Chapter 3

And then there will be none?

[AN]: no notes today

Scarlet Devil Mansion

Patchouli's POV

Ut-oh, Remi won't be happy with the fact that there are intruders in the mansion.

"Oh, hey... Remi." I sweatdropped.

"Hello Patchy. Tell me, who are those rats behind you?" she said while raising an eyebrow.

"W-w-well-" I stuttered.

"Hi, my name is Matthew, But you can call me Matt" Matt interrupted While gesturing towards himself.

Well that was rude.

"Hm, you seem to be just as rude as a certain witch I know." Remi Stated.

Marisa better return my books soon.

BOOM

Everyone jumped at the sudden explosion. all except for Remi.

"Hey Remi, Just what is that?" I said as I regained my shattered composure.

"Hm, oh, the Rat speaks. It's none of your business." she stated in a plain tone of voice.

Matt was Gritting his teeth "you're really starting to piss me off." he mumbled.

BOOM

"Seriously, what is that?"

"I told you, It's none of your business." Remi shouted.

I just now noticed that the little youkai Matt referred to as Rumia was missing. Where did she go? I better go find her before she causes more trouble.

Patchy left the Foyer to look for Rumia.

SDM Basement

Unknown POV

It's not fair, every time Remi has guests, she never lets me out to play. It makes me so mad I just want to. to. "kyuu!"

BOOM

A teddy bear over to the figure's right exploded in a fiery mess of stuffing. oh no, I broke another toy. I don't want to break my toys, but I really want to break that girl standing outside my door, she's creeping me out. The figure thought while looking down from the bars on her big metallic door.

Looking right back at me, the girl outside the door had eyes just like mine. maybe I can scare her off. "hello, what's your name" I said in the most menacing tone I could.

The girl who was standing outside my door opened her mouth and said "I'm Rumia. Do you have any food in there?"

I put on an angry face and said "no! now scram!"

"But I can smell human blood in there. you're hiding something." the girl said in an innocent tone.

Oh, so she want's to get in. Maybe I can get her to open the door. "fine, you caught me. I have human flesh in here."

Rumia was drooling

That's disgusting "all you have to do is use that key hanging over there to open the door." I said. I think an evil grin had made it's way onto my face.

There was a key hanging about 3 feet to the left of the door on a hook. the key itself was huge, at a staggering 14" long.

"You mean this key?" Rumia said as she hefted the Huge key over her head and into the lock.

"Yes, now turn it clockwise two times." this statement confused Rumia "I'm sorry, I mean turn it right two times.

"Oh, ok" Rumia said with a smile.

Just as Rumia was finished turning the key, Patchy exploded down the hallway "WAIT, DON'T OPEN TRHAT DOOR! MUKYU!"

But it was too late. the lock mechanism mad a huge creak, and the door slid open.

Unaware of what she just did, Rumia stood there dumbfounded

Rumia's POV

What is she so worried about. Rumia was looking down the hallway where Patchouli had collapsed in a fit of coughing.

As the door opened, I had a huge grin on my face. when the door was completely open, a girl about my height stood there with a sinister look on her face.

She was wearing a red dress with a pink mob cap and a pink undershirt. but the most drawing feature were two iron poles stuck in her back with multi-colored prism shards hanging from them.

"My name is Flandre. Thank you for letting me out." the girl said. "I was getting bored in there." she smirked as she looked over at Patchy.

Patchy looked like the had seen the Devil himself, as her face had somehow gotten paler than before. "Oh shi-"

BOOM

Something exploded in front of Patchy, throwing her down the hall.

Flandre dashed down the hallway towards the stairs. As she flew over Patchy, she looked back at me and smirked. I was confused, but I didn't care. there was meat to be eaten.

SDM basement, Flandre's room.

It was dark, just how I like it. I wandered into the room looking for any signs of meat. there were blood stains all over the concrete floor and walls. "hmph! great, It was just dried blood, there's no meat in here.

Just as I turned around to leave, I saw Patchy standing in the doorway. blood was dripping down her forehead like a leaking faucet.

"You! Do you realize what you've just done! Mukyu!" Patchy stood there; anger leaking out of her just like her own blood. Although she was angry, her face was still pale. She probably didn't have enough blood in her body to turn it red.

I looked back at her in confusion. "what's up Patchy?" I said cheerfully.

Her eye started twitching "It's Miss Knowledge to you! Mukyu!" she broke down into a coughing fit. "I have a good mind to seal you right now."

I looked at her and blinked my deep red eyes "I thought the shrine maiden was the only one who could seal people."

She was overflowing with a mix of fear and rage "DIE!"

Patchy shot several fireballs at me. they homed in on me but I was able to move out of the way before one was able to touch me.

"Hey, your in no condition to fight" I said with a hint of worry in my voice.

Patchy ignored me "you have unleashed a terror that will kill everyone!"

"It's not wise to fight me when I'm surrounded by my natural element." I said slyly.

Again, Patchy ignored me. She tried to bring a pillar of water up under me, but all she could spawn is a puddle. Normally, a magician of her level would've been able to kick my ass, but she was severely weakened by Flandre's explosion.

as I stood in the puddle, I shot some of my danmaku at her. The shrine maiden would've been able to brush it off like nothing, but Patchy, in her weakened state, was thrown to the ground.

"you should just forget about it and go do something fun. that's what I always do when something bad happens." I said as I held my arms in the fashion that I do when I am hunting or fighting.

As she was getting up, Patchy said "you know, you shouldn't get so cocky."

"huh?" I looked behind me to see that the fireballs Patchy had shot before had turned around to hit me. As they impacted, I didn't notice another person sneak into the room.

Patchy was lifting off into the air as I got back up. as I lifted into the air, Patchy declared a spell card. "water sign: jellyfish princess" a huge bubble formed in front of her. right as I shot her with my danmaku orbs. the bubble absorbed them and prevented Patchy from getting hurt. This gave Patchy some time to conjure up another fire spell.

This time, the fireballs were not spread out like last time, instead one huge fireball headed towards me and exploded in my face. as I got up, Patchy was about to end the spell card battle with another card, when something shot her from behind.

"wha?" She had a look of surprise on her face as she fell to the ground to reveal a holy pure silver knife sticking in her back. I looked up to see the person who threw it, and as I saw them, my face paled.

"So, we meet again darkness youkai." as he said this, he walked over to Patchy, took the knife out of her back, then licked the blood off of it.

"demon blood, it's much tastier than human blood." he said as he lapped the blood off the blade. "pity there won't be any more of it soon." A look of arousal crept onto his face. It was someone I never wanted to see again, Dan.

as he said this, he pulled out a bullet with a needle on it. I sensed a huge amount of holy energy emanating from it. he put it into this black stick which had a hole on one end.

"w-what is that?" I said with a hint of fear.

"your end." he said as he pointed the object towards me.

I panicked and burst into motion, flying over Dan and through the doorway.

"F***" he cursed and chased after me. as I was flying down the hallway, he was shooting more of those unfair bullets, but in a spread out pattern.

one bullet grazed my leg and left a burning sensation.

yup, those things are filled with holy water. I ignored the searing pain and continued up the stairs. when I got to the foyer, Matt and Remi were gone. I looked out one of the few windows, which by the way was broken, and saw that it was probable about noon.

Even though Matt was not there, someone else was. "Hey, do you know where Remilia is?" The little girl from before was there, Flandre. Her crystal wings glistened in the afternoon sun.

*sniff sniff* "I smell human, and I'm thirsty." Flandre said as she bared her fangs.

So she is a vampire, I knew it. by the way, if she and her sister are vampires, then why aren't the affected by the sun?

Just then, a figure flew down from the second floor. as he landed, his tattered coat fluttered in the breeze like a cape, he looked behind me and said "I told you I would keep you safe." as he said this, he held up a card.

I beamed "Oh, that's wonderful, you got your first spell card."

Matt's POV

I knew I heard something. And from the looks of it, I'd say it starts with a F***, and ends with a me. But I have my first spell card, according to Reimu, if I can Engage him in a spell card battle, then none can sustain lethal wounds.

"Um, hello?" Rumia said raising an eyebrow.

I looked over "huh, oh sorry" I said as I interrupted my internal monologue

"It's ok" Rumia said with a grin. "how did you get your first spell card any ways?"

has she forgotten that a shameless killer is hot on our trail. I suppose I can wait for him to make the first move.

A huge chunk of the stairs landed in front of us. besides, it looks like he's busy right now.

Dan was battling a little vampire girl who had rainbow diamond wings. for some reason, it reminded me of the nyan cat.

"and then there will be none?" the small girl declared. As she disappeared, a large amount of danmaku appeared in her place.

"ok, I'll tell you, but we better find some cover." I said as I moved around the chunk of wood that was on fire.

Flashback

"It is so my business!" I retorted as Remi was arguing with me.

Remi sneered "how dare you disagree with the queen of the night. you must be put in your place. Now, suffer the sting of my spear! Divine spear: Sear of Gungnir" she declared as she formed a spear of scarlet energy. It homed in on me at blinding speeds, and passed right through my chest. It hurt like hell, but I wasn't going to go down so easy.

I retorted by lunging at her and grabbing for her neck with my mechanical arm. she was surprised that I would make an attempt at hand to hand combat because of Gensokyo's tradition of shooting energy bullets in pretty little patterns. but that stuff wasn't for me, I grew up as a street thug, I've gotten into my fair share of fist fights, so I'm pretty good at hand to hand combat.

she struggled to break free of my metal grip, but it only tightened as the jewel on the back of my hand glowed scarlet.

"let... go... I... can't... Breath." she choked out. as I let my grip free, she held her neck with her hands and stared at me like I had just said the most offensive thing in the world. as her face twisted up, she declared "Scarlet Devil: Scarlet Devil!" as she said this, a huge surge of energy enveloped me and her. she was un-affected, but I sure was.

as I fell to the ground like a charred corpse, a card appeared in front of my face. I grabbed it, and declared it, somehow knowing what was on it. "Machine sign: Metal monster!" as I declared, energy formed around me into a ball of light. when I emerged from the light, I was standing on top of a mark I tank.

oh hells yeah! I though as I jumped into the tank. somehow already knowing how to operate it. Remi looked up at the Metal beast as she stood there, puzzling and puzzling, till her puzzler was sore. as she stood there looking like an idiot, one of the huge cannons on the right side of the tank, took aim and fired a huge shell made of danmaku. it exploded into small shards as it hit the ground.

as Remi stood up, I started moving the tank forward and ran over her. as I did, the tank disappeared, with Remi lying unconscious. I had bested a high level youkai in a spell card battle, "JUST WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM!" I shouted at the top of my lungs.

... I have been Watching waaay too much anime lately.

End Flashback

As I told Rumia all about my epic win, we had found shelter from the madness above us.

BOOM

as Flandre was thrown against the wall nearest to us, she slipped out of cosiness. "you... don't f-fight fair... meanie." she had many bruises on her skin, as well as many knife slashes, and a large burn mark on her left shoulder.

Dan approached her with a wooden stake in hand that he carved out of the wooden stair banister. "you put up quite a fight, even in the sunlight, your pretty strong. though pity I'm out of birds I'll just have to finish you off the Quick and painless way." as he approached, I stepped in his way. "oh nice, It seems you are done cowering in fear of my awesome power. Now that yo0u've gotten in my way, what do you plan to do?"

I raised my head "I challenge you to a spell card battle. one card each. If I win, then you leave the inhabitants of this mansion alone."

"and what if I win?"

"... then I will let you purify me. in any way you choose." I said confidently.

WHAT THE F*** AM I THINKING!

"oh, this will be fun. I can't wait to try out my new card on you." he smiled evilly "and when I'm done, I'll rip you head off and S*** down your neck!" He said while putting on a pair of shades and lighting as cigarette.

"ok then, bring on some fight" I said while giving a taunting motion with my hand.

"I'm not going to fight you, I'm gonna kick your ass!" he said while pulling his 9mm, and holy poison coated sword.

Geez, stop it with the Duke Nukem quotes.

Dan charged at me "I've got balls of-"

"SHUT UP!" I screamed.

"eat s*** and-" I delivered a punch to his jaw with my mechanical arm.

"I told you to shut it!" I said as I licked the blood off of my fist.

mmmh, this is pretty good, no wonder Rumia loves it.

after Dan's jaw was done fixing itself, he said "boy! you just made the biggest mistake of you're life." he said as he crushed the shades and threw the cigarette butt away.

"wait, since when can you-" I was cut off by a slash to the face. Good thing this is a spell card battle, otherwise that poison on his blade would've killed me.

still burns like hell though. since when can a human take a punch that should shatter their jaw, then shrug it off like nothing?

He took aim with his pistol, and fired a holy round at me. I parried with my sword

wait... I don't have a sword. I looked at my arm which had a sharp blade protruding out of it. I hadn't noticed that a spell card had formed in my other hand. it read: metal sign: Blade of revolution.

wait, if I just got this new spell card, and I'm using it, then that means... oh s***, I can't use my uber spell card.

Dan stopped with his repeated slashes "Impressive, you've got guts, too bad I gotta rip em outta you."

where have I heard that before.

"let's see if you can hold your own against one of my spell cards. Curse sign: death of a god." he declared. he started charging energy I took it as an opening, and went in to deliver several sword slashes. none of them seemed to have effect as he kept gathering energy.

oh s***

"F*** YOOOOUUU!" Dan screamed as he released a laser bigger than the master spark, but without the humming noise.

the laser tore through me as an immense pain coursed through my body. the blade on my arm retracted, and I fell out of the air.

wait, the battle's not over? he broke my spell card... wait, I didn't declare it. I pulled out the card from my pocket and looked at it. in the bottom right corner, it said 'skill card' in big bold letters.

oh, so I still have a chance.

Dan looked at me in dis-belief. "what the f***. How are you still conscious?"

"I haven't used my spell card yet." I said as I held up another card. it was my uber card.

well, let's see if you can stand it again. he said as he started charging energy again.

I declared my spell card "machine sign: metal monster" again, the blinding light enveloped me and after 5 seconds, I was standing on top of a mark I.

Dan looked at me in surprise as I smirked and got into the tank.

the tank started rolling forward as I tried to run over Dan. this proved ineffective as he moved out of the way.

when his beam was done charging, he didn't hesitate to fire it.

It bounced off like nothing. to be truthful, it wasn't anywhere near the power of the master spark. as I turned one of the turrets to fire, I covered him with machine gun fire from one of the mounted guns. they fired rapid fire danmaku as Dan weaved to avoid them.

he smirked when he got an idea. he ran around to the back of the tank, and climbed onto it.

oh s***!

he ripped off a panel "this is too easy!" and he shot it rapidly with his gun.

sparks started to shoot out of the opening as I climbed out of the monster. Dan didn't seem to notice. He kept shooting the engine until he hit what I assume was a fuel line and the whole thing exploded. a shock wave sent Dan flying into the right wall as his spell card broke only seconds before mine.

as he got up from the wall, I said "I win Dan. now leave these people alone." he mumbled something about how he would like to rip off everyone's arms and beat them to death with their own arms.

"fine", he spat "but you better watch your back, I'll be there when you least expect me." he then jumped out of a window.

"whew, is everyone alri- gah!" I was interrupted as Rumia crashed into me and gave me a very tight hug.

"you kept your promise."

"yeah, I did." I felt really awkward right now. "come on, lets go" I tried to move, but Rumia wouldn't let go. finally I returned the favor, and her grip loosened.

as Rumia let go, she exclaimed "come on! I know this place that makes great grilled lamprey."

we took off into the setting sun. as we became a spec in the distance, we heard a scream.

"AAAHH! WHAT DID THAT BASTARD DO TO MY MANSION!"

yup, good thing we left when we did. I don't want to find out if vampires can survive on youkai blood.

I looked at Rumia who had a large bead of sweat running down her face. "Its a good thing we left when we did. I wouldn't want to stick around to find out what Remi would do to us."

"is that so?" Rumia sung.

I smiled at Rumia "yes, yes it is so."

About 1 mile behind Matt and Rumia

Flandre's POV

"none saw me slip out while Matt and that Dan guy were fighting. I finally get to have my own adventure." I said as I followed the couple into the sunset

Dan, I will get back at you, and when I do, I'll get to see what you look like on the inside."

To Be Continued

[AN]:

* the Bird refers to the bird shot-like shotgun rounds Dan used when perusing Rumia

admittedly, this chapter isn't as long as my last 2 in word length, but I think there is much more going on here than before. before you leave a question, Matt's coat can flutter in the wind inside, because I decree it to be so. BTW, Gurren Lagann references FTW! also, before you ask, yes, Matt and Rumia are developing a relationship, and no... they're too young!... I'm not a lolicon!

this is Sweebation, signing off.

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Eye've got bauls uhv steeeelll~