AN: Okay, so I wrote this quicker than I thought I would. Thank you so much for the reviews and anyone who has favorited or followed this story. Always lovely to hear from people and what they think. I decided this will be three chapters so here's the second one. Enjoy
Howard was of course sad when Bucky left but he didn't let that get him down. He threw himself into his work and when it all was completely success tasted that much sweeter. However, it seemed that nothing good could happen without something bad going along with it.
They were infiltrated and Dr. Erskine was killed. The man didn't get away but he did kill himself before anyone could question him. They had to move everything and soon, Howard was going overseas. Everything began to go okay again as far as the war and everything but Rogers, now known as Captain America to most, wasn't really living up to his potential.
Howard felt sorry for him, being pushed around like a puppet. Yes, he was one man, but one man can change the tide when put to proper use and what Rogers was going through certainly wasn't it. When Howard found out the plan to go and rescue the men from the Hydra base from Peggy, he was all for it.
If he had known James was one of those captured men, he still would've done the exact same thing, helping Rogers as best he could. He had known the night of the Expo James had mentioned a friend but he hadn't ever said him by name. Howard also had hung around Captain Rogers that much either so he hadn't ever heard him talking about Bucky.
Sadly, when Rogers brought all those men back, Howard wasn't able to witness it. However, he did want to eventually say congratulations to Rogers and see how he was. He still wouldn't consider themselves friends but they were at least acquaintances now.
When he had time, Howard asked someone where he could find Steve and the guy told him in the infirmary. The captain himself was fine; he was apparently visiting a friend that was being kept for overnight observation.
Howard walked into the hospital room, and had to stop in his tracks upon seeing who was in the bed. He blinked several times and tried to gather himself but it was nearly impossible. He just couldn't believe it. The fact that of all the people in the world, Roger's friend was Bucky was just unbelievable.
He had to resist the urge to just run over and kiss the man and now that he actually looked at James a small shutter shot through Howard. Considering all that James had gone through, he looked pretty good but that's only taking into account what he must've gone through.
He looked malnourished, being thinner than the last time Howard saw him, and there were dark bags under his eyes. He was bandaged up in several places and, though Howard couldn't tell for sure from this distance, his breathing seemed irregular.
Bucky himself seemed just as surprised by seeing Howard and couldn't help but stare for a very uncomfortable amount of time.
Though it didn't seem that long, it must've been for a more extended period of time than Howard thought because eventually Roger's began talking. "Do you two, um . . . know each other?" he finally asked, looking a bit uncomfortable in his position.
"Uh, yes!" Howard replied a bit to quickly, loudly and fast. "We met um . . ."
"Before I was shipped off," Bucky quickly put in when it was clear Howard wasn't sure about what to say. "I'm just . . . well we're both surprised to see each other, that's all."
"I can understand that," replied Steve. He then turned towards Howard and asked, "Was there something you wanted?"
"No I just wanted to congratulate you on your achievement. It truly was amazing what you did."
"Well, I couldn't have accomplished it if you hadn't been willing to fly now," Rogers replied with a small smile. "Hey, listen, we've been talking for forever Bucky and I probably need to get back to doing something so how about I give you two sometime to talk and catch up."
"Sounds good to me. Go do some work and if not that get a girl," Bucky said with a laugh as Steve smiled again and left. When it was just Howard and Bucky in the room then, silence quickly fell.
Finally, Howard was the first to speak as he said, "I'll be honest. I didn't even know you were here."
"Well, I didn't know you were here either. Who knows, maybe fate had a bit of help in everything."
"I don't believe in fate. Sometimes you get lucky and sometimes you get unlucky. You play your cards right and you'll get lucky more often," replied Howard.
Bucky smirked as he said, "Interesting idea. What do you believe in then? No god I bet. Yourself then?"
"Maybe just a bit," Howard responded as Bucky laughed. However, it was obvious that the laugh hurt his lungs some and it made the smile on Howard's face twitch downwards for a bit.
"Are you just going to stand on the other side of the room and look awkward or are you going to actually sit down?"
Howard hadn't even realized he was still standing. Jolting slightly, he moved forward and sat down beside Bucky and sighed. "You know, you look like shit James."
"Believe me I know. I feel like I went through hell and back."
"You've probably at least gone through the equivalent of it," replied Howard with a sigh. "How are you doing though? Really?"
"Better than before which is the truth," Bucky said. He then glanced towards the area where the security camera was and sighed. "I wish . . . well, you know what I'd prefer to be doing. Most people would rather being doing anything than sitting in a bed all day."
Howard understood the hidden meaning behind those words. "Well," he said, "maybe we can go out for a drink again like we did before. I'd certainly like that."
"Sounds good," replied Bucky.
It was painful waiting for Bucky to get out. Howard wished for the privacy of his room compared to the security of the hospital room. He wanted to kiss Bucky and gently caress his cheek whenever he was in pain. He wanted to hold his hand whenever he needed it.
But Howard couldn't do that. Not here anyway.
When Bucky finally did get out, he had two days to rest before going back into active duty. A good part of those days would be spent exercising probably and getting good and fit again but the nights were fully open.
It was hard though, sneaking Bucky into his quarters, but Howard eventually did it. However, when, he pulled the soldier through the door it wasn't like the first few times. Not at all.
Instead, after locking the door, Howard pulled Bucky forward and simply held onto him, taking several deep breaths as he took in the soldier's smell. He had promised himself he wouldn't cry but the tears were already pricking at his eyes. Howard hadn't realized until this very moment how much the thought of Bucky dying had scared him, even though he had found out James to be alive right from the beginning.
"Hey, I'm okay. I'm not going anywhere," said Bucky with a smile. "I mean it."
"I know," Howard replied and he mentally cursed himself at how his voice shook so much. "It's just . . . the very thought of you dying hurts. But it doesn't make any sense. This is only the third time I've met you."
"I haven't had much help understanding any of it either," added Bucky. "Seeing you again, it was a relief. Like a part of me had been missing and you filled it back up. As stupid and sappy as that sounds it's true though."
Howard laughed slight as he leaned for his first kiss that night. This time, it was a lot softer and had an almost sad feel to it like they both wanted each touch to really last now. The first two times had still had meaning, but they had been fun and silly. This was more careful, kind, and grateful.
Everything felt so much more real now and in front. James could die, now that Howard was with him again that thought was there. He didn't want to think of it but death was always a possibility.
The second night was much like the first one. Both Howard's and James' spirits were a bit more up and there was certainly more joking more that foreboding still lay there. The next day, Bucky was back being Rogers' right hand man and Howard was working on new weapons even more so.
The time in between missions for James was spent with Howard whenever they had a moment. It wasn't ideal but it was what they could get and they were going to take it.
One night before a mission, James lay in bed beside Howard. Bucky had his arms wrapped around Howard pulling him in tight and keeping him close and even safe in a way. At first Bucky had routinely kissed Howard's neck and face but both were eventually getting tired.
Howard began drifting off and was almost gone when he was suddenly wide awake again. His eyes were open and he had stiffened slightly. Bucky had said three words, just three little words, and Howard didn't know how to react.
"What did you say?" asked Howard, even though he had heard Bucky perfectly.
James replied, "I said I love you."
Hearing it for a second time took away the cold, scared feeling and replaced it with something so much warmer. The words made Howard smile and pull James in closer to him. "I love you to James," he replied, completely meaning it.
James smiled and then kissed Howard again before both fell asleep.
In the morning, right before James had to leave, Howard asked, "Do you remember what you said last night?"
Bucky actually laughed as he said, "You don't think I meant those words do you?"
"Well I wasn't exactly sure. You were a bit sleepy," replied Howard with a huff, not exactly happy that he had been laughed at.
"Then I guess I'll have to assure you," replied James. "I do love you. I know it hasn't really been that long but I do love you and I think I have since I first saw you. Now, was your reply, just lack of sleep or what?"
Howard had to stop and think back to last night but eventually he did say, "Yes, I love you as well."
Bucky smiled and said, "Good. One last kiss for good luck?"
"For you James? Always," replied Howard. He gave him a soft kiss and then Bucky left his room and was gone, off to finish another mission.
Howard was content with working and waiting for Bucky to return again. Sometimes it was only one or two days before he was back other times it could take as long two weeks. Nearly a week later was when Steve and his team came back.
The billionaire was just now finishing something so he got up and quickly went to go meet everyone. The smile on his face quickly fled though as he was Rogers' face. It was downcast, in pain, and the rest of the team seemed to mirror his look.
Except for one man. One man didn't mirror it because he wasn't among the group.
"Where . . . where's James?" Howard asked softly, already knowing the answer to his question.
The rest of the team looked down, not wanting to answer so Steve walked up to Howard. There were unshed tears in his eyes. "He . . . Bucky fell, off the train," Steve finally got out. "We lost him."
"Oh," Howard simply said. Even though he had put together what had happened, hearing it from Steve made it that much real. He was in shock, not really knowing what to say, what to do. Someone came over, Howard wasn't sure who, and said that maybe he should go to his room.
When Howard didn't respond, the man slowly guided him to his room. Howard let him, ice gripping his body and soul. The man said, "Just come back to work when you're ready," and left once Howard was inside his room.
Howard stood there, the door closed and the room empty. His lips trembled slightly and a tear began to fall from his eyes.
Those two things were like the key to a dam and suddenly, Howard was on his knees sobbing. He was silent though, except for the occasionally hiccup and gasp for air. He gripped at his chest as pain and hollowness spread through him. The possibility of James dying had always been there but after their last night together, dying had been the last thing Howard's mind and now it hit him straight in the face.
Bucky was gone, for good. There wasn't any second chance, any doubt. He was dead and Howard was alone again.
He was able to push himself up and land on the bed, tears still rolling down his face, his breathing uneven.
That night, he slept alone with a now permanent cold spot beside him. Howard gripped the sheets where a man should be and hugged the only thing of James he had, a once forgotten shirt. Howard had never loved before, and so therefore had never truly lost but he had lost something now.
Society would never have accepted it but that didn't mean Howard hadn't dreamed of a life after the war. He hadn't dreamed of time where they could be together, forever, and be happy. It broke him up inside more than it should now that those dreams were completely dead.
In the morning though, Howard didn't continue to wallow, he got up and went straight to work. He focused even more so, promising himself that he wouldn't let Bucky down. Howard would see this war finished.
After a while, Howard was able to suck it up. He still hurt inside but he was able to hide it and put on a smile for everyone. He actually became friends, real friends with Steve but right before everything was looking up, Rogers had to drive that damn plane into the water.
Howard searched for him, looked everywhere, but as time passed, the chances of actually finding him grew less and less. However, he kept searching, kept looking because there was actually a chance that he could find Steve.
Bucky was gone for sure but he could still try and help find Steve. However, whether he succeeded or not, he'd never forget him, either of them. Steve had become one of his best friends and Bucky, the man he loved and would forever love . . . well.
He'd always be in Howard's heart.