Hurting You, Killing Me
Chapter Seven:
Danny's POV:
The night I went home, after signing away over half my parental rights on Danielle, I actually cried. Mind you, I hadn't cried since I was a little kid. I was supposed to be a superhero, and superheroes just don't cry. I'd had my fair share of cuts and bruises over the years, due to hunting ghosts. I'd been seriously maimed and not once had I shed a tear…until that night.
I went home after Johnny and Kitty left Walker's jail. I turned my cellphone on silent and locked the door to my room. I didn't want to be around anyone. I ignored my parents when they knocked on my door. I ignored my phone, which continued to light up with text messages from Sam, Tucker, and Jazz.
I lay flat on my back on my bed, staring at the ceiling and didn't even notice I was crying until I felt the moisture running from the corners of my eyes. For a little bit, I tried to man up and stop the tears, squinting my eyes shut and biting my lip. But…after awhile, I didn't care anymore. I rolled onto my side and pulled my knees to my chest, allowing the tears to stream down my face as sobs escaped my throat.
I felt as though someone had taken a sledgehammer to my heart. My hands were clutched together and pressed against my chest, as though to stop the pain in my heart. My breath was coming in quick, short bursts, and I was shaking like I was cold. I couldn't remember a time when I'd felt so heartbroken.
Of course, when that had happened, I knew nothing of all the heartache that would come in the next few years. Signing over my rights to Kitty and Johnny had been one of the hardest things I'd ever done, but in the end, I knew it was best. I was awful. I was ashamed of myself. I wasn't there for her and they were. They deserved to call themselves her parents; I didn't.
Even though I should have felt thankful that Kitty and Johnny had taken her in, I couldn't help but be jealous of them. I would have loved to have been able to watch Danielle grow up, to be there for her when she needed me, but I couldn't' force myself to give up Sam for that.
I guess I was blind; I should have been able to see how much Sam had changed, but I couldn't and I guess I really didn't care.
At the time, Tucker only knew bits and pieces of what was going on. I'm sure he was convinced that my choice to not see Danielle was completely up to me. It wasn't until almost a year later that I finally confessed what had been going on. After that, even he tried to tell me that Sam had changed, but I didn't listen.
I've grown to learn that I'm too stubborn and clueless for my own good.