Midsummer celebrations threw me off for a day, but don't you worry! I'm sober and updating!

I don't know what to say about this chapter, only that it's not in RPOV. I'm thinking that I might do this with only SPOV, we'll see how that turns out. And that this is a R/S story so no tank/steph parings here, they're just friends. And some of you might be confused to why Stephs emotions go up and down, but I know that my emotions did just that when I felt the most depressed. At one moment I was happy and quite content and the next I had the urge to cut myself. So yeah, I'm writing some of this with a base from my own emotions and struggles. :) Oh and this one is quite short as well, and includeds a few flashbacks :)

Hey, thanks for the reviews they keep me powered :) and sorry if I missed to reply to your review, I try to but sometimes I miss a few :)

Lula opened the door wide and I could feel their presence before I even saw them. Tank stepped in first and when he saw me I saw that many emotions flashed in his eyes. Worry, love and anxiety were the dominate ones. My breath caught in my throat and tears filled my eyes and he dropped his bag immediately and sat down on the bed, pulling me close letting me cry my heart out.

His heartbeat was stable and he whispered something in a foreign language in my ear. His large hands were stroking my back; my hands clutching his black t-shirt like my life depended on it. It felt good and familiar and I was calmed. He was one of the few whose touch could do that. The others were my dad, Bobby, Lester and Ranger. Only he wouldn't be touching me anymore. I remembered the first time Tank hugged me.

I was walking towards my car only minutes ago I had captured and brought in Ronald Dale, a wife-beater and got my check from Connie. I was happy I could pay my rent and I was going to celebrate with a Boston Crème, or two. With a smile on my face and a huge check in my hand I walked towards my car. In a second everything changed.

Next thing I knew was that I'm sprawled on something hard and that people were talking to me. I could smell something burning and I could hear the firefighters. Best guess was that my car had exploded. Again. This time I couldn't just shrug this away. This was the straw that broke the camel's back. I opened my eyes and looked into the paramedics eyes. He was saying something to me but I couldn't hear him, I was searching for somebody I knew. He stood there talking into a phone, probably updating Ranger who was out of town, tending to some business in Atlanta.

"Tank." I croaked. He looked at me and saw something that made him end his call without a word and sprint to me and engulf me in a hug. Immediately I knew that I was safe and that everything was going to be okay someway. His hug made me feel like I was home, just like my dad's embrace did when I fell off the roof.

From that moment on we were friends. I've always liked Lester, not in a sexual way, and he was my best friend. He got me, always knew what to say. Tank on the other side was always there but was distant; he didn't make him seen like Lester did. But he had risen to the occasion and he became the big brother I always wanted and I'd become his little sister. He protected me, sometimes a bit over the top, and made me laugh. He was my brother, I didn't care about that we weren't related, he was more of a sibling that Valerie ever was.

I had my face mashed into his chest and I could smell him like so many times before. My tears had dried but I kept on holding him. My hiccups were quieter and everybody in the room was as well. I could feel that they were watching me but I felt too ashamed to even look at them. I didn't know why I had busted into tears as I saw him and I didn't want to see the pity in their eyes. I was damaged and I didn't want anybody else to try to rescue me this time. This was my battle to fight, not theirs.

"Hey, Steph." I heard Bobby's voice and I peaked between our arms and saw him standing before the bed and lean down to see me better. He had a smile on his face, pity in his eyes. I couldn't take that they pitied me; I was foolish to think that Ranger loved me. I was the one who was too blind to see what the others thought. "Could I look at you feet?"

I couldn't answer him; I just stared blankly at him. I saw some emotion flash in his eyes and face before he composed himself and smiled encouragely at me. I didn't move a muscle. I saw him battling with himself and then move to the bed and felt him take one of my feet into his lap, poking and prodding. I almost didn't hear his gasps and sighs as I was too engulfed in my mind.

"Tank brought me to RangeMan after the blast, because I refused to ride to the hospital. I knew that Bobby would take care of me. The ride was quiet; I was pressing a bandage over my forehead, trying to stop the blood flow. It was just a small cut, but head wounds bleed a lot, trust me I have experience. The silence wasn't overpowering at all, I was comfortable in the silence. Ranger was away, if he wouldn't be I would be riding with him not with Tank.

We pulled in at Rangeman and got into the elevator and rode to the third floor where Bobby had his office. He was waiting at me at the elevator and smiled at me when the doors opened.

"It wasn't my fault." I said and Bobby laughed.

"It never is." He commented and led the way to his examination room. I sat on the bed and Bobby went to work, cleaning and stitching the wound. He made small talk and Tank was standing at the door. I laughed at his stories and before I knew it he was done and I was told to get some rest. I was a bit sad that Ranger wasn't here, he usually was and would drive me to TastyCakes and then home. Then he would kiss me and leave me all hot and bothered.

I'd become quite close to Bobby because I was such an incompetent idiot, trying to do a job that I couldn't do. So I spent a lot of time sitting in his office getting patched up with one or two merry men looking over me before Ranger showed up to lie to me about he cared about my well being. AS if he cared. AS if he never did, I couldn't believe how I could've been so stupid back then and feel all warm and fuzzy inside when he said the magic words. I'd been such an idiot, smiling and feeling content when he was around, saving me from myself. But guess what, now he was gone, and if somebody asked me he wasn't coming back. No matter how my missing heart would've cried I'd made my decision. He wasn't going to hurt me anymore; I was broken and couldn't be fixed. If I was going to rise from this, I wouldn't let him break me down again. I wasn't going to beg him to love me anymore. What is done, that can't be erased.

I could feel that Tank was talking to somebody, his chest rumbled underneath my cheek. I snapped out of my thoughts and lifted my head from Tanks embrace. Bobby had bandaged both of my feet and I could see a pile of glass on a bloody towel underneath my feet. He put the last piece of tape on my left foot and looked me in the eye. I could see anger, worry, pity and sadness in his eyes.

"Want to explain how your feet got to this state?" he asked me and threw away his gloves and tidied the bed.

"There was glass on the floor." I answered and looked at Lula who was standing in the doorway. She was holding my bag in her hand. "Can we go?" I asked her, not daring to look at either of guys, I knew that they were angry with me.

"Sure, let's go." She said to the guys and I stood up before they got the chance to offer to carry me.

"Stephanie you can't walk with your feet in that condition!" I heard Bobby gasp from behind me and I moved out of his reach walking out of the room.

"Watch me." I said and flicked the lights of as I walked out of the apartment, not feeling any pain at all.

"Honey don't." I heard Lula say to Tank behind me. "She's on an edge, don't push her."

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