Chapter Nine
The Homecoming game is traditionally a high school football team's last home game of the season, although there are occasionally more away games thereafter. However, in addition to being a celebration of the return of certain alumni to the school, it is supposed to be the triumph of the team – even though the institution was marred slightly by the fact that all the high schools in the district shared the same field so Santa Inez's team didn't really return home, as it were. Anyway, the school selects one young woman and one young man, both of whom somehow exemplify the victorious spirit of the event, particularly through exceptional participation in clubs or extracurricular activities. The boy is crowned king during an assembly the day of the game, while the girl is crowned queen at halftime. The next night, a large celebratory dance is held on campus, usually in the gym or outdoors in the quad, in honor of the conclusion of a valiant, successful football season.
None of this explained to Bella why she needed to go to all the bother of getting a formal dress.
"At least you don't need two," Rosalie commented vaguely, sliding a series of bright yellow dresses along the rack at Nordstrom's, looking for her size. "I have to have one for halftime and one for the dance."
"Rosalie, shut up, you know you love any excuse to play dress-up. And you do realize that you could wear the same dress?" Alice pointed out, raising her eyebrows. "The tiara doesn't mean you have to prove anything."
"And I do need two dresses." Bella held a long light purple number up against herself and faced a mirror. "I'm helping stage halftime, remember?"
"Put that back, the color looks horrible with your hair. And your halftime thing is supposed to be a cocktail dress or whatever," said Alice, waving her hand impatiently. She was apparently in some sort of a tetchy mood, trying to play both sides of the argument. "You can just borrow one."
Rosalie nodded. "I have an emerald green one that'd be gorgeous with your coloring. We'd have to take it in a little at the bust, though."
"Oh, thanks," Bella said sarcastically. "You know, we can't all be thirty-two D's."
Rosalie glanced up at Bella, amused. "I'm a thirty-four C. Thanks, though."
"Ooh," cooed Alice, interrupting them. She seized a bright red knee-length dress with a daring amount of lace and held it up to her chest before looking in the mirror. Then she wrinkled her nose and returned it to the rack, evidently agreeing with my unspoken opinion that it would make her look like a hooker. Rosalie sniffed at Bella and started walking towards the dressing room, three different dresses over her arm. Her high heels clicked on the overly polished marble.
"What do you think?" Alice held up two, one short black one and one halter in a loud floral print. It matched her personality.
Bella chewed her lower lip. "Try them both on, but if it were me, I'd save black for Prom or Formal. If you and Toby are just going as friends, it might be better anyway."
"Really? I like the black better. And it's short." Alice held it out, inspecting it. "But if I bought it, I'd probably take it home and remove the tulle."
"That'd be even worse!" Bella wrinkled her nose. "You'd look like you were going to a funeral. And to the best of my knowledge, nobody in your family has died recently."
"Not yet," Alice retorted, making a face, but she put the black dress back to avoid any further argument.
Eventually, and after much debate, Rosalie chose a soft butter-yellow slinky off-the-shoulder deal for the dance that emphasized the gold in her hair, and a pink mermaid cut for the game. Alice picked the patterned halter. The two of them wound up choosing Bella's dress for her, and they selected a short strapless one, turquoise covered in black lace and tulle with a wide ribbon sash, and Bella groaned at the thought that it would involve double-sided tape. The whole process was more trouble than it was worth, and Bella hadn't even been home yet that afternoon. She'd been finalizing the preparations for the assembly since three.
After they'd all paid, they headed outside and decided that they didn't have time to go for coffee. They hugged goodbye and headed off in opposite directions across the parking lot. When Bella and Alice got to Alice's POS, the latter slid the key into the ignition while the former turned on the radio. On the way home, they argued about what was to be done with Bella's hair for the dance (Bella wanted to just straighten it and leave it down; Alice wanted to play with it and put it up). Alice eventually guilt-tripped Bella into conceding, saying that since her hair was so short she should have the right to play with Bella's, especially if she didn't appreciate it myself, because someone had to.
When the car turned onto their street, Bella sighed. Her mother's boyfriend's Camaro was in the driveway. Alice grimaced. "You want to come over?"
"Can't," Bella replied glumly. "I need my computer. And you know we wouldn't get anything done."
"If you're sure." Alice pulled into her driveway and they got out. Bella slid her arm through the straps of her schoolbag and lifted her dress sack and books. She could feel Alice's eyes on her, worried, as she crossed the street.
The front door was already unlocked, and it was quiet inside. Bella slipped in, praying that she could get to her room unnoticed. Alice had called Martin a creeper after she'd first met him, and while he'd never really done anything to warrant it, Bella had a hard time disagreeing with her. As she crept past the kitchen, she glanced in; Renee was stirring something on the stove and Martin was leaning up against the opposite counter, his arms folded across his chest as he stared off into space. Neither of them was speaking, but Bella's mother was flushed and there was a bright pink stain on Martin's collar.
Bella made it to her room and dumped her school stuff on her bed, breathing a sigh of relief. She hung the dress up, hesitated, and then went back to shut and lock her door.
It only took her an hour to finish up the essay that she had due on Friday, and since she'd pulled an all-nighter last night, she didn't have anything due tomorrow that wasn't already finished. She didn't feel like working ahead; she figured she'd earned the rest of the night off. Smiling, she got out her guitar.
"Hey, sweetheart," she whispered. She checked the strings, making sure it was still tuned, and then dug out her Notebook, an extremely beat-up blue spiral-bound that held all her works-in-progress. She sat in the green bean bag chair she'd had since she was five, the guitar in her lap, and flipped towards the back of the Notebook. She found what she was looking for, a song she'd only just started working on. Picking out the notes, she sang quietly, not wanting to attract the attention of the other two people in the house.
"He lies awake, all alone, watching the shadows crawl across his walls. He wonders why he's here tonight, he wonders why he's still alive."
Bella paused. It was more haunting now than it had felt when she wrote it. She shook her head and kept going.
"He falls so slowly, he feels so lost, though he says he doesn't miss the past that is gone, but she thinks he's forgotten to take a breath, to realize that there's still something left.
"But she feels he's worth it, she wants to stay and know everything. And she could be beautiful, and she could be his harmony."
That was all she had thus far. She stared down at the lyrics scrawled in the Notebook, jotted down at the end of calc. Frowning, she flipped back through the pages before closing it and setting it back on the floor. She put the guitar aside so she could stand, and went to her window. As she looked across the backyard, she tried to process what she'd found – or rather hadn't found – in the Notebook.
She'd never written a song for a guy before. And she knew, even if she hadn't known it while she was writing it, that this song was for Edward.
The rest of the week was hell on wheels. The student council tabulated the votes for the Homecoming King and Queen, got the assembly sorted out, had all the tickets sold (in order to prevent a selling-out, they had to quickly get some more printed at nine on Tuesday night), and ordered all the decorations that they couldn't provide themselves. The art classes had painted the backdrop for the photos as well as put together a few more rainbow-themed murals. These and the rest of the dance decorations were currently stacked or piled around the leadership room, since they couldn't get them into the gym until after the assembly.
Finally, it was Friday. All of leadership got to school at around six-thirty in the morning to finish setting up for the assembly. They got done around nine, and since it didn't start until ten, Mr. Whittier pretended not to notice when Erin left campus and came back with two dozen donuts. As Bella ate hers, sharing the group's feeling that, for better or for worse, Homecoming was almost over, Trish leaned over and whispered to her, "You know we have to be here tomorrow morning at nine to get it ready for the dance? And that we have to do this all again for Winter Formal? And again for Prom?"
Laure threw her napkin at her.
The assembly itself was one of the biggest examples of organized chaos Bella ever lived through. Sean, the ASB president; Jared, the senior class president; me; Brittany, the Commissioner of Special Events; and Jesse, the Commissioner of Elections, were positioned at strategic points around the gym during the whole thing, communicating to each other on walkie-talkies that looked like they'd come out of a seventies space invasion movie. They had to keep the skits at the appropriate length, cue the dancers and music at the right times, and maintain the proper lighting. Bella kept holding her breath, sure that something was going to go wrong. She was so distracted, she almost missed the announcement of the King. It was a guy on the Varsity football team, which she knew would make it interesting for Emmett if Rosalie wound up Queen. And Rosalie probably would, too, Bella thought, smiling to herself.
As everyone was filing out of the gym once the assembly was over, Bella saw Edward leaving with Emmett and Riley. Since she'd been here setting up all morning, she hadn't gone to chem, so she hadn't talked to Edward yet today. She ducked around the rest of the crowd, not wanting him to see her in her grimy, dust-covered sweatshirt with her sloppy ponytail, not up against all the Advanced Dance girls in their bright perky leotards.
And it wasn't like she could go home and relax once school was over. She booked it over to the leadership room, where she found the rest of the class. They loaded everything for the halftime show – an individual little stage for each princess to stand on, fifty yards of red fabric, the crown, the speaker system, huge amounts of balloons, and the walkie-talkies. As they walked off the trailer for the last time, Brittany sighed. "Was it supposed to be this hard?"
Bella shrugged. "Formal will probably be better. We'll all know what to do, anyway."
The girls got to change in the leadership room first; Bella pulled on Rosalie's green dress – which they had indeed had to take in at the chest – and decided to just carry the high heels to the bus. It took the guys much less time to get their suits on, and they caught up to the girls before Whittier could get even more pissy than he already was.
Once they were all settled, Bella glanced at her watch. Thirty-one hours until it was all over and she could go sleep.
"So we have to win this game," Edward checked, looking from Jasper to Riley.
They glanced at each other, and Riley shrugged. "Well, it'd help, of course. And it's not like the other school would throw the game for us. We wouldn't do it for them. My freshman year, we lost Homecoming to our rival school. And that sucked."
"'Course, we've never had a great football team," said Alice, who was on Jasper's other side. "Not that we can say that around Emmett or anything. Granted, we are six for eight right now. Why is it always so cold here?" she complained, interrupting herself.
Riley raised an eyebrow at his sister. "You could've worn a jacket. It's cold because these are concrete benches, and it's almost night, which is what we call it when the sun, that universal source of heat and light, goes away."
"Smartass." She slapped his arm. "I can't wait 'til you leave for college. My life'll be easier without your attitude."
"Nah, you know you're gonna miss me."
Edward looked down across the stands, which were about two-thirds full, towards the football field, and saw Emmett warming up with the rest of the football team as the cheerleaders set up their boxes and whatever. Alice had told him that Rosalie wouldn't be with the cheerleaders for the first three quarters of the game, since she was a Homecoming princess.
"So do you guys usually lose the Homecoming game?" Edward asked.
Alice tipped her head back, thinking. "We won it last year. My freshman year… I don't remember, 'cause it was our first year doing the Firebird convention, so we were busy with that. Riley? Do you know?"
"Don't remember." He turned his head. "Jasper?"
He didn't answer, and I looked up to see him staring across the stands at another group. Alice followed his eyes and sighed loudly. "Honestly."
Jasper jumped like she'd shook him, and spun his head back around. "Sorry, what was the question?"
"The question," Alice snapped, glaring at him, "is, 'when are you going to get it through your head that Crystal has a boyfriend, and that you need to get over her?' So it's two questions, really."
"Alice, leave him alone," Riley muttered, and shook his head at her. When Edward was sure nobody was watching him, he glanced over at where Crystal and The Boyfriend were sitting. He hadn't talked to her since that issue with The Boyfriend in the hallway outside of Physio three weeks ago, but every time he saw her, she looked okay. She looked fine now, anyway, leaning back against his chest.
The leadership kids showed up then, all in some kind of formal-looking clothing. Edward found Bella, in a green dress that looked really good on her, and even from here he could see how tired she was. She'd been so busy, and they'd just had lecture notes all week in chem, so he hadn't had a chance to talk to her after their tutoring session on Monday. But she hadn't looked like she'd tried really hard to find an opening to talk to him. Maybe he'd imagined the disappointment he thought he'd seen when he didn't ask her to the dance, right before Rosalie went off on him.
He heard Riley talking to Jasper: "You're part of our group for Homecoming, right?"
Jasper shook his head. "I'm not going."
Edward turned around as Alice sat up and yelped, "What?"
Jasper shrugged. "I didn't get around to buying a ticket."
Alice's eyes narrowed. "Jasper Whitlock, is this some stupid sort of, if-I-can't-go-with-Crystal-then-I-won't-go-with-anyone mentality? You know that's a totally defeatist shit attitude, right? Right?"
"Alice, lay off. That's not why I'm not going," he snapped, but he was looking down when he said it. "I just have some stuff to do for And See, She Flies, and I thought I'd be better served taking care of that than I would going to a dance that I don't have a date to!"
"And whose fault is that?"
"God, shut up, both of you," Riley groaned. "I was just trying to get a head count." Alice crossed her arms and scowled at the field, where both teams were finishing warming up; Jasper pulled out his phone. "Anyway," Riley continued, "if Jasper's not with us, that leaves me and Kaylee, Rosalie and Emmett, Alice and Toby, Bella, and you, Edward. Eight people, two cars. We're meeting at our house," he added, indicating himself and Alice.
Edward nodded, then frowned. Every time the subject of that dance came up, he felt kind of sick. Even though he knew this was not something worth getting nervous about. He'd been shot at and beaten – a high school dance sure as hell shouldn't bother him.
"Hold up," said Alice suddenly. "We're not getting a limo?"
"We're poor, Alice," Jasper reminded her before Riley could say anything.
She snorted. "Yeah, we can't get a limo for five hours but Riley can go to Cornell."
Riley opened his mouth, but Jasper cut him off again. "You know that's not all coming out of your parents' pocket. And anyway, would you rather he not be able to go to Cornell?"
"I said shut up," Riley interrupted, loud enough that the people in front of them turned around. "My God, could you guys either start going out or leave each other alone? You're ridiculous sometimes."
Edward looked between Jasper and Alice when Riley said that, but neither of them reacted. Alice looked down at her phone as it buzzed in her hand.
A bunch of whistles went off down by the track, and the marching band got on the field for the pre-game show they always did.
"Ladies and gentlemen," said a man's voice over the loudspeakers, "if you would please rise and face the flag for our National Anthem."
Alice, Jasper, Riley, and Edward all stood, and Edward took off the baseball cap I was wearing. But as the anthem played, he wasn't looking at the flag. From the corner of his eye, he was watching Bella. She and the rest of the leadership people were in the front row of the stands, by one of the staircases down to ground level. She was standing still, her hand over her heart, but Edward could see the stress in her shoulders.
What if he had asked her to go to the dance with him?
It was a weird feeling, caring about a dance. God knew, he never had before. For one thing, he never would've been able to afford Homecoming, and he felt weird about Carlisle and Esme paying for his ticket. Emmett didn't seem bugged by it, though. Suddenly, Edward was a little pissed. These rich fuckers didn't think there was anything bad about handing their kids ninety dollars for a dance ticket when some families lived ten people to a room, and just to get out of the house, boys hung out on streets and got themselves jumped into gangs. The excess of this side of Phoenix was disgusting sometimes.
Edward couldn't focus on the game, even though Jasper and Riley were cheering, and Alice was doing a pretty good job of screaming herself hoarse. Right before the first quarter had started, Bella had turned around in her seat, and Edward guessed she was searching for their group. He was the only one who'd been looking towards her, and she smiled at him and waved to him before turning back around. He kept catching himself looking for her during the first half. He jumped a little when the gun sounded for halftime, and Alice laughed at him.
"Have you been paying any attention?"
Edward shook his head. "Not really. What's the score?"
"We're up by two touchdowns," she replied happily. "And, look, there's Emmett."
Edward looked where she was pointing, and he saw his foster brother, still in his football pads and tires, jog over to where Rosalie was waiting with her dad, in a line with all the other Homecoming princesses and their fathers in the end zone. Ignoring her bright pink dress and tiara, he picked her up, spun her around, and planted a kiss on her lips. She slapped his shoulder pad, but Edward could tell she was laughing.
Just then Bella and a blonde girl hurried up to the princess people with a huge bunch of red fabric. Two of the cheerleaders stood on an end that dropped to the ground, and Bella and the other girl walked backwards with the red stuff rolling out between them, making a kind of runway along the sideline to the fifty-yard line. Cheerleaders knelt down on either side of the carpet, holding it in place. All the ASB people who were rushing around getting everything ready were in that pointless formal wear, which seemed kind of stupid to Edward.
He noticed that behind the cheerleaders, five different-colored mini-stages, each with a big black-covered panel behind it, had been set up on the field, and a balloon arch was set up at the end of the red carpet.
God, why did they have to make such a big damn deal out of this? It wasn't like it really mattered.
Bella lifted an old-school walkie-talkie, the same kind Edward had noticed her using during the assembly that morning, and talked into it, staring up at the announcers' booth at the top of the stadium. A couple of seconds later, music started playing over the stadium's speaker system. The Homecoming king, wearing a fuzzy red crown, stood under the balloon archway as one of the ASB girls started talking into a microphone about Homecoming and how important it was and stuff. Another girl handed her a piece of paper, and she introduced the first princess in line.
As the princess's dad walked his daughter up the red carpet, the ASB girl read off the paper how she was a good student and played Varsity volleyball and loved puppies and some other shit. The princess posed for a picture with the king and then went to go stand on one of the mini-stages.
The whole damn show was repeated four times before they finally, by dropping the black fabric from the panel behind her stage to show a rainbow, named Rosalie the Homecoming Queen. Like it would have been too easy to just call out her name over the speakers and get it over with. Whatever.
After they'd put the crown on Rosalie's head, Bella and the other princesses and ASB girls hugged her. The cheerleaders were all screaming and clapping.
Santa Inez barely won the game, and by then, Edward really didn't care anymore. Riley, however, was satisfied. "The dance'll be fun, then. It's never any good when we lose the game."
Edward grunted.
Since Emmett stayed out late with the rest of the team, Edward didn't really have a chance to talk to him before they had to leave to go to Riley and Alice's house for the dance. He went for a run, working on his times, trying not to think about the AG or how bad the dance would be that night.
He almost laughed at himself. He'd managed to put pissed-off gangbangers on the same level as the dance.
He'd never been to a dance before, even though they'd been a lot cheaper at his school in Tucson. Mostly, it was because the AG had made it clear that dances – and any other school thing – were for pussies, but there was also the fact that he'd never met a girl he'd really been interested in dancing with. For a long time, he was sure everything that had happened to him since he was a kid would keep him from ever dating, or wanting to have a girlfriend. Since he got moved around the state so much, it wasn't like there were any girls he could hang out with on a regular basis, even if he'd wanted to. And the whole concept of a relationship was just stupid.
Knowing all that, he was having a hard time figuring out how he got here, in a suit, surrounded by people in more formal wear, posing for pictures taken by Riley's mom. Alice kept telling Edward to stand with Bella – "It has to be balanced!" – when the rest of them lined up as couples. Even though he didn't mind being close to Bella – and he was really glad she wasn't going to the dance with an actual date – it was awkward because he couldn't figure out where to put his hands.
Edward glanced at Riley, whose hands were on Kaylee's waist as she stood with her back to him, and they weren't even going out. Feeling really clumsy, Edward lifted his hands and put them on either side of the ribbon thing on Bella's dress, keeping them way above her hips. Her head turned slightly, and her cheek was bright red. Since her hair was pinned up, Edward could see the flush go all down her neck, too. He flinched and was about to drop his hands, but Mrs. Coleman shouted, "Last one! Smile!" and they all faced the camera. Moving slowly, Bella leaned back so her head was resting on Edward's chest. The camera clicked.
"Awesome sauce!" sang Alice. "Now let's go, or we'll be late to dinner."
As Mr. and Mrs. Coleman shouted warnings about not drinking and being safe and getting home by one at the very latest, Edward followed the rest outside. The sun had just set as they piled into the cars, everyone else talking over each other. He reached up and tugged at my collar.
He wound up sitting next to Bella in the back seat of Riley's car. Riley drove with one hand on Kaylee's thigh, and Edward was really aware of the couple inches of gray upholstery between Bella's leg and his own. Thank God Kaylee and Bella could talk to Riley; Edward sure as hell didn't know what to say. He stared out his window. While it was nice of Emmett to try and include him, Edward was sure he'd've been better off staying home.
He watched Bella's laughing reflection in the glass and remembered how she'd blushed when he'd touched her. There had been two times since he'd met her, he realized, that she'd leaned into him, like she thought it was safe.
What sucked most was that he had no context for this. Where he came from, girls were up-front when they wanted you. And while he'd never wanted any of them, he realized he had still taken their obviousness for granted. He never had to assume anything.
He couldn't assume that Bella cared about him, even if he did care about her.
Edward was uncomfortable as hell during dinner, and he didn't eat a lot, because he still hated it when the Sheridans spent money on him. Alice and her date were sitting between him and Bella, so Edward didn't have to deal with not knowing what to say to her. Even though it meant that they'd have to go to the dance, he was glad when they finally left the restaurant. He'd noticed that with these people, the subject of college came up at least once during every conversation. College was just one more thing Edward didn't have in common with any of them. Bella glanced at him once, but he didn't talk about dropping out, so she didn't either.
In the car, Kaylee turned the radio up and she and Bella sang along with it, eventually breaking off to just giggle. They only stopped when the car pulled into the school's parking lot. Already, Edward could hear bass of the bad dance music pounding.
"Wow," Kaylee whispered as they got out of the car. She stared out at the campus, which looked kind of like one of those Skittles commercials with rainbows and shit all over the place. She smiled at Bella, her eyes wide. "It looks great!"
Bella smiled back, and for the first time that night Edward noticed she still looked exhausted. "Thanks. It should – we started working at nine this morning, and we didn't finish until five." Emmett and the others caught up with them, and he and Rosalie led the way onto campus along a path marked by twinkling little multicolored light things and balloons.
"You put any of these up?" Edward asked Bella. It was the first time he'd started a conversation all night.
She shrugged. "I strung some on the roofline," she told him, nodding up at the roof of the performing arts building. "But I was mostly working inside."
They got to the door of the gym as she was talking. Someone checked their tickets, and they walked inside. It was already really crowded and loud and kind of dark, since most of the light came from more of the little twinkly things.
"Damn." Edward looked down at Bella, talking louder so she could hear him. "You got all this done today?"
"No," she said, but he could tell she was proud. "The murals" – she pointed – "have been done for a while. We just did the streamers and balloons and draping – and the outside – between yesterday afternoon and today."
She glanced down, and when she looked back up he kind of thought she was going to say something else, or ask him something. But this other guy showed up out of nowhere and asked her to dance. She went, but she shot a quick look at Edward again.
Edward turned back to the rest of the group, but they were all gone except Emmett. "Where's Rosalie?" he asked.
He leaned against the wall. "She's gotta dance with the Homecoming king," he told Edward, pointing. " Photo op. What about Bella?"
"Somebody asked her to dance. And don't say it," Edward warned. "I've heard it enough from your girlfriend."
Emmett held up his hands, but he was grinning. "I'm not saying anything."
"Good," Edward muttered. "And you can get that damn smirk off your face too."
"Defensive, aren't we?" He reached over to punch Edward shoulder. "Yeah, I'm saying nothing. Nothing at all."
That song ended, and another one started, this one faster. Rosalie left her Homecoming king, looking like she was pretty glad to do it, and came back to Emmett. Alice's date was distracted, and Edward guessed she felt sorry for him, standing by the wall by himself, so she had him dance with her.
"You look out of your element," she told Edward bluntly as they started dancing.
"Thanks," he said sarcastically. But then he admitted, "I got no idea what I'm doing here."
She shrugged, almost shouting to be heard over the music. "I get you. And if it makes you feel any better, dances are always a lot more fun in theory than they are in practice. My freshman year, Homecoming was a total disaster for me."
"Yeah? What happened?"
She scowled, clearly still not over it. "Some bitch had my same dress."
Edward laughed, even though he wasn't really sure if she was joking or not. He'd never really talked to her alone, and she was pretty funny. Also – thank God – she didn't talk about him and Bella.
A couple more songs passed, and Edward noticed he wasn't the only person there without a date. He danced with a couple of girls from cross country, but he felt kind of bad, because he was just looking for Bella the entire time. Guys kept coming up to her, and even from across the gym he could tell that she was trying to sit down. Didn't any of them see that? Even her ex came up to her and asked for a dance.
Edward sighed, remembering what Alice had said during registration about Bella being a forgiving person. Of course she'd want to be with a Ken doll like Chris Janssen. How stupid to think of her wanting to be with someone like Edward.
But he stopped answering Kristen, the girl he was dancing with, seeing how Bella's smile suddenly turned fake. Even though it was a faster song, Chris was trying to sort of pull her into his arms, like for slow dancing. She put a hand on his shoulder and leaned away. Without saying anything to Kristen, Edward dropped her hand and started across the gym.
He pushed past some dancing couples, still watching Bella. She almost looked worried now as she tried to take a step back from Janssen. He grabbed her arm.
"…Just one dance, okay, babe?" Edward heard him say, and it sounded slurred.
"I'm not your babe." Bella tried to pull her arm back, but Janssen wouldn't let go.
Edward finally got there. "Hey," he snapped, noticing with pleasure that he was taller than Janssen. "Leave her alone. She said no."
Janssen tried to glare up at Edward, but it was like he had a hard time focusing. Definitely wasted. "I'm talking to my girl. What do you want, beaner?"
Bella's eyes blazed as she ripped her arm back. "How dare you?" she demanded, but Edward put an arm on her shoulder, shaking his head.
"It's not worth it." Edward had heard worse, after all. "Come on."
"Hey, you don't walk away from me–"
"Janssen," Edward interrupted. "I'd gladly beat your ass, but I'd rather do it when you're sober. Just fuck off, okay?"
"Name the place, fucker. I'll be there." He flipped Edward off and staggered away, bumping into another couple as he did. Stupid pussy. Bella frowned up at Edward.
"Was that necessary?"
Edward shrugged. "Worked, didn't it?" I took her hand and lifted it, trying to see her arm where he'd grabbed her. "You okay? Did he hurt you?"
"No," she said, and he almost didn't hear her over the music. But she didn't take her hand back. "I mean, my head hurts, but…."
"Let's go, then."
Bella hesitated, then nodded. Still holding Edward's hand, she pulled him through the crowd until she found the first guy who'd danced with her. She tapped him on the shoulder. "Sean."
"Yeah?" He turned, and the girl he was dancing with scowled at Bella.
"I've got a headache. Can I go, please?"
He sighed, but grinned at her. "Sure. I'll cover for you if Whittier comes looking."
"Thanks."
Edward tried to push his way through all the people for her, heading towards the door. He saw Emmett's face over everyone's head, and it split into a huge smile when he saw who Edward was with. Edward shook his head at him and looked away. They finally made it to the door, and he could literally feel the temperature drop ten degrees.
She shivered a little when they got outside, so he took off his jacket and put it around her shoulders. She smiled in thanks as she put her arms through the sleeves, but didn't say anything. He noticed, though, that this silence didn't feel awkward, like it would have before. It just felt quiet.
They weren't really going anywhere specific, just kind of wandering away from the decorations, and he only noticed the sounds of the dance had completely faded when they got to the ampitheater. Still not talking, they made their way halfway up the seats before she sighed and sank onto one of the metal benches, and he sat next to her. Because of the Phoenix smog, he couldn't see any stars, just the moon, and even that looked yellow.
He broke the silence first. "You sure he didn't hurt you?"
She nodded. "I'm fine. Thank you."
He nodded too, and looked down at her. Her hands clasped in her lap; he saw her knuckles tighten. Tension circled around them, like they were caught in a bubble. She reached up and pulled some pins out of her hair, letting it fall around her face and shoulders. It kind of rippled, holding on to some hairspray. It looked black in the dark. Black and soft.
As he watched her, he thought about himself. About how much had changed for him since the end of July. He was not the same person he'd been, and suddenly he was happy about that. He was happy that he was sitting with her now, and happy that she wanted to be here too. Wanted him here.
She relaxed and leaned into him, and even though he hadn't expected it, he didn't pull away. She rested her head on his shoulder, and without really thinking about it, just knowing that it felt natural, he slipped an arm around her waist. He could feel his heart beating fast now, feel everything around him changing.
And he realized what was happening. What he was allowing to happen, even though he'd sworn to himself he would not let it get this far.
Bad enough that he was falling for her. That, he could live with. But what he couldn't accept was this, whatever in the hell it was, building between them, building and growing into something out of his control. It could hurt her. If she got attached to him in any way, she would get hurt. People around him got hurt. And this attraction he had for her, that he was almost sure she had for him, was turning into more than he could handle, more than he could protect her from.
It felt like too much. It felt like he had to stop it.
He didn't want to stop it.
"Bella." He said her name quietly and she tilted her face up, her dark eyes finding his. He suddenly remembered that one random dream he'd had the first week of school, the one where he'd been kissing her so hard. He forced it away. I can't do this to her. I owe her that much.
"We shouldn't do this shit," he told her quietly. "There's stuff in my life that I don't want touching yours. It's… not good for you to be around me. You should be with someone who can give you everything that you deserve."
She didn't blink. Her face hadn't changed the entire time he was talking. "Do you want to?"
He frowned. "Do I want to what?"
"Do you want to give me everything that you think I deserve?" Her voice was so quiet he almost didn't hear the question.
"It doesn't matter," he said, shaking my head. "I can't. You shouldn't be with me."
Her eyes set, seemed to burn. Her hand drifted up, her fingertips brushed along his jaw. The stubble that was just beginning to grow felt rough against her skin. When she spoke again, it was just a whisper. "Let me be the judge of that."
He exhaled. No. If something happened to her, if she wasn't safe because of him…. He didn't want to let that happen. But what about what he did want? Didn't that matter, too? Didn't it matter that it was the same as what she wanted?
She didn't move, except for her fingers, which were curling into the hair at the base of his neck. She was watching him. She was making this his choice.
And, not because her hand was drawing him down but because it was what he wanted to do, he leaned in and brushed her mouth with his own. He drew back, and saw her eyes smile into his briefly before she reached up and kissed him again.
Some corner of his mind realized this was nothing like his dream; it wasn't rushed, it wasn't frantic. But as he lifted his other hand and put it on her cheek, feeling the blood rush up under her skin, he knew that it felt right anyway. She was so sweet, and so soft, and she wanted to kiss him, and he wanted to kiss her back. And right now, that was enough to make him forget all the reasons why it shouldn't happen. Right now, that was everything.
Eventually she sat back and just looked up at him, her face light and open as she ran her fingers across his eyebrow and down to my throat. The corners of her mouth lifted as her eyes closed, and she lay her head on his shoulder again. And he just held her, feeling her breathe.