The morning came much too quickly for him. He felt her get out of bed. When she returned he was sitting up waiting for her. "Good morning," she said kissing him.

"Mac," he whined and lay back down. "Too early."

She smiled at him. "You can go back to sleep," she said running her fingers across his chest. "Or you can get up and take a shower with me. Then we can go grocery shopping. Earlier will be better, I think, less people."

"I'll call Lonny," he mumbled into his pillow.

"Okay. I'll be in the shower," she said and left their bed. She had just gotten the shower temperature adjusted when she felt his arms from behind.

"Nice shower." It was made of pebbles and there were multiple jets spraying water onto them. "Lonny will be here in an hour."

"Thanks," she said taking a loofa sponge, added some soap and began to lather him.

"Nice. I like how rough it is. I thought it would have been softer."

"Too much?" she asked.

"Not at all, it's a good roughness," he said and leaned down to kiss her. He reached for her breasts, but she stopped him. "What?"

"If you start now we won't be ready when Lonny gets here. Later, I promise."

He nodded and she finished washing him and then he took the loofa and washed her, making special attempts to tease certain parts of her body. She pulled him close and said, "you'll pay for that, Billy," and stroked him quickly and left the shower, smiling at him.

"Mac," he whined. "I'm sorry."

"What do you normally think about to stop the erection," she asked from just outside the shower.

"That's not normally a problem," he said smartly.

She stuck her head inside the walk in shower. "You're digging yourself deeper."

"Come on, Mac. I can't go to Dean and Deluca with an erection. Help me out here, please."

"Perhaps you should have thought about that when you were using the loofa on my breasts and between my legs."

"I thought it would feel good," he tried.

She saw through him. "Okay, okay, how about I wanted to make you wet."

"Better. I'm going to take pity on you. Know that if you start something like this again, I won't take care of you."

"Thanks," he said relieved.

"Step over here and I'll make you feel better."

"Fuck, Mac," he moaned when she took him in hand and began stroking him. It didn't take very long for her to make him orgasm.

After he recovered he grabbed a towel and dried her, and then dried himself off. He had walked into the bedroom and she walked to the closet and dressing area. After looking in one of her drawers she found what she was looking for, clothes of his. He was sitting on the bed in his boxers rubbing his hair with a towel when she came out in her robe.

"Here," she said handing him the clothes.

"I don't understand," he said looking up at her.

She didn't really want to explain this but she knew she was going to have to, "there's a drawer of your things in the dressing area."

"Why?"

"I couldn't get rid of them and they reminded me of you."

He stood and took her into his arms, hugging her tightly. "God, I love you, so much."

She let out a breath she didn't know she was holding and replied, "I love you, Billy."

When she pulled back he was smiling at her. "Go get dressed, Lonny will be here soon."

"Okay."

He dressed in the clothes she gave him, a pair of jeans with a polo, and a sweater.

When she returned she had on jeans and a sweater with a turtleneck. She was carrying her running shoes when she sat down next to him. She put one shoe next to her as she put the other on. Will picked up her shoe and looked at the lacing.

"Why is it laced like this," he asked, knowing there had to be a reason.

"It helps with slippage and makes the fit snug," she said taking the shoe from him.

"How far are you running now?"

"Five to seven miles a day."

"When do you have time? You're with me most of the day and into the night."

"After I wake up. There's a treadmill downstairs. I'd rather run outside, but I know that's not the safest option when I run alone."

"Did something happen? You always used to run outside."

She looked at him and smiled. "I used to run with you," she said and shrugged her shoulder. "The treadmill is fine. I make sure I get out on the weekends and run outside in the daylight."

"Mac…."

"I had someone follow me one morning. I got lucky and ran by a couple of police officers and explained. I didn't know it, but there'd been a series of attacks, killings, in the area. I gave a description of the person who followed me…turns out that he was the attacker."

"When was this?"

"Right after I came back from the Middle East."

"Mac…."

"I take precautions now, the experience really scared me."

He took her in his arms and hugged her tight. "I'm sure it did, sweetheart."

She pulled out of his arms and said, "let's go shopping."

"Okay," he said and took her hand and led her downstairs where Lonny was waiting, but he had a feeling that they would be talking more, later.

Mac was quiet on the way to the store, staring out the window, keeping to herself. He needed to make sure she was okay and tucked a bit of hair behind her ear and kissed her temple. She turned toward him and rested against his chest, his arm immediately going around her, holding her close.

"You're the first person I told about that. I'm not sure why I'm unsettled."

"Because it was scary and thinking about what could have happened is too horrible to imagine." She nodded her head against his chest. "I'm glad you told me, you need to be able to share what happens with someone who cares. You can't keep all this inside."

"I know, it's hard, though."

He chuckled, "trust me, I know."

"After it happened, you were the first person I thought about and I wanted to tell you."

"Why didn't you?"

"We were barely even friends," she started and pulled away from him some. He tightened his hold on her arm and pulled her back against him.

"I'm sorry you didn't feel like you could tell me. I was horrible to you."

"You have every right to be," she started and he stopped her by turning her around so she was facing him.

He leaned down so they were eye to eye and made sure she was listening to him, "the hell I do, Mac. I was punishing you and being a bastard. I'm sorry."

"You've no reason to be sorry. I deserved what I got. Maybe it would have been better," she started and the stricken look on his face stopped her. "We shouldn't talk about this, I'm sorry," she said and moved back to looking out the window.

He didn't know what to say to her. She thought he might be better off if she was dead.

"I don't know in what world you think I would be better off without you, but that place doesn't exist, trust me." He could see she wasn't really listening to him.

"It did for years, Will."

"I wasn't better off."

Lonny parked and told them he was going to give them some privacy and to call him before they got out.

Fortunately, for Will, there was no place to run in a car. They were going to talk this out.

"We should go shopping before there are too many people about," she suggested.

"There is only one person I care about at the moment and that is you, Mackenzie."

"I shouldn't have mentioned this to you. I'm sorry."

"What the fuck, Mac? Stop apologizing and fucking fight with me, fight back, this isn't you."

"It's the only me that's left," she said shrugging her shoulder.

"The hell it is. Look at me," when she didn't move he again said, "look at me," and this time his voice was demanding.

She turned to him. "What can I do?" he asked.

"I don't know."

"Nothing you've done, nothing, Mac, would warrant you feeling like this. How long have you felt this way?"

"Four years, six months and five days."

"That's the night you left, right?"

She nodded. "You fucked up, badly, but we're here, together. We came out the other side. It took a long time but we're fine. I love you, and I know you love me. You've got to forgive yourself. I think this goes beyond that, though. When you came back Charlie said you were exhausted and I'm not sure you ever took the time to get over that, did you?"

She moved back on the seat, sitting against the side of the car and pulled her legs up in front of her and wrapped her arms around them. She looked really small to him.

"When I broke up with you I lost my safety net."

"Will you explain that," he asked.

"I always knew I was safe with you and I knew if there was a problem you'd make it better. When I didn't have that any longer I wasn't the same. I moved on, but nothing felt the same, you know. I felt safe running outside with you; when I ran without you something bad happened."

"You know that if it's within my power to do something to keep you safe, I'll do it, no matter what."

She nodded. "But it's more than that. It was a secure feeling that I could do anything, and together we could do amazing feats."

"And when we broke up?"

"It's not that I need you to give me an identity but more of an empowering feeling."

"You went to a warzone, Mac."

"That was to escape my screw up."

"You did amazing work and you were by yourself."

"All I kept thinking was how you would have made it even better," she said and shrugged her shoulders. She rested her head on her knees. He saw a tear fall and he pulled her legs over his lap and her into his arms and onto his lap and held her while she cried. She made no move to take any comfort from him, she was still punishing herself.

He eased her off his shoulder and when she was looking at him he said, "you've got to stop punishing yourself; at this point it's not healthy, sweetheart. I've forgiven you, now you need to forgive yourself."

"I don't know how. I've felt this way for so long that I don't know how not to feel this way."

"Do you really think I'd be better off without you?"

"Sometimes. You'd be happier, maybe you'd have met someone, gotten married, had a couple of kids."

"But I wouldn't be the man you make me be. You make me better. You feel safer with me because you allow me to be able to take care of you. I can't be me without you being you. You are the essential part of me being me. While you were gone I was a bastard to everyone. I wasn't growing professionally for sure and personally, I was angry and bitter."

"I made you that way," she interrupted.

"No, you didn't. This went back much further than you. You made me better and I want to make you better. You know that together we can do anything, personally or professionally, right?"

"Yes."

"You know that I need you in every way?"

"Yes," she said, with a little bit of a smile.

"Be amazing with me, Mackenzie, please."

She nodded. He smiled at her and kissed her. "Promise me, something, please," he said.

"What?"

"When you feel this way you'll tell me and we'll talk about whatever you need to talk about. I truly believe what I said that together we are so much stronger. We do that for each other. It's part of loving each other, just as much as helping me shop is, do you understand how much I need you?"

"As much as I need you," she replied and kissed him. "Thank you," she said after their kiss.

"I love you, Mackenzie, with all my heart."

"I love you, too. Did we freak Lonny out?"

"He'll be fine. Feel like doing some grocery shopping?"

"Sure," she said and started to move off his lap, but he held her there.

"I mean it, Mac, together we're stronger and healthier. Trust that together we can do anything, okay?"

"Thank you," she said and kissed him very gently. "I do trust that, and you."