Author's notes: Nuts.

Disclaimer: Someday, when I'm rich and famous, I may buy the rights to Naruto- but as of the writing of this, I own SQUAT!

'Ino!'

As the Kirigakure shinobi crashed through the bedroom window and landed bodily outside, Naruto- shaking the Rasengan he had hit the shinobi with from his hand- searched the fog-obscured floor blindly for any sign of Ino. He could hear the others making similar searches elsewhere in the room, Sakura being the most vocal overall.

'Ino, are you alright?' Shikamaru called from somewhere before cursing quietly to himself (probably after hitting his head on something).

'Ino!'

'Hnnll? Who...?'

'Ino!' Naruto turned towards the sound and swept his hand across the floor until it hit something. 'Ino? Is that you?'

'Naruto? Wh-why are you here?'

Naruto's hand found what he took to be Ino's shoulder, and tried to raise her into a sitting position. 'Hey, I found Ino!'

'H-hey, wait a second!' she squirmed in his grip for some reason.

'Where are you, Naruto?'

'You found her?'

'Over here!'

'Hey, hold on! Go outside!'

Thinking she was worried about the Kirigakure shinobi getting away, Naruto tried to assuage her concerns. 'Don't worry, Ino; Chouji and that white-haired guy can take care of him.'

'That's not what I meant!'

'Damn it, Naruto- where are you?'

'I'm here!' Ino was really struggling now. Naruto tried to get a firmer grip. 'What's the m-' his question died in his throat as he found out what was making her so insistent that he leave the room.

'Hiiiihh!' The fog had been slowly clearing since just before they entered the house, and now it was thin enough for Naruto to see exactly what he was doing. One hand was, as he thought, on Ino's shoulder. But the other one, with which he had been trying to stop her moving around so much, had come to rest on her bare chest. 'What the hell do you think you're doing!'

'Wh- aaaahh!' apparently Shikamaru could see as well.

'NA-RU-TO!' so could Sakura.

'H-hold on. It wasn't me- wasn't my fault, I mean. I couldn't see and-'

'Get. Your. Hands-'

'Wait!'

'OFF. ME. YOU. PERVERT!'

Naruto let out a small scream of pain when she hit him. The right-hook, with the majority of her weight behind it, spun him around. He tried to scramble to the door on hands and knees, but Sakura (having already shooed Shikamaru out of the room) made sure to kick him in the ribs on his way past.

In the quiet tranquility of the dojo, a single blade sliced the air. It had made the same downwards motion countless times- always coming to rest at exactly the same place. About chest height.

Lord Raitengeki raised the katana again, stepped forward and brought the blade down again in one fluid motion. It was a mind-numbingly repetitive routine he had done every day since childhood. These days he hardly had to concentrate on it at all, allowing his mind to ponder important matters instead of focusing on the movements of his arms (which had long ago memorised what was expected of them). He found it a very relaxing diversion to his day-to-day business of plotting the downfall of his fellow feudal lords, and figuring out how to pacify the filthy peasants over which he resided.

It was (with a certain amount of pride) that he could legitimately claim to be almost ninja-like with his sword skills. Just as they endured harsh training for their entire lives, so had he stubbornly pursued perfection in his swordsmanship.

He noticed, absently, that his inattention to his footwork was bringing him perilously close to a wall, and paused to change direction, continuing on without the danger of leaving a gash in the walls. He then noticed that he was no longer alone.

'Oh, Tsukasa. How long have you been there?'

Tsukasa smiled thinly, his face mostly shrouded by shadow. 'For quite some time, my lord.'

Lord Raitengeki gave him a famously passive look before returning to his training. 'I see... Your report?'

Tsukasa, from a kneeling position, bowed his head until it almost touched the floor. 'Something is happening, my lord.'

'I gathered that. What, uniquely, is happening?'

'Kumogakure is moving.' Lord Raitengeki's sword finished the swing it was in the middle of, then stopped- a frown crossing its owner's features. 'That is why my return was postponed, and why your other servants have not been heard from. Kumogakure is actively controlling the flow of information and travel between cities and villages.'

Lord Raitengeki sheathed his sword. This was unwelcome news indeed. The last thing he wanted to happen was have Kumogakure involved in the controlled political turmoil. Even worse- if another lord had figured out who was covertly killing political rivals... 'Your conclusion?'

Tsukasa bowed even lower, looking as though he was having stomach pains, but Lord Raitengeki did not comment on it. 'I cannot say for sure if this movement speaks of danger to yourself, but I would guess... Kumogakure has decided to do something about the "situation." At the request of the Lord of Thunder or by their own initiative is unclear.'

This wasn't looking good so far, but something about Tsukasa had been bothering Lord Raitengeki since his arrival. With a small wave of shock, he realised that Tsukasa was in a good mood. That spoke volumes all by itself.

'You do not see this as a problem?' he asked testily. It was best not to let Tsukasa enjoy his private joke for too long.

'No, my lord~' Tsukasa started rocking from side to side, bent around himself and head still firmly pressed against the floor. 'If Kumogakure were after your life, they would have it by now. I think this is a chance!' Lord Raitengeki was slightly put-off by the sing-song voice Tsukasa was speaking in, and the way he kept almost giggling every word. 'Using whatever chaos is about to consume the land as a veil, you might eliminate all opposition to your rule and place yourself in the Throne of Thunder!'

Lord Raitengeki considered this at length, ignoring Tsukasa who was still rocking and giggling to himself. He certainly had a point. If Kumogakure wanted him dead, there wasn't an awful lot he could do to stop it. But here he stood. Also, Kumogakure wouldn't protect the Lord of Thunder unless they were being paid to, and held no loyalty to the governing family as such. There was certainly some merit to what Tsukasa was saying. But he had to act quickly. He needed to be swimming with the current when the situation worsened, as it probably would if he let Tsukasa roam the streets, killing notable lords.

One of his most useful pawns, Kimimaro, was still unaccounted for. Kumogakure would make contacting him difficult, and there was no guarantee that his last assignment had gone as well as planned. He'd have to think about that a little more. But right now, he had to act.

'Tsukasa. Ready my horse.'

Tsukasa began laughing in a louder and more concentrated way than before, but began rising slowly to his feet and made his way to the sliding door he had apparently entered the room through.

Lord Raitengeki left the dojo at a steady pace, followed as always by a small flock of servants.

'Prepare my travelling clothes.'

'Yes, Raitengeki-sama.'

With a sudden jerk of motion, a bubbly, sticky spatter of blood flecked itself against the floor. Being unable to wipe the excess away from his mouth, the bound Kirigakure shinobi rubbed his face against the floor, leaving overstated red smears against the otherwise clean floorboards, as well as his own face. Then, moving despite the many bruises he must have had by that point, he sat up again and let his eyes prowl the room.

'Are you sure,' Shikamaru said slowly, stressing every word. 'That you were hired by Hourai to "pick vegetables?'" The Kirigakure shinobi pretended to think it over at length.

'Yep- one hundred percen-' Chouji's fist hit the side of his head like a hammer, sending him sprawling and bleeding across the floor again.

'Are you sure?' Shikamaru repeated patiently. On the floor, the shinobi made a weird sound and tried to blink the stars out of his eyes.

'Well, maybe only ninety-nine percent sure,' he admitted impetuously.

Shikamaru stopped Chouji from hitting him again with a simple hand signal, giving the shinobi time to sit up defiantly once again. 'You know, I think we're going about this all wrong.'

The shinobi stared at him darkly. 'You don't say,' he drawled, his voice dripping with disdain. Shikamaru ignored him.

'Let's try a simpler question... What's your name?'

'...Haaah?'

'It's troublesome to just call you "you."'

'Ey, I didn't come here to make friends- but,' he adopted an entirely over-dramatic voice. 'You can call me "The Great and Honourable Shousensoukai Genreikiri," if it makes you feel better.'

Shikamaru studied his face and turned the obviously fake name over in his head for a moment before nodding to himself firmly. 'Alright, it's decided. Your name is "Daruma."' The shinobi looked at him with an almost comically deadpan expression.

'Your face is all red, and you get up whenever Chouji knocks you over,' he explained. The shinobi, Daruma, continued to stare at him.

'Well, I think it's funny. And on the subject of not coming here to make friends- why did you come here, of all places?' he asked, gesturing in the general direction of the house around them. Daruma's eyes, very purposefully traversed the room until they came to rest on Ino- whose expression hardened.

'Let's stick to questions you don't know the answer to, eh?' he returned, apparently drawing his gaze away from Ino only with the greatest reluctance.

'I see,' Shikamaru said curtly. 'Then what is your mission in this country?'

Daruma grinned, showing off a set of bloodstained teeth. 'Picking vegetables,' he said, as though savouring every syllable. The grin faltered a bit when Chouji knocked him over with another strong blow, but it soon returned in full force. 'Can't make vegetable Ramen without vegetables!' he added gleefully, wallowing in a small pool of his own blood. Naruto's ears pricked at the mention of ramen, but he stayed quiet.

'That's true,' Shikamaru said evenly, deciding to play along a little. 'But what kind of ramen would you make if you weren't picking vegetables?'

Daruma, taken off guard for a moment, secured himself a dramatic pause by getting laboriously to his knees before answering. 'Meat, of course,' he said eventually.

'I see... Are you hungry?'

Daruma cracked another grin. 'I thought you'd never ask! But now is a bit...you know, what with you interrogating me and all...it'd make more sense to starve me until I tell you what you want to know, right?'

'You know what? That's a good idea. Lunchtime, everyone! Make sure not to feed the dog any scraps-'

'Wasn't I a Daruma? Hey! Bastard!'

Way up, in the higher reaches of Kumogakure, the Raikage sat at his desk, trying to get through the last of the day's paperwork. It was past three in the afternoon, so any other forms that came in would be put on the top of tomorrow's pile, unless it was urgent.

The paperwork was always the most trying part of the job, he found, so he usually left it to his assistants. However, sometimes (like today, when he failed to find a good enough reason to excuse himself) it was unavoidable. He tried to loosen up his shoulders absently as he approved the last five papers with a flourish. Then he put a more concerted effort into stretching out his neck-

The sound of popping joints was audible in the next room, and made a few inquisitive paper-pushers look around curiously. The Raikage gave himself a few seconds to get over the horror the sound and sensation put into him before straightening up the papers and slipping them into the outbox, which was emptied with all haste.

Feeling quite a lot better after cracking his neck, he rose and sauntered over to the large window, which would have otherwise been a wall, and looked down at the village hidden in clouds.

'What is it? I just finished work for the day.' His question was directed at a shinobi, who had appeared behind him quite suddenly and silently. But he wouldn't be much of a Raikage if he couldn't notice one of his own subordinates sneaking up on him.

'Raikage-sama, there's something you should see-' the shinobi said, taking a step forward before the Raikage cut him off.

'Spit it out if it's so important,' the Raikage's voice was perfectly level, apparently not at all offended that his free time had been cut off so prematurely.

'...We've discovered the body of a Chuunin, assigned to sentry duty three days ago- lookout post six.'

'Hmmm...' the Raikage tried to dredge the name from his memory. In the true spirit of a village Kage, he knew every shinobi under his command quite well, but there were an awful lot of them, and it was hard to keep track of what each of them were doing at any given time. 'Nendo-kun, was it?'

'Yes sir.'

'Continue.'

'The...body appears to be two days old-'

'And?'

'-And the Chuunin in question was last seen this morning, while being replaced at lookout six.'

'An intruder?' the Raikage mused, a few steps ahead of the conversation.

'We believe so, since the body shows no signs of being tampered with. In addition, no attempt has been made to conceal it.'

Satisfied that this matter warranted his full attention, the Raikage finally rounded on the shinobi, shorter than he was, and wearing the uniform and mask of Kumogakure's ANBU. His identity was not an issue at this time. 'Cause of death?'

'He was stabbed in the back pre-mortem, but it is unclear if he died from it or the fall.'

'Hmmm...'

Since Kumogakure was spread over a large area, as it mainly clung to the sides of steep mountainsides, and was accessed by swing-lines, slip-lines, hugely ungainly sets of stairs (often used to test graduates from the Academy), cable cars or flying- there was an awful lot of room to conceal things. A small group of highly skilled shinobi were of particular concern, since they could hide just about anywhere. This, in part, was a primary reason for the (apparently not) over-the-top security network that protected the village from such threats.

This was made up of three separate parts; first, the observation point located at the peak of the highest mountain, used to continuously scan the countryside for suspicious activity. This system was not foolproof, as it had several blind spots. This was dealt with by the lookout posts, which observed with the naked eye what the observation team couldn't- and were themselves concealed by genjutsu. Finally, the largest mountain was surrounded by a proximity net, similar to how Konoha dealt with intruders.

The fact that someone had murdered one of the lookout post's sentries, eluded the prying eyes of the observation point, and not tripped the security net pointed to one thing- treachery! Someone, either one of his own shinobi or a nukenin, wanted to get into Kumogakure. The blatant murder of a sentry, and an apparently poor job of hiding it was indicative of this traitor trying to introduce outside elements into the village. Every time a shinobi went missing, the security net was altered subtly so that they could not return without tripping the alarm. This meant that either the nukenin and his flunkies were waiting for something to happen before trying to directly assault Kumogakure, or the traitor was already inside, waiting for the right time to strike.

'Hmmm...'

'Raikage-sama!' the ANBU boy urged.

'Hrmf, don't panic. This is not so serious an issue,' it actually was, but it wouldn't do to have ANBU running around causing havoc when they should be laying low and ever poised to strike when the traitor made himself known. 'To be safe; the village is on high alert, as of now. Weapons to be carried at all times. The Observation Point is to be sealed, current staff- and extra shift- to remain at their stations. See that it happens.'

'Yes, Raikage-sama!' and then the ANBU boy was gone. The Raikage turned back to the window, considering the village below him with more apprehension that he would have previously believed possible. The last words the ANBU boy had spoken stuck in his mind in particular. Sensible. Obedient. ...Perceptive.

Even if it was a bit of a bother, he was proud to know that his ANBU were clever enough to know when he was talking with a stiff upper lip. He just hoped they were clever enough to know to do the same.

Author's notes: I should probably mention that this Raikage is not the same as Killer Bee's brother (whatever his name is). Think of his as "just some kage."