Chapter 3 - Addiction
The tile was cool and comforting against her forehead as the warm water from the shower ran down her nude form passing through divots and valleys, hills and crevasses caused by her natural curves and physical build. She stood there, the room filled with steam, shrouding her from the rest of the world but not from herself. No, she couldn't hide from her own thoughts no matter how favorable that would be to her sanity. It feels like I have been running forever. She was adrift upon the sea with no rudder to steer with and no destination to be directed towards. It's safer not having some place to be. For the last three years she had drifted from one hotel to another staying only long enough for her fixation to get the better of her. She had come to the realization that it always would, yet having realized this it didn't stop her from fighting it. Much like a person falling off a cliff will continue to try and grasp the air to arrest their plummet, so too did she try to fight the driving force with the same results. It was, she was quickly learning, an exercise in futility. She shuddered as a chill ran down her spine despite the warm water as she recalled the feeling of the other girl's lips on hers.
Every time she promised herself that she wouldn't do it again, that she wouldn't give in to the cravings this time. In her mind, as well as in her heart, she truly believed it. This will be the time! Her thoughts would tell her in a tone that made it all seem so incredible simple. This will be the time I can beat this! A small voice told her inside her head that if she just kept repeating that, like a mantra, it would come true regardless of what happened this time. This time I will beat her! This time even to herself those words sounded hollow, brittle and empty. She sadly realized that she was losing the will to fight. The thought of her hands…hands always so incredibly warm and gentle touching her…caressing her brought another soft moan to her lips, releasing it with a sigh of longing. How she wished that sigh could reach her lovers ears even as she cursed her debility for wishing it!
Each time it started almost always the same way, a case of mistaken identity be it by sight or voice. This time had been no different than the rest. The subtle flicker of a silvery mane caught out of the corner of her eye, as the person turned the corner and was obscured from view. There one second and gone the next so quickly that she questioned if she had actually seen it or not. Was it reality or was her mind playing a game of deception with her? Perhaps worse yet to her reasoning, was her heart telling her what she desperately didn't want to hear? What she couldn't admit? Hastening to the corner she had peered around it in trepidation, reluctant to confirm what her vision saw but perhaps, inside, she was more fearful of confirming she had been mistaken. Emerald eyes gazed longingly at her from behind her closed eyelids. Where are you?
If she was correct it would mean that, as in the previous occurrences, it was time to move again…time to find a different hotel to stay at. Tokyo had no shortage of hotels and boarding house she could find shelter in. She had, over the years, lost count of how many different places she had called home. I should write a traveler's guide to the hotels of Tokyo she thought with a self-depreciating smile. It's not like I have anything else to do with my time she thought to herself in a near hysterical voice in her head. Yes, the prospect of being correct in her assumption was far better than being mistaken. To have been mistaken would mean not seeing the object of her desire, her love…her Shizuma. Can I really call her mine any more she had to ask herself? Is this still a relationship?
Her mind wrestled with that thought as she washed her body with soap and a washcloth. They had played this particular game of cat and mouse for years now. The time had been three to be exact though it was fast approaching the four year mark now. I guess that in some twisted, codependent way it is a relationship of sorts. She was certain that those within the medical field, especially within the psychology field, would deem what her and the emerald eyed goddess had, as not being healthy. What the hell do they know! In her heart she knew that she continued this game of emotional tag because she didn't have the strength of character to let the other girl go. Perhaps it was a greater truth, one she hid from herself at all costs, that she didn't have it in her to allow herself to lose. Judging by the fact that the other had continued to chase her all this time it was becoming clear that Shizuma, like herself, either didn't have the strength to sever their remaining bound or chose not to. The later of those two made no sense to the redhead turned brunette. That reminds me, time for another dye as I can see the red roots once again an idle thought bespoke to her.
"Shizuma….Shizuma!" Just the woman's name made her pulse race and her heart pound painfully against her chest as if it were attempting to break free and fly to the owner of that name. The pain was so real that her own hand flew to her breast and with every fiber of her being she wished it was Shizuma's. Her chest constricted and her breath rasped in her lungs as she rapidly inhaled and exhaled panting both in excitement and in fear. How I hate that name! Gritting her teeth she reached over and turned the shower off before making her way to the bath tub and climbing in, submerging to the tip of her chin. "Shizuma!" How I love you!
The soft sounds of the bath water, the gentle ripples of her movement causing the water to gently slap against the bath sides was all familiar…too familiar. As the warmth of the water lulled her into a relaxed stupor her mind drifted back in time once more, back to the strawberry dorms and a life in high school. Events that now seemed worlds away depicted in a vision of a different life…a different Shizuma…a different her.
In the height of summer, when the heat was most intense, within the courtyard of the Strawberry dorms, surrounded on each side by a wing for each school, a shallow wading pool was setup and maintained. The pool was used by all and was the perfect way to end the long day, with a nice quiet soak. The pool itself was no deeper than need be to be able to sit upon the foundation of it and yet still be able to maintain ones head above the water level. Of course it is realized that those of shorter stature may have an issue but no so more than those of taller residing too high. Still most girls found it to be more than accommodating for their needs.
It was late, far later than anyone had the right to be awake at when Nagisa felt a gentle touch upon her shoulder and heard her name whispered by a warm moist breath within her ear. "Nagisa. My Nagisa wake up," said the voice that even then controlled her heart. Not even Tamao could wake her like the sound of Shizuma's voice could. Even in her deepest sleep she could hear that voice as it called to her, pulled her from her slumber and warmed her heart all at once. Seeing the other girl stir the silvery maned beauty quickly leaned in and placed her lips over those of the younger girl to stifle any sound she may have made. Never one to deny herself she hungrily kissed the sleepy girl till she felt the others arms rise up and wrap around her neck and start to pull her closer. "My Nagisa," Shizuma breathed heavily as she moved her lips from the others.
"This is a dream right," Nagisa asked in a soft whisper matching the other girls volume, still caught between the world of sleep and that of reality.
Shizuma smiled playfully and nodded ever so slightly. "That's right my little Nagisa, this is all a dream," she replied as she slipped from the younger girls arms and catching a hand moved away from the bed drawing the cute redhead with her. The tallest of the pair raised a finger to her lips motioning for silence as she led them from the room and gently closed the door behind them. Without error Shizuma led the pair down a set of stairs and through a door that brought them out into the courtyard. The two, hand in hand, ran across the lawn, their night gowns bellowing out behind them as they went.
The night was cloudless and a million stars shown above them as they walked through the ring of trees and the pool came into view. The moon, only currently half of its full self, glistened off the inviting water of the pool offering enough light to see by. "Shizuma-oneesama, s...should we be here?" the girl with red hair inquired as she turned to regard the leader of their excursion. The moon light radiating down caught the older girl silver wavy hair and it appeared to glow with a soft and gentle light which was all its own. To Nagisa, Shizuma looked like the goddess she thought of her to be, not that she ever had a doubt of that fact.
"This is all a dream," Shizuma reassured her as they neared the edge of the pool and she turn to face the younger girl whose hand she held tightly. With a gentle yet insistent tug upon that said hand she pulled the petite girl into her arms. "Anything is permitted in a dream," she added looking into the others eyes. Descending lips met those ascending in a passionate kiss which stretched until both were dizzy with the need for air. When their lips finally parted they mutually gasped for air. Shizuma smiled enticingly to the younger girl, "Come swim with me my Nagisa!" So saying, she reached down and grasped the sides of her gown and in a fluid and utterly graceful movement, pulled it off over her head revealing that she wore nothing beneath.
Nagisa's eyes were riveted to the nude form before her. Oh no! I can't move! The redhead knew, for modesty's sake she should look away but her body wouldn't respond. The pale soft skin, aglow with moon light, captivated her attention and refused to relinquish it. What if she thinks me rude for staring?
Shizuma took note of the frozen expression of the other girl and smiled at the affect she had upon the one she loved. "I am flattered," she murmured softly as she advanced upon to stupefied girl before her. "We can't have you getting yours wet either she said," with a mischievous twinkle in her eyes that was clear to see even in the darkness. As reached Nagisa, she reached down and grasping the other girls hem to the night gown, quickly pulled it up and over Nagisa's head, removing it from her before she could protest.
The cool night air brushed softly across the newly exposed skin raising goose bumps as Shizuma stepped back to admire the stunning petite body before her, bare from the waist up. Nagisa's eye finally blinked as the world once more came into focus. "What a peculiar dream I had," she said softly only then noticing the nude form standing before her and realizing it wasn't a dream. "Shizuma-oneesama!" she exclaimed rather loudly. "You…you're…without clothes!" Nagisa's cheeks warmed and she averted her gaze from the devastating beauty before her.
Shizuma smirked at Nagisa's reaction. She has no clue how cute she is when she blushes like that over something as minor as this! "Nagisa," she called softly. When the other girl failed to reply she closed the distance between them and slipped her arms around the redhead pressing her body again the other girls in the process as she held her tightly. "No more so than you are my Daisy," she whispered seductively into the younger girl's ear. "Well, almost as much," she corrected herself. Before Nagisa could move, strong slim hands slid down her sides, across her hips and delicate fingers dipped beneath the elastic edge of her panties. Unheralded, the older girl knelt quickly, abruptly removing the remaining article of clothing from the girl before her. "There, now we're the same," Shizuma stated standing back up. Nagisa was too stunned to react when Shizuma grabbed her hand and lead her into the pool. A gentle push on the younger girls shoulder soon had her kneeling in the water. "I won't touch you again," Shizuma said softly, "unless you want me to that is," she added in a coy voice.
Nagisa finally managed to stir as the water covered her body as she felt her cheeks grow warm. I want you to, a voice inside her head screamed. "It's…a…dream..?" she hesitantly asked.
Shizuma nodded slowly. "It's our dream my lovely girl. We can do whatever we wish," she assured the other.
"Whatever we want?' Nagisa asked slowly. Upon see the other girl nod she reached out and took the silver maned goddess's hand in one of hers grasping it about the wrist. Questioning eyes rose and looked searchingly into emerald ones for a long penetrating moment, seeing only love there she brought the captured hand to her chest and laid it upon her own breast. "I love you Shizuma-oneesama!" Nagisa's eyes closed feeling the warmth of that hand upon her person. "You're what I need!" the red head admitted with a soft moan filled with pleasure as the older girls hand moved to message and caress her softly, finger tips brushing teasingly across her budding excitement that was hardening upon the tips of each soft mound.
"I couldn't agree more," Shizuma whispered in a satisfied and triumphant tone of voice as her other hand joined the first upon the beautiful girls body.
Thus began my addiction, Nagisa realized reluctantly extracting her consciousness from those memories and returning to the present with the whisper of the silver hair vixens voice still echoing softly in her heart.
How I need you Shizuma!
Author's Note:
Sorry for the delay in getting this done. The Muse has been off attending to other things being the fickle wench that she is! Read "other things" as other stories. There will be other chapters to this I've a feeling…next up will be Shizuma no doubt.
As always, though certainly not required, I do appreciate any and all reviews, comments and Private Messages. Please let me know what you like and what you disliked.
Kind Regards,
EJ Daniels
All characters within this story, unless otherwise stated are the sole property of Sakurako Kimino the original writer of the Strawberry Panic! light novel series.