Chapter 7 – Sacrifice

Nagisa stood upon the balcony of her rented room and looked out over the outer fringe of the city. She had traveled to the furthest edge of Tokyo, unable to bring herself to leave it entirely. Over the past several years she had tried many times to leave for other areas of the country, but the invisible tether that tied her to her silver-maned, emerald eyed goddess held her firmly in place. Nagisa sighed softly, realizing once again that she could neither run from nor run to the one person that held her heart. Taking a seat in one of the narrow, wide-back wicker chairs on the balcony she pulled the heels of her feet up on the edge of the seat, drawing her legs in tightly to her chest with her arms. The late afternoon sun shone down brightly, its warmth lolling her into a relaxed, tranquil state. Dark, sleep deprived eyes sagged as she rested her head upon her knees. Since seeing the woman she had fled for nearly four years now, she had been unable to sleep soundly or for any great length of time. The warm sunlight and gentle caress of the enticing breeze embraced her gently as her eyes closed and she dreamed of a time long past.

Nagisa smiled as the chest her head rested upon rose and fell, trying to draw in much needed air. Just moments before her lover had screamed her very name as she had reached the climactic moment, thanks to careful ministration by the red head. The love making had been anything but gentle as tomorrow would see them parting for two years. It had been demanding, rough, harsh and even frustrating at time as they attempted to fit two years of physical intimacy into a single night. Nagisa brought her hand up from between the other woman's legs and lapped the rich, intoxicatingly heady, scented moisture from her fingers eagerly. "I love your taste," she said appreciatively even as she felt a shuddering aftershock course through her lover's body.

A pale, delicate hand arose and captured Nagisa wrist, pulling the member upwards past the young girl's head. A warm shiver traversed Nagisa's spine and ignited sparks of pleasure within her core as she felt moist warm lips enclose one of her still wet fingers and suckle it gently. "I think I'll have to agree to disagree with you," Shizuma said after provocatively extracting the finger from between her lips ever so slowly. "While I admit I don't taste bad, my preference is for your flavor rather than my own." Having sampled what she wanted to, Shizuma released the younger girl's wrist and sighed contentedly, her carnal appetite sated for the moment.

"I think your opinion is a bit biased, Shizuma-oneesama," Nagisa replied with a short laugh as she brought her now freed arm back before her to finish the cleaning that had been so untimely interrupted.

Shizuma snorted once, moving Nagisa's head up and down slightly. "And you're not?" she enquired disbelievingly.

Nagisa couldn't help but admire the ample, pale mounds directly before her eyes which wiggled enticingly as her lover's chest quickly rose and fell. "Well, maybe a little," she admitted with a slight giggle as she snuggled in as close as she could. "Can we just stay like this forever?" Nagisa asked after several long minutes of comfortable silence had passed.

Once again the lovers settled into a comfortable silence with the smaller girl's nude form draped along one side of Shizuma even as the sixth year student's arms encircled her captured daisy. "What if we could?" Shizuma asked softly. "What if we could be together forever?"

Nagisa's heart clenched, causing it to skip a beat or so it seemed to her. They had talked about a great many topics since the election and their subsequent flight from the chapel. They had discussed school, the Étoile election itself and just how difficult it had been for them both. Their discussions had even covered Shizuma's study abroad for the next two years, a matter Nagisa was none too comfortable with at the moment.

The fact that tomorrow would be her lover's graduation day certainly didn't help matters. Though she understood that the older girl was required to study abroad by her family, her own heart hurt every time she thought of it. Just how will I survive without her here? Still, with all they had discussed, the one topic that they had not discussed was their future after the planned study abroad. The twain, either through unspoken mutual agreement or perchance by happenstance, had each shied away from addressing anything past Nagisa's own graduation in two years. "W…what are y…you saying, Shizuma-oneesama," Nagisa asked in a quivering voice.

Nagisa felt the woman under her shift slightly to one side as if trying to get a look at her. The young red head was far too nervous to move or look up at the silver-haired goddess and so steadfastly remained where she was, head resting upon her lover's chest. "What if we lived together," Shizuma's voice behind her head clarified even as Nagisa heard the voice resound within the chest her ear lay upon. "We could spend our days together and lounge about like this whenever we wished to," Shizuma clarified as she raised a hand and ran her fingers through the younger girl's hair affectionately. "Would that be so bad?"

"N…no…," Nagisa hesitantly replied.

Shizuma was quiet for a long moment before responding. "You almost sound as if that's not what you want," she said in a slightly hurt tone of voice as if pained to even think that she could possibly be right in her assumption.

"How could you offer that?" Nagisa asked, knowing her words would only further confuse Shizuma. "You have your family to think of. I am certain someone such as yourself has countless obligations already planned for you." Nagisa hated to admit it; however she knew that someone as wonderful as Shizuma could only be destined for the brightest of futures. Surely she is meant for greater challenges than lounging around with me every day. Nagisa firmly believe that there was nothing the emerald-eyed goddess couldn't do if she set her mind to it. While she knew very little of the business world, there was little doubt that someday the woman she loved would inherit the Hanazono holdings among other things. Where exactly do I fit in that? Do I fit at all, she wondered. Try as she might Nagisa couldn't envision herself in the world which Shizuma was destined for.

"I can give it all up," was the speculative reply when it came. "I can just recede from the family and let them find a different heir," Shizuma continued with, a note of excitement creeping into her tone as she pondered her revelation. "Let them find someone else to do it!" she exclaimed.

Nagisa rolled off the woman beneath her and onto her side facing away from Shizuma. "That's very cruel, Shizuma-oneesama," she pouted angrily. There is no way she would, or even could, do something like that, she reasoned. "You shouldn't tease me with such words!"

Shizuma moved onto her own side and sidled over till she was pressed up against the length of the younger girl's body. "Who said I was teasing?" she questioned with a note of confusion in her voice even as she slipped her arm around Nagisa's waist, pulling their bodies snuggly together. "I would gladly give it all up if it was for you," she declared softly, her warm breath brushing the back of Nagisa's head gently.

"How could you?" Nagisa asked in a soft voice as she leaned back into her lover's embrace. Despite what she knew to be the reality of their situation, she desperately wanted to believe in the impossible. That there just might be a bright future for Shizuma which had a place in it, no matter how small it may be, for herself was something she had not dared to dream of. "There are so many people counting on you, Shizuma Onee-sama! I could never ask you to make such a sacrifice for me."

"I never asked them to count on me," Shizuma said, frustration entering her words. "I didn't ask to be born into the Hanazono clan after all," she added to reiterate her point. "It wouldn't be just for you but rather for us, my Nagisa," Shizuma continued with trying to win her lover over to her line of reasoning. When only silence met her words she sighed heavily and gently rested her cheek atop the side of the smaller girl's head. "You don't have to give me your answer right now," she whispered, her words softly brushing across Nagisa's ear. "Just think it over for now, my little Daisy."

Nagisa couldn't suppress the shiver of delight she felt as Shizuma's warm, moist breath brushed seductively across the fine hairs near her ear. "Shizuma-oneesama," the slender red head enquired, her heart beat hastening as she felt the woman behind her snuggle in closer. The softness of Shizuma's breasts pressed into the back of her shoulders was making it increasingly difficult to think coherently. "B…but aren't you leaving soon?" Nagisa nearly melted into her goddess as she felt Shizuma's soft lips kiss the nape of her neck suggestively.

"The day after tomorrow," Shizuma replied after succulently sliding her lips from the other girl's person. The former Étoile couldn't help but grin as she felt Nagisa's body go slack against hers. "The graduation ceremony is tomorrow and then dinner with the family in the evening. The following morning I'll be boarding a plane for France and travel abroad which, as I told you previously, I'm required to do so," she answered.

The realization that this would most likely be the last time they would be together in this manner for the next two years cut through the pleasurable fog that was quickly dulling the young girl's thoughts. Without realizing it Nagisa grasped Shizuma's arm that was around her midsection and pulled it in tightly as if to hold her in place. "Do you really have to go so soon," Nagisa asked, attempting to sound normal and failing miserably. Even to her own ears her words sounded whiny and pouting.

Nagisa listened as Shizuma explained that there was little they could do until she herself had completed high school. The petite red head knew that this would coincide with the ending of Shizuma's travel abroad. With gentle words of reassurance, promises of correspondence and that the time would pass quickly as well as plans to work out the details in two years' time, Nagisa's worries were for the moment placated.

"You know," Shizuma said in a seductive voice which caused the younger girl's pulse to begin racing once more, "I'm not gone yet and it is several hours till morning…" Soft full lips nibbled at Nagisa's shoulder as a delicate hand slid along the younger woman's body and cupped one pert breast, brushing the hardening bud atop it. Nagisa's soft moan of pleasure accompanied with the manner in which she thrust her chest forward further into Shizuma's hand was all the encouragement the older woman required. "Time to sample my favorite flavor," Shizuma breathed huskily into Nagisa's ear as she released the captured orb of softness and with agonizing slowness slide her hand lazily down the length of her lover's torso to the juncture between Nagisa's legs.

Nagisa awoke to the sound of her own voice moaning and her entire body feeling flushed and fevered. Her breathing came quick and ragged as the tendrils of the dream and the pleasurable sensations it had imparted to her slowly released her sleep fogged awareness. The now brunette groaned in disappointment at awakening before the dream had finished, remembering that she had screamed her lover's name multiple times through that night and into the early morning. Being their last time together, neither of them slept at all the entire night. Looking back, Nagisa was reminded all too clearly of the sore muscles she had for days after that marathon of passionate love making. It also brought to mind for her memories of why she had left in the first place.

Lifting her head from her knees she glanced over the balcony's railing at the green landscape in the distance. Less than a ten minute walk from where she was now had brought her to carefully tended farmland when she had gone for a stroll earlier that day. Having slept very poorly, she had hoped that the added exercise of moving her legs would tire her body to the point that she would manage several hours of uninterrupted slumber. Stiffly she put her feet down and stretched her lower extremities to ease the muscles which gave a twinge of protest after being in one position for so long. Pieces of the dream filtered through her mind, once more playing out the circumstances of that day. "It all seemed so simple and clear cut back then," she said aloud to herself. "I would graduate high school, she would return and we'd live happily ever after." Nagisa stood up and stepped back in to the room, pausing to glance about once again at the sparsely furnished room. "If this is happily ever after, I want my money back," she said, continuing to talk to herself.

After washing her face to finish waking up, Nagisa left the second floor apartment. Slipping down the stairs she walked the short two streets to a ramen stand she had spotted earlier while out walking and exploring the neighborhood. Taking a seat at the far end of the counter she ordered their seafood bowl and waited for it to arrive. Just when did everything change, she pondered silently. Looking back now she couldn't see any one specific event that triggered it.

After Shizuma left she had, as anyone would suspect, felt incredibly lonely. Tamao, Chiyo, Yaya as well as the other members of their late night tea parties had all worked hard to keep her in good spirits. A soft smile graced Nagisa's face upon recalling how wonderfully supportive her friends had been. Perhaps that is where it started? I think through their efforts I came to realize what it was to rely on others. Nagisa smiled her thanks to the cook who set a steaming bowl before her, "Arigatou," she intoned before starting to eat.

True to her word, Shizuma had written letters weekly, even daily sometime as her scheduled allowed. The missives, written in her lover's clear flowing writing helped her feel still connected to the woman who was absent from her sight but not her heart. As the weeks turned into months and the seasons changed, Nagisa was frequently called to the school office to collect some package or other item that had been delivered for her. The emerald-eyed goddess passed up no opportunity to send along some present or other when the chance presented itself. Nagisa smiled fondly thinking of the intricately carved wooden music box that even now sat upon the nightstand next to her bed back in the apartment. The item had arrived one day with postmarks indicating that it came from Switzerland. Nagisa treasured each and every gift even though she felt less than worthy of them. Many nights she had sat and listened to the clear sweet melody which always seemed to calm and relax her, however not of late.

If it hadn't been for her dear friends she was certain she wouldn't have survived those two years at Astraea Hill. As time passed she thought more and more about how she was dependent upon her friends and the fact that she was blessed to have those she could depend upon. It never crossed her mind that her friends were similarly dependent on her as well as that is the nature of true friendship. The ability to rely on one another and support each other when needed. Though she herself worked to bolster her friend's own flagging spirits at times, her actions were simply normal and hence viewed as nothing special to her way of thinking. The more she thought about the matter the more she wondered about all those that were counting on Shizuma and what would happen to them in the future.

If I take her away from them who will they rely on? What will become of Shizuma-oneesama's father and family? These were questions to which her young and inexperienced mind had no answers. As time progressed the unanswerable concerns began to weigh heavily upon her small shoulders. I'm certain Shizuma-oneesama will come to regret being with me if I were to take her away from all the people that need and rely upon her. If that were to happen perhaps she would even come to hate me? How will she manage without all that she has known since birth? What of me? How selfish am I to even consider her sacrificing everything for me?

Nagisa shook her head to clear away the memories of those thoughts that had finally driven her to run away from the woman she loved. Having finished her ramen, she paid for it and left the stand to walk back to her rented apartment. As she traversed the narrow streets, evening began to fade into night. Nagisa recalled that on the day of her graduation, with Shizuma seated in the audience, she had walked up upon the stage and accepted her diploma with trembling hands. Walking off the side of the stage, she had barely even slowed as she slipped out the back of the building after collecting a backpack of clothing and other essentials that she had previously stashed behind the stage area. I've been running ever since, she mused. All because I didn't want to take her away from those that needed her. Better that I alone need her than all the others, she told herself for the countless time.

Nagisa felt her heart ache as once again she saw her Shizuma getting out of the white sedan in front of the hotel she had last been at. "Shizuma-oneesama," she said softly in a choked sob even as she felt tears well up in her eyes. Shizuma…I need you! Suddenly the red head dyed brunette stopped, frozen in place. Like the crisp clear note issuing from the bell tower of the church set top of Astraea Hill, she had a thought that at first paralyzed her in place and then had her running for the apartment and the phone within it. Shizuma-oneesama….who were you relying on? Scrambling up the stairs she fumbled for the key to the apartment, finally managing to retrieve it from her pants pocket. With trembling hands she inserted the key and threw open the door. Without even bothering to extract the key from the lock, Nagisa dashed to the bed and lifted the receiver even before her backside hit the mattress. Quickly she punched in the number that would forever be engraved into her memory and anxiously waited as the line rang.

Author's Note:

Once more I feel the need to apologize for the slow updates on this story. I have no real excuse other than the fact that the Muse has been off working on other projects in other fandom's and hasn't spared much time for this effort. The good news is, here's a chapter! The better news is that I'm almost finished with the next chapter as well. The bad news is that the story will probably be wrapped up in chapter 9. Hard to believe it's taken so long to write so little. ;-) Gomen and I hope you enjoy!

As always, though certainly not required, I do appreciate any and all reviews, comments and Private Messages. Please let me know what you like and what you disliked.

Kind Regards,

EJ Daniels

All characters within this story, unless otherwise stated are the sole property of Sakurako Kimino the original writer of the Strawberry Panic! light novel series.