Chapter 9 - Fates
Nagisa listened to the line on the other end ring for a third time, her heart dropping lower with each consecutive ring. Where is she, her mind feverishly asked. Why isn't she answering the phone? After the third ring there was an electronic click and a long pause before she heard the voice of the woman she longed to hear. "Shizuma-oneesama!" the former red head exclaimed only to have any further words she might have spoken freeze in her throat at what she heard.
"Nagisa-chan, if you're hearing this then I can but hope you will listen to it in its entirety and refrain from hanging up after your customary thirty seconds. I promise this will be the last time that you hear from me. Once this recording is complete it, along with this number and any records of it will be deleted." Nagisa sat frozen in place as there was a slight pause on the other end of the call as if the older woman was gathering her thoughts.
"I don't know where to start," the emerald eyed goddess's voice intoned through the receiver. "Saying I am sorry seems most inadequate for what I have done to you, my little Daisy. There are a great many things I would beg forgiveness for were you here right at this moment. Knowing your feelings towards me, this was the best course of action to take so as not to distress you further. I'm only sorry that it has taken me nearly four years to realize the fact."
"I am more sorry than you will ever know for ruining the last four years of your life, if not six actually. Though, I would like to think that the time before your graduation was as wonderful for you as it was for me." Once more there was a slight pause in the message. "There is no longer a need for you to run, Nagisa. I will no longer chase after you. I realize your life is your own and you should be able to live it where and with whomever you wish. So please, find a place where you can settle down. Have a life that you want to live and not one someone else wants for you to have."
"I want you to have everything you deserve in life. Find a place to call home and someone to love, who will love you just for you," the silver-haired woman continued, her voice becoming ever more emotional as the message progressed. "Just know that I have always truly loved you and I think, regardless of everything, I always shall." There was another pause in the message and Nagisa was certain she could hear soft quiet sniffles just before the voice of the woman she loved returned once again.
"You needn't concern yourself with me any longer," the soft voice of Shizuma informed her. The older woman's tone was once more controlled yet Nagisa could hear the strain within it. "I think a change of scenery is called for and hence will be leaving tomorrow for some place warm and with a great deal of sunshine and sand," the older woman chuckled softly. "I'm looking forward to drinking those fruity little drinks that are far too strong and sweet enough to make every dentist cringe. As I'm not certain when you'll hear this message, I may very well already be there working on my tan." Nagisa could clearly hear the forced bravado in the voice on the phone and her heart ached upon knowing the woman she loved was in such pain and trying to suppress it for her benefit.
"Nagisa, I hope that you can find happiness and that you live a life filled with wonder, love and everything you deserve. A few extra desserts wouldn't be a bad thing either," the woman's voice said with a soft throaty chuckle. There was one last long pause before Shizuma's voice continued. "There is little more that I can say. Nagisa, please know that no matter where you are, what you are doing, there is always someone who loves you! Goodbye, my little Daisy," the final words were croaked out in an emotional gasp as with a final beep the call dropped and the line went dead.
A stiff breeze could have blown the seated girl over. Nagisa sat frozen in stunned disbelief when the message finished and the line disconnected. A slow shudder seemed to traverse her entire frame at once, finally shaking her from her stupor. "Shizuma-oneesama," she exhaled softly. Blinking several times she looked at the phone in her hand as if amazed to find it there. With a trembling finger she reached down and redialed the number again only to receive the standard recorded message that the number no longer being in service. After several more attempts yielded no change to the message she set the receiver back in the cradle with a trembling hand.
"What do I do now?" she asked herself aloud in the darkness of her room. A glance towards the still opened front door of the room showed a street light that illuminated the road which ran along the front of the apartment building. The night sky above, what could be seen of it, was dark with the faintest hint of twinkling stars which could just now be seen. Off in the distance she vaguely heard the passage of a train as it sped along its metal tracks for parts unknown. "Where should I go?" she asked the darkness around her.
After nearly four years of continual flight she suddenly had no reason to run any further. She was a captive bird who had suddenly been given her freedom. All she need do is spread she wings and fly away from the life she had known. "Why? Why instead do I feel as if my wings have been clipped?" she asked even as tears began to leak from her eyes and drop sporadically into her lap. Nagisa suddenly realized that without Shizuma in her life she had no reason to soar among the clouds.
"I have to tell her!" she suddenly exclaimed, thrusting herself to her feet. "I can't let her leave without her knowing that I was the one who was wrong," she told herself even as she began to gather her few possessions and toss them into her backpack. Shizuma-oneesama needed me and I ran away! I let her down. I was the one she tried to rely on! Nagisa gently packed the music box last before zipping up the bag and slinging it over her shoulder. I've been such a fool! In a few moments the slender girl was out the door, down the stairs and walking briskly towards the train station.
-oOo-
Shizuma awoke with a start, the notes of the ringtone of her cellphone echoing in her ears even as it rang once again. For a brief moment she knew nothing but panic till she realized it wasn't Nagisa's phone that was ringing. With that knowledge she recalled that the other phone was even then still in her purse and powered off. Fumbling for the phone on the nightstand she finally managed to grab it, and flipping it open she held it up to her ear.
"Are you insane!" yelled an irate voice from the other end of the call before Shizuma could even offer a word in way of greeting. "How could you just abandon her like that, Shizuma-sama?"
"Good morning to you as well, Tamao-chan," she replied with as she lay back in the large bed and drew the covers up around her. "I take it that Miyuki told you of my plans?"
"How can you just leave the country, leaving her behind to fend for herself?" Tamao asked in an exasperated tone of voice. "I thought after our last talk you understood how important it was to bring her home where she belongs?"
"Where she belongs?" Shizuma repeated the petite girl's words back to her, breaking into her tirade in the process. "Just where does she belong, Tamao-chan?"
"Back here with us," was Tamao's quick response, offered in a tone that clearly indicated she thought the answer an obvious one.
"Who's decision is it that here with us is the correct place for her?" she asked even as she felt her own heart ache with need for that very same thing. "It's Nagisa's life and she should be the only one to decide where she should be." Shizuma chewed on the inside of her cheek for a long moment before continuing. "I'm only saddened that it took me nearly four years to realize that."
"She was waiting to see you!" Tamao persisted stubbornly.
"Waiting to see me or waiting to see if I had given up yet so that she could get on with her life?" Shizuma countered with having already had this same argument with herself. "She'll be free this way, Tamao-chan."
"But any manner of things could happen to her out there," Tamao continued with plaintively through the phone. "If anything happened to her…," the young woman's words trailed off as she couldn't bring herself to say more.
"There is always that chance," Shizuma conceded unwillingly. Just the thought that something might happen to Nagisa like what had occurred to Tamao was enough to nearly cause her to break down weeping once again. "As much as I would love to be by her side to see that does not happen the fact of the matter is that Nagisa has chosen to remain away from me. Perhaps if I remove myself from her life she may allow you back into it," Shizuma offered in an attempt to reason with the girl on the other end of the call.
"Nagisa loves you," Tamao countered with, able to admit the fact more easily now that she had found Miyuki. "I know she does."
"Perhaps," Shizuma replied with as she rolled to one side pulling the covers around her shoulders. "She may have at the beginning but all I've managed to do is alienate her over the past four years. Her actions have clearly shown me that it's no longer the case. It's my own fault, just as anything that should happen to her would be as well," she added in a weary tone. "If I am no longer here or pursuing her she will be able to settle down and surround herself with friends so that nothing bad can ever happen to her. She can live her life and be happy."
"So what will you do?" asked the voice from the receiver when it replied.
"I left her a message," Shizuma explained. "The next time she calls she'll be told that I'm out of the country and that she doesn't have to run any longer as there will be no one chasing her." Shizuma squeezed her eyes shut on the tears she could feel threatening to spill forth. "I truly just want her to have a good life, Tamao-chan. She deserves that. She should find a place to settle down and do what she wishes to do. One day she'll find love and be happy again. That's all I could ever wish for…for her to be happy," she said as one stubborn tear slipped free to trail down a pale cheek before falling upon the pillow.
Tamao sighed heavily, her frustration clear in the one long breath. "So you too will give her up?" she asked, referring to her own actions nearly six years ago.
"I will," Shizuma answered, "though I'm not altogether certain she was ever mine to give up. I don't see it so much as giving her up but rather as setting her free."
"Will you be alright, Shizuma-sama," Tamao asked with more than a small hint of concern in her words. She knew from experience that it was no easy feat to give up someone as special as Nagisa. It had been nearly six years and she was still trying to accomplish it fully.
"As well as either of us can be where our little red head is concerned," Shizuma replied, her lips slipping into a small smile. "Will you be alright?" she asked, turning the tables upon the younger girl.
"I think so," was the hesitant reply after a moment's pause. "I still have hope that she will return," she admitted.
"I hope for your sake, as well as hers, that she does, Tamao-chan." Shizuma said honestly. "If she does, don't ever let her go ever again! In the meantime please take care of Miyuki for me. I know she can be a handful if she doesn't have someone to lecture," Shizuma offered only to hear a soft chuckle from the other end of the line.
"I'll be certain to tell her you said that," Tamao replied. "She is the one who takes care of me though. I don't know what I would do without her."
Shizuma thought back to all the time that she had spent with the former high school president and classmate and all the times Miyuki had been there for her. "I know what you mean. She's something else," she added with an actual grin. "Take care of yourself, Tamao-chan. Arigato for everything."
"You to, Shizuma-sama," Tamao offered around a sudden knot of emotions within her throat. "I…I wish it had turned out differently."
"Me too, Tamao-chan. Bye," Shizuma replied softly before dropping the call. "Me too," she said faintly aloud to the empty room.
Shaking herself from her thoughts she slipped from her bed and made her way to the bathroom to begin her day. In short order she was dressed in a white sundress with a light floral pattern upon it with a large matching hat to keep the sun out of her eyes. It didn't take long to pack a small suitcase, mostly due to there being a limited amount of clothes there at the beach house. I can always purchase whatever I need once I'm there, she reasoned to herself. With a last look around the room, knowing not when she would see it again, she said her farewell to it and the memories it held.
Shizuma was not surprised to see that the care takers had already been at work. From the looks of it the majority of the house had been cleaned. The furniture had been wrapped in white covering to prevent dust as well as fading from the sunlight that streamed through the large windows. After a brief breakfast consisting of toast and some vegetables, washed down by some bottled water she called for her car to take her to the airport.
Slipping from the house she walked out onto the front porch so that she would not be in the way of the cleaners. It wasn't long before the care takers were finished and the house was locked up. Shizuma removed the chain and key from around her neck and handed it to the chief care taker, asking that he return the key to her father. Idly she realized that she could hand it to him when he visited her at whichever hotel she landed at but as that was not a certainty she felt better turning it in now.
Shizuma stepped from the porch as the last of the cleaners left the property. Her feet slowly made their way towards the path that led out to the bluff overlooking the sea. "Perhaps one last look," she spoke softly as she stepped upon the path and started walking. Behind her, hidden by the tall shrubbery which concealed the path itself, she heard her car arrive and the driver get out. She will wait for me, she told herself, that is what they get paid for after all. Without further concern she set aside the thought of the waiting driver and hurried along the short path to the cliff's edge.
The trail opened up upon a flat level area that ran right up to the lip of the bluff. Even before stepping to the edge she could clearly hear the loud thunder of the waves as they assaulted the rocky base of the cliff. The sun warmed her bare arms even as the strong ocean breeze threatened to blow the large wide-brimmed sun hat from her head. Her mind recalled the time she had spent there as a small child with her father and mother. The beach house had always held such warm and wonderful memories for her. Memories of past time with her family as well as with Nagisa filtered through her thoughts.
I'll miss coming here, she told herself silently. It was while getting ready that morning that she realized that she wouldn't be returning to Japan. If I come back to this country I will only once again start searching for her. She could already hear herself justifying her actions by saying she just wanted to make certain she was alright. Shizuma knew that Miyuki had been correct in calling her obsessed with the petite red head. Even now her heart was aching and she desperately wanted to call and see if her message had been heard as yet, but she somehow managed to refrain from doing so. "Be happy, my Nagisa," she said aloud with a final look out towards the ocean even as a gust of wind blew her hat from her head, setting her mane of silver tresses aflutter in the ocean breeze.
-oOo-
Nagisa rode the train into downtown Tokyo and paid for a room for the night. When the sun rose she had gotten herself up and slipped out of the hotel for a bite to eat. The previous evening before going to bed she had checked when the office building she would be visiting would open. Barely minutes after the doors opened to the public the brunette walked through them and up to the front counter. "Excuse me," she said, speaking to one of the security guards stationed there. "Can you please tell me on what floor I can find Hanazono Shizuma?"
"Do you know Hanazono-sama?" the guard inquired giving the woman before him the once over and not liking what he saw.
"I...I do," Nagisa stammered, well aware of her wrinkled clothing and unkempt hair which had been hastily pulled back into a ponytail. "I went to school with her and we're close friends," Nagisa stated, hoping the latter was still true.
"Good friends?" the man questioned skeptically only to see the woman before him nod an affirmation to his words. "So good that she didn't inform you that she no longer works here? She resigned yesterday morning," he explained upon seeing her look of confusion and the manner in which her eyes suddenly began to tear up.
"N…no, that can't be," Nagisa stated in utter disbelief even as she blinked rapidly to stave off the tears she could feel welling up in her eyes. "She has to be here," she told the guard beseechingly. "If she isn't here then how will I tell her? How will she ever know that it was my fault?"
The guard stared at Nagisa for a long moment, bewildered by the woman's actions and words. "I'm sorry, I really can't help you." With a shake of his head he watched the woman turn and slowly retrace her steps from the building.
Where? Where is she? Nagisa stood in the middle of the sidewalk, the thick pedestrian traffic flowing about her as if she wasn't even there. Just thinking that she might not be able to speak with the woman she loved made her heart ache. She has to know that it is my fault entirely, she thought as she raised one hand and laid it upon her chest where it hurt. The tips of her fingers lightly tapped the object resting beneath her shirt, dangling between the gentle swell of her breasts. Would she go there? With no better option presenting itself Nagisa hailed a cab and asked him to take her to the train station.
A short train ride to the far side of Tokyo later, she found herself once again within the back seat of a taxi. Far sooner than she would have thought possible the taxi made its way down the private drive leading up to the Hanazono beach house. Even before the car had come to a complete stop Nagisa threw open the rear door, instructing the driver to wait for her as she raced to the front door of the residence. Reaching under her shirt as she went, she withdrew a silver chain to which was attached a key of the same coloring. It had been given to her by Shizuma many years ago. Nagisa was glad that she had held onto it all this time. She could never bring herself to throw it away, feeling that it had been entrusted into her care.
Nagisa inserted the key into the lock of the front door and turned it, smiling upon hearing the mechanism click open. Good, she hasn't changed the lock. Stepping into the house she saw that everything was covered as if the house hadn't been used for some time. With rapidly dwindling expectations she made her way to the second floor. A quick look into the room she had once used showed it to be empty of everything including furniture. Puzzled by this she closed the door to it and walked the short distance to the other door. The room behind it, while not bare of furnishings, was none the less cleaned and settled in such a manner to indicate there would be no planned use for some time.
With dragging footsteps and great reluctance Nagisa turned and retraced her steps from the house, pausing to close and lock the front door. With a resigned sigh, believing it would have been too fortunate on her part to find the missing woman here, she stepped back towards the waiting taxi. "Please wait here a few minutes longer," she asked the driver, her eyes looking over the vehicle and spying the entrance through the hedges that led to the bluff overlooking the sea. "I'll be back in just a few minutes." Receiving a nod of understanding from the driver Nagisa walked around the car and made her way through the opening, to the bluff. The truth of the matter was that she needed a few moments alone to herself. As she walked to towards the opening to the path the tears she had been holding back suddenly began to trickle down her cheeks. Lost in thought she paid little attention to her surroundings as she wound her way through the walkway.
As Nagisa stepped from the path her breath caught in her throat even as her eyes grew large and her heart cease to beat for one long agonizing moment. Her feet became rooted in place and she thought for certain she was within a dream. Before her, silver tresses streaming in the strong ocean breeze, was the woman who held her heart and was the sum of her world. The very woman she hungered for, whose touch she had obsessed over, who's absence from her life had filled her with remorse and whom she would gladly surrender all that she was and ever would be for. There was a flicker of white out of the corner of her eye and more on instinct than naught, she reached out and snagged a white wide-brim hat out of the air. Upon looking back towards the figure she saw that her presence had not gone unnoticed.
Shizuma turned following the flight of her hat till she saw it plucked from the air. It was only then that her eyes landed upon a slender brunette who stood just before the mouth of the path back towards the beach house. As the girl took a first staggering step towards her and then another she began to take in the features of the advancing woman. Shizuma could feel her bottom lip begin to quiver slightly even as she hastily raised a hand to cover her mouth and stifle a gasp of disbelief. It can't be! Though every fiber of her being wished that it was her Daisy walking towards her, the rational side of her mind told her that it wasn't possible.
Shizuma made no move to wipe away the tears that unabashedly ran down her cheeks as her eyes took in the sight before her. Brown hair, already reddening at the roots, sat above eyes that held a world of love as well as regret within them. Tears flowed down the woman's youthful cheeks even as they continued to pour down her own. Shizuma's eyes stared at the face which came to a stop just a few feet away from her. Lips, soft and pink, which she had thirsted for continuously over the last four years, turned upwards in a partial, if uncertain, smile. The desire to see that smile had grown to an addiction over the time they had been together. Even now Shizuma felt the urge to say or do something that would make the slender girl smile all the more. With that desire there came a sudden sadness as her heart filled with regrets for all the times over the past years she had caused this girl to do anything other than smile. Shizuma knew at that moment that there was nothing beneath the heavens that she wouldn't gladly sacrifice to be with the woman before her for the rest of her life.
For several long moments they regarded each other, neither daring to move for fear that the dream that they had apparently been whisked away to might suddenly end and come crashing down around them. Shizuma slowly lowered her hand from her mouth and opened her arms.
Nagisa's choked back a sob as she saw her love's arms open in invitation to her. It was more than she had hoped for and yet everything that she needed right at that moment. In less than an instant she was across the short space between them and her arms were wrapped around the taller woman's middle in the same bone crushing embrace she felt from Shizuma's arms which encircled her. The slender woman could feel the tears trickling from the corners of her eyes but could care less as she inhaled the heady scent of the woman she loved. "I'm home, Shizuma-oneesama," she sobbed into the bosom of her emerald eyed goddess.
Shizuma nodded slightly and kissed the side of Nagisa's head affectionately as she tightened her arms around the girl who held her heart. It was several moments before she managed to reply in an equally tear filled and emotionally charged voice. "You're home, my Nagisa!"
Author's Note:
There you have it! I finally managed to wrap up this story that truly stared with no real plot line. Perhaps that is why it took so long to write? ;-) I hope that you've been able to gather some enjoyment from it. It was a different writing style for me and I am happy with how it turned out. While some may not like the ending, I thought it would be best to allow you, the readers, to envision what comes next on your own. I know it wasn't a fluff filled ending however I maintain that the first 8 chapters had enough fluff in them that I hope you'll forgive me for the last chapter being void of it. If not, I humbly request a 5 minute head started before you chase after with torches and pitchforks!
My thanks to everyone who has read along while I slowly developed this tale. Especially to all of you that took the time to write a review and favorite the story itself. It really is your feedback that keeps us writers…well, writing. We love to hear from you so please don't be shy!
A special thanks to DrYuriMom for the much appreciated editing work she did!
As always, though certainly not required, I do appreciate any and all reviews, comments and Private Messages. Please let me know what you like and what you disliked.
Kind Regards,
EJ Daniels
All characters within this story, unless otherwise stated are the sole property of Sakurako Kimino the original writer of the Strawberry Panic! light novel series