Chapter 11: Matt's Life Just Sucks

[AN]: Well, here we are. The bridge chapter. Now before you skip over this, a lot of Matt's history will be revealed, so don't close that window just yet. If you don't want to be lost in the rest of this story, then read this chapter. Hope you guys like this. keep in mind, only arc finales will be longer than normal, so this chapter will just be the length I usually have them.

Nowhere

Narrator's POV

In AD 2011, war was beginning. When General Gunethre invaded Gensokyo 2 weeks ago, he was met by resistance, but it was quickly extinguished. The Tengu fled Youkai Mountain, the Kappa were forced out of the Kappa River, Keine had to hide the village for a total of 11 days so far, And he had recently infiltrated the netherworld. The only thing keeping Gensokyo from being destroyed was a barrier placed around the Hakurei shrine. Unfortunately, the Hakurei maiden had to be present within the shrine to maintain the barrier. Any youkai surviving the initial assault fled to one of the 2 strongholds which were, as follows Eintei, and the underground, where most of the youkai and humans fled to. Even though Matt destroyed the forest of magic, he was forgotten when Gunethre finished the job. The only reason he wasn't underground, was because he didn't know about it. The same goes for Eintei.

Underground

Matt's POV

This is bullshit! Right after I got Dan to stop chasing us too…

I was underground taking refuge at the only place they could fit my RV, the outskirts of town. Everyone who can is doing their part. Apparently mine, is being the first thing the enemy sees in case of an attack.

I was parked around the entrance of the cave where this spider youkai and this girl in a bucket wouldn't leave me alone. It was more the spider youkai than the one in the bucket, she seemed very shy. I was chilling at home, while Flandre was playing the super Nintendo, Dan was doing… something on the laptop I had. Believe me, if I knew, I'd tell you. And Rumia went out exploring.

She's going to get killed doing that one day.

I walked into the kitchen where Dan had the laptop set up. Apparently, one of his favorite games was already installed on it, and I couldn't get him away from it. The computer in question was a Toshiba Satellite M113X. He was playing something called Baldur's Gate. Maria was originally watching Dan, but she lost interest and went to play with Flandre. Flan was really good at Street Fighter 2 for some reason.

I was working on my latest creation. It was a device designed to let the user open gaps in reality at will… or portals if you will. The device was finished, and I was about to test it I took it outside, mounted it, and wired it so it could be fired remotely.

Right before I fired it for the first time, I thought about what had happened with my previous attempts.

Flashback

Portal gun, 1st test. I was testing my portal gun I had made. As some sort of joke, I had made the portal gun to look exactly like the one from Portal.

"Come on Maaaaatt~ I wanna get back to my gameeee~" Flandre whined. Flandre and Rumia were the only ones present as I had yet to befriend Dan and Maria.

"Firing in 3… 2… 1…" I pressed the button on my remote, which was the same one I used to test all of my experimental pieces of equipment. The device made a clicking noise. In a fraction of a second, A single thought ran through my mind, because I knew what that click usually meant.

Oh shit!

*BOOM*

The device exploded in a forceful explosion. There was almost no fire, unlike movies in Hollywood*.

Rumia Flandre and I were blown back unlike MOVIES in HOLLYWOOD where everything explodes in a fiery mess. I was the first to get up, while Rumia lied on the ground laughing, and Flandre was a little shocked.

Flandre sprang up, and got into my face with a look of pure delight. "I didn't know you can kyuu things like me!" I groaned and let myself fall back to the floor.

Sum Moar Flashback

I was currently driving the Land train away from a group of 5 soldiers that were chasing us on what looked like hover-boards. "Come on, just a little faster!" I was already burning my energy at an extremely fast speed.

Flandre was trying to blow up the soldiers, and had succeeded with two of them. Dan was firing Bullets from his rifle, Rumia was hugging me in fright which admittedly was making it harder to drive, and Maria was panicking.

For some reason I got the bright Idea to use my re-designed Portal gun to send them through a portal.

I asked Rumia to take the wheel, and she looked at me like I was crazy, but started driving as soon as I got up. The vehicle swerved back and fourth because Rumia isn't a very good driver.

I grabbed the experimental portal gun, gripped the handle with my left hand, and fired.

*BOOM*

The same result as before followed. Except this time, it took my left arm with it. A mix organic body parts, and mechanical ones stuck out of my left arm's stub. I ignored my missing left arm like it was nothing, and went back to take the wheel.

End Flashback(s)

I decided to test this one by myself, and what do you think the result was. It was surprising. When I fired it, the gun opened up a rip in time and space successfully. I rejoiced and was about to get my friends, when a click was heard, and the same thought as last time ran through my mind

Oh shit.

*BOOM*

Just like the ones before it; the gun exploded and threw me to the ground, but this time, there was a little more fire.

I got up and brushed myself off, when another rip in reality opened, and out came Yukari. I turned my head to look at the gap hag, and frowned. "So Yukari. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

Yukari put her elbows on the edge of the gap, and propped her face up on her hands. "Oh, you shouldn't be so rude. I sensed a disturbance, and decided to drop in."

No doubt she's talking about my recent experiment. "I was just testing my Portal gun that I was developing. It actually managed to make a rift this time, which is probably why you sensed it."

Yukari propped back up, and smiled. She continued to smile for a few seconds while I had a confused look on my face. Her next movement was so sudden; I barely had time to react. A gap opened up behind her, and a FREAKING TRAIN ran over the spot I was standing in one second ago.

As the train continued to go by, and back into another gap, I ran up to her face, clenched both my fists and yelled "YUKARI, WHAT. THE. HELL!" Pronouncing every word with hostility in my voice.

Yukari giggled, and went back into her gap. She came out another one hanging upside down. "I must ask you to stop researching this subject or else I will be forced to take action"

I think I might've gotten a little too cocky after my battle with Dan. "And how are you even going to going to use force on me?" I said in a smug tone.

Immediately after I said this, Yukari opened a gap which sucked me in. I would've been lost forever is she didn't catch me. The gap led to outer space, and under my feet, was the sun. Or maybe it was a random star, I don't know, but does it really matter.

Yukari pulled me back into Gensokyo, closed the gap, and made an innocent face. "Now… will you do as I say?"

I furiously nodded. My mouth was frozen because of the fear coursing through my body. Yep, better do what Yukari says. She is most certainly a strong opponent. Gotta love that gap sage. I'm nothing compared to Yukari. Even though I couldn't speak, my survival 'kiss up to a higher power' instincts kicked in and started praising Yukari in my thoughts.

Yukari smiled. "Thank you, I wouldn't want anyone messing with the border. Especially that psychopath you recently befriended. Now please be a good boy; I'm already up to my neck in shit involving that youkai-hating tyrant." Yukari dropped me to the ground. "Now promise not to give me any reason to rip out your mechanical strength enhancing… life support system… thing, and shove it down your throat!"

I nodded again. Yukari had re-instilled the fear I had from her last threat. How does she even know about… better not think about it, Start praising Yukari. I looked up from the ground, and held my chest where my mechanical heart was pumping twice its normal speed.

Yukari leaned down, and whacked me over the head. "Did you really think I didn't know about it? I know all about you." She had the same sinister scheming grin on her face that comic book villains had when they were plotting something. "I've been watching you ever since you formed 100 year."

Wait, she kn-

Yukari interrupted my thoughts "I also am the reason you even exist. How do you think the magic and soul that give you life got there in the first place?" She pulled her fan out and hid her face behind it.

HOLY FUCKING SHIT!

"Wait, why-

Yukari interrupted me once again. "If we're going to talk, we better move somewhere else."

"B-

Before I could even give any input on the decision, I found myself in a dark room with Yukari. "Now you may speak."

I gathered up all my courage, and asked the powerful youkai. "W-why did you do all this?" I asked.

Yukari put away her fan to reveal a smirk. "You really want to know?" I nodded. "Well sorry to disappoint you, but I can't tell you yet."

I decided to ask her a different question. "You said you created me, right?" Yukari nodded. "How did you do it?"

Yukari closed her gap and stepped out of it. "Well, I could tell you all the complex magic scripts and codes, but something tells me that's not what you're wanting to hear about."

Yeah, no shit Sherlock.

"Please, keep your rude thoughts to yourself." A voice from behind me stated.

"Wha?" I turned around, and saw a little girl with many wires all over her body. All of them connected to an eye on her chest. She had light purple hair, but not as light as Mokou's, and a yellow, blue, and purple themed dress. The eye on her chest was red, and when I looked at it, I swear it looked, and blinked at me.

"You might be wondering who I am. My name is Satori." She said with the dullest expression I'd ever seen. Even worse than Sakuya's.

What the fu-

"Please… I said to keep rude thoughts to yourself."

Ok, so I take it you are a mind reader? I thought. It felt weird talking through thoughts.

"Yes. If my name didn't give it away**." She crossed her arms.

I scratched the back of my head and said "My name is Matt. Yukari dragged me here to tell me something."

Satori nodded. "Yes, I know all about that. I also know all about you."

Wait, what?

The Satori stood there unchanging. "I helped Yukari, and I also can see into your mind."

Why do I feel like I'll never know privacy again?

Satori ignored my latest thought, and motioned behind me. As soon as she did so, I felt something wet on the back of my neck. My body stiffened, and I turned around. I found a ghostly person with pink hair, maroon eyes, and a very large pink tongue that was currently licking my neck. Her blue Mop hat had a swirly ghost insignia on it, and there were a couple white formless spirits floating around her. "Mmmmmmhh, you taste goooood~" she said in a moaning like voice.

I snapped to attention. "GAH! Get away from me!" I jumped back and rubbed the wet spot on the back of my neck.

"Awwww, I wanted more~." She moaned.

Seriously, get the fuck away from me.

"What did I tell you about rude thoughts?" Satori piped in.

"Sorry." But seriously, she's freaky.

"Yes, I know she can be like that sometimes, but you don't have to pollute the air with you rude thoughts." Throughout the whole time I've been here so far, Satori didn't say anything.

The girl with pink hair whined again. "Can't I just have one more lick?" She asked hopefully.

"NO! GET AWAY FROM ME!" I backed away into the room's corner. All three of the strange people followed me, and backed me into the corner. "Please, what do you want?"

Yukari spoke up "I am just answering your question. You didn't think I created you by myself?" She said while raising an eyebrow. She motioned over to the girl with pink hair. "Yuyuko-

"Hey, that's my name!" Yuyuko said.

-and Satori-" Yukari motioned over to Satori. "-helped me." Yukari paused for a second to take it all in. "You see, one of Satori's pets provided me with a body, and Yuyuko here provided the soul." Yukari held her fan back up to her face.

Satori leaned forward slightly. "You see you weren't born like a natural youkai. That might be the reason you have such an… unnatural ability.

Yuyuko had a whimsical expression on her face. "I think another reason would be the object I bound his soul to." Yuyuko trailed off towards the end while staring at the ceiling.

Yukari jumped back into the conversation. "That's right. Matt, can I see your watch." I took the watch that I had in my pocket out and handed it to Yukari. She looked at it for about 2 seconds, and then shook her head. "No, I mean your other watch."

Wait, how does she… Oh yeah. But I can't do that, not in front of a bunch of girls. I thought.

"It's ok, we built you after all." Satori smirked.

Don't remind me… I took off my trench coat, and then my shirt. In the center of my chest was a metal door with a caution sign on it. "Come on. Do I really have to? It's kinda personal."

Yukari got in my face, and her innocent smile disappeared. "Yes. Now open it before I do myself."

"Alright, geez!" I concentrated, and the door clicked open. When it opened all the way, the pump which substituted for a heart could be seen. Latched into a socket on said pump, was a small golden pocket watch. It was about the diameter of a half dollar.

I rolled my eyes. "Ok, I showed it to you. Can I put my shirt back on?" I said with a small amount of embarrassment in my voice.

"No" Yukari answered plain and simply. "Now take it out."

I complied with the request. When I took the watch out of my chest, I didn't feel any different. I had known about the watch ever since I was spawned, and somehow, I knew that it was special, but I didn't know how. "Here, just don't drop it." I handed the watch to Yukari.

"Don't worry, I won't… maybe." She examined it with her golden eyes. My face went a pale white when Yukari pretended to drop it, only to have it be caught by a gap, and transferred into Yuyuko's hand. "Yuyuko, if you would be so kind."

Yuyuko looked at Yukari, and twisted her face. "What kind should I be?" Yukari groaned, and leaned close to Yuyuko's ear. "Ooooh, I see." Yuyuko put a strained look on her face, and the watch started to glow.

I feel funny…

All of a sudden, the watch stopped glowing, and a golden aura rose out of the face. I felt a pain in my chest, and the whirring of the pump in my chest stopped. I collapsed to the ground, While Yuyuko jumped up and down. "Ohhh! It looks so tasty. Can I keep it?" Yuyuko asked with excitement.

I'm… Gonna… Die… Aren't… I?

Yukari put a hand on Yuyuko's shoulder, and shook her head. "No. But you should put it back in before you kill the poor child."

I'm… not… A… Child… You… Hag!

I couldn't see Satori from my angle on the ground, but I knew she was scolding me.

Yuyuko sighed. "Alright, fine." Yuyuko said in disappointment. But before she put it back, she decided to lick it.

GAH! When Yuyuko licked my spirit, it felt like having an icy cold drill pierce every inch of your body.

"No!" Yukari smacked the back of Yuyuko's head with her fan. "No samples!"

Yuyuko groaned, and once again, the watch started glowing. As soon as the light died down, the pump started moving again, and I gasped for breath. "Hah! Don't. Ever. Hah! Do. That. AGAIN!" I struggled to catch my breath. Occasionally coughing.

You girls will be the death of me.

Satori giggled slightly, but the two other ignored her.

After I caught my breath, I once again stopped to take it all in. It's not every day you find out that you were essentially someone's lab experiment. "S-soooo, if Satori provided the body, and Yuyuko provided the soul, then what did you do?"

Yukari stopped thinking about whatever she was thinking about, and turned her attention back to me. "Other then organizing the entire project, I used my manipulation of borders and magic to bring you to life."

I was taken aback by what she said. "Well then, who built the mechanical part of me?"

All three of them looked down. "A human scientist was also part of the project. Unfortunately, He died nearly 50 years ago. He was murdered by the same crazed religious group that has invaded Gensokyo."

"Ok, I can take that in. my life is pretty much a lie, and I'm just some science experiment, but what I can't stand, is the question of why you created me in the first place." I said while meeting eyes with Yuyuko. She was staring at me, and I was returning the favor.

…

…

"Please stop that."

"Why?"

"Because it makes me uncomfortable."

"Why?"

"Because it's creepy!" I yelled

Yuyuko took her eyes off me, and started playing with her sleeves. "But you taste so good." Yuyuko mumbled.

Yukari closed her fan, and gave me a stern look. "Well, glad to see we cleared some things up. If you need any one of us, just call. But please try not to call too much."

Wow, so lazy.

"I'm going to pretend I didn't read that." Yukari turned her gaze to Satori, while Satori stood there expressionless.

Yukari turned her head back to me. "Anyway, do not tell anyone what we told you. I want it to remain a secret just a little longer."

I nodded in understanding.

Yukari nodded back. And spoke. "Good, you can leave now."

A gap opened above Yuyuko while she was staring at the ceiling when the gap came down over her.

Satori didn't even move an inch when a gap encased her body.

A gap appeared over me, and as soon as I was in gap-zone, I felt weightless. "So this is what it feels like to be in one of Yukari's gaps." A fraction of a second later, and I was right in front of the LT. Like nothing ever happened.

Dan was just getting home with Maria, and Rumia found some new friends. Flandre was inside the LT playing only what I can assume is Super Mario World.

I was shocked when I got inside to find Flandre actually using the computer. "Flan… What are you doing?"

She responded "I got bored, so I tried this game on the cum-pyu-terr? I think it's called? Anyway, I found this note on the computer."

The note read:

Dear Matt,

I thought you might be feeling a little homesick, so I connected your computer to the internet. My gaps are so helpful, aren't they? Anyways, have fun.

Yukari

Huh, I didn't even think about that.

I looked over at the computer screen, and found Flandre playing World of Warcraft.

ZOMG! I can't believe it. "Flan… where did you get a Warcraft account?"

Flandre was currently battling some… things that were ridiculous looking. She snapped out of the game zone. "Huh? Oh, Dan let me use his."

*Insert hilarious face palm here*

Oh this was definitely Dan's idea. What am I going to do with you?

Flandre got into a PVP fight, and was playing a blood specced DK (pre cata)***. "HAHAHA! DIE DIEEEE~ THE STREETS WILL FLOOD WITH THE BLOOD OF THE NOOBZ!"

Oooooooookay, I'm going to back away now, hehehe…

I backed away from the Warcraft addict in training, and decided to speak with Dan and Maria. When they walked in, Maria seemed to be down about something, and Dan seemed to be exited about something.

"What's wrong Maria?" I asked hr with concern in my voice.

"*sob* I miss my friend *sob* AILC." She cried.

Who is AILC?

I mirrored my thoughts "Hey Dan? Who is AILC?"

Dan snapped out of his most likely psychotic thoughts, and looked at me. "AILC was my Artificially Intelligent Locator Computer. Maria made friends with him, and when my base exploded, he gave her his hard drive." Dan's attention wandered back to the roof of the cave we were in.

That's sad…

"Wait, he gave her his hard drive? I might be able to bring him back." I said, and Maria perked right up.

Maria changed into her youkai form, which looked like a cat with two tails. She latched herself right onto my shoulders, and pressed her warm check right up against my cold one. "! That would be the best thing anyone's ever done for me."

Dan seemed a little annoyed with this. "Hey! What about the time I gave you a home, and saved your ass from a wild wolf youkai?"

Maria separated her cheek from mine to look at Dan. "Nya~, well second best thing anyone's ever done for me nyan~!"

Dan looked like he had drained all the anger out of his system. "Awwww, who's a cute kitty?" he asked, and pulled Maria off me, which left some painful scratch marks.

Maria didn't seem too happy, and let out a low growl. "Raow… Mrouw... hissssssssss!" she hissed, and started clawing Dan's face out.

"OW, Fuck! Shit! Cunt! No, bad kitty, FUCKBALLS!"

Dan struggled with Maria, while I eyed the hard drive Maria gave me while she was hugging me. "Let's see… IDE, 7200 RPM, 1TB, yeah, I might be able to make this work with that laptop, and a few spare parts."

I got to work on an adapter that would allow me to plug the hard drive in. "Alright let's do this!"

To Be Continued.

[AN]:

*Real explosions don't have as much fire as they do in action movies. They're actually a lot more powerful, but they don't look as cool.

**A Satori is a mind-reader. The Satori in question; Satori, reads people's hearts in true Satori fashion… Satori.

***death knights were a DPS (damage per second) spec before cataclysm, after cata they became a dedicated tanking spec.

Well, not bad for a bridge chapter. But you can't expect it to be as good as the last one. I mean that was the first arc's finale. Even though this chapter only bridges the connection between arc 1 and 2, lots of stuff gets revealed. We also finally meet Yuyuko, and Satori… the Satori.

BTW, I don't actually play Warcraft, and Flan playing isn't a big part of the story, but the internet… oh, I won't spoil it. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed the 11 installment of the Epic Win that is the 'Epic Failure of the Touhou Project.' Also, below is a small description of Matt. I thought I should summarize my OC' in greater detail. So, here it is.

Character file: Matthew Harrison

Prefers to be called Matt, and is very impulsive. He wears a black trench coat over slacks, and a white shirt. His right mechanical arm is concealed by the sleeve of his coat, and only the hand- which has a jewel on the back of it- sticks out of his sleeve. He has white hair, and dark red eyes. His skin is very pale, but not as pale as Dan's. Sometimes, if one looks close enough, they can see the small machines the operating inside his body through his skin. Satori also cannot read his heart (but can still read his current thoughts) because of his lack of an organic one, and he does not need to eat. His abilities include: Control over machines, spawning of machines, an advanced targeting system built into his eyes, superhuman strength, and he can use his mechanical arm as a portable toolbox. He can control machines, but only to a certain degree, and only if he built them. He cannot move them like telekinesis or anything like that, but he can operate a machine from distances up to 100 feet away. He can spawn bigger machines, but with certain limitations. To spawn a machine, it must run on his energy core, and must be in spell card form. He can currently spawn his mobile home; The Land Train, a mark 1 tank, a king tiger tank (But it uses tons of energy), and four more that I have not revealed yet. The targeting system in Matt's eyes is one of the more visible features of his abilities. Instead of pupils, he has dark red cross-hairs that surround his darker iris. The system can be used to hit precise marks when building, shooting, and analyzing. He can also analyze object by looking at them, and the system is directly linked to the mechanical half of his body. His strength is linked purely to his machine half, and burns lots of energy just to idle. The result is strength that could put the hulk to shame. But if he keeps it active for more than 5 minutes, then his energy core will be completely drained, unlike a spell card would, and his artificial heart will stop pumping the mix of blood and hydraulic fluid through his veins, thus killing him. Despite the powerful ability he has, and the ability to summon a FREAKING TANK! He is actually a weaker foe. This is mostly due to the fact that Matt's machine half of his body already drains most of his energy core while idling, and his energy core is already small to begin with. If Yukari didn't help him during his fight with Dan, Dan would've wiped the floor with him. He was a project by Yukari with the help of her friends Yuyuko, and Satori. Matt previously thought he was born from the American Revolution in industry, but Yukari told him the real story. (Just this chapter in fact.) He has a close relationship with a fellow low level youkai: Rumia, and is probably equal in strength. Although to make up for it; Matt is one hell of a strategist, but strategy only works if you have the strength to back it up. During danmaku fights or spell card battles, the jewel on the back of Matt's hand strobes with a rainbow effect. The colors of the jewel indicate the amount of magic power he is burning per second. When the jewel strobes, it indicates it is drawing magic power from the atmosphere instead of relying on Matt's energy core alone. Because of the spell card rules, Matt cannot die in battle, but if his magic power was to be depleted outside of battle, he would die. He can also use a blade known as the blade of revolution which springs out of the back of his hand, right under the jewel it uses no energy to maintain, but it is technically a spell card (skill card) so It can only be used under special circumstances. Matt is also a terrible flier; flying with little control, and a measly speed of about 20 mph, but with his jetpack on, he can fly at speeds comparable to Aya's. Again, this drains his energy fast, and it's only practical if he's flying at lower speeds, or if Yukari gives him a little boost by loaning him her power. Matt also befriended Flandre, the half insane vampire child, and according to Yuyuko, he tastes pretty good. When Yukari built him, Yuyuko provided his soul, and Satori provided his body. Like any other in-organic Youkai, his soul is not bound to his body, but rather an object. In Matt's case, this object is a small golden pocket watch that is stored in a compartment inside his chest. It is attached to his mechanical heart, but He can still stay alive if it is outside his body.

Well, that's a wrap, now where's my sandwich

…

…

Satori the Satori went to see her Satori sister who was also a Satori, and Satori asked her if her fellow Satori knew of any other Satoris in the area.