Okay, I can type two-handed now, over the course of the week I've done a little brainstorming and rereading, and made a playlist of Weird Al and a ton of drinking songs to set the mood... I guess it's time for me to get off my lazy ass and write.

I got the polls so far. One more chapter to decide, people! Vote!

Ayame: 3

Hanabi: 3

Ino: 2

For the next two chapters, I will finish up the side-plot... and probably start a new one.

I do not own Naruto, but I do own a laptop and a very nice cardboard box to live in. (My college dorm)

Stupid Quote of the Day (Also famous last words): "Hey, y'all! Watch this!"

Here it is, my friends, foes, and fangirls (I don't care as long as you review)! Chapter seven!

Haku sprinted around the corner of the street, desperate to get away from Sakura, who had long since abandoned her cattle prod and switched to a katana. He spotted a puddle and formulated a simple plan immediately.

A roaring rosy-haired bitch rounded the corner in a moment, and then screeched to a halt, looking for the offender. Above... no below... no left... no right... no behind!! She whipped around and watched the back of Haku running in the opposite direction. She dropped her katana at once and snatched a scroll from the market stall next to her, brushed off the owner, and chucked it as hard as she could at Haku. It konked him on the back of the head, and he crumpled in a heap.

"Teach you to talk shit around me!" She blurted, and began to walk away. Just as she was out of sight, the unconscious Haku melted into a puddle. A little girl with her mom pointed and said;

"Eek! Mommy, was that the wicked witch of the West?" She squealed.

The real Haku dropped down by the puddle. "No, that was the Mizu Bunshin Gambit no Jutsu," The girl stared at him for a few seconds.

"Are you the wicked witch of the West?"

"No,"

"Aww..." Her mother led her away to wherever they were going.

Haku shook his head when he saw someone running towards him. "Haku!" He shouted.

It was Naruto. "Finally! Listen, I figured out what 'getting laid' means!"

Haku suddenly became interested. "Well, what does it mean, then?" Naruto leaned over and whispered something in his ear, and as he continued, Haku's eyes grew wider and steadily more disgusted.

Naruto stopped talking and backed away. Haku didn't move for a few seconds. Then he did. He trundled drunkenly over to a bush, bent over, and retched six times. Two were sickening throaty belches, and the other four were his breakfast.

He stood up straight, wiped his mouth, and walked back to Naruto. "Okay, I'll do it!"

"Why?" Naruto asked.

"So that everyone won't think I'm gay," He said surely, fire of determination in his eyes.

"Okay..." Naruto said plainly.

There was a pause.

"You know that I have no doubt in my mind that you will fail, Haku," Naruto declared.

Haku snapped his head to glare at Naruto, and pulled something out of his pocket. "Well I have an eggplant sandwich with mayonnaise on it, so HA! Mayonnaise totally beats confidence!" He swirled around in a breeze of black hair and blue kimono, and left in the opposite direction. Jerk... he thought to himself as he took a bite out of his sandwich.

He turned another corner, and stepped on something that crinkled.

He stopped and bent down to look at it. It was covered in mud, and had only just been missed by cattle crap. He picked it up and brushed it off. It was a poster of the passed out Hokage and her assistant. But the assistant was holding a sign... pointing to Tsunade.

Haku read the sign. (Duh, that's what you do with signs.)

Perfect, He thought.

That's it, you'll have to go back to chapter one if you've forgotten what the sign said. I guess this chapter did go kinda fast, though...

Uh... yeah... I'm done.

VOTE ON HAKU'S PAIRING!

Please r&r

–Rai