Oioioi. 'Tis I! Raiyuki! Come to bring you laughs and kicks, but not booze, sorry.

I do not own Naruto, but I do own a six pack and some chewing gum.

"So there I was. I came to see if Tsunade-sama had regained consciousness so that she could give me a raise," Kakashi was huddled in a group of other male Jounin and Chuunin. They were all happily sipping sake in the meeting room.

Their group included Asuma, Gai, Iruka, Ebisu, Choza, Genma, Raidou, the oldest, Jiraya, the youngest, Shikamaru, Zabuza and Haku. Wait… "What the hell are you two doing here? Didn't I kill you?" Kakashi stopped his story, pointing at Zabuza and Haku.

"Maybe," Haku's eyes darted from left to right, and Zabuza stood rigid. "Look, we're here to add meaningless humor to the plot, okay? Can't we defy the laws of nature just once?"

"You're a ninja, you do that every day," Iruka reminded him.

"Oh… right…" He sweatdropped. "Please continue, Kakashi-san," Zabuza nodded vigorously as well.

"Anyway, I was looking for Tsunade-sama for my raise. So I opened the door to her office, and you guys won't believe what I saw!" They looked at him expectantly.

He paused dramatically for suspense. "Tsunade-sama was fingering Shizune-san on the floor!" There was a merry bout of hoots and whoops from the other men, except for the two youngest Jounin and Chuunin.

"What does 'fingering' mean?" Haku whispered to Shikamaru.

"I thought you'd know!" He muttered back.

After the laughing and screams for yuri died down, Kakashi wiped a tear from his eye. "Sorry, sorry Haku, Zabuza, I didn't mean any offense,"

Haku immediately glowered menacingly. "Why does everyone think we're gay?!" he demanded.

Jiraya swung his arm around the fifteen year-old's shoulder.

"Oh, come on! Don't deny it boy! It's clear enough anyway! You're a cross dresser, you've spent ten years of your life in the forest with a peculiar man… what else is there?" he asked Kakashi from across the circle.

"He broke a mob boss' arm because he was going to touch said peculiar man's face,"

Jiraya whirled back around, taking a swig of sake from the bottle in his hand. "Y'can't say it's not unfounded!"

Haku smashed his sake glass on Jiraya's head unexpectedly. Jiraya went out like a light and sprawled on the floor. "If I get laid by the end of the day by a girl, then will you believe I'm straight?"

Asuma took a drag on his cigarette, letting it out in a puff of smoke. "Not really, but it'll be fun to watch,"

Haku wasn't listening. "Fine, I will then!" He stormed out of the meeting room. Eventually everyone left, too bored to hang out in the humid room on a hot summer's day.

The second Shikamaru left the room, Haku grabbed him by the collar. "What the hell does 'getting laid' mean?!" he hissed.

Shikamaru shrugged. "You said it, I figured you knew," he replied. "Do you have any idea?"

"I dunno, but it's supposed to be real manly," the ironically effeminate boy muttered as he let Shikamaru go.

Whatever it took, Haku was going to figure it out.

Yes, it was short. These chapters seem to be getting progressively shorter, but I just thought I'd get a little side-plot going here.

Cast your votes for who you'd like to see Haku paired with. This is NON-yaoi. So I'd better not get any ZabuHaku crap from fangirls. Haku can be paired with ANY female with the exceptions of Hinata and Tsunade… and I suppose Shizune. This could also include characters that you never see, like Hana Inuzuka or Ayame Ichiraku. Even dead characters like Tayuya or filler characters like Sasame.

Cast your votes, my friends! Obviously, the winner will be paired with Haku eventually. Remember, this is T not M, so I'm not going to write anything like that. This balloting will continue for two more chapters. So yeah, at chapter 6, polls are closed.

Please r&r.

--Rai