So here's the third installment, betaless (is that a word?) . Far more Puckcentric than the last one, this chapter contains cursing, witchcraft talk, and if you squint a little you might see a nipple. Timeline wise? One day after Puck met Kurt. S2 -post sectionals. Still on the fence about the Puckurt pairing but it sounds tempting.

Unedited

Another day, another Glee meeting.

"All right guys," Mr. Schue said with a clap, "before we end today's session I want to get a message across." Puck couldn't help but let out an echoing groan. "Now that sectional's are over the odds of us performing in New York in front of hundreds has doubled." The remark drew a hamster-like squeal from Rachel. "Even if we don't win nationals, earning a spot in the competition will show the school that Glee Club is a worthwhile experience, contrary to whatever Coach Sylvester says."

Sitting behind Puck, Tina added, "You mean people are still listening to the person who tried to fire cheerleaders out of a cannon? Literally?" The girl had a point. If Coach Sylvester had her way, Santana's cantaloupe implants would've been the only thing saving her from an epic face plant on live television.

"Oh but she made it up to us," said Brittany, reaching into her homemade Lord Tubbington backpack. "Coach gave me this." She held up a small rag doll that sported a tiny black vest, crudely-cut tan slacks, and styled curly hair. Three long needles stabbed its face.

"That's not creepy at all," Artie said flatly.

"Brittany, remember our talk about not making Mr. Schue uncomfortable unless he pisses us off?" whispered Santana, carefully taking the doll from Brittany and putting it into her bag.

The doll had done its job though. " Meeting dismissed," Mr. Schue said quickly, his eyes on the tiled floor. Once outside the classroom, the club wordlessly broke off into pairs.

Rachel and Puck were to patrol the edges of McKinley and the surrounding suburbs. Mercedes and Finn were off to patrol the parks scattered across town. Santana wheeled Artie towards Sam. "Take care of Barbara Gordon for me," she said before walking off with Brittany. They were off to patrol where ever Santana felt like patrolling.

"Picture me singing 'Remember My Forgotten Man,'" said Rachel as the pair walked by Finn's house. " The American flag flowing behind me and Finn dressed as Captain America."

Before the IPad and Justin Bieber, Puck would've upped and left Rachel the moment she said "singing". The girl, normally a solid 7.8 in the Puckasaurus scale, dropped to 3 once she opened her mouth. "You could be dressed as a wounded soldier returning from battle."

Thankfully, Puck now carried gin with him at all times.

Hearing Rachel rant about how she would slaughter any show choir that sang pre-1930's tunes at sectionals (her words) was better than the alternative, the screams of an innocent. Besides, having Rachel in a positive mood would make it easier for Puck to drop the bomb on her.

"How much would it cost to hire a pyrotechnician?" Rachel continued despite Puck's lack of interest. "Wait, before you look it up, I think the show choir rule book states that performers can only use props without hired assistance."

"That sucks."

"Maybe if I act fast enough, I can apprentice under a seasoned technician-"

"You totally could."

"-I mean, really, how long does it take to learn how to handle explosives? It's not exactly rocket science."

"Sounds easy."

"Wait, a license might be necessary. No matter. My cousin Joseph can forg- "

"That's great, babe," said Puck, raising a finger to Rachel's lips. "Shut up for a sec 'cuz we're here."

The pair stopped in front of a white house with a large lawn, its viridian blades unnaturally even and stiff. It was the house Kurt had singled out before jumping out of Puck's the truck. Although it was highly unlikely that a vampire would give away his hangout, in Puckerman's book, it was worth a try.

"Rach, you know you're the best singer in the club right?" Rachel nodded in agreement. "And you could probably kick my ass if you wanted. At any time. At any place." Rachel eyes visibly agreed. "Promise me you won't ever do that."

"Puck, what's this about?" Rachel asked, pushing his finger away as he tried to cover her mouth again. The pair remained quiet, their eyes trained on one another in a timely game of The Truth Blows And Here's Why.

"I might've given a hitchhiking vampire a ride to town last night. To this house actually."

If God was a chick it would've been Rachel because Puck couldn't picture anyone more likely to overpower him with a single word. "WHAT?"

"I said 'might've.' There's a big differen-"

The force of Rachel's one-handed push sent him stumbling. "No, Puck. You don't get to weasel out of something like this," she said in a strained tone, eyes darting between him and the house. "How did a vampire trick you into driving into Lima? Was it hypnosis? Oh I would bet my voice on hypnosis."

Don't lie dude, his conscience flared as Puck maintained a steady face, she was there when it happened to Quinn. You don't lie to Rachel.

"Hypnosis", he agreed, joining Rachel as she stared at the house. "He had these little shifty eyes that made it hard not to look at him."

Rachel exhaled loudly, the gesture adding a few years to her small face. One would be led to believe that Rachel lived to outshine anyone in anything. Math. Singing. Owning the most animal print sweaters in school. Slaying was a different subject.

Behind Quinn, Rachel was grace incarnate while wielding a weapon. Her punches packed muscle that Puck trained night and day to add to his frame. She was the one who found the Vampyr book, explaining the chilling dreams that woke them up at night. When everyone had accepted the truth about the supernatural, Rachel took on the load without a second thought.

Organizing patrols according to skills and strengths, she kept track of suspicious activity reported in the news while the rest of the group dated and generally made-out with each other. Rachel introduced Artie to Demonology and sent Tina to her first coven meeting. Under her guidance, their little group of freaked out drama queens had transformed into a well-rounded group of knife wielding, donkey kicking slayers. The only casualty in the journey, besides Quinn, had been her relationship with Finn, a subject Rachel avoided talking at all times.

She's like a Jewish Nick Fury, Puck often thought.

The repercussions of Pucks little hitchhiker were obvious to Rachel. "I hope you don't take the push personally," Rachel said. He understood. "Let it go, Rach."

Her mouth momentarily opened and closed. She's speechless you fuck up. "That explains why Tina didn't sense a vampire enter Lima," Rachel said, crossing her arms.

Great, more crap to make me look bad.

"A few weeks ago," Rachel began, "Tina managed to design a spell that imitates the natural protection charms most inhabited homes develop." Puck hated those words and his scrunched face showed it.

"The magiks are going to bite you in the tuchus one day ," Rachel said with an eye roll. "When a house or apartment becomes a home to someone, natural magic becomes woven into the very structure. Vampires and demons looking to grab an at-home-snack are repelled by the magic unless invited inside by the occupants."

The Puck's stayed quiet as his eyebrows slowly traveled up to his narrow hairline. "Last week Tina managed to cast the charm on Lima."

The news were little short of overwhelming to Puck and for a moment he felt a hint of panic. "You mean we're never going to see-"

"I wish," Rachel interrupted, "Tina is powerful but magic weakens when spread out, even at her level." Her gaze returned to the ever creepy home. "Demons and vampires entering the town will only feel a slight push before going about their business. But Tina will feel their presence and she will alert us." A beat of silence followed until Rachel said, "We were going to announce the good news to the group tomorrow."

"God," was all Puck could utter as the disappointment choked him. "I screwed Tina's magic whammy." Rachel's silence couldn't have been more damning.

Unable to stand still anymore, Puck drew out a silver stake from his sleeve. Captain Fuck Up. He felt the stake in his grasp begin to bend.

"I know you didn't mean it Puck," Rachel said, a sickle ready in one hand, the other balled into a fist. Just like Nick Fury. "But you if hadn't invited it, Tina would've felt it cross the barrier. Lives wouldn't be in danger."

For a few months, the town of Lima was vampire-free for the first time in its existence. Thanks to a truck and some seriously confusing feelings on Puck's behalf, the little peace the group had worked hard to create was about to disappear.

Puck wished being a Slayer came with a self-destruct button.

Reviews are love but keep it PG.