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Disclaimer: I don't own either series. Nor do I own the Potter Puppet Pals' Mysterious Ticking Noise.

Chapter 2: Ambush

It had been a simple matter for Snape to cast a modified Taboo spell for the phrase "flying car" and follow up on each speaker he found, while using Legilimency to confirm his suspicions. So far, he had Obliviated two homeless Muggles, and currently, he was being alerted to a pub downtown.

Snape made his way through the bustling square and stepped into the equally-noisy establishment. He instantly zeroed in on a pair of Muggle men sitting at the counter, who seemed to be trying their hardest to avoid Snape's gaze.

"Muffliato."

He approached them.

"Good evening," said Snape in flawless Japanese (thanks to a softly-uttered translation enchantment).

The younger of the two Muggles squeaked and spilled his soft drink all over his shirt.

"H-Hi!" he stammered.

The older Muggle handed his companion a bundle of tissues and acknowledged Snape. "Good evening. Is there something we can help you with?"

"As a matter of fact, yes," replied Snape.

There was a pause as Snape absorbed the younger Muggle's boyish features. More specifically, his eyes, which were as wide as saucers.

Snape leaned in. "Have either of you, by any chance, seen a flying car lately?"

Matsuda's first instinct was to Get the Hell Outta There. Something was definitely off with this stranger.

For one, the guy was staring at him with a scary rape face.

Second, it sounded like he was speaking Japanese, but his words didn't match up with his lips, like in a badly dubbed anime or something.

Third, he had inquired about the flying car.

Last but not least, he was now reaching into his pants, pulling out something slim and pointy. It appeared to be made out of wood.

In a blink of an eye, Matsuda threw the rest of his Diet Pepsi at the man's slimy face and tore out of the pub, dragging Aizawa along with him.

"Matsuda, what the hell is wrong with you?" Aizawa shouted over the confusion erupting all around them. "You just attacked a civilian!"

"He's no civilian!" Matsuda shrieked.

"What do you mean?"

"HAVEN'T YOU SEEN MEN IN BLACK?" Matsuda wailed. "HE'S HERE TO KIDNAP US AND WIPE OUR MEMORIES!"

Snape furiously dried his dripping face with his sleeve before giving chase, ignoring the odd looks he was getting. Among the clamor of the busy street, he heard the younger Muggle's hysterical voice:

"...HERE TO…WIPE OUR MEMORIES!"

Snape cursed under his breath, wondering how the Muggle had come to that conclusion. But there were more pressing matters at hand.

When Snape had sifted through his mind, the first thing that the Legilimens discovered was the flying Ford Anglia and the Muggle's plan to contact the authorities. His companion disagreed, but that detail was inconsequential. They were both a danger to wizarding Britain, if not the entire magical world.

And now both were slipping from his grasp.

The only consolation was that Snape could still see the Pygmy Puff-shaped hair of the older Muggle bobbing through the crowd about ten meters ahead of him. It was too risky to pull out his wand in the middle of the street, so Snape had no choice but to follow.

Snape quickly ducked into an empty alleyway, occupied only by several dustbins. Once he Disillusioned himself, he rejoined the crowd.

Nobody could ever escape from Snape, Snape, Severus Snape –

"Dumbledore!" Snape muttered, cursing the Headmaster for entrusting him with this blasted mission.

"Are we safe?" Matsuda panted, slamming the car door shut and locking it.

Aizawa peered out the windows, craning his neck. The parking lot was vacant, save for three other cars.

"I...think so... Damn it, Matsuda! Why did you have to do that? Are you out of your mind?"

"No," Matsuda insisted. "He was armed! I saw him taking something out of his pants!"

"A gun?"

"I'm not sure, but it looked dangerous. Trust me!"

"You can't go around throwing Pepsi at people just because you think they look dangerous!"

"But he asked us about the flying car!"

"Maybe he saw it too," Aizawa reasoned. "Whatever, what's done is done. Let's just get out of here."

Matsuda nodded, calming down slightly. "Where are we going?"

"Wammy's," Aizawa answered, starting the engine. "We still need to gather information about Mello. Or have you forgotten that the notebook is now in the hands of the Mafia?"

"You mean the Bum-Bum Lovers?"

"The Mafia…"

"Yes, the Mafia," said Matsuda sagely, "also known as the Bum-Bum Lovers. Everyone knows that men living in close proximity do it all the time. Never mind that there are about a hundred prostitutes at their dispense, nobody likes chicks. Yaoi! Yaoi galore and sexy tiemz! Nobody actually sees it happen, but it's definitely canon!"

"Huh?"

Matsuda didn't get the chance to elaborate because just then, Snape's face loomed into view.

"Alohomora."

There was a click as the car door unlocked. Snape yanked it open, and swooped down to peer inside the vehicle.

"Aieeeeee!" the younger Muggle screeched in terror.

Snape brandished his wand and took aim. This time, he was ready.

"Oblivi –"

Or not.

The older Muggle had reacted inhumanly fast. In a split second, Snape found a metallic tube thing pressed to his forehead.

Snape recognized it immediately as a Muggle weapon. Even if he did successfully manage to complete the Memory Charm, there was no telling whether or not the Muggle would still pull the trigger. He couldn't risk Disarming him either, because Expelliarmus had five syllables and that took too much time to say.

"Put your hands where I can see them!" the Muggle ordered, stepping out of the car and forcing Snape backwards.

That only left him one other option.

Levicorpus, Snape thought as hard as he could.

"KYAAAAAAHHHH!"

The Muggle was instantly flung into the air, dangling upside-down.

"Aizawa!" the other Muggle cried, clambering out of the car.

"Matsuda, don't look! Look away, look away!" the man named Aizawa yelped, for his shirt had slipped down to reveal an extremely hairy chest and nipples as puffy as his afro.

"Oh, sweet baby Jesus…"

The Muggle named Matsuda fainted, presumably scarred for life.

Snape smirked triumphantly. The non-verbal jinx that he had invented as a mere teenager had yet to fail him.

He raised his wand again. "Ob –"

Out of nowhere, Aizawa pistol-whipped him.

"Oof!"

Aizawa dropped to the ground, body and ego bruised as an overripe mango. Luckily, he had managed to hold onto his gun when he had somehow levitated into the air.

Evidently, Matsuda had been right. This strange, greasy-haired otaku wizard-man was not to be trusted.

Aizawa crawled over to the heap of robes that was the unconscious "wizard" and pried the wooden stick from his grip. He gave it an experimental wave, but nothing happened, so he shrugged and stowed it away in his pocket in case it really was dangerous.

Then he went to check on Matsuda, who was beginning to stir.

"Matsuda, are you alright?"

"A-Aizawa…?" Matsuda slurred from the pavement. "Please tell me I was dreaming… tell me you don't actually have hairy puffy nipples…"

"I don't actually have hairy puffy nipples," Aizawa lied, knowing that the truth would send Matsuda into a coma or something.

"Good," Matsuda sighed.

Their relief was short-lived. A muffled groan told them that their unwelcome companion was starting to wake up, so Aizawa lunged for the older man and knocked him out.

"And STAY down, you slimy git!"

"Aizawa," Matsuda gasped, "that was amazing!"

"Nobody assaults us and gets away with it," Aizawa declared grimly. "Come on, Matsuda. We've got an orphanage to get to."

A/N: Yes, they get to visit Roger and learn about Mello/Near before the main fun starts with the Task Force. Mwahaha.

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