Its the chapter everybody has been yearning for! It's RPOV!

I don't like to write RPOV but I hope you like it!

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RPOV

It's been 85 days. Eighty-five very long, very painful days since that night in May. Eighty-five days filled with more emotions that I could name or even say I've experienced before. Eighty-five days when I felt apathetic, depressed, disappointed, discouraged, embarrassed, exhausted, fearful, frustrated, guilty with a capital g, helpless, humiliated, lonely, miserable, pained, regretful, sad, sorry and withdrawn. The guilt and regret was eating me up from the inside. Eighty-five days. Oh god, how my actions killed everything. How that single night had destroyed everything I ever loved and yearned for. How my selfish actions had made, not only my, but Stephanie's world to come down as well. I was a monster, a low creature not worthy a second glance. I hated my own guts probably more than anybody else.

So here I was sitting at Jones, a bar down by the harbor in Newark. A glass of whiskey was as empty as my soul, my fingers making lazy circles around the edge like those circles I used to draw on her skin those perfect nights.

"One more!" I slurred to the bartender who emerged from the shadows behind the bar. Without a word he poured me another one, handed it to me and watched me pour it down my throat. I slammed it down on the bar and hung my head as the burn of the alcohol ripped my body apart. "One more."

"So, who is she?" the bartender said to me as he sat down one more drink in front of me. He proceeded to wipe some glasses with a dirty old wipe."There's only one reason why a guy comes here and drinks like that and ignores everybody else in the room."

"That's none of your business." I answered and twirled the liquid in the glass. I chugged it down, stood up and placed a few bills on the table and proceeded to wobble out of the bar and onto the street outside. My brother lends me his house as he was in Mexico, sipping margaritas on the beach. Lucky bastard. I put my hood on my head and stuck my hands down into my pockets. The night was chilly and the wind blowed hard from the sea.

The street was empty and I didn't expect anything else. At two AM on a Tuesday there wasn't really anybody out of bed. I on the other hand hated to sleep. My mind had decided that it would replay that night every night in my sleep. Her face was burned into my eyes, every time I closed them I saw her, I saw her heart break. And I hated myself for that.

My steps echoed from the houses facing the street. Only a block away and the wind shook my core. All the stores were silent and empty and dark and the lights from the street made them into huge mirrors. I hated my reflection and averted my eyes to my feet. Shivering, I reached the door and fumbled with the key. The large door had a window made of frosted glass but I could still see myself in the reflection.

Underneath the hood was a man with overgrown hair that hadn't been combed in days. His beard was overgrown too, making his dark skin appear darker and more menacing. His eyes were empty, glaring at anybody who dared to cast a glance at him.

Angrily I pushed the door open and entered the dark house. I kicked off my shoes and jacket as I made my way to the kitchen. I opened the fridge and grabbed a beer. I sat down on the couch and flicked the TV on. The light blinded me and I closed my eyes only to quickly open them again as I saw her eyes in front of mine.

I drank the beer as I searched for something to drown my thoughts out. I settled on an old war movie which I've already seen but I didn't have the energy to search for something else. The sounds of machineguns blasting away filled the house as I chugged the beer down.

"I have a mission for you." The voice in the telephone said to me as my stomach filled with dread. I sat up in my bed and moved into the kitchen not to wake Stephanie up. She was sleeping soundly on her stomach with the sheet slung low so that I saw her back. Her hair was all over the place and a few minutes ago I was happier than I had ever been.

"Tell me." I answered and took a bottle of water out of the fridge. He began to tell me as I opened it and sat down on the counter.

"It's delicate mission and you're our best man for it. You probably know that our old friend Jack Hastings has been released from county jail. He's the member of a notorious new family making their way in New York. It's been brought to our attention that they're not only bringing family over from Greece, the rumor is that they're smuggling little girls as young as 4 to be distributed and I'm not talking about adoption. I want you to infiltrate into the family and give us the information that we need to bring these bastards down."

I felt sick as I heard the details he told me. If I had to choose the thing that disgusted and angered me most in the whole world was child abuse and pornography. The thought of these little girls ending up in the hands of sick men made me nauseous.

"I'll do it but I have a condition. This will be my last mission. I will not get any more of these late night calls."

He was silent at the other end of the line but I stood my ground. I wanted to be able to spend more time with Stephanie, let her get to know me.

"It got to do with her, isn't it? Alright, I'll play along. This will be your last mission. Let's meet at the regular place and I'll have the info for you and some papers to sign."

He hung up on me and I let out a sigh I didn't know I was holding. This was going to be the last one. I wrote Stephanie a message that I would be in the wind for a while and got dressed. I exited the apartment and decided to walk to the park nearby. It was a warm night in May and the sun was already rising. I entered the park and walked towards the old man sitting on the park bench.

"You're early." I said to him as I sat down. He chuckled and his beard shook.

"I was in the neighborhood. Do you like my disguise?" he asked and looked over the park to see if somebody was listening.

"I've seen it before."

He laughed and opened his briefcase and took out a stack of papers. I signed the ones that needed it and then he gave me a file.

"The easiest way to infiltrate won't be the usual thug approach. I recommend that you flirt your way into the family. Your targets in your file. She's a bit younger than you and the daughter of the right-hand man. Good luck"

I opened the file and glanced at the photo. The woman was beautiful, she looked like model. Her blond hair was colored and her nails done. Her taste of clothes was expensive. She was not to my taste.

After weeks of surveillance and flirting I finally got her to agree to go on a date with me. She was vain and stupid and she got to my nerves but I had to endure the night through. Her voice made my skin crawl and her stories bored me to death. I found myself thinking about my babe the whole night and I hated myself for having to do this but I reasoned that this was for us. After this we were free, we finally had the chance to get to know each other. I was going to make a huge move after this; I was going to tell her that I loved her.

We got into my car and I forced myself to kiss her and act along. I knew she wanted me and I knew that this was my chance to go forward. I let my hand set on her thigh as we drove through the city towards my place. She was japing on about something unimportant and I nodded along. All I could think about was Stephanie.

I drove into the garage and parked. She continued to talk as I scrambled the cameras and stepped into the elevator. I felt disgusted with what I was going to do but knew that here was no other way.

As soon as I opened the door I knew that things were going to FUBAR and fast. AS we entered the living room I saw Stephanie emerge from the bedroom holding on to a conditioner bottle. I knew that she had seen the products and clothes I had bought for the blond one; I didn't even remember her name right now, Eva? Ava?

"I left my conditioner here last time"

"Honey, who is this whore?" Eva/Ava asked me with laughter in her voice as she looked at Stephanie. Her tone made me want to rip her apart and throw her out of the window but I had to remember the girls. I forced myself to look at Stephanie with my blank face on as she called it and without missing a beat I answered her.

"I have no idea babe. She's probably some whore I picked up from Stark before I met you."

I died. I didn't mean those words but I couldn't say it to her without blowing my cover. I hated myself; I had torn her apart and had no chance of repairing the damage. Ina heartbeat my life changed irrevocably.

The mission ended in success, and the girls were rescued. I should feel happy but I felt horrible. I hoped it wasn't too late, but I feared it might be. I went to her apartment to talk to her but she wasn't there and after a long search I found nothing. I felt hollow and empty as I realized that it was over. The woman I loved hated me.

So it came as a shock a few weeks later when I went to deliver some papers to Tank at his beach house that I saw her standing in the balcony. The moment was never ending. I yearned for her touch but she moved away from me every step I took. I hated to see the fear and hatred in her eyes as she looked at me for the last time and ran into her room.

What happened next, I'm not proud of and have very little recolection of. I lost my mind and went crazy. My heart stopped when she hopped from the balcony and somebody screamed. I was told later that it was me. I hated to see her in pieces but hated myself more because I knew that I was the blame.

After I got home after that ordeal it was all downhill. I found a friend in Jack Daniels as I tried to drown my anger and guilt.

Thoughts?