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Chapter 3: The Descent

November 18th , 2009

The music flowed through out the whole room and she let the sounds move through her body. It was like it wasn't even her who was in control of her own body. She moved effortlessly and her body flowed perfectly. She watched the reflection of herself in the large mirrors in front of her. She rose up on her toes and moved through out the room, going over everything that she'd been practicing. She couldn't deny the sense of self pride as she watched herself in the mirror. Everything she'd been working towards was paying off, she was proud of herself.

When the music ended she jumped when she heard a voice from the door. "That was really good."

She turned around quickly and saw Nathan standing in the doorway. He was wearing a pair of jeans and his letter jacket over a blue sweater. His hands were in his pockets as he stood there watching her. She hadn't noticed him before, and she wondered how long he'd been standing there. She went to the CD player that sat in the corner of the large studio and shut it off. She stood up again and faced him. "Thanks," she said with a smile, "you really think so?"

"Yeah Hales," he said, "I didn't see all of it, but I saw most of it and you looked really good," he paused for a minute, "I mean you're dancing looked really good. Not that you don't look good, too, I just meant-"

"I got it," she said with a laugh. "And thank you." She went to grab her bag that sat next to the mirrors. She threw her sweatshirt on over her head and then took her hair out of the bun that held it up. Taking a seat on the floor she began to untie her shoes, seeing the red blisters that were now on her heals and toes. "Where's Brooke?" she asked, "she was supposed to pick me up."

"Yeah," Nathan said, still standing in the doorway, "she's still working. She asked me if I could come pick you up."

Haley nodded, "oh. Ok, well thanks."

"Yeah no problem."

She threw her shoes in her bag and slipped on a pair of Ugg boots that sat next to her bag. When she stood up she looked at herself in the mirror. She wore a pair of shorts with a tank top that was now covered by her sweatshirt. She could feel the sweat in her hair from her earlier practices and the soreness in her feet was hard to ignore. She couldn't wait to get home and get in a hot shower. That sounded like heaven right then.

Seeing Nathan still standing by the door she turned around. "Sorry," she said, "you probably wanna leave," she picked up her bag and walked towards where he was standing.

"It's fine," he said, "no worries."

She smiled at him again and the two of them walked out of the room. On the way out she said goodbye to the women who worked at the front desk. She'd known them since she started taking lessons when she was little. All she'd known was dance since she was 5 and she knew that she never wanted to give it up. She loved it too much. It was one thing where she felt like she belonged. Nathan had basketball, Brooke had her fashion line that she was going to start, and Haley had dance. She was sure that nothing was going to stop that.

Walking through the parking lot towards Nathan's car she felt the cold air surround her. She couldn't stop her teeth from chattering as she waited for him to unlock his car. When he finally did she hurried into the front seat. She heard Nathan chuckle as he started the car. He turned the heat up and she rested her hands against the vents waiting for hot air to heat up her chilled hands.

Nathan turned on the radio and began to pull out of the parking lot. The song that played was one that Haley didn't recognize. She blushed at the lyrics as the singer sang about making the girl feel like a virgin again. Haley looked out the window hoping Nathan hadn't noticed the look on her face. But she couldn't help it. How did people sing songs about things like that without feeling embarrassed. Maybe it was just her, she knew that Brooke and her friends teased her a lot because she was the "Angel" of their group of friends. She was the innocent one, and she just wasn't used to talking about sex with her friends.

She heard Nathan laugh and she turned and looked at him. "What?" she asked.

"Nothing," he said and laughed again, "just I can pretty much hear you blushing, that's all."

She turned in her chair and smacked him on the shoulder, "shut up Nathan! I'm not blushing."

"Of course you are," he said, "I'd be more weirded out if you weren't."

"I hate you," she said with a laugh and she could feel her cheeks flaming up even more, "I wasn't blushing."

"Well you sure are now."

"Can you just drive?" she asked and settled farther back into her seat.

Nathan laughed and nodded before looking back at the road. Haley was funny like that. Something as simple as the lyrics of a song could make her blush, he didn't understand what there was to be nervous or embarrassed about when it came to things like sex. But he also wasn't a girl. Maybe it was just a girl thing to get like that. But it didn't seem like other girls were that nervous about it. Maybe it was just a Haley thing. He glanced back at her and he could still see the embarrassed look on her face. It was pretty cute.

"So," Haley said, "where's Rachel?"

"What?" Nathan asked, breaking out of his thoughts, "oh, she's with Bevin I think."

"Should have known," Haley said, "Bevin's practically her Tim."

Nathan laughed, "fortunately for Rachel, I don't think Bevin's that bad."

"That's good," Haley said, "so I guess I should ask, where's Tim?" she laughed and waited for Nathan's response.

"Grounded," Nathan said with a laugh. Haley was right, Tim was usually where ever Nathan was. It was weird for him to be somewhere without him. But since Tim's parents found the empty bottles of alcohol after his last party, he'd been under strict house arrest. Sure, Tim was one of his best friends, but he couldn't deny that he was enjoying the time without him for a change.

Nathan pulled into his driveway and shut his car off. The ride from the studio back to his house felt short. He almost wished that he would have taken the longer way back to their houses. He liked talking with Haley, she was funny and made him laugh and smile in a more genuine way than most people. She had always been one of his friends, but the times when it was just the two of them were few and far between. "Thanks for the ride," she said and opened the door.

"Yeah," Nathan said, "anytime."

"Well if Brooke keeps up the hours at the mall then I might need a ride again," she said with a smile. "Well I'm gonna get inside. Thank you again."

Nathan smiled and watched her walk across the grass towards her house. He waited until she was inside before getting out of his car and walking inside his own. He hoped that Brooke would have more hours at the mall.

October 5th, 2010

Have you ever felt like you're starting to slide
down the side of a hill at the bottom where you will lose your mind?
So many contributing factors to hide
aint never will find what's hidden inside
all your friends surround you
they're made out of air
they act like they do
but they don't really care
that just leaves the sickness
the music in me
take my medicine and then you'll see

In the days that Nathan had been home, he was sure that he'd done more homework in those few days than he'd done in his whole life. It wasn't like they were making him catch up on the months worth that he'd missed, but he was actually doing the work that was assigned. Normally he would have put it off, or just not have done it at all. But he found himself with a lot of free time lately. Whitey still wasn't sure if he would let Nathan back on the team for the games starting in December, so Nathan wasn't training for them. And not having a girlfriend left him with a lot of a lone time.

The whole not having a girlfriend thing, was still weird to him. He was used to Rachel's texts and calls and random visits. But now, he barely saw her unless she had a class with him. And there were only two that they had together. But sometimes he did see her between classes. Normally her face was attached to Felix's. It was pretty disgusting. He wondered if that's what they looked like when they had been together, and if it grossed every one else out as much as it grossed him out. If so, he actually felt bad now. That wasn't something he would have wanted to see.

Plus, he just didn't like seeing her with him. It was weird, but it really bugged him. He really hadn't expected her to have moved on so quickly. Not that he expected her to just sit around pining for him, but he thought she would have cared a little bit more than that. Apparently not though.

Sitting on his bed with his homework spread in front of him, he tried to concentrate on his pre calc homework, but he couldn't wrap his head around it. It wasn't like he'd ever been a math genius, but this was ridiculous. None of it made sense and he was trying to teach himself concepts that he'd missed from the month before. But it just wasn't coming to him. It probably wouldn't come to him. Plus, there was just too much on his mind for him to pay attention to this.

He'd tried to ignore the fact that he saw Haley's light go on in her room out of the corner of his eye. He really tried to pretend like he hadn't seen anything. But he couldn't stop himself from looking up and out the window towards her room. It was stupid really, he shouldn't have cared whether or not she was there or not. To be honest, he was a little pissed at her. He knew that he'd ruined everything, for the both of them, but it was like every little thing she did was just rubbing it in his face. Like her mom calling in to complain about the fact that they didn't know he was coming home. Like he was some threat to her life now that he was back. He never meant to hurt her, that had never been what he planned on. He wished they wouldn't act like he would kill her.

He shut his book and pushed it away from him. Staring at it was getting him no where. He got off his bed and opened the door before walking out. He was done just sitting at home doing nothing. All his homework was done, except for math and there wasn't anyway he was getting that done. As he walked past his dad's office he saw that the light was off, obviously he wasn't home yet. Nathan felt like he barely saw his dad anymore these days. And his mom was working a lot too. Apparently everyone in his family wanted to avoid him like the plague.

He opened the front door and walked down the sidewalk. He wasn't sure where he was planning on going. And it wasn't like he had a car to get him places. But he had to get out of his house. It was like a prison in there. And he'd had enough of the prison feel.

He turned when he saw lights from a car coming up behind him. He recognized Jake Jagelski's Red Chevy coming up the road towards him. He slowed his pace as Jake pulled up next to him and rolled the window down. "Hey Man," Jake said, "where are you going?"

"I don't really know," Nathan said and ducked his head down for a second before looking back up, "I was just kinda walking."

"Well wanna come with me to Karen's? I was supposed to meet Brooke there like 15 minutes ago and I totally forgot. I could give you a ride if you want."

"I don't know," Nathan said. He knew that Haley worked there. At least she did before he left. If she still worked there it might be weird for him to show up.

"Come on," Jake said, "no ones really seen much of you since you've been back. You should come with me."

"Alright," Nathan said and opened the door before getting in the passenger's side. He knew that Jake was right. He really hadn't seen many of his old friends since he'd been home. He'd been avoiding people mostly. It was easier to keep to himself now that he was back. It kept him out of trouble. But he did miss his old friends. He really missed the way things were before he messed everything up.

"What have you been doing since you've been back? I mean I barely see you at school or anywhere really."

"I've been trying to get myself caught up with school and stuff. It's not really going that well but I've been doing homework since I got home pretty much."

"Wow," Jake said, "that sucks."

"You have no idea."

"You're gonna play basketball this season though, right?"

"I don't know," he answered, "I want to. It just depends on whether or not Whitey let's me. He's still deciding whether or not he's gonna give me a shot."

"I'm sure he will," Jake said, "we need you on the team this year. I mean don't get me wrong, we've got a lot of good players, but we need you. You're our best shooting guard."

"What about Erik?" Nathan said, "he's pretty good."

"He's really good actually. He's been training all Summer. He actually got your spot at High Flyers."

That Nathan didn't know. He never heard about Erik taking his spot at camp. Not that he was really surprised. They had to replace him with someone and it made sense that they would go with Erik. But something about that didn't sit well with him. He never liked the feeling of someone being better than him. He liked to be the best. Especially when it came to basketball. It was a selfish feeling, he knew it, but it was just the way he was. He liked to be the one that they wrote about in the papers. Nathan Scott brining the Ravens to another victory. Nathan Scott helps Whitey Durham get his 600th win. Those were the things they wrote about in the papers. If that stopped, he wasn't sure how he would deal with it. Sure, Erik was his friend, but he didn't want him taking his spot.

"Really?" Nathan said, "I didn't know that."

"Yeah," Jake replied, "he was gone all Summer."

They pulled up to the café and Jake parked the car right in front of the windows. Nathan looked in and saw Haley standing behind the counter. He let out a sigh. He shouldn't be there. He really hated that he had to stop going to places that he had always gone to just because she would be there. Maybe if he just avoided her then there wouldn't be a problem. He sure hoped so because he was going in there.

He got out of the car and the two of them walked inside. Nathan was instantly met with the warm air of the café. It was just as welcoming as it had been before. He hadn't been back there since he left. He'd forgotten how much he missed it there. He walked inside and he felt like the whole place had gone silent. He inwardly rolled his eyes as he walked with Jake toward a table where Brooke and Peyton were sitting with a few some of his friends. Jake sat down next to Brooke and kissed her on the cheek.

"Way to be about 20 minutes later than you said you would be," Brooke said.

"I know I'm sorry," he said, "I lost track of time. Plus I was nice and gave Nate a ride."

Brooke looked up at her brother, "hey try not to steal my time with my boyfriend now that you're back, will ya? Just because you guys were friends doesn't mean you replace me now."

Nathan laughed as he took a seat next to Peyton. "Yeah I'll try my hardest."

"Much appreciated," Brooke said before turning in her seat and talking to Jake.

Peyton turned and looked at Nathan. "So Nate," she said, "how was life on the inside? I mean how did you hold up?" He could hear the joking tone in her voice so instead of answering he chose to just laugh a little and shake his head.

"I think I held my own just fine," Nathan said with a laugh.

He stopped laughing when a glass of water was set down in front of him. He looked up and saw Haley. She avoided his gaze and then put one down in front of Jake. He thanked her and she smiled before walking away from the table. Nathan turned to watch her. He saw her limp and he couldn't help but cringe. That was all because of him. Right then he felt like getting up and leaving. He knew she must have hated that she had to wait on him. He felt bad that she had to. "Maybe I should go," Nathan said.

"No," Brooke said, "you shouldn't have to leave because of Haley. She doesn't have to wait on us, Luke can."

"No," Nathan said, "I should go."

Standing up he was about to walk towards the doors when he saw his Aunt walk behind the kitchen. He hadn't really seen much of her since he was back. She smiled and waved him over. He knew now was not a good time to go over there but he couldn't ignore her. He made his way over when he saw Haley had gone to wait on another table. "Hey Nate," Karen said when he got to the counter, "I haven't seen much of you lately. How are things since you've been back?"

"Eh," he said with a shrug, "they could be better. But it's ok. Hopefully things will get back to normal pretty soon."

"I'm sure they will," she said, "your mom tells me that you've been concentrating a lot on school. You keeping your grades up?"

"I'm trying to," he said, "some of it's kinda hard since I've been a month behind everyone else, but it's my own fault. I'm the one who's gotta get me caught up. But I also have to find a job soon. And convince Whitey to let me back on the team."

"You got a lot on your plate," she said, "but you know if you need a job I can always give you one here. Some nights Jake might need help, it's probably not easy being the only bus boy. Plus with Jenny," she added.

Nathan nodded and turned to look at his friend. Jake sat next to Brooke with a smile on his face. This was one of the few nights that he actually had off. Nathan knew that having a one year old daughter couldn't be easy. Plus balancing school and job on top of it. It was no wonder he was having a hard time deciding whether or not he would play basketball that season. Nathan knew that if he were in his shoes, he wouldn't be able to do it. Jake was a strong guy. A lot stronger than he came off as.

"Yeah," Nathan said, "but I don't know if it'd be good with me working here. I mean just because of.." he trailed off when Haley walked behind the counter. She again didn't look in his direction. She grabbed the pot of coffee from the coffee maker and walked out from behind the counter and towards another table. "She hates me."

"You guys used to be such good friends," Karen said, "I'm sure you can make your way back to that eventually. Plus this can't be easy on her, with you back. Everything that happened, it changed everything for her. She just needs time to get her life back and it's probably not easy."

"I know that," Nathan said, "and not a day goes by where I don't think about how I ruined everything for her. I don't want to make it any worse on her. If I can avoid her and let her avoid me as much as possible then I will. I'm not gonna put her through anymore."

Karen nodded and then looked back up at her nephew. "I'll tell ya what," she said, "I'll talk to Haley. I'll explain to her that you need a job and that I offered you one. If she decides that it wouldn't be the best idea, then we'll go from there. But I have a feeling, knowing Haley as well as I do, that you'll be working here pretty soon."

Nathan looked at Haley again and watched as she smiled and laughed with her costumers. "I don't know Karen," he said, "like I told you, she hates me."

"It might seem like that now, but Haley has a good heart. I don't think she could ever truly hate anyone."

Nathan shrugged, "I hope not but it's not like I could blame her."

Karen smiled sympathetically at her young nephew. "Things will work themselves out. It won't always be like this. I promise."

"We'll see." He stood up from the chair at the counter, "I think I'm gonna take off," he said, "I shouldn't really be around her anyways." He said his goodbyes to his friends and his aunt and on his way out the door he walked past Erik. He wasn't really surprised when Erik went straight towards the counter and began talking to Haley. It seemed like time that Erik finally made a move on her. Nathan always knew that he liked her, but he never did anything about it. Before everything he might have encouraged him to make a move, but now, the idea of the two of them didn't sit well with him.

Nathan walked through the front door and was about hurry up the stairs until he heard the voices of his parents. They were in his dad's office, and they were clearly fighting. He took a step towards the door and tried to hear what they were saying. He heard the angry voice of his mother from under the door. She was clearly pissed.

"He's your son!" she yelled angrily, "he made a mistake and you're going to hold it against him his whole life? He paid for what he did, hell he's still paying for it! It'd be nice if his father gave a damn about him and could show that he did!"

"I can't do anything to change what he did! And I'm not going to pretend it didn't happen! Deb he's screwed up everything and there isn't anything anyone can do that can make that go away. I'm not just going to pretend that things were as great as they were before. Sorry but I won't do that!"

"Fine! Don't pretend like it's the way it was before! I don't want you to do that! I want you to try and fix your relationship with our son!"

"I'm done talking about this," Dan said.

Nathan could hear the quiet and stern tone that was in his father's voice. It said that he was done. He didn't want to hear anymore about it and he didn't want to talk about it either. Nathan took a step away from the door and hurried up the steps before his mother could come out of the office. He didn't want her knowing that he'd heard what they were saying. It would only make her feel bad. And the only person who should feel bad was Nathan. He was the one they were talking about. He was the one who's fault it was.

Making his way into his room he shut the door behind him before pulling his t-shirt off over his head. He went to his dresser and grabbed another t-shirt and a pair of basketball shorts. He changed into them before collapsing on his bed. He was tense. He could feel it all over his body. He had a feeling that he would be feeling like that for awhile. There wasn't really anything he could do that would change things. He couldn't take away all the stress and everything he'd been feeling. The only thing that could day that away was if he could take back that night. Which obviously, he couldn't do.

He laid in his bed for a few minutes taking in the sounds of silence before there was a knock on the door. He turned his head and faced it and saw his mom open the door. "Goodnight Sweetie," she said with a smile on her face, like she hadn't just been yelling at his dad.

"Night mom," Nathan said back before looking away from the door.

"Nate," she said before walking out, "I'm really glad you're home. I missed you so much."

"I missed you, too."

She smiled again before walking out of his room and shutting the door behind him. He looked up at the ceiling and let out a sigh. He hated this. He hated it here. He wanted to get out of Tree Hill so bad. But he had no idea how. May 26th guaranteed him a stay in Tree Hill forever.

The sun go down
and so are we
I'm screaming at you
but you don't hear me
am I alone or am I crazy
the ghost will come around for you inevitably