Hi everyone. Firstly I would like to apologise for the unacceptable amount of time that it took for me to write this chapter. I have no excuse really, it should have been up sooner. I shan't make any promises for when the next chapter should be up because I know I won't keep them but I haven't forgotten this story and am determined to finish it (I'm very proud of the ending).

This chapter is very long so hopefully that will make up for the delay.

Thanks to Paperclaire, XxxPrettyxxxGirlxxX, make-mine-a-kiaora, camillavirgil, funsoup, 0positiv, MissPinderx for the reviews.

Thanks to anyone who has added me to their author/story favorites/alerts.

I don't own Being Human.

Enjoy x

Part 4: Becoming Human

It's funny. When I was in my room, giving Hal London, everything seemed so clear, I was going to live. It was a simple as that. It wasn't until I was standing outside in the cold of early morning, that the true severity of my situation hit me. Whereas before I had been so keen to get out there, to live, in the aftermath, I was standing outside in the cold with nowhere to go. "I'm going to live" what the hell did that mean? I had never had a chance to live before, I had no idea how to go about it now. It was too late to go back inside, to change my mind, I couldn't do that, not after everything I had just said to Hal. No. I had to move forward but first I had to find somewhere to stay.

There were a few upper class hotels in London that I had heard my husband mention before but they were mainly vampire run and I had decided that fulfilling my goal of living would be somewhat hindered by mixing with the dead.

Eventually, after much wandering around London (mostly in the wrong direction because I had hardly left the grounds in the eighteen years prior) and many a strange glance drawn by my expensive attire, I managed to find a decent place to stay.

My jewelry, as it turned out, was worth rather a lot, but then I suppose that it was only the best for my husband's prized trophy. It did make matters a lot easier, two broaches paid for my room for several weeks. I did spend quite a considerable amount on gowns though, and a few new pairs of gloves, as it seems, I had discovered a new passion for shopping.

I was beginning to think that living wouldn't be so difficult after all. I had forgotten, of course, one very important thing: living ment being in the real world, being in the real world ment being around humans and being around humans ment being around blood. And I had never been around so many humans before, at least, not since I started craving the very thing that kept them alive. As the excitement of killing my husband and running away began to fade, as did my distractions. And the thing that I had been repressing, my hunger, began to surface.

It was a mistake. A momentary blip. That just happened to occur more than once. Or twice. Or quite a few times. Oh God, what am I doing! It happened how long ago? And I'm still trying to make excuses? No, I can't. I… I'm… in recounting my past I am also facing it, facing up to everything. I think - I - I don't know, maybe it was fueled by what I did to my husband, I wanted that feeling again, the power, perhaps all the freedom had gone to my head. I felt terrible afterwards. I wanted to make it stop, to just end it, I even stood, one night, in an ally with a broken tree branch pressed against my chest. But I couldn't do it. You see, if I had then He would have won. It would have proved that I couldn't exist without Him, He would finally have succeeded in killing me. Even as a pile of dust, He was still controlling me.

I had to keep moving, I didn't want to get associated with dead bodies showing up all over the place. Although there were no stories going around so I'm assuming that Hal was doing his job well and clearing up after me. Eventually, London ran out of expensive hotels so I had to look a little harder to find somewhere half decent but then, when I did, it would happen again and I would have to go elsewhere. Also my funds were running low so my definition of what I classed as 'half decent' had to drop, until I found myself outside a rundown little inn. I can remember thinking 'What had I come to?' perhaps I would be better off if He was still - no, no I never thought that.

A little bell above the door jingled as I stepped inside. It wasn't so bad as I thought it was going to be. Yes, it was not as extravagant as I was used to but it was clean and well cared for and it looked loved.

I felt a tug on the hem of my skirt and looked down to see a pair of big blue eyes gazing up at me. They belonged to the most gorgeous little girl you have ever seen. She had freckles on her nose and a head full of beautiful golden ringlets and the sweetest little smile. She gave me a little bundle of flowers and I knew, in that instant that I could not stay there.

"Emma? Em where are you? Em, how many times do I have to tell you not to pester the customers?"

I looked up into the face of the little girl's mother. No, I could definitely not stay there.

"Em, come here right this instant. You. You stay away from my daughter."

It was the werewolf, the one from the cellar, the one that I let go, the one that saw me plunge a knife into a man's heart and collect his blood in a decanter.

"What do you want? If you think you're going to drag me back to that place then-"

I didn't know what to say. The woman was terrified, she was hiding her rather confused looking daughter behind her, shielding her from me. I wanted to say or do something to make it better but I couldn't formulate a sentence. She had every right to feel this way, she saw the monster in me.

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't know you were here, I'm sorry." The bell jingled again on my way out.

And I was on the move again, off to another inn in another part of town, where I could try not to kill anyone but then fail and then have to leave again and again and again. A vicious cycle. One that would go on forever.

The bell jingled again. I turned around. There stood the werewolf. Her demeanor had changed. Her eyes were still filled with blatant distrust but she wasn't as frightened, she looked more confused.

"If you didn't know that I was here," she said cautiously "then why are you?"

"Believe it or not, I wanted a room." I replied, holding up my purse.

The werewolf laughed. "What about the big, glorious manor house that you just inherited? Or did your plan not work?"

"Oh, it worked, perfectly actually. I just needed to get away for a while." An uncomfortable silence fell between us as the memory of what happened in the cellar played out in both our minds.

"What… what would have happened to me if you hadn't - if I was still there?" The question caught me off guard, I think it did so for her too, but it was valid, she deserved an explanation.

"Well, come full moon, you would have been put in a cage with either the other werewolf, or a human."

"Kill or be killed."

"That's how it works."

"Why?" That was the same question I asked myself everytime I was forced to watch a dog fight.

"For sport. My kind can be barbaric at the best of times. I don't agree with it."

"In which case, thank you." She said. I wasn't expecting that, especially after how frightened she had been earlier. It made me feel better about myself, like perhaps I wasn't so much of a monster after all.

"I'm sorry about Em being a nuisance just now, I keep telling her." The werewolf changed the subject, I jumped on the chance to have a normal conversation with someone, I couldn't remember the last time I had done that.

"Don't worry about it, it's fine. How old is she?"

"She's eight."

"She's beautiful, I always wanted a daughter." I hadn't realised it until I saw Em but I really hated the fact that I could no longer have children, just another thing to add to the list of reasons I hated my husband. "So you're married then?"

"Yes."

"Happily?"

"Yes."

"That must be nice." And then the silence fell again, I remembered why I was standing outside, why I couldn't stay there. "I should go."

"Go? But I thought you wanted a room?"

"I'll find somewhere else."

"Look, I apologise for my behaviour earlier, I was just a little startled to see you, that's all."

"No, it's not that, it's just, if I stay here then I'm going to kill someone."

"Because you're a-"

"Vampire? Yes. And I'm going to need to feed soon."

"But you can't kill me," the werewolf laughed "my blood is poison to you."

"But your daughter's isn't."

All laughter faded from her face. "You wouldn't."

"I don't know. I really don't know."

"It really has that big a hold over you?" She asked. I nodded. Yes it does and it was always going to be there. "Then surely it doesn't matter where you go, you'll still hurt people." She was right.

"I'm trying, I really am, I know that if I can only manage to stay dry for long enough then… but the temptation, it's too much, I can't help myself."

"What if you had someone to help you, to stop you?"

I shook my head "It wouldn't work, I'd kill them."

"Not if, in doing so, you would be killing yourself."

"What do you...?" At first I didn't know what she was suggesting, and then it clicked. "Why would you do that for me?"

"Well, you did save my life."

I stayed there for a year. A year in that rundown little inn. It was a good year. Looking back, actually I would say that some of the best days of my life were spent there with that family. I just wish that I had recognised it at the time, I wish I had appreciated them, appreciated everything they had done for me, realised that I was happy. But I didn't.

I'm not going to say it was easy, far from it. I spent the first seven months locked in my room, and to tell the truth it was horrible. I can still recall the first day I got locked in. I was shaking, I was terrified, especially when I saw the room that had been prepared for me. The windows were boarded up, there were ropes on the bed, they were my idea, I didn't know if they would be needed but I thought it would be best to be prepared. As it turned out, we did need them.

Before I went in, Rebecca (that was the name of the werewolf) asked me what was the longest time I had ever gone without blood for. I had to think about it. A week. That was the longest. Just a week. And that had been bad enough, I was about to try and stay dry forever. Rebecca asked me what had happened after that week, when I started feeding again, I don't think she quite knew what to think when I told her that I killed my sister.

I couldn't have done it without Rebecca, she really looked after me even when it was humiliating. She kept me fed, cleaned up any mess, had to put up with me threatening and cursing her. I didn't mean any of it but I was going through hell. We had slip ups, and accidents and moments where I nearly failed, nearly lost everything I'd worked for, but all through it that little family kept me going, they kept me sane.

Rebecca was good company, we talked a lot. We were the same age, you see, give or take a year or two. It was like, she was who I could have been if I married someone different. Although I'd have had a better social standing of course.

David was her husband. He was a good man. He looked after the business and provided for everyone and most importantly he loved his wife and he loved his daughter. He'd do anything for them and they would do anything for him.

Then there was Em. She was like a little ray of sunshine at the end of a very long and dark tunnel. Of course, Rebecca would not let her anywhere near me for those first seven months but she would draw me pictures and send me get well messages and I always had one of her adorable little bunches of flowers by my bedside.

Something that surprised me was the level of honesty they had with each other. They all knew. What I was, what Rebecca was, everything. And they just accepted it, they got by. Once a month Rebecca would go down to the cellar to transform and the next morning it was like nothing had happened, everything was normal again.

After those seven months, we felt it was safe enough for me to go downstairs, to be around humans. We took our time, did it in little steps. I started to spend more time around the customers and the more I did, the better I felt about myself, the more confident I became. I wasn't just a random mysterious guest in one of the rooms that nobody ever saw, I was a full time paying resident. Of course I paid, I gave them everything I had left from the sale of my jewelry, and that was more than enough to cover my keep. They didn't want to accept it but I was insistent, I wasn't going to be in anyones debt.

Then, finally, came the day where I stepped outside the building for the first time in a year. Rebecca was going to the market and it was suggested that I go with her. At first I thought that such a sheer number of heartbeats all around me would be overwhelming, that I would pounce on someone straight away, that there would be a massacre. But there wasn't. I controlled myself.

When we got back there was a little surprise party waiting for me. Em had decorated the room and David had brought out the drinks, alcohol only, none of the strong stuff. And there were jokes and there were games and there was laughter and it was fun. But then I had to go and screw it up, didn't I?

"Speech!" They called. "Speech!" We were all a little tipsy (well, except Em, no alcohol for her) and after much encouragement, I struggled to my feet.

"I can't believe it, I really can't believe it." I started. "Two years ago I would not have even thought this possible but look at me now. I'm a widow, I've been dry for a year, I can control myself around people, I'm free. And it's all thanks to you three. It's not been easy, in fact it's been very difficult but now I know I'm safe, and I'll always be grateful to you for that." They cheered. "And now I can finally go home." And then the cheering stopped.

"Home?" Asked Rebecca.

"Well, yes. I left so I could find myself, get freed from the shackles that my husband put me in and I've done that now."

"But you don't have to go."

"I've got an estate and a fortune waiting for me, why would I stay here?"

"No. Of course not." She replied sarcastically. "Why would you?"

I left the next morning.

I had to cut it there or it would have gone on forever.

So, a lot happening in this chapter, I hope you enjoyed.

Reviews very welcome.