Nick Spencer Ethan Dru Stefan

Spencer stood in the men's bathroom, washing his face. He stared at himself in the mirror, willing himself to forget that day. But he couldn't. Why would he even bother to try?

**flashback**

Ethan shoved Dru back. Maybe if you treated your boyfriend more like a boyfriend, I wouldn't have kissed him. Spencer deserves better attention. Get your head out of OUR business! Just because I don't smother him in kisses all the time, doesn't mean I don't care about him! REALLY?! Because to me, it looks like you don't care at all! I do care! Prove it! Tell him you love him! Dru looked at Spencer. I…I…I…can't. I'm sorry Spencer. Maybe Ethan's right. You deserve better. Dru walked out of the kitchen. Dru…Spencer said, reaching out. Spencer… Please leave me alone. Tell Nick to order Pizza, I'm not cooking anymore. Ethan left the kitchen. Spencer turned back to the food, shoved it aside and left. A few minutes later, Nick came in and turned off the camera.

**end flashback**

Spencer remembered exactly how he felt that day, and the days following. He had trusted Dru...loved him even. His heart felt like it shattered into a million pieces, even though he knew it wasn't possible. Spencer slid down and sat on the floor, back to the wall, arms around his knees, just like that day.

**another flashback**

Dru? I wanted to talk. About what? About us. What us? So we're over then. …I thought…I thought… You thought what? I thought you cared. Well you thought wrong.

Spencer soon figured out what Dru meant. Dru wanted a relationship with him because he thought that he wouldn't expect much. Maybe Dru wanted to be able to love Spencer, but he couldn't. Not if he didn't love himself first. Spencer eventually forgave Dru, but things could never go back to the way they were. Dru soon left the house they all shared and dropped out of college. He stopped all contact with them, and eventually, even Nick stopped trying. The heartbroken Spencer threw himself even deeper into his studies. In the videos that followed, Spencer would become more serious and quiet. He would participate in the activities, but his heart was no longer in it. Ethan wisely backed off.

**end flashback**

Spencer got up off the floor and went back to work. Surprisingly no one had come in to bother him. When he got to his desk, the box of videos was back on the floor next to it and Garcia was waiting with a cup of coffee for him. "I'm sorry, Spencer. If I had known…"

"It's alright Garcia. You didn't know. That one hell of a way to come out though, I suppose," Spencer said, adding a small smile at the end. Garcia hugged him and kissed his cheek. "I'll love you no matter what Babe," she said and went back to her lair.

Spencer finished his work for the day and hitched a ride from Morgan.

"Spencer, why didn't you tell me you were gay? I'd still be your best friend, but maybe I would have stopped trying to hook you up with ladies," Morgan asked after a while.

"I kind of went back in the closet when I joined the FBI and I just never knew how to broach the subject. Coming out is always difficult." There was a brief silence, and then Spencer continued. "You know, Ethan was in FBI training for a few days. Neither one of us was ever really flamboyantly gay, but I think he didn't want to hide who he was. I think that's why he left."

"You never talked about why he left?"

"He just left a note. 'I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry Spence, but I'm leaving. I'll phone you when I find a place to stay. Ethan'. That was it. No further explanation, and when I asked, he just said 'it wasn't for me. I couldn't do it.' I've never really been sure what he meant by that. If I managed to get through physical training, clearly he could have."

"I don't think that was it Pretty Boy."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, why do you think he came between you and Dru?"

"…Ethan was always flirty. It was nothing new."

"Kissing you and telling you that you deserve better and flirting are two entirely different things. Spencer, I think Ethan was jealous."

"Jealous."

"Yeah, of Dru. He wanted you for himself."

"Really? Then why…"

"Why what?"

"Why did he stop talking to me as much after Dru left?"

"He was giving you space. But when you went back into the closet, I suppose he just sort of gave up. There's only so much waiting a man can do. After a while, it's gotta hurt too much."

"Oh. I never thought of that."

"Man, you are DENSE."