Konbanwa!
I guess… here's chapter five…
I do not own Naruto, but I do own a pack of chewing gum.
Bam! Bam! Bam!
Haku pounded the door of Naruto's apartment. "Answer, damn you!" He kicked down the entrance. The door smashed to the floor, and he heard a thumping of a broomstick from below, as well as a muffled "turn down that music, you crazy demon seed!"
"Haku?" Haku whirled around to find a very confused Naruto behind him with a large paper bag of groceries in his arm. "Why did you just kick down my door?" he asked as if unbolting 200 pounds of aluminum with one's foot wasn't a very peculiar thing to do.
Haku wasted no time. "Tell me quick, what does 'getting laid' mean?!" He shook Naruto, knocking the groceries to the ground by accident. Naruto shrugged.
"Damn!" Haku raced off.
"Weird…" Naruto muttered as he picked up the groceries the Jounin knocked down.
The door falling in didn't really disturb the layout of Naruto's apartment very much. All there was really was a table, a chair, a refrigerator, and a bed stuffed with hay.
Naruto set the groceries down on the table and sat down on the plastic white chair. He reached into the bag and pulled out a Hostess® Twinkie™, which he began to eat, as well as a small orange book. You may know what it is. There was a small prohibition sign on the back, in small print it had the words "Adult Only", and the cover read Icha Icha Paradise.
Naruto had swiped Kakashi's precious book at the market. After years of curiosity of what its sacred contents were that had his sensei hooked for so long, he had given in to temptation.
He grinned evilly as he opened the book, unknowing that his innocence was about to be shattered. As he read a few pages, his grin turned to a grimace. Then, his eyes stopped at a particular spot. "Haku! Haku!!" he raced out of the apartment to catch his friend, leaving the book unattended at the table.
Shizune and Sakura had their own problems. Sakura had gone to fetch Neji and all of his pressure point expertise to subdue the Hokage Shizune was wrestling away from the door. "Hokage-sama! You've just had the hangover of your life! Why do you need more sake?!"
"So I can forget said hangover, idiot!"
"And get another one?!" Tsunade stopped. Shizune patted her clothes down. "I don't think you're quite sober yet, Tsunade-sama—" but before she could finish, the Hokage pushed her aside and into the door frame, bulling past her. Consequentially, the resulting shake from the thud of Shizune hitting the wall knocked over a vase in the hallway, sending approximately ninety-seven marbles scattering across the floor.
"I NEED BOOOOOOOOOZE!" She roared as she charged down the hall. As would only be comically appropriate, she obviously slipped on the marbles and was propelled into the air and down the stairwell, where she smashed into an upward coming old teammate of hers.
The two went tumbling down two flights of stairs and landed with a thud at the bottom… with Jiraya's head in her enormous cleavage. Oddly enough, in her beer-lust, she ignored it, stood up, arm clearly broken and oozing blood, and trampled over Jiraya's face in the direction of Yori's bar.
The hermit just lay there. A bloody, perverted mass of broken flesh…
The Godaime dashed hastily down the side-road, desperate for alcohol. However when she got to the bar…
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" she shrilly howled. The steel grate was closed over the entrance, with a hand-painted wooden sign hanging on a hook.
"'Gone fishin'!
--Yori'" A chibi Haku read aloud. Tsunade grabbed Haku by his collar and lifted him into the air.
"Quickly, girl! Where can I get sake?! Tell me now!"
Haku kicked the air. "Jiraya! Now let me down!" Tsunade dropped him abruptly, sprinting back in the direction she came from. Haku dusted himself off. "And I'm a boy!" he shouted after her. He turned sharply and began walking down the street. "That's what that old fart gets for calling me gay," he muttered to himself. I do not look like a girl!
Knocking over pedestreans, and crashing into fruit stands, Tsunade was nearly to her tower when;
Whack!
She keeled over into the ground. "Thanks, Neji," Sakura's voice said.
"No problem at all," He answered back.
"Buy me lunch?"
"Why not?"
Two medical ANBU sauntered over lazily and lifted their leader into their shoulders, carrying her back to the tower.
Okay, that's a wrap… please review, it'll take like twenty seconds tops. Just hit that little button below.
God, this took forever to write, but I'm happy with it.
Once again, please r&r, I'm going to pull an all-nighter for you guys, writing from dusk 'till dawn, so please make it worth my while.
Remember to vote on Haku's pairing!
--Rai