much of him, crossing a line. Maybe she was. Even though he was … involved with Narcissa, Amelia doubted that he had discussed even this much with her. Maybe he just liked to be private. She digressed. She never should have brought it up. When he extended his hand to her cheek and let his fingers trace the side of her face, she felt her skin ignite.
"I want you to know me, Amelia." He said and pressed his lips to her forehead.
In what Amelia could wholly say was the first time, she wanted every fiber of her being encompassed by Lucius Malfoy.
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When Amelia returned to the Common Room later on in the evening when she assumed that everyone was asleep, she was a little surprised to see her brothers, their respective other halves, Rita and Emmeline crowded around the fireplace. Her heart sank for the second time today. There was only one possible reason why they would all be standing around the mantle awaiting her return. Kingsley had said something.
"Lia," Edgar said upon her entrance, "Where have you been? Does it honestly take six hours to pick up a book from the library?" he asked incredulously.
"Oh," Amelia faltered, taken aback. Upon realizing that Kingsley had kept her secret just that, she sighed in relief. He must have fabricated a story to explain her absence. "Well, I got sidetracked …" she trailed off.
"Nevermind that," Emmeline broke in, hopping off the couch and grabbing Amelia's hands. "Kingsley told us what happened-"
Suddenly, Amelia was nervous again. Maybe he only made up the bit about the library because he didn't want Edgar to entertain the idea that his sister was with Lucius at that very moment. Kingsley had every reason to seek revenge. Amelia was a fool to think otherwise.
"Why are you taking a break?" Emmeline asked, her brown doe eyes wide.
Amelia opened her mouth, ready to defend herself when the realized what Emmeline had said. Slowly, she realized what had happened. Kingsley didn't just craft a story about Amelia's absence, he created a façade about the entire exchange. Amelia had done nothing to deserve this sort of generosity from Kingsley Shacklebolt. If anything, she should be groveling, explaining herself twofold. For whatever reason, he was keeping her secret, or at the very least, buying her time. Rita cast a disdainful look at Amelia. Clearly, this was not the outcome she was hoping for, but that didn't mean she was about to give up a front row seat to watch it all unfold.
"It's a long story." Amelia shrugged.
"We've got time." Nathalia nodded.
"Come on, Lia." Cordelia prompted. "This has to be hard. Let us be here for you."
It was clear that without a valid explanation, Amelia was not going to get any sleep tonight. So in the girls' dormitory, Amelia went over the reasons for the break up. They mirrored the same ones she had given Kingsley. She figured that if she had to lie about it, she should at least be consistent. Nathalia and Cordelia made tea and nodded comfortingly, saying things like, 'don't worry, you'll be back together in no time,' and 'you need to find yourself before you can find each other.' Emmeline on the other hand knew Amelia for too long to believe the load of bullocks that Nathalia and Cordelia were spooning up. She sat quietly with her back leaned against the footboard of the four poster, her arms folded across her chest. She couldn't ask Amelia what had really happened in front of her future in-laws, and certainly not in the same room as Rita, who was perched on her own bed across the room, listening closely. Emmeline offered a simple, 'I'm sorry.' She planned on asking her about it the following morning but when she awoke, Amelia had already left Ravenclaw Tower.
It was becoming clearer and clearer to Emmeline, Edgar and Elliot, the three people who knew her better than anyone, that something wasn't adding up. They hardly ever saw her anymore. She was always running late or leaving early to go somewhere else. In class, she concentrated all of her energy on making sure that her lessons were perfect so that she could ignore Emmeline's questions. It was strange, they thought.
But Rita, who listened to the girls false story from her own bed across the room, let a sly smile slip onto her lips. 'My my,' she thought, ' Amelia, what have you done?'
Screaming Infidelities - Dashboard Confessional