Hey, I'm back! At least for a while. It's been so freaking busy it's not even funny anymore. I've got my matriculation exams, school, work and a few courses on the 'net. And has been on a vacation. That sucks.

Well enjoy this one :)

Thanks for the kind words and reviews. I love them and you.

sPOV

Click. Scroll. Click.

I was lying in the bed leaning on the headboard with my laptop on my thighs with the balcony doors open letting the wind flow freely into my room. The curtains were moving along the wind and I could smell the sea and the smell of barbeque. Tank was grilling today and I could feel my stomach growl to the smell of chicken and beef. It was getting late; the summer was setting and painting my white walls with shades of orange and pink.

I resumed to what I was doing, which was shopping online. I hadn't been outside the safeness of this house since I arrived and I was in need of new clothes. I had a grand closet with only a few shirts and bikinis. I'd been saving some money ever since I could remember and I had a significant number on my bank account. I've been saving for a really bad day, and I thought I'd use them now. The realtor had promised me to look for that special place for me and I would save the money my grandpa had left for me for the renovation and decorating.

Click. Another bathing suit flew to the shopping basket. I sighed as I looked over what I had there. Three bikinis and bathing suits, four jeans and two skirts, four t-shirts and one jumper. I clicked send and got the information that my package would arrive in five days.

"Stephanie, could you come down please?" was heard from downstairs. Curiously I patted down the hall and peaked down the stairs. It was Lester who was standing in the middle of the downstairs hall. I squealed and ran down the stairs and hopped onto his back.

"Honey!" he laughed and span around trying to see me but I was still holding on to his back like a leach.

"I'm so happy you're here at last!" I said to him. "I've missed you terribly!"

"I've missed you to. Now would you please let me hug you?" he laughed and I hopped off his back. He turned around and I could see that he could see that something wasn't right.

"It's been a weird couple of months." I said to him and he nodded. I knew that he knew that I wouldn't tell him more than that right now. He shook that away and picked me up in a bear hug and twirled me around the house. We were both laughing so hard that we were crying and for a moment I was the happiest woman on the planet.

We sat down at the dinner table and started eating. Lester was eating like a horse and making a mess everywhere like I'd imagined. He didn't question my lack of appetite. I was eating way less than the last time he saw me. The conversation flowed freely like in the old days at Pino's and I liked hearing them talk. I wasn't much of a talker, I loved to listen. Still I couldn't stop my thoughts wandering off to Ranger, what he was doing right now, if the woman was there with him. Then my thoughts would slide into the pit of self-loathing and pity. Then anger and confusion would follow and then I was close to tears.

After dinner I stood on the balcony looking out at the horizon. I was deep in thoughts; I couldn't really see or hear anything. The sea was black and stretched so far that it blended with the sky. The beach was untouched, only a few seagulls sat on a rock by the shore. It was totally silent. Only light footsteps could be heard from the bedroom beside me where I knew Lester was staying this night. I suppressed a sigh and leaned on the rail.

The darkness was always there. It had its cold fingers on my shoulder every moment of every day. I wrapped my hands around me trying to shield myself from the truth. Like the darkness I would be alone for the rest of my life, creeping around those I cared bringing them all of my issues and problems, being a burden for them. I was the broken one, the one who everybody felt sorry for and tiptoed around. I was the contagious one, the one whose touch could break you too. I was the twisted one, the pathetic one, the one who imagines things. I was all of that, and there wasn't anybody who could fix me anymore.

There wasn't a way out; there wasn't a way to heal. Not here, not anywhere. Everything hurts, everybody hurts and it was all because of my naivety. Silly me, how could I imagine love? Love doesn't exist it's just a myth to keep you bumbling around and buying stuff. Silly me, how could I be fooled. I've been raised better than that. I should be ashamed.

And if believing in love wasn't enough, I believe that he loved me! Silly me, silly stupid little girl. Men don't love girls like you. I'm only worth for what's under my skirt. I gave that away for free and expected him to love me. I was stupid, just a trophy to put on your shelf to be never looked at again. Silly me, believing the fairytales. I thought I was the princess and he was the prince. Turns out that he was the prince but I was the gnome in the garden. I was the easy fuck; I was the last desperate call when nobody else answers. I was the bumbling idiot.

What am I to expect greatness, the happy ending or at least a name? Who am I to believe? To wish or to beg? I am worthless to him, and yet I crave him so much. What a pathetic loser I am. Aim for the moon and expect a long fall back to earth.

I wiped a salty tear away from my cheek and rested my head in my hands. How could I be so goddamn blind? How didn't I see the smug smiles, the laughter behind my back, and the unwillingness of him? Had I been so lousy in bed that I resembled a whore? Wasn't I any good? I do have some extra weight, some sagginess and it's been a while since I worked out or ate properly. Wasn't I pretty? I was some ugly charity case he forced himself to fuck. Silly me for thinking that I was someone, something important.

I turned around and with heavy steps walked in, closed the doors and the curtains. The room was illuminated by my laptop still on the bed. I sat down in the chair by the windows with my laptop. Time to research some personal trainers. Maybe someday I would be worth something.

Well? There will be more Lester in the next chapter :)