While applying toothpaste to his toothbrush, the bristles decided to be evil-shits and slingshot back at him, effectively spraying the minty substance on Tony's eyes.

"Shit!"

He cried out as he tried to keep his eyes opened, trying to keep the paste from running over the whole of his eyes. He leaned down towards the sink to rinse his eyes and promptly smacked his head against the faucet.

"Fuck!"

(Well what a fantastic way to begin your morning, eh?)

He held in his anger and continued to rinse his eyes. Once he managed to dim the stinging (because no matter how hard you try, they're always going to sting), he leaned back, sighed heavily and cursed for a few more minutes. His eyes hurt and his head throbbed, coupled with the fact that he was in a bad mood already was cue for the warning signs to blare and scream at him the one logical thing he could attribute to his bad luck.

Today will not be a good day.

And then there was the semi-hang over from last night to think about. He had drunk four glasses of Scotch after all. How could anyone possibly think that there would be no repercussions after that? Even though it was only slight- his body was already used to drinking more than that –it was still enough to crawl its way over his head and reign rampage upon his coherent thoughts (how little of those were even left after this morning's spectacular wakeup call). Thinking was as painful as it was to have his eyebrows plucked out with tweezers.

He grimaced. Never in his life would he ever trust Pepper and tweezers again.

He was thankful for the fact that he wasn't a hairy man and that the goatee he sported was as far as he'd go with any kind of hair that wasn't on his head.

That and he was also thankful for eyebrow razors. (Well any kind of razor really.)

"Tony?"

"Almost done Pepper!" He blurted almost impulsively and hastened to finish his doings. He had almost finished his morning routine (use the toilet, take a shower, wash his teeth and fix his hair) and he had no intentions of wasting any more time inside his bathroom than what was required. So without thinking it twice, he opened a can of hair wax and shoved his fingers in it.

He rubbed the substance until it turned soft and malleable, then he dragged his hands over his hair and began sculpting (or so he said) his hair into a perfect (in his opinion) fauxhawk. He didn't have to use an exaggerated amount of wax for the simple fact that he had short and thin hair, so just applying a dollop of wax was enough to get his hair up into its Tony Stark look. He was not an overly-vain person, but he still liked to look good (I mean really, who doesn't?). Finally, after all the inspections were completed he strolled back to his room in only his towel which clung dangerously low on his hips.

"Oh my god, Tony!" Pepper promptly slammed her hands upon her eyes and scowled in his general direction.

"Oh please Pepper, you've seen me naked before and besides I have a towel on!"

"That was ONE time Tony! And it was an accident, you know that!"

"Doesn't mean you didn't enjoy it." Tony chuckled and turned towards his closet. In a matter of seconds his head was jerked forward and throbbing again when Pepper's clipboard made contact with it.

"Ow! What'd you do that for?"

"To see if your ego would go down a notch you perverted bastard!"

"Ah, you know me so well."

"Shut up and get dressed." Pepper groaned as she threw herself back on Tony's bed. The quicker he dressed, the quicker she could plan his trip. The quicker she planned, the quicker she could leave.

Quick.

Quick.

Quick.

"Alright, alright! Jesus." Tony said as he changed inside his walk-in closet.

"Oh my god, did I say that out loud?"

"Yes."

"Sorry!" All she received was a non-committal grunt.

Tony opted for a black button-down, long-sleeved shirt and some white slacks. He put on his black shoes and he was done.

Of course then he remembered he forgot his underwear.

He cursed as he undid his pants and took them off around his shoes (no point in taking them off since he'd have to put them on again). He looked around for some boxer briefs and found a pair in red. And red being his favorite color, he did not have to think of it twice before they were sliding up his legs and put in place to hide his modesty. Putting his slacks back on, he deemed himself worthy of the presence of the world.

"Alright Pepper, I'm done."

"I hope that's not what you have in mind to wear on your whole stay... wherever it is your gonna stay." Pepper said as she scrutinized her best friend/boss's attire as he strolled out of his walk-in closet. Seriously the man would wear that to sleep if he could and in all honesty, Pepper would rather see him walk in a tank and basketball shorts than have him wear that every day.

But not because she was attracted to him, heavens no! They were practically siblings (contrary to popular belief), there was absolutely, positively, no fucking way that she could ever feel anything else than annoyance and contempt towards him. She adored him of course, there was no denying that, but that was about it. Never had they expressed their need to search for something more within the boundaries of their relationship and they were both happy as could be with the outcome.

But of course she would never deny (nor admit to anyone other than death) that he was an attractive man. She would die before ever uttering those words, but it was an observation too difficult to miss and avoiding it would only mean the beginning of the end of the world (if such thing would ever come soon enough) and that is precisely why she has come to terms with the fact that: Yes, Tony Stark is an attractive man. No, she does not feel the need for him to hold her hand in the dark. And yes, she will do as best as possible to dress the man is the most flattering clothes she can as long as it takes for him to find a partner and end that chapter of their lives.

She knows very well what Tony prefers and that in itself is quite ambiguous. She knows of his apparent bisexuality and his tendency to sleep around, but she also knows that Tony is not in any hurry to settle down and marry any woman (or man) at this point in his life.

"But this is my style!"

Pepper was brought out of her reverie the moment that cry of indignation left Tony's mouth and berated her like a thousand bullets raining upon their unsuspecting victim.

To say that she gave a slight jump at his sudden volume was an understatement.

"I know it is Tony, but that's your every-day work style. You're not going to work. You're gonna relax. I'll allow you to take that and another similar outfit, but that's that. The rest is gonna be t-shirts and jeans."

"But-"

"No buts!"

"Yes mother…"

"Good, now I'm gonna help you pack while you think of where you wanna go. And please, try to make the destination within the states. I don't trust you with foreign languages or foreign countries at all. Remember the last time we were in France?"

"I only got us kicked out of the bar."

"The hotel bar! We were banned from the hotel bar for the length of our stay! And it was only the first day!"

"Ok, I get it. No vacationing outside of the states…"

"Good."

A few moments of silence passed.

"Are you sure I can't go to Canada?"

"No!"

"Ok."

Pepper huffed and continued her task.

She busied herself with choosing the best outfits she could for Tony. If there was one thing she was good at, it was fashion (Well actually, no. She was extraordinary in that department and "good" in many, many, many, other things. She chose a few jeans and she made sure to toss some slim fit jeans in as well. Tony looked good in skinny jeans, but he never admitted to liking them. So instead, she got him the next best thing; slim fits. They were pretty much the same, except they didn't hug his ass so much.

She thought about the time she first introduced skinny jeans to him. He was adamant about wearing anything of the sort because apparently he felt that they were too skimpy. Or in his words: "I feel like a freaking hooker wearing these things! They're like a second pair of skin! I feel completely naked and not in a good way! I don't want people to check out my ass! I don't fancy getting eye-raped and I most certainly am not wearing these atrocities!"

Fifteen minutes later he was at a party wearing dark-wash skinny jeans. Everyone's eyes bulged and seemingly gravitated towards him. To say Tony had a good night would have been an understatement.

Pepper chuckled at the fact that she was the one that forced him into wearing them. He would never admit that: thanks to her, he scored a major deal with a CEO from one of his company's adversaries and all because his daughter practically demanded that he work with Tony simply because she was completely in love with his ass.

Pepper now dresses him more often than not.

She halted her ministrations in 2.5 seconds and the cogs in her head began turning at a fast speed. She pondered for a moment in silence and then a wicked grin splashed itself on her face. She took out all the jeans she had packed prior and made a mad dash for Tony's closet.

Just because Tony didn't like skinny jeans, didn't mean she didn't stash them in his closet. Praying that he had not thrown them out, she ransacked the jungle called Tony Stark's closet: Pants section.

Yes they were divided in sections.

She reached the racks furthest back and with a gleeful "Aha!" she found her target (or targets). There were like fifty skinny jeans in the racks and she could not wait to throw them into his suitcase. They were all different colors and shades and patterns. She even got him some zebra skinny's as an April Fool's joke. Why he still had them she had no idea. But then again, considering the fact that he didn't look a day over 22, he could pull them off, no sweat! Perhaps he had a secret fetish that she didn't know about?

(Ok eww. No. Just no. Cease and desist. Those thoughts are terrible for anyone's health and she might as well stick needles on her eyes before dwelling on what kinds of things happen in Tony's room late at night. Gaaahh!)

She mentally slapped herself senseless and then shook her head to dispel those atrophic nightmares that clogged up her brain.

After her impromptu-death-wish-episode, she began choosing the pants as if she were choosing flavors at an ice cream shop. Dark washed, light washed, dark blue, onyx black, ivory white, faded patterns and finally, hooligan standard. (The pants had holes on the knees, duhh!)

Tony loved rock, metal and some other kinds of music she could never remember. All she knew was that most of the bands he liked were composed of members, who had long hair, wore make up and used pants with holes in them.

She inspected each pair like a psychologist inspects a psychopath and after a few moments of deliberation, she nodded her approval. Each pair of pants could be worn exactly two days or more (who cares how many times he repeats the same pants?) and he could mix and match them easily with whatever shirt he chose.

She made her way back to the briefcase- making sure Tony was distracted with something else AKA: destination planning -and then she quickly folded the pants and slammed them in the briefcase as quickly as possible. She was almost caught, for the last pair was tossed in only a second before he turned to look at her.

"I've got it!" He snapped his fingers. "Texas!"

"Texas?"

"What? No good?"

"Well Texas has a heat streak coming up and I doubt you'd enjoy it very much."

"Oh… Dammit." Tony turned back to pacing around his room as he mumbled to himself.

If Tony was bad at something, it was choosing a last-minute destination. Give him at least two days and he would measure out the pros and cons of any place he desired. But with only twelve hours at maximum, he had absolutely no idea how to choose. That was mostly because his genius intellect and his default male setting called cant-make-a-decision-under-pressure-from-a-woman (or just indecision if you'd like) were both in battle for dominance inside his little-big brain.

While he battled his internal war, Pepper had gone back to packing. She had already chosen two pairs of swim trunks and four pairs of shoes. Whenever Tony wasn't dressed formally, he loved wearing his Converse. And that is why Pepper stashed his favorite pair and three additional pairs. One black pair, one blue pair, and one white pair. Of course, his favorite pair being the red ones. She chucked in some black sandals for good measure and finally began the raid for tops.

Tony was a fashionable man as it was, but since he was going on vacation, there was no need to go all the way to fashion-model-worthy kind of clothes. She simply chose a few band tees, some V-necks, a Henley and a black polo. She dropped them into the suitcase and continued with her task. (And by dropped I mean neatly folded and placed strategically to make space.) She gave in to packing a few button-down shirts, but she made sure that they either had short sleeves and vibrant colors or long sleeves with design patterns. They were hard to use as formal wear and she was fairly proud of herself.

But then she noticed that most of these clothes would fit Tony quite snugly. She didn't pack with the intention of making him look like a male slut, but it just sort of happened. It was unintentional. She wasn't really thinking about it before she looked down into the suitcase. She was beginning to regret her decision when Tony startled the living lights out of her.

"AHA!" Tony shouted. "Seattle! What do you think?" Tony wiggled his eyebrows as he stretched his arms in a 'Ta'da' motion.

Pepper had to put a hand to her chest to keep her heart from bursting out and running away like the Tasmanian devil. She cleared her throat before answering.

"Tony, Washington has a cold climate with high probabilities of rain this time of year. Do you really wanna be stuck somewhere where it rains and snows almost every day?"

"But I love the snow!"

"Do you really wanna be stuck somewhere so close to the set of Twilight?"

Tony's smile became a wince of horror in 1.5 Nano-seconds.

"I thought so…" Pepper said as she turned around and zipped up the main compartment of Tony's suit case.

She had packed all the essentials. His underwear was already there. The pants and shirts were checked. Shoes were checked and only personal effects where left to pack.

"Tony I need you to go get your toothbrush,-" Tony grumbled at the mention of it. "-your deodorant, perfume, medications, whatever it is that you need."

"I don't take pills Pepper."

"No, but you sometimes get those allergy attacks that make you resemble a sloth in its worst days."

"Ah, those medications." Tony knew when to take a joke and he certainly held no grudge towards her. (See? Because he's awesome like that!)

He walked over to his dresser and slid open a drawer. He stuck his hand inside and then it resurfaced with a bottle of Singulair in its grip. He tossed the bottle to his assistant and she expertly caught it, dropping it inside the suitcase as well. Tony disappeared into his bathroom to look for his other things while Pepper made a mental list of the things they had packed. Might as well make sure everything is in place.

When Tony came back, he was carrying his deodorant, shaving razor, perfume and a little black box.

"What's in the box?" (She wasn't being suspicious! Honest! She was just being curious, I swear.)

"Eye drops, ear plugs, Vicks, and all sorts of small necessities." Tony gave her a look that clearly said do I have to explain myself to you all the time? She gave an exasperated huff and crossed her arms.

"Alright." She said.

After checking and double checking to make sure everything was in place, Pepper sat on Tony's bed and Tony laid back on it in an exasperated fashion.

Tony hated being under pressure.

He could handle many, many things. But pressure was something he was terrible at working with. Normally, he'd have at least a week to make a decision. Whatever kind of decision that was. If by any chance he had to improvise, then hell, he could create a whole script in less than two seconds. But making an important choice under pressure- no wait, under the pressure of a woman, Pepper no less-well that was a completely different story.

Pepper, of course, was aware of Tony's condition. Even though sometimes it exasperated her to no end, she had grown accustomed to this kind of behavior, so she gave him his time to think and ponder and keep as calm as possible. (Even though sometimes she wanted to take a bat and use Tony's head for baseball practice.)

Where were we?

Tony hated being under pressure.

"Why can't you just choose for me?" Tony asked. Because dumping that responsibility on Pepper's shoulders, while not something he was used to doing, was as good as any other means to get away from that hazardous responsibility.

"Because we never agree when I choose a destination. We always end up going where you wanna go."

Well damn.

Tony groaned as he rolled around his bed like a petulant child. He was (for all intents and purposes) a child at heart, though what kind of child could be a powerful genius addicted to alcohol and sex, well I have no idea whatsoever.

"Pepper, I promise I won't argue with you."

"Yeah, I've hear that one before."

"Pepper, please! I'm dying here."

"Oh, whatever!"

They sat in silence as Pepper squeezed her brain for a good answer.

"How about Miami?"

"Uh…"

"What?"

"I'm kinda bored of Florida."

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah…"

"I thought you weren't gonna argue."

"I'm not arguing."

"And I'm not female."

"The fuck?"

"Tony!"

"Ok, ok! Just not Florida please!"

"Fine…"

Another pregnant pause.

"How about Phoenix?"

"Too close."

Pepper grumbled and Tony was sure he heard a few colorful words.

"Louisiana?"

"Too swampy."

"Oh for the love of God!"

"I'm sorry; it's just that none of those places really call for my attention!"

"Well what would you suggest?"

He heard those words again and again and again. He had heard that exact same phrase so many times that his brain decided to play back every single time that Pepper had ever said those exact five words.

His head buzzed with sudden inspiration. Just hearing those words incited a feeling of accomplishment that could only come by finally making up your mind. (Because in all honesty that's what always happened whenever Pepper opened her mouth and recited that same phrase. Again and again and again.)

Tony's body surged forward like a car hitting the brakes at high speed. His head swam for only a few seconds before he jumped all the way towards Pepper. (Like I said: Tony is a child at heart.)

Pepper flinched at the sudden movement and her eyes almost doubled in size when Tony's face came so near hers that it only made her slightly uncomfortable. (And I use the word slightly quite loosely.)

"I've got it!"

Pepper stared at him for what appeared to be a thousand years, waiting for Tony to share his miraculous discovery. But since his grin never disappeared and he never articulated a response, she had to hold herself from pouncing on him and smacking him against the floor until a Tony shaped hole appeared on the (red) carpeted floor.

She sighed and held back any violent urges as she squinted at her best friend/employer and asked in a controlled, low voice.

"Well, what is it?"

Tony, bless his soul (or damn it, same difference), finally resurfaced from his mental reverie. He made an "Oh" expression that almost had her fuming and finally decided to share his thoughts.

"New York!"

"New York?"

"New York!"

"New York…"

"New York!"

"New York."

"For the love of god, Pepper! Yes! The big N.Y.C.!"

"I see."

"You see?"

"No I don't see, but if that is what you want, then so be it. I believe it to be reasonable enough."

Tony Stark was a composed man. By no means would he ever display any kind of emotion in public unless it was distaste, amusement, controlled happiness and sometimes even anger. All his emotions and feelings were as muted as possible, and even then he sometimes slipped and became a bit rambunctious.

Then, when he wasn't the same muted Tony Stark the public eye knew him as, and instead became Tony, the genius laid back man he liked to call "himself"; he could let out any form of emotion he liked, be it in an exaggerated, hyperbolic and unnecessary way.

In other words, he just bellowed a "Fuck Yeah!" so loud Pepper was sure that the whole coast of Malibu –scratch that, the ENTIRE west coast most probably heard him.

As he fist pumped and did a supposed happy dance, Pepper took out her phone and began her quest into planning Tony's impromptu-vacation.